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Translate This (Transcript)

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This is the transcript for the Sonic Boom episode, "Translate This."

[Scene: Seaside Island, beach, day.]

[Sonic and Amy are lounging under an umbrella. Nearby, Knuckles and Sticks are playing volleyball.]
Sonic: There's nothing like a lazy day on the beach.
[The volleyball bounces near Amy. She picks it up and throws it back to Sticks.]
Sticks: [Sighs happily] It's nice to breathe in that beautiful saltwater air and relax. For the first time, I feel totally stress-free.
Tails: [Offscreen] Hey, guys!
Sticks: Agh!
[Sticks shrieks and drops into her alert stance. Tails arrives, pushing something covered by a cloth bag.]
Tails: I just perfected my most brilliant invention yet. Meet UT, the Universal Translator. Designed to translate any language into our own.
[Tails uncovers Universal Translator. Sonic, Amy, and Sticks look at it, seemingly unimpressed.]
Tails: Allow me to demonstrate.
[Tails directs everyone's attention to a mother bird feeding her babies nearby. Universal Translator watches them for a while, then turns around.]
UT: [Translates for the baby bird] "The fact that you pre-chew my food is repulsive."
Knuckles: Hey-ey-ey! It works!
UT: "Didn't see that one coming."
Knuckles: [Confused] Um... it's still talking?
UT: "I thought this thing just translated birds."
Tails: Since what you're saying doesn't need to be translated, UT is translating it into what you really mean!
UT: "I didn't intend for it to do that, but I will gladly accept full credit."
Amy: That's great, Tails!
UT: "Pretty lame."
Amy: That's not what I was thinking at all.
UT: "Man, I am totally busted."
Amy: Tails? I think it needs some more work.
UT: "If that thing doesn't shut its metal trap, I think I might die."
Sticks: Wait... this thing reads minds?
UT: "Wait. This thing reads minds."
UT: "Get it out of my head."
[Sticks pulls out her boomerang and is about to attack UT, but Knuckles restrains her.]
Knuckles: Now, now! Calm down, Sticks!
UT: "Take it easy, whack-job."
Sticks: Hey!
UT: "I am displeased."
Sonic: Don't be offended, Sticks. Knuckles didn't mean to think that.
UT: "He's not the sharpest tool in the shed."
Knuckles: [Growls]
Amy: Tails, I think it's best if you shut that thing off. We don't want it to reveal anything too... sensitive.
UT: "Shut that thing up before it tells Sonic that I--" [Shut off by Tails] "looooo..."
Sonic: Uh, what was he saying?
Amy: Nothing! Nothing important! [Chuckles nervously]
[A ways away, a drone in the shape of a bug is recording the scene.]

[Scene Change: Eggman's Lair, day.]

Dr. Eggman: Very interesting. It seems Tails' new invention is creating friction between Sonic and his friends.
Cubot: Yeah, and they're not getting along either.
Dr. Eggman: This gives me an idea. If I build a duplicate robot to replace the original, I could have it say whatever I want! They'll be at each other's throats in no time! And with the group divided, I can destroy them once and for all!
[Eggman laughs evilly. After a while, Orbot and Cubot join in.]
Dr. Eggman: [Cuts them off] Don't laugh with me. You're ruining it.

[Scene Change: Tails' House, night.]

Tails: Wow, UT. My friends normally love my inventions. I can't believe you had such a lousy debut.
UT: "I blame myself."
Tails: No, no. If it's anyone's fault, it's mine. After all, I was the one who-- oh wait. You were just saying my thoughts, huh?
UT: "I feel like such a dummy."
Tails: [Shuts UT down] Things'll go better tomorrow, I promise. Good night, UT.
[Tails lays down and falls asleep. Orbot and Cubot sneak in while Tails is sleeping, and switch out UT for a duplicate. Tails stirs, but falls asleep again. Orbot and Cubot sneak out, leaving the duplicate UT behind.]

[Scene Change: Beach, day.]

[Sonic, Knuckles, and Amy are lounging under the umbrella while Sticks is bouncing a volleyball to herself. Sticks sees Tails coming with "UT" and looks annoyed.]
Tails: Okay, I know things got off on the wrong foot yesterday, but I--
Sonic: Tails, I think it would be best if you turned UT off.
"UT": "Amy Rose is a big dope."
Amy: [Glares at Sonic] Oh! So now that's what you're thinking?
Sonic: Wh-what? No, not even close!
Dr. Eggman: [Is watching this, and is speaking for "UT" through a microphone] And her hair stinks! What does she shampoo with...
"UT": "Yogurt from the back of the fridge?"
Amy: Why would you even say that?!
Sonic: But I didn't say that! He did!
Knuckles: Sure, you didn't.
"UT": "I'm stupid."
Knuckles: Hey! I'm not stupid!
"UT": "And... um... I'm ugly too, but not as ugly as Sticks."
Sticks: Hey! [Growls and tackles Knuckles]
Knuckles: Wh--ow! Get offa me!

[Scene Change: Eggman's Lair, day.]

Dr. Eggman: [Enjoying this] Now, this is going nicely.
UT: "Doctor Eggman is a genius."
Dr. Eggman: Hey, I like your style.
UT: "You're the only one who understands me."
Dr. Eggman: I think we've seen enough of this. [shuts the monitor off]
UT: "Let's turn off the monitors and focus on praising Doctor Eggman."
[Eggman smiles.]

[Scene Change: Beach, day.]

Amy: [Right in Sonic's face] Sonic the Hedgehog, I can't believe you think those awful things!
Sonic: So now you're gonna trust some bucket of bolts over me?
Knuckles: So, wait. Who called me stupid? I called me stupid?
Sticks: Don't you see? This is what it wants us to do! The roboapocalypse is nigh!
[Amy and Sonic stare blankly at Sticks for a moment.]
Amy: After everything I do for you, you don't appreciate me?! Why am I even here?
Tails: [As Amy and the others continue in the background] I know my friends wouldn't think such horrible thoughts about each other... maybe UT's malfunctioning? [Tails uses a screwdriver to open up "UT."] What the heck? I didn't install a remote speaker!
[The remote speaker is shown. It has Eggman's logo on it. Tails rips it out and yells as the others.]
Tails: You guys, stop! We've been duped! Eggman swiped UT and replaced him with this imposter!
[The others instantly stop fighting. Knuckles drops Sticks.]
Tails: We've gotta save the real UT!
[Tails starts to run off, but realizes that no one is following him.]
Tails: ...Don't you guys wanna get UT back?
Sonic: Thing is, bud, that robot of yours just makes us fight all the time.
Sticks: It's evil, I tell ya!
Tails: Fine. I see how it is. I'll go get him back myself! [runs off]

[Scene Change: Eggman's Lair, day.]

[Tails is running up Eggman's Island. Peering around a corner, he spots a patrolling Motobug. He pulls back just as the Motobug turns in his direction. The Motobug comes to investigate, but Tails smacks it with a wrench, breaking it. Tails moves on. Inside, Eggman is holding out a cake to UT. It is shaped like his face.]
Dr. Eggman: Would you like another slice of cake?
UT: "What a beautiful cake. I hope no one sits on it."
[Eggman sets the cake on a table. At that moment, Tails comes in through a skylight, landing right on it. Beat.]
Tails: Eggman!
UT: "Landing in that cake really hurt my credibility."
Tails: Not now, UT! [Throws a slice of cake at him, hitting his off switch] Give me back my robot!
Dr. Eggman: [Stands up] Or what?
Tails: ...That's a fair question.
[More robots enter. Tails is surrounded.]
Dr. Eggman: Where's that blue loser? And the rest of your friends?
Tails: I'm here alone! I came to negotiate the release of my robot, UT!
Dr. Eggman: Negotiate? Usually we just battle until the losing party... sometimes you, sometimes me, it's about a fifty-fifty split... retreats to his lair!
Tails: Let's pretend that's true and that you don't always lose. In exchange for the safe return of my robot, I'm prepared to offer my services as your lab assistant.
Dr. Eggman: Intriguing... with two mechanical geniuses under one roof, I'd raise my win ratio well above the fifty-fifty mark that we both agreed earlier was completely accurate.
Tails: Then it's a deal?
Dr. Eggman: I'll have Orbot draw up a contract. This will be delicious! Having one of Sonic's friends helping me build the tools that will destroy him!
Orbot: It's ripe with irony, your evilness! Sonic won't know what hit him!
Dr. Eggman: But wait. The moment Sonic realizes you're missing, he'll come bursting through that door with that circus troupe he calls friends, and put a damper on all the fun!
Tails: I've already thought of that. Since you're letting UT go, I'll just send a message along with him.
Dr. Eggman: Good thinking, number two!
Orbot: I thought I was number two.
Dr. Eggman: Oh please. I'd need a computer to find out where you fall in the pecking order. [Camera zooms out, revealing he's holding a laptop] Fortunately, I have one here. [Types] Three hundred forty-seven.
[Orbot looks depressed. Tails pushes a button on UT, activating a video recorder.]
Tails: Hey gang, it's Tails. I'm going to be staying with Eggman. No need to rescue me, I'm one hundred percent safe and happy. [Ends the recording]

[Scene Change: Seaside Island, beach, day.]

[UT is rolling along the beach. Amy and Knuckles see him.]
Amy: Hey, it's Tails' missing robot.
Knuckles: We found him! When you see Tails, tell him we looked everywhere for a long time.
Sticks: Or we can just recycle the thing and take a blood oath never to tell a soul! [Everyone looks at her] What? Just spitballin' here.
[UT activates the message from Tails.]
Tails (Recording): Hey gang, it's Tails. I'm going to be staying with Eggman. No need to rescue me, I'm one hundred percent safe and happy.
[The recording ends. Sonic and the others look shocked.]
UT: "I snuck in Eggman's lair to save my robot. It was awesome. You should have seen me. Anyways, I need you to come rescue me now. Sorry for the inconvenience."
Knuckles: Wow. UT really came in handy.
Amy: Maybe it's not as dumb an invention as we thought.
Sticks: Yeah, but we should still smash it. Just to be safe.
Sonic: No time for that now! We've gotta go save Tails!

[Scene Change: Eggman's Lair, day.]

[Eggman is working on a smashed Bee Bot.]
Dr. Eggman: Tails, be a doll and plug my drill into that outlet over there?
[The outlet in question is sparking wildly.]
Tails: Uh... that doesn't look very safe.
Dr. Eggman: Yeah, I know. That's why I'm having you do it.
Tails: [gulps, but goes to do so]
Dr. Eggman: It's nice having an assistant.
[An alarm suddenly starts blaring. A monitor pops down, revealing Sonic and the others have arrived. Sonic smashes a Bee Bot. Amy hammers a Crab Bot. Sticks dodges blasts from another Bee Bot until it is crushed by Knuckles. A Motobug races by, only to be smashed by Sonic. UT tries to translate this, but fails. Amy and Sticks crush a third Bee Bot between them by kicking it at the same time. A door opens behind them, revealing Eggman and Tails.]
Sonic: We're here to save our friend from your evil clutches.
Dr. Eggman: Wait, what? No! Tails and I have a contract!
Orbot: Here's the lab assistant contract! Ready to be signed!
Tails: [Just laughs and walks over to Sonic and the others.]
Dr. Eggman: Fine. Lucky thing I always have a Plan B.
[Eggman pushes buttons on his wrist controller, summoning the Mega. Tails and Knuckles are attacked by more Bee Bots. Amy pulls her hammer and tries to attack the Mega, but it knocks her hammer away. It then tries to crush Amy.]
Sonic: Amy, look out!
[Sonic races up, getting Amy out of the way just in time. They stop a safe distance away.]
Sonic: That was close.
UT: "I care about your well-being."
Amy: Aww.
[Sonic gives her a grin, then runs back to attack the Mega. His spin, however, bounces harmlessly off the Mega's shoulder. The Mega's counterattack knocks Sonic away. Knuckles punches at the Mega, to no avail, and growls. He then tries to grab it, but also to no avail.]
Knuckles: Man...!
[Sticks lets out a feral yell and leaps at the Mega, whacking harmlessly at it with her boomerang. It knocks her away with a flick of its finger.]
Dr. Eggman: [Chuckles] Tails! Deploy the photon bombs!
[Tails dodges a blast from a Bee Bot, then gives Eggman a look.]
Dr. Eggman: ...Oh, right.
[Eggman activates them himself. Three photon bombs circle around Sonic and his friends. One lands near Tails, blowing up the Bee Bot attack him and sending Tails flying. UT "catches" Tails and stops him from flying off the cliff, though. The second one explodes near Knuckles and Amy, driving Knuckles back a bit and blasting Amy into Sonic's arms.]
Sonic: Sticks! Set Knuckles up!
[Sticks hits the third bomb into the air with her boomerang. Knuckles leaps up, and does a volleyball spike to drive the bomb into the Mega's eye. The bomb explodes, sending the Mega backwards to topple over the cliff and plunge into the ocean.]
Dr. Eggman: No! Daaah...!
[Eggman retreats into his lair, which seals up.]
Tails: Thanks for the rescue, guys.
Knuckles: Hey, we couldn't have done it without UT.
Sonic: I think we'll be going on lots more adventures with UT from now on.
Sticks: I agree.
UT: "I'm going to destroy that stupid robot."
[Sticks grabs UT and throws it into the ocean. Tails glares at her.]
Sticks: Sorry, Tails. Had to be done.