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Sonic Boom
Three Minutes or Less (transcript)

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This is the transcript of the Sonic Boom episode, "Three Minutes or Less".

[Scene: Amy's House, day.]

[Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, and Amy are watching TV.]
Wombat: [Heard on TV] Looks like our killer had the necessary... koalafications.
Sonic: Wombat's my favorite character on Marsupial Crime Unit. Sure, his digestion's slow and so are his reflexes, but he always gets his man!
[Amy smiles and nods.]
Comedy Chimp: [On TV] Guess what, gang? Meh Burger now delivers! You get your order in thirty minutes or less, or it's free! So come on down! [Looks away from camera] Why would they come on down if we're delivering?
Sonic: [Picks up the phone] I'd like to place an order. Four Meh Burgers to Amy Rose's house. See you in thirty minutes or less!

[Scene Change: Amy's House, day.]

[While waiting, Team Sonic watch TV.]
TV: A maniac, the notorious Bike Chain Bandit, is on the loose...

[Scene Change: Amy's House, day.]

[Tails makes a tower of cards.]

[Scene Change: Amy's House, day.]

[Sonic and Knuckles are playing Thumb War and grunting while Amy watches with a smile on her face.]
Knuckles: Come on, yield! Say uncle!

[Scene Change: Amy's House, day.]

[Tails makes several towers of cards.]

[Scene Change: Amy's House, day.]

[Sonic and Knuckles are playing arm wrestling with Amy watching excitedly. Sonic wins.]
Amy: [Pumps her fists in the air.] Yeah!

[Scene Change: Amy's House, day.]

[Tails makes several elaborate towers of cards.]
Tails: Haha!
[Meanwhile, Sonic and Knuckles are wrestling while Amy excitedly watches, wearing a whistle around her neck. Someone knocks on the door and Sonic rushes to open it.]
Dave the Intern: Four Meh Burgers, piping cold.
[Sonic throws the takeout bag to Tails.]
Sonic: You're three hours late! Well, at least the food's free.
Dave: Here's a comment card. I'd appreciate a positive review, so please don't fill it out honestly.
[Sonic takes the card and slams the door.]
Sonic: It says on the back that there's a focus group tomorrow to review Meh Burger's delivery service.
Amy: Finally, a chance to make our voices heard by cutting down something that other people worked really hard on.

[Scene Change: Meh Burger, day.]

[Sonic, Knuckles, Amy, Lady Goat, Lady Walrus, and Wild Cat sit at a table with D.B. Platypus standing in front of them.]
D.B. Platypus: On a scale from remarkable to exemplary, how would you rate Meh Burger's delivery service?
Sonic: It's a joke! I could do it in three minutes or less!
Mr. Slate: [Pops out from behind a mirror wall] Three minutes?! If you can do it in three minutes, you just got yourself a job.
Sonic: [Grumpily] You couldn't pay me to work here.
Mr. Slate: We're not going to pay you. You think just because we're a global corporation that our employees deserve to make a living wage? [Chuckles] But I can compensate you in... a chili dog for every successful delivery?
[Mr Slate offers a handshake. Sonic accepts.]
Sonic: You got yourself a deal!
[Sonic turns around.]
Sonic and Mr. Slate: Heh. Sucker.

[Scene Change: Meh Burger, day.]

[Sonic puts on his uniform.]
Dave: There you go. One Meh uniform.
Sonic: [Smiles] I'll wear it with pride!
Dave: Why would you do that?
[A Robot Employee sends out the first order.]
Dave: Your first order. And fair warning: Our customers are notorious cheapskates, so don't expect any tips.
[Sonic zips away with the order and immediately returns, grinning at Dave with some cash in his hand.]
Sonic: That was easy. And I got a big tip!
[Dave hesitantly brings out a chili dog to Sonic. Sonic snatches it and eats it. A Robot Employee presses the bell and lays three more meal bags on the counter.]
Dave: Great googly-moogly, it never stops!

[Scene Change: Hedgehog Village, day.]

[Sonic rushes off with the orders. He knocks on the Old Monkey's house door first. The door opens.]
Old Monkey: Oh, that was fast. I didn't even have time to get my billfold. Hold on. [Walks away from the door] Now where is that thing? [Sonic gets bored of waiting.] On my chifforobe? No... In my portmanteau? No... Oh, it must be next to the Victrola. Here it is! Haha! It turns out, it was in my hand this whole time.

[Scene Change: Seaside Island jungle, day.]

[Sonic heads off to Amy's House.]
Sonic: Next up, a Meh Meal for two... [Stops by the door.] for Amy Rose?
[Sonic knocks on the door. Amy opens, smiling. Amy leans against the door in a seductive manner and giggles flirtatiously. A fancy table setting with lit candles is seen inside Amy's House. Sonic smiles nervously.]
Sonic: [Nervously] Hi, Amy, got the food for you and uh... Mike the Ox? Leroy the Turtle? [Hopefully] Lady Goat? [Quickly] I mean not that I care who you have lunch with, I mean it's not like you and I...
Amy: It's for you, Sonic. [Takes the order and walks into the house.] I thought you'd like a break from work.
Sonic: Okay, sure! But I only have a minute.
[Sonic walks inside Amy's House, where Amy is sitting on her couch, looking at him with a smile. Sonic quickly eats his burger in just two large bites.]
Sonic: [Quickly, with a stuffed mouth] Well, its been fun, gotta go, bye!
[Sonic dashes off. Amy sighs in disappointment while Sonic’s running creates a gust of wind that blows out Amy’s candles.]

[Scene Change: Hedgehog Village, day.]

[Establishing himself, Sonic brings orders to Wild Cat's, Lady Walrus, and Wolfie's houses before returning to Meh Burger. Knuckles and Tails are standing behind the counter.]
Sonic: Lunch is on me! I got six chili dogs coming my way!
[Sonic reaches over the counter and snatches a plate containing six chili dogs. He takes one of the chili dogs. Knuckles looks happy.]
Dave: Hey, those are non-transferable.
[Knuckles looks disappointed.]
Sonic: Well, looks like I have to eat these on my own. Sorry, not sorry. [Bites the chili dog.] This job is awesome! I can't foresee anything going wrong.

[Scene Change: Eggman's lair, day.]

Dr. Eggman: Hedgehog Abbey is about to start. Where are my cucumber sandwiches?!
[Eggman is watching a commercial on TV featuring Sonic.]
Sonic: [On TV] Hi! I'm Sonic the Hedgehog!
Dr. Eggman: I know who you are. Lousy TV thinks I don't even know my own mortal enemy!
Sonic: Meh Burger now delivers and we guarantee three minutes or less...
Sonic, Comedy Chimp, Mr. Slate, Councilman McMeh, Dave, Robot Employee and Stunt Bear No. 1: ...Or your order is free!
[Eggman turns off the TV. Orbot and Cubot float up with Orbot holding a tray with Eggman's sandwiches and a drink. Eggman angrily slaps the tray out of Orbot’s hands with a grunt.]
Dr. Eggman: I don't want this slop anymore! I want a Meh Burger! [Slowly] Delivered by Sonic the Hedgehog! [Normally] And wouldn't it be just glorious if he was late and I got it for free! Hahahaha!

[Scene Change: Eggman's lair, day.]

[Sonic arrives outside the lair holding a takeout bag and knocks on Eggman's door. The Door opens.]
Dr. Eggman: [Slowly] Well, well! Sonic the Hedgehog! Delivering food! To me.
[Sonic hands Eggman his food with a bored expression. Eggman opens up the bag.]
Dr. Eggman: It appears the extra pickles I ordered are nowhere to be found. Looks like you're gonna have to run all the way...
[Sonic zips away and returns with pickles in less than a second.]
Dr. Eggman: Oh. Uh, and I wanted mayo, too!
[Sonic zips away and returns with mayo in less than a second.]
Dr. Eggman: A-and what's this? No ketchup for my fries?! The clock's still ticking until I get my full order!
[Sonic zips away and returns with an assortment stall in less than a second.]
Sonic: [Annoyed] May I assist you further, sir?
[Eggman frustratedly ignores Sonic and closes the lair door, but forgets the assortment stall. He goes back and drags it up into his lair. It makes horrible screeching noises, making Sonic cringe.]

[Scene Change: Meh Burger, day.]

[Sonic is eating another Chili Dog. Leaving it half-eaten, he takes the next order from Dave and dashes off, but returns to Dave.]
Sonic: Hey, Dave. There's no 154 on Rabbit Road, just 152 and 156. It must be a prank order.
[Sonic and Dave hear Eggman giggling, whom they see reading a newspaper nearby. Sonic and Dave walk up to him. Sonic snatches the paper off Eggman's hands, making Eggman chuckle nervously. Sonic silently demands him to pay the bill. Eggman grumpily hands over the cash to Sonic.]

[Scene Change: Eggman's Lair.]

Dr. Eggman: I've devised a complicated plan of attack that will create chaos beyond the scope of anything Sonic could ever handle. They will write poems and sing songs of how I triumphed over that blue bumpkin.

[Eggman laughs. Orbot and Cubot celebrate.]

Cubot: So, what is this complicated plan of chaos?
Dr. Eggman: I'm going to attack him when he leaves Meh Burger and make him late for his deliveries.
[Orbot and Cubot stay still, seemingly confused.]
Dr. Eggman: It's more complicated than it sounds. [Angrily] You'll see!

[Scene Change: Meh Burger, day.]

[Dave approaches Sonic with the newest orders.]
Dave: Three deliveries on three different parts of the island in three minutes? That's impossible. Not even you can pull this off.
Sonic: I have this totally under control.
[Sonic takes the Robot Employee's order and dashes off. Coming across an army of Badniks in the Village Center, Sonic tosses the meal bags up in the air. While the meals are in the air, Sonic lets two Crab Bots hit each other. He also dodges lasers from Bee Bots and from Eggman and his Eggmobile. Another two Crab Bots destroy each other. Sonic catches all three Meal bags but another Crab Bot gets in his way. Knuckles runs across and punches it away.]
Knuckles: Don't worry, Sonic! We'll fight this enemy attack! You do the noble thing, and deliver that greasy food to people who don't feel like leaving their homes!
[Amy and Tails join Knuckles and fight off against the Badniks. Knuckles ground pounds down three Crab Bots. Eggman grunts in anger. Sonic smiles and winks at Eggman. Sonic dashes off while Eggman chases him. Tails attacks a Crab Bot with his spanner while Amy strikes a Bee Bot with her hammer. Sonic and Eggman weave across Seaside Island, but Eggman crashes into a palm tree.]

[Scene Change: Gogoba Village, day.]

[Sonic arrives at Gogoba Village where Orbot is watching, and delivers the bag to the Gogoba Chief.]
Sonic: Here's your order piping hot. That'll be twelve bucks.
Gogoba Chief: Oh Sonic. So good of you to bring this bountiful feast... That we didn't order but you still expect us to pay for. It won't be enough to feed everyone but I guess the children don't need to eat tonight.
[Sonic tosses the burgers in the bag up in the air and spin attacks the burgers, cutting them down into bite-sized chunks. The Gogobas collect the chunks.]
Sonic: Sliders for everyone!
Gogoba Chief: You can't expect us to pay full price for such skimpy burgers.
Sonic: How about a coupon for 10% off?
Gogoba Chief: Oh, thank you. Now my wife can afford that surgery.
[The Chief hands the cash over to Sonic. Sonic leaves. Orbot, being ready to call Eggman about Sonic being late, is left disappointed.]

[Scene Change: Hedgehog Village, day.]

[Dramatic music plays as Sonic spots Eggman and Obliterator Bot.]
Sonic: [Fed up] Really, Egghead? Taking prisoners now? Well it won't work. I'm still gonna make my deliveries in three minutes or less!
Fastidious Beaver: Actually it should be three minutes or fewer.
[Sonic runs towards Eggman. Sonic jumps, dodging a laser that Eggman fires from his Eggmobile, and drops mayonnaise on Eggman's windscreen.]
Dr. Eggman: This always happens right after I get it washed.
[Eggman tries rubbing the mayonnaise off, but loses control of his Eggmobile, crashing into another palm tree and spinning around. He accidentally fires lasers at the bamboo cage and Obliterator Bot, rescuing Leroy and Beaver and destroying Obliterator Bot respectively. Sonic returns with his two meal bags and taunts at Eggman.]
Sonic: Now if you'll excuse me, I'm ahead of schedule on my deliveries.
Eggman: [Growls]

[Scene Change: Eggman's secret underground bunker, day.]

[Sonic arrives at the bunker and knocks on the door.]
Cubot: Who is it?
Sonic: It's Sonic with your delivery.
Cubot: Sonic's not here.
Sonic: No, man. I'm Sonic.
[Sonic knocks on the door again]
Cubot: Who is it?
Sonic: [Louder and quicker] It's me, Sonic! Open the door! I have your delivery!
Cubot: Sonic?
Sonic: Yeah! Sonic! Open up!
Cubot: Sonic's not here, man.
[Sonic loses his patience and spin attacks the door, breaking it open. Cubot laughs nervously as Sonic demands some cash. Cubot takes the delivery and looks inside the bag and Sonic looks at the timer on his Communicator, which says "01:15". He dashes off to Eggman's Lair.]

[Scene Change: Eggman's Lair, day.]

Sonic: Last one. This shouldn't be so bad.
[Dramatic music plays as several of Eggman's robots stand prepare for combat outside of Eggman's Lair.]
Sonic: Huh?
Dr. Eggman: [On loudspeaker] One minute before you miss your deadline, Sonic. You can't defeat all these robots and penetrate my lairs defenses before time is up. Then my food will be free and you'll have failed! Hahahaha!
Sonic: A minute? Too much time if you ask me. I may take a nap first.
[Sonic spin attacks two Motobugs. He then dodges Burnbot's arm and kicks it away. He clears a Scorpion Bot, Crab Bot and two Bee Bots before ducking under Octopus Bot and Cowbot. He then spin attacks through Octopus Bot's and Cowbot's bodies, destroying them both, before hitting another Bee Bot. The Mega then rolls towards Sonic and tries to flatten Sonic with his arm. Sonic dodges, and runs up on the Mega's arm while looking at his Communicator (which says "00:35") and Homing Attacks a Mantis Bot. He then runs around the lair trying to find an alternative entrance while dodging lasers.]
Sonic: There's gotta be another way in.
[As Eggman laughs and claps excitedly in the HQ room, Sonic spin attacks a Mantis Bot. He notices Orbot and Cubot going through a secret door, and follows them.]
Dr. Eggman: This is it. I'm going to do it! I'm going to beat Sonic the Hedgehog! Oh, glorious day.
[Orbot, Cubot and Sonic arrive in Eggman's HQ room with one second left.]
Sonic: One second to spare!
[Eggman turns round and looks at the timer. Noticing the timer had one second, he falls to his knees.]
Dr. Eggman: No! But how?
Sonic: I followed these two down the secret tunnel! Well, regular tunnel now.
Dr. Eggman: You took the secret tunnel?
Orbot: There was a battle outside. There was no other way in.
Dr. Eggman: That was the point!
Sonic: That'll be fifteen smackers!
[A grinning Sonic hands the bag over to Eggman. An upset Eggman hands over the cash and takes the bag.]
Sonic: Plus tip, of course.
[Eggman pays the tip to Sonic. After Sonic leaves, a sulking Eggman eats a French fry out of the bag.]

[Scene Change: Meh Burger, day.]

[Sonic arrives at the counter. Mr. Slate and Dave are there waiting.]
Mr. Slate: In appreciation of the phenomenal job you've done, I'd like to present you with a ten chili dog bonus.
[Dave presents a plate full of ten chili dogs. Sonic smiles.]

[Scene Change: Meh Burger, day.]

[Sonic has eaten all the chili dogs in one go, feeling full.]
Sonic: Oh, this agreement is not agreeing with me. I quit!
Dave: Oh, finally. All those satisfied customers were weirding me out.
Comedy Chimp: On TV] Hey, burger lovers! Comedy Chimp here, and I can't wait to tell you all about Meh Burger's newest delivery policy! [Grumpily] Ah, you'll get it when you get it.
[The TV turns off.]