The Warrior/Transcript

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Knuckles (TV series) The Warrior (transcript)

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This is a transcript of the Knuckles episode, "The Warrior".

[Scene: Woods, day]

[The camera shows a top view of the woods, then cuts to Knuckles, who is running to the training field as "The Warrior" by Scandal plays. The training field has a layout similar to what one would see in a classic Sonic game. Knuckles passes the Start sign and dodges several obstacles. He grabs a log and blocks several arrows from shooting him with it. He runs across a tightrope and throws the log away. He then picks up a boulder, and speeds past a wooden Goal Plate, showing a drawing of him smiling while raising his fist. The KNUCKLES logo fades in as he runs to the edge of the mountain, where he begins punching the boulder]

Knuckles: Yes, yes!

[Knuckles destroys the rock with Chaos Energy, and the scene freezes]

Sonic (narrating): I know what you're thinking, "What type of maniac wakes up at dawn to punch boulders?" I'll tell you who - my good pal, Knuckles the Echidna.

["Our House" by Madness begins playing as the scene rewinds to a recap of the second film.]

Sonic: It all began on the Mushroom Planet, where old Knucks got tricked into helping the very evil and very filthy Dr. Mustache escape. He came to Earth in search of a magic emerald and picked a fight with moi, which went very badly for him, by the way. [The scene shows Sonic losing his fight with Knuckles at the Wachowskis' home.] Hey, wait a minute! This is the wrong footage! Why are we showing this?!

[The scene speeds to the fight in the Labyrinth]

[♪ Our house... ♪]

Sonic: Eventually, we punched out our differences and teamed up to defeat Robotnik's giant robot and recovered the Master Emerald, hence saving the universe. Hooray, and you're welcome. And then, Knuckles, Tails, and I became friends and roommates! Now with all the hero stuff out of the way, Knuckles' only mission is to relax and enjoy Earth, which might be harder than it sounds.

[Song ends, and the scene which froze before Sonic's narration resumes playing]

Knuckles: Ha! A new record!

[Knuckles then looks down sees construction workers at the Wachowski house]

Knuckles: House Wachowski is under attack!

[Knuckles quickly runs to the house, then stops and buries himself under ground. He carefully comes from the ground, and then kidnaps the first worker, dragging him into the bushes. One of the workers notices something, and turns back to see nobody. He goes to resume working before he sees Knuckles, who is angrily looking at him. He shoots Knuckles with drill attachment out of fear, but Knuckles catches it in his gloves without even flinching]

Knuckles: Pitiful.

[Knuckles throws the attachment away, and runs towards the worker. The scene switches to a third worker who is busy, and in front of him the second worker is hanging upside down. Horrified, the third worker runs away. Knuckles then grabs a shovel, breaks it into two, and throws it to the third worker. As a result, the third worker is now attached to the house's wall with the shovel parts close to his sides, nearly stabbing him. Hearing the ruckus, Maddie comes out from house, and sees the third worker attached to the wall]

Maddie: Whoa! What's going on?

Worker 3: What kinda job is this, Mrs. Wachowski?!

[Maddie helps the third worker off of the wall, while the first worker is untying the second.]

Worker 2: Get it off me!

Worker 3: Did you call us up to fix your house so you could... hunt us for sport?!

Maddie: No, no, no, no, no. I could see why it might look like that, but one of our kids gets a little--

Worker 3: Your kid did this?

Maddie: He's a... really big kid with a huge imagination, thinks he's a warrior. Always training, questing, as well as stalking, hunting, and occasionally terrorizing. You know how kids are at that age.

Worker 3: You'll be hearing from our lawyers.

Maddie: I am so sorry.

[The workers load their gear into the truck.]

Workers: Let's pack up.

[Maddie sighs with exasperation before noticing some Cool Ranch Doritos on the ground. She picks one up and inspects it.]

Maddie: What?

[She notices the Doritos form a trail to a tree, where Knuckles is sitting under. He has stolen a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos from a lunchbox one of the workers have left behind and is eating several chips, laughing in victory.]

Knuckles: Victory is mine, and never has it tasted so sweet. One day, I hope to visit this Cool Ranch of Doritos and bask in all of its splendor. [notices Maddie] Chip? [offers the bag]

Maddie: I'm good.

[Knuckles continues to eat the Doritos. Maddie continues to watch in disappointment as the workers leave. Sonic and Tails have been watching from the backyard.]

Sonic: Oh, boy. Poor guys. That's the fourth crew this month, but I have to say Knuckles is in incredible shape. Do you think he's more cardio or weight-focused? It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter. He looks fantastic.

Tails: Do you think the house is ever gonna get fixed? Living room is getting pretty cold at night with that giant hole in the wall.

[Maddie approaches Sonic and Tails.]

Maddie: Boys, we need to talk about our little red barbarian friend. I could use some backup.

Sonic: Knuckles is just having a little trouble adjusting to his new home. It wasn't easy for me to understand this planet at first, either.

Maddie: When did you start getting so wise?

Sonic: I read a lot of cereal boxes. Also, I had a family that was patient enough to let me figure things out, so we have to do the same with Knuckles. Let me talk to him when the time is right.

Maddie: Alright, Sonic. [looks up at the roof] But in the meantime, do you mind asking him to get our dog off the roof?

[Knuckles is on the roof, holding a hockey stick and talking to Ozzy.]

Knuckles: Concentrate, wolf. An attack can come from anywhere at any time. You must have steely focus. [Ozzy just stares, panting.] Steelier. [Ozzy stops panting] Steelier... Steelier... Steelier!

[Ozzy still doesn't listen, smacking his lips.]

Sonic: You know what? I think now is a good time for that talk.

Maddie: Yeah, I think so, too.

[Sonic and Tails get on the roof with a ladder.]

Tails: C'mon, Ozzy! [makes kissing noises, getting the dog's attention] Yeah! Good boy.

[As Ozzy follows Tails off the roof, Sonic goes up to Knuckles.]

Sonic: Hey, big guy. Mind if I join ya? Man, this place is beautiful, huh?

Knuckles: No.

Sonic: What, really? You don't think Green Hills is a beautiful place to live?

Knuckles: No.

Sonic: Not even a little?

[A brief pause.]

Knuckles: No.

Sonic: Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. [puts hand on Knuckles's shoulder] Really look around and tell me you don't think this is–

Knuckles: No.

Sonic: Okay, fine. We'll circle back to this later. It's time we had a talk. You know, hedgehog to echidna.

[They sit down on the roof]

Sonic: Listen, moving to a new world was tough for me at first, too. But trust me, this planet is special. It's your home now.

Knuckles: An echidna warrior has no home. I only remain on Earth because I made a vow to you and the fox, one I intend to keep.

Sonic: Hey, I respect that, but we won. Robotnik's gone, and there's no new battle to fight. No new quests to embark on, which means for the first time, you can take a break from being a warrior, and Earth is the perfect place to do that. So relax, get comfortable, make yourself at home here.

Knuckles: Hmm... Perhaps you are right, hedgehog. Allow me to meditate on your words of wisdom.

Sonic: Perfect! My work here is done. I'm gonna do... fun things.

[Sonic leaves the roof as Knuckles begins to meditate. As epic vocals begin chanting with hawk screeches, Knuckles meditates all the while as the day continues, all the way into night with the Milky Way galaxy directly behind him. Eventually, his eyes snap open with a new epiphany.]

Knuckles: Yes. I shall make myself at home.

[Scene change: Wachowski household, interior, day.]

[It is early morning at Green Hills. Inside the Wachowskis' kitchen, Maddie finishes making breakfast.]

Maddie: Right. Boys, breakfast is ready!

[As she enters the dining room, she is greeted with the sight of Knuckles sitting in a throne of his own design at the head of the table, forged haphazardly from various pieces of sports equipment and bicycles.]

Knuckles: Good morning, Pretzel Woman.

Maddie: [nervously] Morning, Knuckles. [clears throat] Is that an Iron Throne at our breakfast table?

[Sonic and Tails enter the dining room]

Sonic: [reaches for his breakfast] Good morning! [They both see Knuckles's makeshift throne, and Tails gasps] What is that?

Knuckles: It is merely the seat that designates my role as family champion. If you wish to claim it, you must simply defeat me in a ritual battle of trial by combat.

Tails: [sheepishly chuckles] What do you mean "trial by combat"?

Knuckles: Come, fox. I will show you.

[He gets off his throne, and an apprehensive Maddie follows them. In the living room, Knuckles stands next to a gong]

Knuckles: I heeded the hedgehog's advice and made myself at home!

[Knuckles has transformed the living room into a fighting pit, standing on top of a makeshift skull with several makeshift spears and assorted weaponry on the walls of the room. Ozzy is also inside the living room, dressed in a Viking helmet.]

Sonic: Wow. Love what you've done with the place, Knucks. It's very, um, Conan Chic. [touches one of the spears and it makes a shinging sound on touch]

Maddie: Nope! This is not happening. We are not turning our living room into some kind of gladiator fighting pit.

Knuckles: Warrior fighting pit.

Maddie: Whatever, and... wh-what is Ozzy doing here?

[An uncomfortable Ozzy whines as Maddie comforts him.]

Knuckles: Ozzy has bravely volunteered for the first match by challenging his greatest enemy.

Maddie: Enemy? What enemy?

[Knuckles bangs the gong as a gate slowly opens, revealing Ozzy's "greatest enemy" is the Wachowskis' mailman in the bathroom. He's armed with a baseball bat covered in spikes and is just as uncomfortable about the fight as Ozzy is.]

Maddie: Is that our mailman?!

Mailman: Please! I just wanna go home.

Maddie: I am so sorry. [turns to Knuckles] That's it. Get down right now. You are grounded!

[Knuckles is confused]

Knuckles: I have no idea what that means.

Sonic: Well, I definitely do. It means no battling enemies.

Tails: No leaving your room on quests.

Maddie: And most of all, no warrior-ing.

Knuckles: How dare you. In the name of Great Chief Pachacamac, I swear you will regret the day you–

Maddie: Excuse me!?

Knuckles: You will regret–

Maddie: Uh!

Knuckles: The day you–

Maddie: Uh!

Sonic: Knuckles, word of advice - do not mess with Maddie when she's this mad.

Knuckles: Very well, Pretzel Woman. I will accept my grounding... with honor.

[He leaves to the attic as Maddie checks her watch.]

Maddie: [sighs] Great. I'm gonna be late for work.

Tails: Uh, Maddie, we may have another issue. [holding a piece of an engine from the throne Knuckles made] It looks like Knuckles built part of his throne out of... our car.

Maddie: Our car... Oh, gosh. Okay, um, Tom is out of town... [snaps her fingers] Maybe Wade will pick me up, okay.

[She calls Wade, but she only gets his voicemail. Sonic has a look of concern on his face.]

Wade (voicemail): Hey, this is Wade! I can't answer the phone right now. I'm training for the biggest tournament of my adult life. Wish me luck after the beep. Beep!

[Scene change: Pin-Demonium, midday.]

["Green Onions" by Booker T. and the M.G.'s plays in the background. Cut to the bowling alley's interior, which is already packed with several bowlers. Wade is standing in front of one bowling lane, holding a bowling ball and wearing a jacket that bears the insignia of his team, The Renegades.]

Wade: Alright, Wade. You got this. You will bowl a strike right now because you are an excellent bowler. But more importantly, you are a good person. You help old ladies cross the street. You leave positive reviews at restaurants, even when the service is just "meh". You are pretty, yet you are approachable. But most of all, you are an excellent bowler. [prepares his backswing]

Susie: You're gonna choke, loser!

[Wade is so startled he lets go of the ball during the backswing, causing it to crash off-screen.]

Random Bowler: [off-screen] MY EYE!!

Wade: Susie, I have begged you a thousand times. Please do not insult me in the middle of my back swing.

Susie: Maybe I wouldn't insult you if you weren't such a freaking loser.

Wade: Well, maybe I wouldn't be such a freaking loser if you weren't insulting me!

Jack Sinclair: Wade, get it together. The Renegades need you. Roll one strike and we win, but don't do it for me. Do it for you. Wade, this is what the Swahili tribesman call "kufufanua wakati".

Wade: "Kufufanua wakati"...?

Jack: "The defining moment." The moment you rise up like the flaming phoenix and scream, "I am Wade Whipple and I am an unstoppable warrior!".

Wade: [muffled] I am Wade Whipple and I am an unstoppable warrior.

Sinclair: Annihilate this little girl, Wade. Crush her spirit. Humiliate her so badly, her parents won't even look at her again.

Wade: Doesn't that seem like we're going a bit too far?

Sinclair: Not far enough. You can do this, Wade. And by "do this", I mean "crush that tiny girl's skull".

Bowler: Hey, you can't talk to her like that. Just who do you think you are?

Sinclair: Oh, I'm so happy you asked. I'm an acclaimed writer of historical fiction. I'm a man who knows his way around a vegetable garden. But at my core, I'm someone who uses his keen instincts to hunt the world's dangerous animal - man. Jack Sinclair, bounty hunter, at your service.

Wade: I'm sorry about my friend, h-he's like that with everybody.

Susie: Are we gonna bowl or what?

Sinclair: Squash her like a bug.

Wade: Okay, Wade.

[Wade bowls, but only gets nine pins]

Susie and her friend: We won!

Wade: No... Wait, wait, let's wait, let's wait before we celebrate! We don't know if the pin's gonna drop yet. Go down. It can still go down. [blows on the pin in an attempt to make it go down] Come on, come on! [The pin doesn't drop] No! I'm sorry, Jack. I failed you.

Sinclair: No. You didn't fail me, Wade. You failed the Renegades.

Wade: I know, and I will up my game by the Tournament of Champions. When we go to Reno, I will be a–

Sinclair: A warrior?

Wade: Yeah, a warrior.

Sinclair: I don't think so, Wade. Warriors don't get mentally and emotionally decimated by young children.

Wade: To be fair, she has the soul of a very old witch of some kind.

Sinclair: To win in Reno, my team needs the strongest of warriors. And you, Wade Whipple, are not a warrior. You're off the team.

Wade: Oh, no, no. Come on, Jack. Please, I will work harder. Besides, who are you gonna replace me with in time for the tournament?

Sinclair: Little Susie.

Wade: What?!

Sinclair: She's a fearless, stone-cold killer on the lanes.

Wade: She's five years old and her hands aren't even big enough! She puts one hard in one hole.

Sinclair: Plus, her parents are loaded and they're renting a stretch Hummer so we can ride to the tourney in style.

Bill Barnes: [whispers] Hi.

Wade: That sounds very fun and cool.

Sinclair: Yeah, it will be.

Wade: Maybe I could go as an alternate.

Sinclair: I'm afraid there's no room in the car for you, pal.

Wade: No room in a stretch Hummer?

Sinclair: That's right. Now, if you don't mind, I'm gonna need to collect your bowling shirt.

Wade: [sighs] My job is to make sure things like this don't happen actually 'cause that is theft, technically, but you can have it back. I'll give it to you.

Sinclair: Hm. She wears it well, fits her like a glove. You take care now, Wade. And if you ever need a bounty hunting, call me.

Wade: Such a cool jacket.

Sinclair (on the calling card): I lied to you about the stretch hummer. We just don't want you there. [laughs maniacally]

Wade: You're the worst friend ever, Jack Sinclair!

[Scene change: Wachowski house, day.]

[Knuckles is lying in the attic, completely bored, and sighs in disappointment.]

Sonic: [swinging on his tire swing] Hey, buddy. How's it going?

Knuckles: Leave me be, hedgehog. I took your advice and now I lay banished on the floor of shame, with nothing to do but plot my revenge... against you.

Sonic: Whoa-ho-ho-ho! [collapses on his beanbag] Lighten up, big guy. Being grounded isn't that bad. I lived in a cave for seven years. You can survive a few days in an attic. Look at all these great options you have, like... [grabs his stack of comics and starts reading one upside-down] Comic books! [gets out a turntable] Music! [starts playing "Belly Dancer" by Imanbek and BYOR while shining rave lights all over the attic, leaving Knuckles covering his eyes, then comes back with a Meta Quest 3 set] Video games! [puts the headset on Knuckles] They have come a long way since the '90s.

Knuckles: Ah! Where have you sent me?!

Sonic: And viral dance videos! [takes out his phone and a light ring before filming himself dancing to "Keep Movin' On" by MYLK] See what I mean? Use this time to relax. You'll be out there warrior-ing before you know it. OK, good talk. [leaves]

Knuckles: [takes off the Meta Quest 3 and sighs] The hedgehog could not possibly understand. [starts praying] Oh, wise Echidna Elders, I seek your guidance in my hour of need. Please, send me a sign.

[Nothing happens. Giving a disappointed sigh, Knuckles turns away, not noticing the ghost of Chief Pachacamac manifesting himself on the beanbag reading a newspaper.]

Pachacamac: Are you kidding me? The Mets lost again?

Knuckles: AH! ASSASSIN!!! [brandishes a rubber chicken, which deflates]

Pachacamac: Relax, Knuckles. [lowers the newspaper] It's me.

Knuckles: [gasps] Chief Pachacamac?

Pachacamac: It's good to see you, my boy. Now, put down the rubber chicken and give your old chief a--

[He goes in for a hug, but since he's a ghost, he phases through Knuckles and falls through the attic screaming, crashing into several objects off-screen and disturbing Ozzy in the process.]

Pachacamac: [phases back into the attic] Oh, right. [spookily] I'm a ghost...

Knuckles: Thank goodness you're here. I have completed my quest and found the Master Emerald, but with my work complete, what becomes of me?

Pachacamac: Knuckles, your quest is not complete. It's only begun! You are the last of the Echidnas, and so the legacy of our people is in your hands.

Knuckles: Guide me, o great chief.

Pachacamac: I want you to train an apprentice in the ways of the Echidna. Teach him our customs, show him our traditions, and soon our tribe will grow once again.

Knuckles: But where will I found such a student?

Pachacamac: Right here.

[He shows a newspaper article of Wade. The headline reads, "LOCAL MAN WINS HOT POCKET EATING CONTEST"]

Knuckles: Wade Whipple? I know this man. He's no great warrior.

Pachacamac: Neither were you when we first met. He may not look like much, but he's special... in here. [touches his chest] He seeks to compete in a Tournament of Champions, in a mystical place called... Reno, Nevada.

Knuckles: A Tournament of Champions? There is much glory to be found in such a contest!

Pachacamac: [starts rising] Train him as a warrior! The fate of the Echidna is in your-- [accidentally hits the window; Knuckles winces] Stupid window. [keeps hitting the window] How does this ghost stuff even work? [The window slides open] Oh, there we go. [leaves] Our fate is in your hands!

Knuckles: I won't let you down.

[Scene change: Wade's house, day.]

[Wade is in his room, examining himself in the mirror.]

Wade: Alright, you baby-man. It's time to get ripped!

["The Warrior" by Scandal plays once more as Wade dons a training headband and gloves.]

Wade: You are strong enough!

[He lies underneath a dumbbell and tries to lift it, but it collapses on him.]

Wade: No, I'm not! I'm weak! Oh, I'm gonna die today! Oh, help me. Help! Help!

[Just then, Knuckles shows up and effortlessly lifts the dumbbell off of Wade.]

Knuckles: Wade Whipple, this is no time for lying down. [throws the dumbbell away] I come to you with an urgent need.

Wade: How did you get in here?

Knuckles: A true warrior can conquer any stronghold. Not even the strongest barrier can contain his might.

Wade: Came in through the open window, huh?

[A beat.]

Knuckles: Yes. Yes, I did. You seek to compete in the upcoming Tournament of Champions in Reno, Nevada. I will take you there. This tournament is my destiny.

Wade: Yeah. It was mine, too. Until I lost my spot on the team.

Knuckles: How? You were bested by a sworn enemy in trial by combat?

Wade: I was brutally trash-talked by an 8-year-old girl named Susie. So, yes. Yeah. The same--the same thing.

Knuckles: And you do not wish to reclaim your honor?

Wade: No, I--I do. I wish to reclaim my honor bad. It's just... Jack Sinclair was right. I'm... not strong, I'm not tough. I'm not a warrior.

Knuckles: But I am. I can train you in ways of the Echidna. Teach you every form of lethal combat. Show you the secrets to all my strength.

Wade: Then I could use that to challenge Susie in a trial by bowling combat and earn my spot back on the team!

Knuckles: Yes. If you take me on this quest to Reno, I will make you a true warrior! As the great Echidna Chief Pachacamac did for me.

Wade: Pachacamac. I think my sister went to sleepaway camp there.

Knuckles: Our destiny awaits, Wade Whipple. Do we have an alliance?

Wade: Wait a minute. [stands up] Didn't I hear you were grounded? There's no way you're allowed to leave home, right?

Knuckles: One cannot ground an Echidna warrior... [bends the dumbbell] For an Echidna warrior has no home.

Wade: Alright, that checks out! Let's do this! Destiny awaits! [laughs]

[Knuckles tosses the bent dumbbell on Wade, knocking him over.]

Wade: [weakly gives a thumbs-up] Let's go get 'em.

[Scene change: Highway, day.]

[Wade drives his police cruiser with Knuckles in shotgun.]

Wade: Alright! The warrior training road trip is officially official. Knucks. Can I call you "Knucks"?

Knuckles: No.

Wade: How about "Knucky"?

Knuckles: No.

Wade: "Knuckington Bear"?

Knuckles: No.

Wade: "Sir Knucks-a-lot"?

Knuckles: No.

Wade: Knuck-Knuck. [Beat] Knuck-Knuck. You gotta say, "Who's there?"

Knuckles: Who's there?

Wade: "Knuckolas Cage". [laughs]

Knuckles: Please stop.

Wade: So, tell me a little about yourself. You know, I-I know that you're an alien and that you're super-powerful and that you've recently saved the world, et cetera, et cetera... But let's dig a little deeper, you know? You have any hobbies?

Knuckles: Honor.

Wade: Honor is really more of a principle than a hobby.

Knuckles: Victory.

Wade: Maybe I should restate the question. What do you like to do for fun?

Knuckles: Vengeance.

Wade: Gettin' a little dark. I was thinking more like reading, o-or yoga o-or music.

Knuckles: Yes. The hedgehog spoke of this Earth music. Tell me, what is it?

Wade: Oh, I-- [laughs] I can't just tell you what it is. I have to... I have to– I'll put on one of my classic Wade mixes. [plays "Can I Kick It?" by A Tribe Called Quest] Everyone at the station loves these. I send out a link every Monday. [starts singing along] Yes, you can! Can I kick it? Yes, you can! Can I kick it? Yes, you can! Can I kick it? Yes, you can! Can I kick it? Yes, you can! Can I kick it?

[Knuckles takes the lyrics literally and kicks the radio so hard it gets damaged]

Knuckles: Ha! Kicked!

Wade: Not a music guy. Noted.

[Scene change: G.U.N. HQ in London where two agents are looking at the map of Green Hills.]

Agent Willoughby: Well, well, well. Looks like we've got a runner.

Agent Fairley: [enters the room] Agent Willoughby, we got a problem. It's a code red, Knuckles has left the Green Hills Zone. We have to inform Commander Walters.

Willoughby: Don't worry, Agent Fairley. I've been aware since the second he left town, and I'm in complete control of the sutition. [turns off the wifi]

Fairley: Uh... ma'am, you just took out our SAT surveillance offline. There's no one anyone in HQ can track Knuckles now e... except you... with that device. [Agent Mason throws a ring to the Mushroom Planet] Uh, what's going on?

Willoughby: Thank you for your work, Agent Fairley. You are dismissed.

Agent Mason: [kicks Fairley through the portal] I hear the Mushroom Planet is beautiful this time of year, my friend. Enjoy!

[The portal closes.]

Willoughby: You're really proud of yourself for someone who just kicked an unsuspected man in the chest?

Mason: Yeah, I am.

Willoughby: [scoffs] Alright, come on. We've got work to do.

[A hidden underground lair is seen where a Scottish man is building something until he gets a call.]

The Buyer: What is it? You're disturbing my work.

Willoughby: We have a unique opportunity. Wanted you to be the first to know. One of the aliens has left Green Hills, he's in the wild.

Buyer: Which one?

Willoughby: Knuckles.

Buyer: Ah... the muscle. His powers are exceptional, but without his little friends... he's vulnerable. I've been scouring the world for these quills. They're the key to everything I'm building.

Willoughby: You can build an evil petting zoo for all I care, as long as you meet our price. We'll bring you the echidna in 24 hours.

Buyer: Careful, Agent Willoughby. You'll need more than arrogance. I'm sending you something to even the odds, something every special. Because anyone who goes against Knuckles... better be ready... for the fight of their lives.

Transcripts

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