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The Evil Dr. Orbot (transcript)

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This is the transcript of the Sonic Boom episode, "The Evil Dr. Orbot".

[Scene: Village Center, day.]

Soar the Eagle: Breaking news. Villainy, like my blood pressure, is on the rise. Criminals are scamming our most simple-minded citizens...
[The camera shows T.W. Barker playing cups and balls with Mike the Ox while hiding the ball behind his back.]
Mike: Hey! Eh, he's right.
Soar: Blatantly disrespecting posted traffic signage...
[The camera turns to Charlie turning left at a "No Left Turn" sign in his mech suit.]
Soar: And stealing candy from even the ugliest of babies.
[The camera turns to a Weasel Bandit stealing a lollipop off Chumley. Chumley cries.]
Lady Walrus: Well, I never!
Soar: Oh, and also, Sonic and Eggman are in the midst of an epic battle with our very way of life hanging in the balance, yadda yadda yadda...
[Behind Soar, Sonic charges towards Eggman's Badniks and attacks two Bee Bots. Amy smacks a Scorpion Bot's body with her hammer just before it fires its weapon at Tails. Knuckles punches another Bee Bot. The Bee Bot fires a laser blasts at the ground.]
Dr. Eggman: Swarm, my minions. Destroy all the Fuzzy Puppy figurines.
[Another Scorpion Bot destroys a crate, but afterwards gets hit by Amy's Hammer.]
Amy: Why are you doing this? I thought you loved Fuzzy Puppies.
Dr. Eggman: That's what makes this bittersweet. The Fuzzy Puppy bubble burst. All my adorable figurines have plummeted in value, but [Picks up a figurine] if I destroy the remaining unsold stock, it'll artificially increase the worth of my collection.
Sonic: Your economics are sound, but your methods aren't. We're about to give you your maximum sustainable yield... of pain!
[Sonic spin attacks Eggman. He falls into a pile of crates. A figurine falls on his head.]

[Scene Change: Mayor's Mansion, day.]

[Mayor Fink turns the TV off with his remote.]
Fink: Gentlemen, those evildoers are driving the city to bankruptcy. We didn't rig that election just to stand by and do nothing.

[Scene Change: Outside Mayor's Mansion, day.]

Fink: And so, effective and immediately, all evildoers must obtain a permit if they wish to continue performing their nefarious deeds.
[All the villains boo at Fink.]
Fink: Now now now, calm down. All you need to do is pay a fee, and take an evil competency test.
[The villains talk to each other.]

[Scene Change: Mayor's Mansion, day.]

Fastidious Beaver: You have sixty minutes to complete the exam. Make sure to fill the bubbles completely with a number 2 pencil. Begin.
Dr. Eggman: A pencil? Nobody said anything about pencils. Er, excuse me?
[Fastidious quietens him. Eggman grunts noisily.]
Barker: Pst. Looking for one of these?
Dr. Eggman: Thanks buddy.
[Barker snatches the pencil and puts his hand out.]
Barker: Twenty bucks.
Dr. Eggman: What?! That's highway robbery! I know you don't have a permit for that yet.
[Fastidious quietens him again. Eggman hands the cash over to Barker and borrows his pencil.]
Dr. Eggman: Name! This is gonna be easier than I thought.
[Eggman's pencil breaks. Barker offers another pencil and demands more cash. Eggman grunts and hands more cash over to him, and takes the pencil in return.]
Dr. Eggman: Question one. If a train full of innocent civilians is traveling west at 60 miles per hour and a missile of unspeakable destruction is zooming east at 115 miles per hour. [Spits] A middle-schooler can answer this. >Just gotta to factor in wind resistance and terminal velocity, curvature of the planet. How many people are on this train anyway? Ah, that's a variable, so I gotta solve for x.

[Scene Change: Mayor's Mansion, day.]

Dr. Eggman: Got it! One down, Ninety-nine to go.
Fastidious: Ten-second warning.
[Eggman panics and tries crossing all the bubbles on the answer paper. He screams as his pencil breaks. He then screams as time runs out.]

[Scene Change: Outside Mayor's Mansion, day.]

[Fastidious publishes the results up on a wall. The villains look at their results in excitement.]
Dave the Intern: Sweet smoky chipotle. I passed!
Charlie: Me too.
Willy Walrus: Alright fellow accredited villains, lunch is on me! I know a great vending machine we can topple!
[While everyone else joins Willy and leaves, Eggman, Orbot and Cubot stay. Eggman looks at his result. A buzzer sounds just as he points to a cross next to his picture.]
Dr. Eggman: I failed?! I'll burn this building to the ground!
Fastidious: Not without your permit you won't.
Dr. Eggman: [Flops his hands] Fine. I'll retake the test, then burn it to the ground!
Fastidious: According to Section 3 of the new ordinance, you can't retake the test for ninety days.
Dr. Eggman: But... That's three months! [Quietly] Wait, this is February... [Noisily] More than three months! [Grunts angrily]

[Scene Change: Eggman's Lair, day.]

Cubot: Ah, don't worry about it Dr. E. You'll get it next time.
Orbot: I'll be your study buddy. We'll work together every day from dawn to dusk. The next three months, [Quietly] and several days [Normally], will fly right by.
Dr. Eggman: As delightful as that sounds, I have an idea that won't make me wanna jump head-first off Mega Bot. [Stands up] I can't take that test again, but [Points to Cubot] you can!
Cubot: I'm flattered, but I don't test well. I'm more street smart.
Dr. Eggman: Not you. The other dimwit. Orbot will pass the exam, thus becoming the official evildoer in the household. Meanwhile, I'll be pulling the strings behind the scenes as the puppet master.
Orbot: But... How can I pass the test? I don't know the first thing about being evil.
Dr. Eggman: What do you mean? You learn from me!
Orbot: Er... Perhaps I'll do a little research on my own.

[Scene Change: Eggman's Lair, HQ room, day.]

Orbot: If I want to be prepared for tomorrow's exam, I'll need to download an evil textbook directly into my memory.
[Orbot places his hand on the table's computer screen, and commences the download. He laughs evilly, louder as the loading bar fills up. A chime sounds as the download completes.]
Orbot: There. Now evil courses through my very circuits. [Evilly] And I like it.

[Scene Change: Outside Mayor's Mansion, day.]

[As Fastidious Beaver posts Orbot's result on the wall, he finds out that he has passed the test.]
Orbot: I did it! A perfect score!
Dr. Eggman: Don't take all the credit. Because of me, you knew to bring pencils. That's half the battle right there. Now come on, puppet boy, we got some schemes to hatch.

[Scene Change: Outside Tails' Workshop, day.]

Dr. Eggman: The evil message boards are all buzzing about the two-tailed goober having some sort of new weather controlling invention. So here's the plan. You're gonna blow a hole in his wall, then send in a pack of robot minions.
[Orbot nods his head and jumps on his seat of the Eggmobile. He fires a missile but it misdirects and explodes next to the workshop. Tails hears the explosion and runs out of his workshop to find out what has happened.]
Dr. Eggman: Grr... I said aim for the wall, you blunder bot!
Tails: What was that?!
[As Tails runs off to investigate, Orbot enters his workshop.]
Dr. Eggman: What the heck is he doing? This isn't the plan.
[Orbot returns to Eggman with the weather controlling device.]
Orbot: Here it is.
Dr. Eggman: OK, you did it a little differently than I wanted, but that's alright. Don't worry, you'll get the hang of it eventually.
Cubot: I think you did pretty good, and not a single casualty.
[Eggman takes the device. Out of spite, Orbot presses a button on the device that generates a storm cloud, releasing rain and a lightning bolt, electrocuting Eggman. Orbot and Cubot cover their ears during the strike. As soon as the cloud goes away, a fried Eggman grunts in anger. Orbot smiles at him in response.]

[Scene Change: Seaside Island, day.]

[Sonic and Amy are having a picnic at the top of a hill. Eggman, Orbot and Cubot watch them.]
Dr. Eggman: Just in case egg salad wasn't enough of a mood killer, let's send in a swarm of Ant Bots!
Orbot: I have a superior idea.
[Orbot presses a button on Tails' weather-controlling device, which generates a big storm cloud over Sonic and Amy.]
Amy: Whoa! Rain!
[Sonic wraps the blanket up and runs away with Amy. When the rain stops, Orbot enters the area.]
Cubot: Wow! Great plan, boss! And you did good too, doc.
[Eggman grunts at Cubot but gets electrocuted by another lightning bolt. As Eggman grunts, Orbot smiles harder.]

[Scene Change: Eggman's Lair, HQ room, day.]

Dr. Eggman: We gotta talk. You see, puppet mastering is a two-way street...
Orbot: Fascinating. Say, do you remember your Fuzzy Puppy Warehouse failure from a few days ago?
Dr. Eggman: That's exactly what I'm talking about. You're not ready to pull off an advanced maneuver like that.
Orbot: Oh that's strange... Because I've already done it!
[A flashback shows Orbot shaking hands with the DangerCo Deadly Equipment Warehouse Worker. He places several posters on the walls. Dave the Intern reads a newspaper, but notices an advert containing the same poster.]
Orbot: Rather than destroy the warehouse, I purchased the entire surplus supply of figurines at deep discount close-out prices. Then, I posted a flyer saying that a mystery buyer was willing to pay 1,000 bucks for each Fuzzy Puppy figurine, thus creating an artificial demand. At the same time, I took out an ad in the newspaper, offering to sell the aforementioned surplus figurines for 500 bucks apiece.
[The next flashback shows Orbot as a cashier displaying boxes of figurines. He hands a box to Wild Cat while a long line of customers wait.]
Orbot: People came in droves, and they didn't buy just one, they purchased three: One to play with; One to keep mint in the box; and one resell to the mystery buyer, resulting in a 500 bucks profit on each sale and at the same time raising the value of each figurine in your collection to 1,000 bucks.
[The last flashback reveals that Cubot (wearing a mustache) is the mystery buyer. He hands out money to all the figurines that customers want to sell. He places each figurine behind the counter.]
Dr. Eggman: But... But... Where's the senseless disruption? Where's the violence? Where's the fun?
Orbot: I decided to do it properly instead.
Dr. Eggman: You don't get to decide on the evil plans. I do. What's the point of being a puppet master if the puppet doesn't do what you say?
Orbot: [Angrily] That's why I'm cutting my strings! [Jumps off the chair] Say hello to the newest villain in town: The Evil Dr. Orbot!
Dr. Eggman: Oh. So now anyone can call themselves a doctor huh?
Cubot: Hey, Dr. O, can I be your flunky? I wanna be on a winning team for once.
[Orbot and Cubot both leave the Lair. The door shuts behind them, leaving a despondent Eggman alone.]

[Scene Change: Village Center, day.]

[Villagers run away screaming as the Egg Tank chases them. Orbot is the driver.]
Orbot: For years, I've sat idly by while the world laughed at me, calling me names like "Lackey" and "Paperweight". [Slowly] Well who's laughing now? [Laughs evilly]
Cubot: You are, Dr. Paperweight.
Orbot: [Grunts angrily] After all that time working under that mustachioed maroon, how is it you still don't recognize a rhetorical question?!
Cubot: I dunno. I guess sometimes I...
Orbot: [Interrupting angrily] This was also rhetorical, you iron imbecile!
Cubot: If I wanted to be yelled at, I would've stuck with Eggman.
Orbot: [Flails his arms and screams] Silence! [Puts his hands on the controller] Now, onward to City Hall!
[The Egg Tank releases some Badniks. Sonic, Tails, Knuckles and Amy arrives to fight them off.]
Sonic: Game over, Eggman!
Orbot: [On Loudspeaker] Get lost, Sonic!
Tails: Wait, that's not Eggman!
Orbot: [On Loudspeaker] Don't you goody-goodies have a baby that requires saving?
Sonic: No.
Lady Walrus: [Off-screen] My baby!
Sonic: Yeah, yeah. We'll get to it, lady.
Amy: We need to hold back. He's just Orbot.
Sonic: I don't know. Did you see his test scores? Pretty evil.
Knuckles: Yep.
Tails: Yeah. Pretty evil.
[Team Sonic prepare themselves for combat and approach the Egg Tank and Badniks. As a Beetle Bot charges up, Knuckles punches it down. Amy breaks a Motobug with her hammer. Sonic spin attacks another two Motobugs. Orbot fires a missile from the Egg Tank, which misses Tails and homes in on Sonic.]
Tails: Watch out! Heat seeking missiles!
[Sonic moves out of the way of the missile. Being chased by it, Sonic jumps up forcing the missile to destroy another Beetle Bot. Another missile chases Tails. He flies and lands on the ground where two more Motobugs are and jumps, letting the missile destroy them.]
Orbot: Minions, attack!
[More badniks charge towards Team Sonic. Sonic Homing Attacks a Bee Bot. Knuckles punches the shield of a Beetle Bot, then jumps behind the shield onto the bot's body, breaking it. Another Beetle Bot fires a laser at Tails, but he dodges it, which destroys a Motobug charging at Amy. Furious, Orbot fires a spree of missiles. Sonic jumps out of the way of two missiles, letting them explode everywhere.]
Fink: This senseless destruction is unacceptable! Oh wait, you have a permit. Carry on.
[Fink screams and ducks as a missile flies over him and into his mansion, where it explodes. He falls out of the building, with Tails and Knuckles watching in horror. Knuckles catches Fink before he hits the ground. Burned paper falls down all around them.]
Fink: The villain permits have all been destroyed! Without the proper paperwork, I guess this whole evil permit law is null and void!
[Dr. Eggman arrives in the Eggmobile.]
Dr. Eggman: Ahahaha! Success! My plan worked perfectly!
Orbot: [Furious] Your plan?
Dr. Eggman: I knew power would go to your head, and I needed those records destroyed. Oh man, I puppet mastered you so hard.
Orbot: Well played, but you haven't seen the last of evil Dr. Orbot! Come, you incompetent ingot!
Cubot: You know, I really prefer spineless stooge Orbot to bossy jerk-face Orbot.
[Cubot presses Orbot's eyes, resetting him.]
Orbot: Who's up for charades?
Cubot: Oh! Me! Me!
Sonic: I gotta say Eggman, that was one convoluted evil plan.
Dr. Eggman: I didn't have a plan. All that stuff just happened. The evil genius part was taking credit for it all. So long, suckers!
[Eggman treads on Tails' weather control device and gets electrocuted by a lightning bolt. Tails and Amy flinch. A fried Eggman kindly gives the device to Tails.]
Dr. Eggman: I believe this is yours.
[Tails doesn't respond as Eggman leaves. Team Sonic laugh at each other as the screen fades to black.]