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Tails Crush/Transcript

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This is the transcript for the Sonic Boom episode, "Tails' Crush".

[A view of Seaside Island is shown as three birds fly by, screeching. In the desert, Sonic is holding Knuckles by his legs near a starting line near Tails, who is holding a stopwatch in his right hand.]

Sonic: World record wheelbarrow race test run. Ready, Knux?
Knuckles: Oh, yeah! I don't forsee any problem trying to do with my hands what the world's fastest runner does with his feet.
Tails: And... go!

[Tails presses the button on the stopwatch, and Sonic runs off, pushing Knuckles. Knuckles quickly loses his grip over the sand and dives into it headfirst, mumbling unintelligibly.]

Sonic: Faster? You got it!

[Sonic begins to run faster as Knuckles feels the heat of the sand.]

Knuckles: Hot sand! Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot! Aaaah! Aaaah!

[Knuckles sees the field of cacti ahead of him and screams. Sonic pushes him through the field of cacti, causing thorns to go into him.]

Knuckles: Aaaah-ha-ha-ha! Ow! Ow ow ow ow ow!

[Sonic runs out of the field of cacti, pushing Knuckles.]

Sonic: We're in the home stretch. Just gotta get through the valley of broken glass!
Knuckles: Huh?

[Sonic runs into the valley of broken glass, pushing Knuckles. As soon as they're both offscreen, shards of broken glass fly onscreen.]

Knuckles [heard offscreen]: Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow!

[Sonic and Knuckles approach the finish line, and after Knuckles breaks through the line, he falls over wearily.]

Knuckles: Ow. Paper cut.
Sonic: What's our time, Tails?

[Tails is distracted, and doesn't answer Sonic.]

Sonic: Tails?

[Tails turns to face Sonic and Knuckles.]

Tails: What? Oh, I forgot to hit stop.

[Tails presses the stop button.]

Tails: Can you do it again?
Knuckles: Oh!

[Sonic's communicator rings. He presses it with his left index finger.]

Amy [heard over the communicator]: Guys, Eggman's finally lost it! You've gotta come see this!

[Sonic runs away. In the next scene, the villagers, Amy, and Sticks are gathered around the post office, where Dr. Eggman is talking to Leroy the Turtle. Sonic stops behind Amy and Sticks, and Knuckles, who is no longer covered in thorns and broken glass, catches up to him.]

Eggman: I was in my evil lair all day, waiting for that package. I had to take a two minute shower. Two minutes! And when I get out, there's a note on my front door saying I missed the delivery and I need to pick it up here! Why couldn't you just leave the thing instead of leaving the note?
Leroy: Because we require a signature.

[Eggman sets down a piece of paper with his left hand and writes EGGMAN on it with a pen he is holding in his right. He then holds up the piece of paper.]

Eggman: So, can I have it?
Leroy: Mmm-hmm. I just need the note left at your residence.
Eggman: But... I just signed for it!
Leroy: You only have to sign for it at home. To pick it up here, you need the note that we left. Why are you complicating this, sir? It's a very simple policy.
Eggman: I have a simple policy, too. Decimator Bot, engage!

[Decimator Bot appears and grabs Leroy in his right hand.]

Leroy: Thuggery will not get you your package any sooner, sir.

[Tails flies towards Decimator Bot in his plane. Sonic presses his communicator with his right index finger.]

Sonic: Tails, initiate Speeding Swing Surprise!

[Tails flies towards Sonic, who grunts and jumps on top of a building. He then jumps and holds out his arms in slow motion, only for Tails not to give him the Speeding Swing Surprise. Sonic grabs thin air instead, then as he opens his eyes, he realizes this, and falls.]

Sonic: Aaaah!

[Sonic lands headfirst in a crate of watermelons.]

Sonic: Oh!

[Amy runs towards Decimator Bot, carrying her hammer, and uses it to whack his right arm off.]

Amy: Huh! Ugh! Agh!

[Sticks catches Leroy in her arms.]

Sticks: Ugh!

[Sticks sets Leroy down as Sonic gets out of the crate of watermelons.]

Sonic: Knux, time for a little teamwork!

[Knuckles runs behind Decimator Bot and ducks as Sonic runs towards him.]

Sonic: Ugh! Ugh!

[Sonic knocks Decimator Bot down and lands near Amy.]

Sonic: How bout' another wheelbarrow race?
Knuckles: Ugh! Ha ha!

[Knuckles grabs Decimator Bot by his legs and runs away, pushing him. Eggman is now in his Eggmobile.]

Eggman: Grrr! You haven't seen the last of me! I'll be back... with that note!

[Eggman flies away as Sonic walks up to a distracted Tails, who is leaning against his plane.]

Sonic: Dude, what happened out there? You never miss a cue!

[Tails doesn't listen and blinks. Sonic then waves his right hand over Tails' eyes. Zooey puts one of the watermelons back into the crate. She notices Tails and waves at him with her right arm.]

Zooey: Hey, Tails!
Tails: Huh? What? Oh, yeah. I was gonna say hi, but then...

[As Tails talks to Zooey, his tails propel him into the air.]

Tails: Uh, see you later!
Sonic: Oh ho ho, I see what's going on here!

[Sonic grabs Tails by his right leg with his left hand and pulls him down.]

Sticks: Tails has been hypnotized by man-eating tomato people?

[Sonic runs up to Sticks.]

Sonic: Yeah... that, or our pal Tails has a crush on that girl.
Tails: What? Who? Zooey? No, Sticks was right. Definitely the tomato thing.
Amy: Oh, my gosh! Tails is in love! That is so adorable! You are so adorable!
Tails: I am not adorable! I-I'm serious and formidable!
Amy and Sticks: Awww!
Tails: I just... don't know how to talk to her is all.

[Zooey is now holding a basket in her right arm as she puts several melons in it with her left. Sonic then puts his left hand over Tails' back.]

Sonic: Don't worry, pal! You're about to be enrolled in the Sonic school of impressin' the ladies!
Knuckles: That's a good school. It's where I studied air conditioning and refrigerator repair.

[In the next scene, a view of the island is shown. At Sonic's house, Sonic teaches Tails how to talk to girls. Tails is sitting at the table, with a pencil in his right hand, and his Hello Doggie journal on the table.]

Sonic: Alright, first things first. When talking to women, you gotta play it cool. Don't let her know you're interested.
Tails [as he writes in his journal]: Play it cool. Got it.
Sonic: Now, if you do strike up a conversation, be sarcastic and always have a one-liner ready. Allow me to demonstrate. I've hired a local actor to play the part of a girl.

[Comedy Chimp, who is dressed like a girl, walks in.]

Comedy Chimp: I gotta fire my agent.

[Comedy Chimp walks up to Sonic, who is leaning against the beam of his house.]

Comedy Chimp: Hi, Sonic!
Sonic: 'Sup?
Comedy Chimp: Would you like to accompany me to a movie and/or show?
Sonic [as he crosses his arms] Not sure I have the time.
Comedy Chimp: Is is something I said or... or did?

[Comedy Chimp puts both his hands over Sonic's right arm.]

Comedy Chimp: Because I can change!
Sonic: Nah, it's cool. I'm just... super swamped. Can't be tamed, born to run. You know how it is.

[Sonic unfolds his arms.]

Comedy Chimp: Well, maybe we can get a lime ricky at the local mall chap sometime!
Sonic: Yeah... maybe. Look, I gotta bounce, catch you on the flipside, babe.
Comedy Chimp [as he waves at Sonic with his left arm]: Call me! We could be happy together! Oh, I have no dignity.

[Comedy Chimp walks away. Tails writes down what he saw in his Hello Doggie journal.]

Sonic: Works every time.

[Tails nods his head, "Yes". In the next scene, a dirty Eggman returns to the post office and sets the note Leroy left him on the counter with his left hand.]

Eggman: I found the note. It was in the dumpster behind my lair. I hope you're happy!

[Eggman holds out his right hand.]

Eggman: Now give me my package!

[Leroy picks up the note with his right hand and walks into the back room. Tails runs up to Eggman and looks around. He sees Zooey, then runs up to a pole. He leans up against it with his right hand as Zooey walks past him.]

Tails: Uh, hmm?

[Tails runs up to a tree and leans up against it with his right hand. Zooey walks past him again. Tails then runs up to a building and tries to leans up against it with his right hand, but falls over.]

Tails: Whoa! Ugh!

[Zooey walks up to Tails, who gets back up.]

Tails: Wha?

[Zooey waves at Tails with her right hand.]

Zooey: Oh, hi, Tails! Didn't see you.
Tails: Yeah, I'm all like... whatever. I don't care, I'm busy anyway.

[Tails turns away from Zooey and crosses his arms. He then holds out his left hand.]

Tails: Catch you on the flip-flop.
Zooey: Okay.

[Zooey waves her right hand at Tails and walks away. Tails turns around, only to find Zooey has left.]

Tails: Huh? Oh!

[Unknown to Tails, Eggman has witnessed the entire event, and is not impressed. He growls in disdain. Leroy returns, carrying the note in both his hands, and sets it down on the table.]

Leroy: It appears that package is back out for delivery.

[Eggman turns to face Leroy.]

Eggman: Out for delivery? What? Why?
Leroy: Nobody came to pick it up.
Eggman: I came to pick it up!
Leroy: That's not what it says here.

[Leroy picks up the note with his left hand and shows it to Eggman.]

Eggman: Grrrr!

[Back at Sonic's house, Tails is standing near Knuckles, who is at his bench, lifting weights.]

Knuckles: Ugh! See, your first mistake was going to Sonic for advice on women. Or, as I call them, the laydeez.

[Knuckles sets his weight down.]

Tails: The laydeez.
Knuckles: Yeah, now you're gettin' it!

[Knuckles gets off his bench and picks up a weight in each hand.]

Knuckles: What women want is someone who's manly!

[Tails is now holding his Hello Doggie journal in his left hand and a pencil in his right.]

Tails: Let me right that in my Hello Doggie journal.

[Tails writes in his Hello Doggie journal, until Knuckles swats it out of this hands with his left hand.]

Knuckles: No, dude! Oh, Manly! You gotta lift weights! Eat red meat! Take up woodworking! Ha! That's what they want!
Tails [as he scratches his head with his right hand]: Uh, I don't know. It seems a little archaic. Do women really respond to that?
Knuckles [as he lifts his weights]: Ah! Ah!

[Lady Walrus and Lady Goat are standing near Knuckles in the distance. He looks over at them, and they giggle. Lady Goat waves at Knuckles with her right hand. Knuckles sees her and winks his right eye at her.]

Knuckles: Oh, yeah!

[Knuckles then turns to face Tails, who nods, "Yes" at him. In the next scene, Eggman is at Meh Burger, talking into a cell phone he is holding in his right hand.]

Eggman: Re-routed? My package has been re-routed? To where? Guatamañana?

[The camera moves over to Zooey, who is drinking from a cup she is holding in her right hand as Tails walks up to her.]

Tails [in a faux masculine voice]: Hey, Zooey! I was just at the gym, throwing some weights.

[Zooey drinks from her cup, and Tails put shis right hand on the table.]

Tails [in a faux masculine voice]: This table's got some excellent craftsmanship. What's that? Birch? Cedar?

[Zooey taps her left index finger on the table.]

Zooey: I think it's particle board.
Tails [in a faux masculine voice]: Oh, yeah. I had a particle board tree once. Chopped it down, built me a cabin out of it.

[Dave sets a steak down on the table.]

Dave [heard offscreen]: "One meh steak, extra rare."

[Tails looks up at Dave. A confused Zooey looks over at Tails, who is now holding a knife in his right hand and a fork in his left.]

Tails [in a faux masculine voice]: The redder, the better!"

[Tails winks his left eye at Zooey.]

Dave: And your Meh meal toy.

[Dave holds out his left hand, revealing a Hello Doggie pencil in it. Tails puts down his knife and fork and takes the pencil from Dave with his right hand.]

Tails: Oh! A Hello Doggie pencil to go with my notebook!

[Tails looks over at Zooey and grins nervously.]

Tails [in a faux masculine voice]: Uh, I think I left my bandsaw running!

[Tails runs away. Unknown to him, Eggman has once again, witnessed the entire event. He taps his left index finger on the table and growls in disdain. In the next scene, Tails is at Amy's house as Amy is pouring tea from a teapot she is holding in her right hand.]

Amy: You're doing this all wrong. If you want to know what women want, talk to a woman!
Tails: That's brilliant! Where can I find one?
Amy: [angrily] I'm a woman! I'm refined and elegant like a delicate flower, you jerk! [calmly again] Now, as I was saying, girls like romance and chivalry. You know, like in the movies. Watch and learn.

[Amy picks up a remote control with her right hand and presses a button on it. She then sits next to Tails on the couch.]

TV Actor: [heard on the TV]: How thy voice is like a songbird, let my eyes feast upon your beauty and my soul be nourished by your love! A thousand roses would dare not smell as sweet as you!

[Tears of joy fill Amy's eyes, and the camera moves over to a confused Tails, who scratches his head with his left index finger. The camera then moves back to Amy as a tear rolls down her left cheek.]

Amy: Oh!
TV Actress heard on the TV: Oh, even if thy face is hidden beneath the mask, your heart is visible to me now and forever!
Amy: Oh!

[Amy gets off the couch.]

Amy: See?

[Tails gets off the couch.]

Tails: I'll do it!

[A view of the island is now shown. In the village, Tails is now dressed like the Phantom of the Opera as he walks up to Zooey's house. He adjusts his bow tie with both his hands, then puts his left hand over his heart..]

Tails: Zooey, come forth from your chamber window!

[Zooey walks up to her window and sees Tails below.]

Zooey: Uh, hello?

[Zooey waves at Tails with her right hand.]

Tails: How now, brown cow. Your voice is like a songbird, singing... uh... songs! And you smell!
Zooey: What?
Tails: Um... like a flower of some kind! Not a stinkweed, uh, something better!

[Leroy drives by Tails in his mail wagon, with Eggman following behind him.]

Eggman: I know you have my package in your wagon! Ugh! Just give it to me!
Leroy: Once it's in the wagon, I have to deliver it to your residence!
Eggman: Oh, for the love of...

[Before Eggman can finish, he looks back at Tails.]

Eggman: Not this train wreck again!
Tails: Looking into your eyes is like looking into a pair of... eyes! Nice ones, even!

[Zooey closes her window with her left hand.]

Tails: Oh!

[Once again, Eggman growls in disdain. In the next scene, Tails is at Sticks' burrow.]

Sticks: When a male wishes to woo a female, he must perform a traditional dating dance,

[Sticks jumps onto the table and flaps her arms.]

Sticks: Where he displays his radiant, colorful plumage. This must be done in a public form to assert his dominance over the other males.
Tails: Well, it's worth a shot!

[In the next scene, Tails is in the village, flapping peacock feathers he is holding in both his hands. The villagers are all gathered around him and laugh.]

Tails: Ca-caw! Ca-caw! Ca-caw!
Zooey: Tails, are you feeling okay?
Tails: Wha? I'm feeling great! Check out my majestic plumage!

[The peacock feathers tickle Zooey's nose, causing her to sneeze.]

Zooey: Huh? Achoo! Well, as long as you're all right!

[Zooey waves her right hand at Tails and runs away.]

Tails: Oh!

[Tails walks away sadly. Once again, Eggman has witnessed the entire event.]

Eggman: I can't watch this anymore. You got no game, kid! Let me help you.
Tails: You? But you're our sworn enemy!
Eggman: Nonetheless, in situations this dire, the bro code trumps the enemy thing. Take my advice, you'll never land a girl by acting like someone else. Just be confident in your own pelt. And for pete's sake, ditch the feathers!

[Tails grins nervously. He looks down at the feathers and drops them.]

Tails: How do I know I can trust you?
Eggman: Believe me or don't, it's no hair off my mustache. You're the one doing the funky chicken in the middle of town square.

[Leroy is now holding Eggman's package in both his hands as he sets it down on the table.]

Leroy: Your package.
Eggman: Finally!

[Eggman grabs the package with both his hands and opens it.]

Eggman: He he he!

[Eggman tosses the box aside, and he is now holding the background music generator in his left hand.]

Eggman: My new background music generator! This'll really make my attacks more exciting!

[Eggman presses a button on the background music generator. Energetic music plays as Giant Robot rolls into the village. The villagers scream and run away, as does Zooey. Two Motobugs then roll in front of Giant Robot and fire at the villagers.]

Eggman: Ho ho! Sweet! Listen to those drums!

[Tails picks up his monkey wrench and flies away. He destroys seven Motobugs with his monkey wrench as Eggman jams to the music from his background music generator, until the pieces from one of the Motobugs lands near him.]

Eggman: What?

[Giant Robot rolls up to Zooey.]

Zooey: Aaah! Aaah-ha-ha-ha!

[Giant Robot picks up Zooey with his right hand.]

Zooey: Aaaah!

[Tails hears Zooey and turns his head towards her. Giant Robot locks onto Zooey.]

Zooey: Aaaah!

[Sonic, Knuckles, Amy, and Sticks all run up to Giant Robot, whom Sonic points at with his right index finger.]

Sonic: Amy, you and Knuckles head...

[Before Sonic can finish, Tails flies his plane towards Giant Robot. He holds his left hand out at Sonic.]

Tails: No need, Sonic! I got this!

[Tails flies around Giant Robot, causing him to spin out of control.]

Zooey: Tails! Help!
Tails: Hang on, Zooey!

[Tails presses a button on his plane's control panel with his right hand. He locks onto Giant Robot's right arm, and fires a beam at it, breaking it to pieces and setting Zooey free, but also causing her to fall.]

Zooey: Oh!

[Zooey falls in slow motion. Tails presses the button on his tool belt with his right hand, unleashing the speeding swing surprise. He throws it down near Giant Robot.]

Tails: Huh! Ah!
Zooey: Aaaah!

[Zooey grabs the speeding swing surprise with her right hand, and Tails pulls it up, causing Zooey to land in the back seat of his plane.]

Sonic, Knuckles, and Amy: I taught him everything he knows.

[Tails fires a blue beam at Giant Robot, destroying him, and creating a cloud of black smoke, which he flies through. Sonic, Knuckles, Amy, and Sticks all cheer.]

Amy: All right, Tails!

[Eggman, who is now holding the background music generator in his right hand, walks up to the destroyed Giant Robot.]

Eggman: Well, that wasn't as exciting as I'd hoped.

[Eggman presses a button on the background music generator with his right hand, and Tails lands his plane.]

Zooey: Tails, you were amazing!

[Zooey hugs Tails, and kisses his head.]

Eggman: Oh ho ho! Look who got the girl by being himself! I didn't see that coming!

[Tails holds out his left hand.]

Tails: Do you mind?
Eggman: You're welcome.

[Eggman presses a button on the background music generator with his right hand, and romantic music plays. Tails and Zooey look at each other, and they put their right hands over each other. A heart-shaped iris-out appears over them, then stops halfway.]

Eggman [heard offscreen]: I'm glad I sprang for the heart iris upgrade.

[The screen irises out on Tails and Zooey, ending the episode.]