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Robot Employees (transcript)

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This is the transcript from the Sonic Boom episode, "Robot Employees".

[Scene: Meh Burger, day.]

[Eggman is standing in front of the counter at Meh Burger, ready to order from Dave.]
Dr. Eggman: One chili dog. I eat chili dogs now. Seems cool and edgy. I'm thinking of making it my thing.
[Dave returns with a Meh Burger on a tray.]
Dave: Here. This is probably close to what you ordered.
Dr. Eggman: You know what? I don't want a chili dog anymore. Now I just want to burn this place to the ground! [Raises his arm] Robots, atta--
Sonic: [Interrupting] Not so fast, Egghead. [Eggman drops his arms in misery] We're not gonna let you destroy Meh Burger!
Dr. Eggman: Fine. I've got an even better plan to get decent service.

[Scene Change: Mr. Slate's office, day.]

[Eggman, Orbot and Cubot are having a meeting with Mr. Slate.]
Dr. Eggman: First, I'd like to say it's an honor to meet the man who owns Meh Burger. Your institution is responsible for more evil than I could ever dream of.
Mr. Slate: Uh... Thank you.
Dr. Eggman: But there's still room for improvement. Orbot, slideshow!
[Orbot opens up a slideshow with his projectors. It shows an image of Eggman in lederhosen blowing a horn in the mountains.]
Dr. Eggman: This is an artist's rendering of the current inefficient Meh Burger.
[Noticing it is the wrong slide, Cubot bumps Orbot, who switches slide to one that shows Dave sleeping on the job while the Meh Burger French fries are on fire.]
Dr. Eggman: Now, here's my proposal: [Orbot's slideshow shows a picture of Robot Employees.] A team of efficient robot employees, [Orbot's slideshow shows a picture of Meh Burger, which has been cleaned by a Robot Employee] a shiny new Meh Burger, [Orbot's slideshow shows a picture of Eggman eating a chili dog] and a place where you get what you actually ordered!
Mr. Slate: I love it! I'm very suggestible.

[Scene Change: Meh Burger, day.]

[Dave and Mr. Slate stand next to each other as a group of Robot Employees take over Meh Burger's services. One robot delivers a tray to the Reindeer Girl. Another one makes a drink. Another robot places takeaway bags on the counter to three more customers. A robot serves the Fennec Male, the Rabbit Girl and Beth the Shrew, and hands a drink over to the Reindeer Girl.]
Dave: These machines will never be able to replicate the customer service experience that only comes from a real life employee.
Amy: Can I get some ketchup?
Dave: Get it yourself. I'm on my break.
Robot Employee: [Hands a ketchup sachet to Amy] Your business is very valuable to us, pink customer.
Dave: Come on! At least give me a chance to show you that I'm better than a bunch of robots! We could have a contest.
Mr. Slate: Okay, but if you lose, you're fired!

[Scene Change: Village Center, day.]

Soar: This is Soar the Eagle broadcasting live from Village Center, where local flunky Dave the Intern is about to challenge a series of robots in a fast-food throwdown. Clearly, it's a slow news day. The first event: Burger flipping!
[Dave flips each burger one by one with his spatula. The Robot Employee grows several arms of spatulas behind its back and shuffles the burgers with them. With the burgers up in the air, he withdraws the spatulas and catches the burgers on a tray.]
Soar: Ouch! Uh, I mean, round one goes to the machines, with a final tally of Dave: 17, Machine: 135. Next up, the stop-and-mop.
[Dave and the Robot Employee are on a bowling lane each with mess down the lane. Dave has a mop and starts sweeping down the lane.]
Dave: Mustard: easy. [Sweeps up the spot] Mysterious orange clunky food: piece of cake [Sweeps up spot] Piece of cake: that one's a toughie... [Sweeps up the spot]
[Dave finishes sweeping and flicks the mop, covering himself in smudge. The Robot Employee comes next. It stretches its head down to the lane, activates its vacuum breath and starts sucking up the mess]
Dave: Well, you earn that one.
Soar: And now, for the final event: The drive-through speaker translation! This one's worth more points than all the other events combined. That's to create false dramatic tension, otherwise this competition would be over already.
[The speaker speaks out an inaudible order. The Robot Employee listens to it.]
Robot Employee: Two double Meh Burgers, and an order of humdrum rings.
[The Robot Employee moves out of the way. Dave comes in and listens to the speaker.]
Dave: Uhh... One--
[The buzzer sounds. Dave shuts his eyes.]
Soar: And Dave goes down! A devastating blow to humanity. But at least they'll finally get my order right at Meh Burger.
Mr. Slate: Dave, it's difficult for me to say this, but [Slowly and loud] you're fired! [Dave winces] Actually, that wasn't so hard at all. In fact I've kind of liked it. In celebration of my new good mood, I hereby announce a party tomorrow.
[Team Sonic and the villagers celebrate as Mr. Slate sends his announcement to them. Dave grumpily walks behind him.]
Sticks: Enjoy those tin death chefs. I'm off to the woods to find something safe to eat, like unidentified plants, berries and mushrooms!

[Scene Change: Lightning Bolt Society's house, night.]

Dave: Gentlemen, today I was fired from my part-time minimum wage job.
Willy Walrus: This is an outrage! Your boss shouldn't judge you based simply on how ineffective you are at work!
Dave: Tomorrow, Meh Burger is going to have a big party, [Holds up a plan] and the Lightning Bolts are gonna crash it. [Lays the plan down on the table.] This is how it's going down.

[Scene Change: Meh Burger, day]

Mr. Slate: Thank you all for coming to the grand reopening of Meh Burger. In celebration, all cheeseburgers today all free!
[Mr. Slate pulls off the blanket, revealing several cheeseburgers stacked like a pyramid. Everyone cheers and runs to take one.]
Old Monkey: Oh, cheese. But I'm lactose intolerant! I also hate Gogobas.
[Dave, hiding behind a rock, observes what is going on and tells the rest of the Lightning Bolt Society.]
Dave: Once our operative gives the thumbs up, we move in.
Weasel Bandit: New intel. Free cheeseburgers!
Willy Walrus: Abort mission! Abort mission!
[Willy Walrus, the Chameleon and the Weasel Bandit run over to pick up a cheeseburger. Dave miserably shakes his head and walks off.]
Dr. Eggman: [Raising a glass] To the new Meh Burger, where you get what you actually ordered!
[Everyone cheers.]
Dr. Eggman: Not something completely wrong, served by a lackadaisical staff of slugs who don't give a rat's patootie. In fact, odds are they serve you some rat's patootie!
Mr. Slate: Our lawyers have assured me the percentage of rat's patootie in these burgers is well within the legal limit.
Dr. Eggman: But we can forget those dark old days. Well, you can. Not me. [Slowly] Eggman never forgets. [Normally] So I'm going to exact my revenge on this so-called restaurant and all of its customers!
[Eggman presses a button on his wrist controller, triggering a giant dome that encapsulates Meh Burger. Everyone inside screams as they realize they are now trapped.]
Sonic: I'll break us out.
[Sonic spin attacks the dome but fails to break it, hurting himself. Knuckles tries digging underneath it, but he hurts himself in the process too.]
Knuckles: [Hurt] Forcefield goes underneath too.
[The Robot Employees' eyes glow red and prepare to attack. Knuckles throws a Meh Burger into a Robot Employee's chest vent. The robot malfunctions and breaks itself. The other three Robot Employees discover the robot's debris. Tails throws sauce sachets on the table, which Amy hammers down on. The sachets squirt into the three Robot Employees' eyes, making them struggle to control themselves. Sonic Homing Attacks the three Robot Employees, destroying them.]
Mr. Slate: We're doomed!
Tails: Not necessarily. There's still somebody outside the force field we can call for help! [Presses a button on his Communicator and contacts Sticks.]
Sticks: [On Communicator] Hi. This is Sticks. I'm in the woods right now. If this is a threat or conspiracy, press one.
Tails: [Frustrated] Sticks, you don't have an answering machine.

[Scene Change: Sticks' burrow, day.]

[Sticks is on the phone.]
Sticks: Cuz I hate machines!
Tails: [On the phone] You were right about the robots. We're all trapped in Meh Burger!
[Sticks ignores the message and dances to some music.]

[Scene Change: Meh Burger, day.]

Tails: You're doing an "I-told-you-so" dance aren't you?

[Scene Change: Sticks' burrow, day.]

Sticks: [Slowly] Maybe...
Tails: [On the phone] I need you to get over to my workshop right away!

[Scene Change: Tails' Workshop, day.]

[Sticks runs into Tails' Workshop.]
Tails: [On walkie-talkie] Sticks. Listen carefully. I need you to bring me some stuff.
[Sticks takes a wheelbarrow over to the shelf and begins putting stuff from the shelf into the wheelbarrow.]
Tails: A transducer and a beam concentration nozzle - the big one, not the colored one...
Sticks: Okay. Transfluzzle, packet wrench... Yeah, I got it.
Tails: [On walkie-talkie] A voltage bridge, a welding laser...
[Sticks puts up all the items on the shelf into her wheelbarrow and runs away with it.]

[Scene Change: Meh Burger, day.]

Sonic: You can't keep us in here forever, Egghead.
Dr. Eggman: I know. That's why I'm launching you into outer space. [Presses his wrist controller.]
Sonic: What?!
[The dome launches up in the air with the air of trusters on the edge of the dome. Eggman waves.]
Dr. Eggman: Ta-ta! Hahahahahahaha!
[Sticks arrives with her wheelbarrow, but notices a giant hole where Meh Burger used to be.]
Sticks: [Picks up walkie-talkie] Sticks here. Quick question: where's Meh Burger?
Tails: [On walkie-talkie] Right above you!
[Sticks looks up and sees the rest on Team Sonic staring down at her from inside the dome. Sonic knocks on the dome in desperation.]
Sticks: This is no good. The key to a successful restaurant is location, location, location!
Tails: Looks like you have to take out the force field from mid-air. You can borrow my plane, but you'll need a co-pilot. Is there anyone left in town who can fly it?

[Scene Change: Dave's mom's house, dave.]

[Dave is standing at the door, facing Sticks.]
Dave: Why should I help save lame old Meh Burger?
Sticks: You and I have one thing in common. Unless you also believe the government randomly changes its spelling awards and then replaces all of our dictionaries while we sleep!
[Dave looks blankly at Sticks.]
Sticks: We both hate robots, right?
Dave: Of course I do. They took my job!

[Scene Change: Sky, day.]

[Sticks and Dave, equipped with spacesuits, set off in Tails' Plane towards the airborne Meh Burger. Sticks puts her helmet on. Dave tries putting his helmet on, but the plane loses control.]
Sticks: Keep your mitts on the wheel!
Dave: Don't tell me what to do! You're not my mom's boyfriend!
[Quickly, Daves puts his helmet on and steers the plane, preventing it from reaching the sea.]

[Scene Change: Village Center, day.]

[Eggman, Orbot and Cubot are at a jeans shop.]
Dr. Eggman: [Holding a pair of jeans] Feels pretty sweet defeating Dave the Intern, Meh Burger and Sonic in one fell swoop. And as an extra bonus, I don't have to wait in lines anymore. [Stretches the jeans] Wonder if these come in husky? [Looks around] Why is there never anyone to help when you need it? Hello?!

[Scene Change: Sky, day.]

[Villagers scream and panic as they remain trapped in Meh Burger. Tails' Plane arrives outside the dome.]
Tails: [Into his Communicator] First thing you need to do, is slow our ascent before we get to the vacuum of space. You'll have to disarm a couple of the thrusters.
Sticks: Dave! We need to get closer!
Dave: Oh, that's really very nice of you, but I'm kind of a loner. [Pauses and realizes something] Oh you mean the plane! Right!
[Dave directs the plane closer to the dome. Sticks throws her boomerang, which blows out a thruster before returning to her. She then blows out two more thrusters with her boomerang. The dome slows down and Sonic and Amy smile as they feel the difference.]
Sonic: Hey, it's working!
[The villagers cheer, and Team Sonic look at them. Suddenly, an explosion is heard as the dome falls down.]
Tails: [Into his Communicator] With half the thrusters gone, the rest are struggling against the weight. They are gonna cease! You gotta disable the force field, and fast!

[Scene Change: Meh Burger, day.]

[Eggman is in his bathing suit.]
Dr. Eggman: Time to even out my tan, without fear of scrutiny.
[Eggman sits down on a sunbed inside Meh Burger's crater with a face tanning mirror.]

[Scene Change: Sky, day.]

[Sonic grabs tablecloths and runs to the rest of the villagers.]
Sonic: Everybody grab a tablecloth! You can use them as parachutes!
[Everyone runs and grabs a tablecloth.]
Lady Walrus: Can I get another one? This one's got a mustard stain.
Lady Goat: [Chews on a piece of tablecloth] Mine has a hooole in it.
[Sonic groans and does a facepalm.]
Tails: [Into his Communicator] I'm gonna need you to make an electromagnetic pulse to jam the force field's current!
Sticks: I don't know what any of that means!
Dave: You can do it, Sticks. You'll need a power supply. Find something that looks like a big battery with three squiggly wires coming out of it.
[Sticks crawls out on the right wing of Tails' Plane and rummages through her wheelbarrow (which is bound to the wing) and finds the battery.]
Sticks: Okay. Got the battery!
Tails: [On communicator] Now, find the beam concentration nozzle. It's like a small rubber traffic cone with a clip on the end. You're gonna attach that to the loose wire and press the big, red button!
[Sticks fires the electromagnetic pulse at the dome. The Force field dissipates and vanishes.]
Sonic: Nice going, Sticks!
[With the force field gone, all the villagers escape using their tablecloths as parachutes. Just as Team Sonic are about to escape, a rumble is heard as the remaining thrusters cease, forcing Meh Burger to fall down faster.]
Sticks: Dive, Dave! Dive, dive, dive!
[Dave redirects the plane next to Team Sonic.]
Dave: We're starting to get a little close to the ground here!
[The rest of Team Sonic jump and hold onto Tails' Plane. Dave swoops the plane upwards to prevent a crash landing.]

[Scene Change: Village Center, day.]

[While Eggman is getting a tan, a growing shadow is seen and a blowing noise is heard.]
Dr. Eggman: That sound is never good.
[Eggman looks up at the shadow and notices Meh Burger coming down towards him. Eggman screams and runs away as Meh Burger crash lands. All the villagers land safely, while Tails' Plane crash lands, emitting smoke. Sonic helps Knuckles get up.]
Dave: A perfect one point landing.
[The camera shows Eggman running away until Mr. Slate lands on him.]

[Scene Change: Meh Burger, day.]

[Dave is back to work flipping burgers. Team Sonic is sitting at a table.]
Sticks: Pretty nice of Mr. Slate to promote Dave the Intern to Dave the Manager.
Amy: Well, he deserved it for helping you save the whole town. Kind of a meaningless title though. He doesn't have any employees to manage.
Tails: Actually I took care of that. I salvaged one of the robots and reprogrammed it.
[The Robot Employee delivers a tray of salad and juice to Eggman.]
Dr. Eggman: This is a salad! I ordered a chili dog!
Robot Employee: I'm on my break.