Reno, Baby/Transcript

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Knuckles Reno, Baby (transcript)

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This is a transcript of the Knuckles episode, "Reno, Baby".

[Scene: Reno, night.]

[The episode begins with Knuckles and Wade finally arriving in Reno, on Jack Sinclair's former motorcycle, with "Damn It Feels Good to Be a Gangsta" by the Geto Boys playing on the background.]

Wade: Woah.

[Wade laughs happily as he watches the beautiful city.]

Wade: We made it.

Knuckles: What is this wondrous metropolis?

Wade: Reno, baby! Reno!

[Cut to Wade and Knuckles arriving outside of the National Bowling Stadium.]

Wade: This is where it's all gonna go down. The Taj Mahal^W of Ten-pins. The Belle of the Balls. The National Bowling Stadium.

Knuckles: Your battleground!

Wade: You're damn, right.

[Opening credits roll, with Wade playing two maracas.]

[Scene change: National Bowling Stadium, lobby]

[Wade and Knuckles enter the lobby and see many people having fun.]

Wade: Did you see the sign? Kevin James^W is headlining here.

Knuckles: The mall cop^W?

Wade: That means you know it's top-notch.

[Wade and Knuckles meet with Wanda and Wendy in a bar.]

Wanda: Well, well, well. Look who it is.

Wade: We literally planned to meet here at this exact time. It's not at all surprising.

Wendy: Wow. This place is nice. And apparently, the spa is to die for. So what do you say, Knuchles? Wanna get a massage later?

Knuckles: Yes! My body is literally one giant muscle! [he flexes his muscles]

Wanda: Y'know what, I'm gonna hit up a bar, dude. Get myself a "Wandarita". [to Knuckles] Hey, Knucks. That's what I call a margarita.

Knuckles: That sounds fun. I want a Wandarita!

Wade: No. No. There will be no Wandaritas. There will be no massages. We're on the run. We need to keep a low profile.

[Knuckles frowns out of disappointment.]

Wanda: Hey, Wade. That's fine if you and Knuckles wanna just... slip into this sea of dorks. We're gonna go have some fun.

Wade: We're not dorks.

Wendy: [to Wanda] Let's go.

Wade: We're cool!

Knuckles: Yeah, we're mad cool!

Wendy: Come on, let's go drink.

Wanda: [to Wade] Later, dorks!

[Both Wendy and Wanda leave, as both Wade and Knuckles walk away.]

Wade: Unbelievable. Isn't it crazy that we're related?

[Wade hears the crowd getting excited, he turns and sees his father, "Pistol" Pete Whipple, entering the stadium dressed up in a suit with Union Jacks all over his clothes.]

Wade: It's him. [to himself] Be cool.

[Cut a montage of "Pistol" Pete having fun in the casino, drinking free drinks, taking selfies with his fans, and winning money out of slot machines, and dancing around, as "Let Me Entertain You" by Robbie Williams plays on the background.]

Wade: The confidence.

Knuckles: The swagger.

[Cut to "Pistol" Pete playing various lucky games. In a game of Roulette he wins a jackpot.]

Croupier: Well played! Big winner!

"Pistol" Pete: Let my fans have them.

["Pistol" Pete throws them in the air and his fans gather around him collecting the marks.]

Wade: Whoa. It's like... It's like we could be twins. I mean, he's so... [hesitates for a moment] No, no. Can't talk to him.

Knuckles: What is wrong?

Wade: Look at him. My dad is so cool. I wouldn't even know what to say to him.

Knuckles: Well, I do. Come, Wade Whipple. I have an idea.

[Scene change: National Bowling Stadium, lobby]

[Wade is wearing a earpiece as he nervously walks to his father.]

Wade: Are you sure this is gonna work?

Knuckles: [on phone] I will not let you down, my friend.

[Cut to Knuckles hiding in the bar holding a phone.]

Knuckles: It was known far and wide by all Echidna, that Knuckles has a way with the words.

[Cut to Wade approaching face to face with "Pistol" Pete.]

Knuckles: [on phone] Now, confidently approach the one they call "Pistol" Pete and say...

Wade: "Father Whipple."

"Pistol" Pete: [as he's signing an autograph] Hello there. So, what are we signing today? Balls, pins, body parts? If you want a signed photo, I'm afraid it'll run extra.

Wade: "It is I, Wade Whipple, your long-abandoned... progeny."

["Pistol" Pete looks up and is surprised to see Wade after so many years.]

"Pistol" Pete: Wade? My God. It is you.

Knuckles: I know what you must be...

Wade: "Thinking. That I'm here to slay you and take my rightful place on the throne. But no."

["Pistol" Pete looks at him confused.]

Knuckles: I come here today to make peace.

Wade: "To repair the paternal bond that you so callously tore apart many decades ago."

"Pistol" Pete: I see. Are you feeling alright, dear boy? You... You seem a little different.

Wade: "Yes! I have grown into a powerful adult man, with many great skills and accomplishments to my name."

"Pistol" Pete: Have you now?

Knuckles: Many human women have taken notice of my feats of strength.

"Pistol" Pete: Yes. Yes, I get that. But, tell me, wh... why are you talking like this?

Wade: "This is extraordinary. It's like looking at a mirror image of myself. Of course, I am more muscular and mighty, and you are frail and sickly. But..."

[Cut to Knuckles looking at a mascot that resembles to him a lot.]

Knuckles: The resemblance is uncanny. You truly are a stunning creature.

Mascot: Oh, sick costume, bro. Are you here for the mascot convention, too? What team are you with?

Knuckles: My tribe. The Echidnas.

Mascot: Oh, right. They play in... Albuquerque^W, right? Go, 'Chidnas! [gives Knuckles a thumbs up]

[Cut back to Wade and his father.]

Wade: You know what? I'm just gonna speak for myself. [he removes the earpiece] I came here 'cause I missed you, dad. I was hoping you'd missed me, too.

"Pistol" Pete: Well, of course I missed you, son. So, what are you doing here? Did you come to watch your dear old dad knock over some pins?

Wade: Oh, no. I'm here to roll.

"Pistol" Pete: In the tournament? You?

["Pistol" Pete laughs heavily as Wade laughs nervously with him.]

"Pistol" Pete: Like father, like son, aye? Well, may the best man win. I'm just kidding. It's good to see you, son. I'll tell you what. After we bowl, let's catch up on lost time, shall we?

Wade: Yeah!

"Pistol" Pete: Yes?

Wade: Of course. Yes.

[They both begin to laugh.]

Wade: We laugh the same!

[Cut back to Knuckles.]

Knuckles: [to himself] Well done, Knuckles. You have not lost your touch.

[Scene change: The Buyer's lair.]

[Cut to a truck arriving outside. Two goons take out from a captured Agent Mason and Agent Willoughby and take them inside.]

[Scene change: The Buyer's lair, inside.]

[The two goons force the two agents on their knees and remove their blindfolds.]

Willoughby: Where are we?

Mason: I don't know. But it definitely looks like the type of place you take people you're about to murder.

[ The Buyer arrives and looks at the agents angrily.]

Mason: Clearly, there's been a bit of a misunderstanding here. [Mason laughs nervously] Um, you seem mad at us, but it's all good. We're on the same team.

[The Buyer grabs a welder and activates it.]

Mason: You know what? Forget I said anything.

The Buyer: You failed to bring me the echidna. I don't deal well with failure.

[The Buyer uses the webler to slice one Badnik, intimidating the agents.]

The Buyer: You know, we've got a lot in common. You wouldn't be able to tell by the look of this place, but not so long ago, I used to work for G.U.N. as well. Though it wasn't called G.U.N. back then. It was a military shadow ops program, run by a difficult... and very brilliant roboticist.

Willoughby: Wait, so... you worked for Robotnik?

The Buyer: I did. Until the day he met a little blue alien and lost his big bald mind. After that, G.U.N. tried to erase all connections with Robotnik, including me. Sent a team to take me out. [he reveals a big scar on his chest] That didn't work out so well for them. So I went underground, starting selling my creations in the black market. And before you know it, I built an empire.

Mason: Come on, man, just give us a little more time!

Willoughby: We can catch Knuckles. We will catch him.

The Buyer: Why should I believe you?

Willoughby: Because you're right. We do have a lot in common. [to Mason] You want to know why I betrayed G.U.N.? Because they betrayed me first. [to the Buyer] I dedicated my entire life to studying extraterrestrials. Then San Francisco happened, and I saw a threat unlike anything this world had ever seen. So I joined up... for one reason. To protect this planet. But soon, I discovered instead of neutralizing... the aliens, we let them play house in Montana! Trusting them as they shed quills with the destructive power of a thermonuclear weapon every time they go out for a jog! I tried to warn the fools in charge, but instead of listening, I was the one who was neutralized. Taken out of the field, shoved behind a desk, wasting my career. Ordering gift cards and planning fake weddings! So, believe me, I want G.U.N. to suffer as much as you do. And if you give us one more chance... they will.

[The Buyer grabs the webler and comes close the agents, who are scared of him.]

Mason: Oh, man. Oh my God!

[He uses webler to cut their handcuffs, releasing them.]

The Buyer: I still require the echidna, to power up my newest creation. But the price is changed. Now, you only reward... will be your lives.

[Scene change: National Bowling Stadium]

[Cut to the hosts of the tournament, Dylan Beagleton and Gary N. Sinclair III Esq. from ESPN8 The Ocho^W.]

Gary: Welcome to the Bowling Tournament of Champions. I'm Gary N. Sinclair III Esq.

Dylan: And I'm Dylan Beagleton.

Gary: And we are here in sunny Reno, Nevada, which is so close to Hell, you can smell the sparks.

[Scene change: National Bowling Stadium.]

[Cut to the bowling center, where the competitors are warming up.]

Gary: [voiceover] And you know what? Today we have a bunch of amazing competitors getting ready to collide in a game of champions. That's right, it's poor man's baseball bowling.

[Cut back to the hosts.]

Gary: Beautiful day for bowling, I gotta say. Dylan, what do you think?

Dylan: I think it's a great day for bowling. And actually, to be clear, the weather has no effect on this sport because we're inside.

Gary: [laughs] You see? This is why I love working with you. You're a real details, man. We're gonna get into those details throughout today. But first, let me tell you a little bit about the competition.

[Cut back to the competitors.]

Gary: [voiceover] We have 32 teams, each have won an individual contest in the Central Northwest Regional District of the good old US of A. These are hardened competitors from the greatest part of our country who are ready to bring it.

[Cut back to the hosts.]

Dylan: Now, Gary.

Gary: Yes?

Dylan: In the sport of bowling, it doesn't get any bigger than this. And I understand that you've been doing this for quite a while.

Gary: That's right. I actually started off on ESPN Veinticinco, and I'm hoping to get down to ESPN Seis.

Dylan: Wow. Well, Gary, I've been told that you have a very famous catchphrase, and this crowd looks like they want to hear it. How about let it fly?

Gary: Alright, I will. "Let's get ready to roll some... bowling balls!"

Dylan: That's... That's popular?

Gary: Uh, well, yeah. No, I-I've seen people like, you know, say it.

[Scene change: Bowling montage.]

[All the players begin to roll out, as the Tournament of Champions officially begins. "Scarface (Push It To The Limit)" by Paul Engemann plays on the background. Cut to "Pistol" Pete prepares his ball, Cut to Wade holding tow balls, using them as as dumbbells. The screen splits in smaller pictures, as we're seeing multiple players roll out their balls.]

Dylan: Wow. Would you look at those outfits? They are not real cowboys.

[Cut to Susie Barnes rolling a strike. She and Wade celebrate that dancing. Cut to the quarter finals, where "Pistol" Pete strikes a perfect strike as well.]

Garry: Uh oh! I think we're about to see it!

Dylan: There they are. Here come the finger guns!

["Pistol" Pete turns to the crowd, and imitates he uses guns with his fingers. Cut a bowler trying to strike, but he fails. Cut back to Wade who delivers a perfect strike. Wade imitates he uses a bow and arrow.]

Wade: Let's go!

[Cut back to the hosts.]

Gary: Knocking down those pins with ease.

Dylan: [using bird watching binoculars] Wow. Wow. What is he doing?

[Cut to Wade imitating he's using a sword. Cut to the audience, where Wendy and Wanda are watching him.]

Wanda: Wow. Okay, Wade. [chuckles]

[Cut to the semi finals. "Pistol" Pete strikes yet once again and celebrates with his finger guns. He sees deliver a strike as well and Wade laughs to him.]

"Pistol" Pete: I wonder where you learned that.

Wade: I learned from the best.

[The screen splits in two, as "Pistol" Pete imitates firing to Wade with his pistol, while Wade imitates shooting an arrow as Pete is "hit" by it. The other two bowling teams try to strike the pins but they fail. "Pistol" Pete delivers a strike as Wade watches him.]

Wanda: Come on, Wade! Be better than you are!

[Wade spins and delivers another perfect strike.]

Wanda: Yes! YYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Wade and Susie dance their victory as "Pistol" Pete waves a fan.]

[Cut to the hosts]

Gary: Yeah! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Dylan: Wow! To be in that crowd.

[Both Whipples made to the finals of the tournament.]

[Scene change: Reno.]

[Cut to a panoramic view of Reno, as the sun sets down.]

Gary: [offscreen] And there you have it. What an amazing day for bowling! We'll be back tomorrow, with the finals.

[Scene change: National Bowling Stadium, bar.]

[Cut to Wade and his father talking.]

"Pistol" Pete: And, uh, well, that's... that's basically it. The birds and the bees. To be honest, I'm a bit surprised you didn't know about all this yet.

Wade: To tell you the truth, I-I know all about it. I just always wanted to have "the talk." [laughs]

"Pistol" Pete: Oh. Ah, ha, yes.

Wade: This has been so nice spending time with you, Dad, but if you think buttering me up like this is gonna let you beat me in the finals, think again, pal.

"Pistol" Pete: You're a Whipple, dear boy. I expect you to give it your all.

[Two fans approach Pete and Wade.]

Fan: Pistol Pete? Would it be alright if we got your autograph?

"Pistol" Pete: Oh, I'm so sorry. Not when I'm with family. Sorry. Thank you.

Wade: Hey, um, speaking of family... Could I ask you o-one question?

"Pistol" Pete: Sure. Shoot.

Wade: Why did you leave?

"Pistol" Pete: [he puts down his glass] I left because I was searching for something. And, uh... I thought the only place I could find it was, uh, on the lanes. But now, I know the place I should've been looking all along was at home. With you. I messed up, son. Made mistakes. Big ones. But I want you to know that, uh, despite how it might seem, I-I never forgot you. Ever.

[He takes out a CD bag and hands it to Wade.]

Wade: What is this?

[Wade unzips the bag and sees multiple CDs inside.]

Wade: "WadeJammerz '95." "WadeJammerz '96." "WadeJammerz '97." My mixes. You got'em.

"Pistol" Pete: I got them all. I just never had the damn courage to write you back. Because I'm a coward. A total schmuck.

Wade: You're not a schmuck. You're my dad.

[Wade and Pete share a hug as Wendy watches them from afar, sadly.]

"Pistol" Pete: I'm so sorry, son.

Wade: It's okay. I forgive you, dad.

"Pistol" Pete: You know what? This has been nice. Would you like to see my suite?

Wade: Would I ever! They got me staying in some kinda janitor's closet.

"Pistol" Pete: Okay, well, why don't you come by my suite later, and we can catch up some more? How's that sound?

Wade: That'd be amazing!

"Pistol" Pete: Good. Good.

Wade: Dad.

[Scene change: Outside Wade's room.]

[Cut to Wendy walking down a hallway golding a bag, and knocks at Wade's room, and he opens the door.]

Wendy: Hey, darling.

Wade: Hi, Mom. What's going on?

Wendy: I... brought you something.

Wade: [opens the bag] My old ball!

Wendy: Oh, I thought you might like it.

Wade: Aw, that's so nice, mom.

Wendy: [as she kisses him] Oh, good. Good. [clears throat] Th-There is... There's something else. This is hard for me. Um... I saw you today with your father, and I noticed this look in your eyes, and. Wade, it wasn't easy for me when he left. It wasn't easy for any of us, and... We bounced around from place to place, and I took any job that would have me, and... But, in the end, I think we worked it out. Made a home for the family, and... Sometimes I used to say to myself what he did, leaving us, leaving you, wasn't that bad. Wasn't his fault. But it was. It was his fault. And it was bad. He hurt me, Wade. He hurt you. And when I saw that look in your eye today, I got worried. I got worried he was gonna hurt us again.

Wade: Look... mom, I know that you and dad have a complicated relationship, but that's your relationship. Dad and I are still figuring ours out.

Wendy: Wade...

Wade: No, I get it if you don't want him in your life, but I might want him in mine. You can't take that from me.

Wendy: Darling just be careful. Your father's great at convincing people to love him. And that's usually when he decides to leave. Good luck out there.

[Wendy leaves Wade, sadly, as he returns to his room.]

[Scene change: National Bowling Stadium, elevator.]

Wendy: Hold the door, please

[The elevator door opens, and Mason is inside.]

Wendy: Thank you.

Mason: What floor?

Wendy: Oh, five. Thanks.

[Mason presses a button and smiles evilly, as the doors close.]

[Scene change: Pete's penthouse]

[The elevator doors open, and Wade enters the penthouse.]

Wade: Dad?

"Pistol" Pete: [offscreen] Come in, dear boy.

[Wade walks in, amazed by the room.]

Wade: What is this place? Is this like a second sky lobby or something?

"Pistol" Pete: [drinking tea] Well, actually, it's my lobby. Welcome to my penthouse.

Wade: Wow! It's incredible! And for a professional bowler, it is humbly decorated. [gasps] Gold everywhere! So sensible. Wait a minute. That's a private balcony?! [he looks from outside] The prettiest skyline in the universe. Reno, Nevada. Dad! Do you realize how opulent it is to have a fireplace in such a generally temperate climate in Nevada?

"Pistol" Pete: [chuckles] Yes.

Wade: Wow. Bowling has really done well for you.

"Pistol" Pete: Well... I do alright. Would you, uh, would you care to see the master suite?

Wade: Uh, yeah!

[They both chuckle.]

"Pistol" Pete: This way.

Wade: [as they walk] Full disclosure, I have never been in a hotel room where someone needed to utter the phrase "this way."

"Pistol" Pete: Listen, Wade. [clears throat] I am sorry.

Wade: Oh, yeah. Don't worry. We talked about it. It's okay.

"Pistol" Pete: No, no. Not for that. For this.

[The camera reveals Mason and Willoughby holding Wade's family hostage.]

Wendy: Wade.

Wade: Mom!

Willoughby: Hello, Whipple. Long time no see.

Mason: What's up, Wade?

Wade: What's up, dude.

Willoughby: Looks like you got yourself into a little dilemma, doesn't it?

Wanda: Wade. Dude, the perimeter has been breached. Okay? Now, bro, that is FBI speak. It means they've gone too far.

Wade: I know what it means!

Wanda: Okay, well. [scoffs]

Wade: [to Pete] Dad, you gave me up. How could you? Just like when you abandoned me at that TJ Maxx^W. Except this is a billion times worse.

"Pistol" Pete: Yes, I know, and I am so frightfully sorry, dear boy. But please know that betraying you again was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life.

Wendy: Truly. You know, you have done some pretty terrible, terrible things in your life, but this is on another level. Bravo.

"Pistol" Pete: Gwendolyn.

Wendy: [mockingly] Peter! And where'd you pick up that phony posh accent? You're from Slough^W.

"Pistol" Pete: You know, this is just like you, not to take me seriously. You've never supported me. Not fully!

Wendy: Oh, oh, really? Oh, God. You are such a psycho schmuck!

"Pistol" Pete: Children, [clears throat] listen. Despite all that's happened, I want you to know that I-I love you both, and I would do absolutely anything for you.

Wendy: Oh! I'm gonna vomit.

Mason: [to Wade] Just so you know, he didn't resist much. We barely had to threaten the dude. And these two, kidnaping him was his idea.

Wanda: Hey, dad? You suck. Like, so hard.

Wade: Dad, why?

"Pistol" Pete: Look, Wade. Here's the deal. There's only one Whipple that matters in the greater Reno area and I'm afraid it's not you, dear boy. So I suggest you withdraw from the tournament, give these folks your big, furry, red friend, or I'm afraid I-I won't be able to stop them doing some rather nasty things to people you care about.

Willoughby: Hm... And the first to go will be... your precious sister.

[Willoughby aims her blaster on Wanda's head.]

Wanda: Oh, no. Mmm-mmm.

Wade: I'm okay with that.

Wanda: WADE!!!

Wade: Do whatever you gotta do to her.

Wanda: Are you kidding me right now?! Man, she's got a blaster!

Wade: I'm not joking...

Willoughby: Okay, fine!

[She quickly aims her blaster to Wendy instead.]

Wade: NO!!! No no no no no! Not my mom!

Willoughby: Then, bring Knuckles back to this suite, quietly.

[Scene change: Wade's room]

[Knuckles watches TV on his bed.]

Announcer: Próximamente en el Canal en Español de Reno... La Última Pasión. (Translates from Spanish to: "Coming soon to the Reno Spanish Channel... The Last Passion".)

Knuckles: Oooooohhhh.

[Scene change: Outside Wade's room]

[Wade is seen arriving in his room, wearing an earpiece.]

Willoughby: [on phone] Make it quick, Whipple.

Wade: Okay. Uh, I'm at the room.

Willoughby: [on phone] Good.

[Scene change: Pete's penthouse]

Willoughby: Now, keep your phone on, so we can hear every word that comes out of your mouth. And Wade? If you try anything, you know what happens next.

[Scene change: Wade's room]

[Wade enters his room]

Wade: [smiling] Hey, buddy!

Knuckles: Wade. You've returned. How goes the fatherly reunion?

Wade: So good. Great, actually. Um, in fact, I wanna take you upstairs to look at something in his suite.

[Scene change: Pete's penthouse]

Wade: [on phone] It's... Well, it's a surprise.

[Willoughby smiles sadistically.]

[Scene change: Wade's room]

Knuckles: A surprise? For me?! What is it? Fresh Wade Jams? Another Julia Roberts^W classic? An enormous cauldron of Wendy matz-ball of soup?

Wade: Those are all great things. This is not that. [chuckles] It's something I think... I think you should see.

Knuckles: [putting on his hat] I shall wear my finest hat.

Wade: [somberly] Sure. Put on an adorable hat.

[Scene change: Elevator.]

[Knuckles and Wade approach the elevator and Knuckles gets in.]

Wade: Oh... Sucks and darn it! I left my name tag in the room, and I'm gonna need that for the tournament finals. So why don't you head up to my dad's room and I'll meet you there?

Knuckles: Are you sure?

Wade: Yeah. Yeah.

[Scene change: Pete's penthouse]

Wade: [on phone] I'm totally sure. I'll go grab the stuff, you go to the penthouse, take me two seconds.

[Mason and Willoughby prepare their weapons.]

[Scene change: Elevator.]

Knuckles: Very well. I shall see you soon, my friend.

[The elevator doors close and Knuckles heads to the penthouse. Wade pulls out his phone.]

Wade: It's done. Knuckles is heading to your way.

[Cut to black as "The Story Of My Old Man" by Good Charlotte plays over the end credits.]

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