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Sonic the Hedgehog (TV series)
No Brainer (transcript)

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This is the transcript of the Sonic the Hedgehog episode, "No Brainer".

[Scene: Robotropolis.]

[Chuck sneaks around as flying Swat-Bots fly by. The moment the coast is clear, he makes a run for it to a pair of goblin statues. He walks up to one, pulls the head off, and sticks a note inside the hollow body, and once the head is back in place, he heads off. Sally is looking through a pair of supped up binoculars, monitoring a lighting fast Sonic as he goofs off while dodging lasers. He even finds time to down a chili dog.]
Sally: [Annoyed] I don’t believe it! Actually, I do believe it!
[Sally walks over to Bunnie and Dulcy.]
Sally: Ohhh! Sometimes that hedgehog makes me so MAD!
[Back to Sonic, as he is continually dodging whatever the robots throw at him.]
Sonic: Whoa!
[Sonic takes cover inside an abandoned car, as the robots pass on by. He meets the others back at the safe spot in no time.]
Sonic: Waaaay cool!
[Sally is tapping her foot.]
Sonic: Sorry I’m late, Sal, but I hadn’t--
Sally: Sonic, I cannot believe that you would jeopardize our mission for a stupid chili dog!
Sonic: A chili dog? Moi!? [Belches] Oops...
Sally: Don’t tell me you forgot to check the blind drop?
Sonic: Ooooh-K
Sally: Ok what!?
Sonic: I won’t tell you I forgot to check the blind drop... Ahahaha! Chill, Sal! I’ll be back in a flash!
[In seconds, Sonic is gone to the drop off, note in hand, and back again. Sonic starts juggling the note around.]
Sonic: Am I cool, or what?
[Sally grabs it.]
Sonic: Heeey!
Sally: You’re “what”? ...Oh my gosh, listen to this, “Cancel mission, Robotnik has moved roboticizer. When I find out where, I’ll let you know.”
Sonic: Man, that drags big time!
Bunnie: What now, Sally-girl?
Sally: Wait. Go back to Knothole and wait.
Sonic: Not my best event. You guys go ahead, I’ve got some stuff to do!
Sally: Sonic, you’re not going after another chili dog!
Sonic: Chili dog? Moi? Heheh! Silly girl...

[Scene Change: Robotnik’s lair.]

[Snively is sitting in Robotnik's chair.]
Snively: And be sure to replace the paper towels with those soft ones I like!
Monitor: YES SIR.
Snively: Ahhhh...decisions, decisions….
[A mechanical hand reaches out and spins the chair around. Snively gasps as Robotnik pulls him out of his chair by the collar.]
Snively: Uh...Good evening, sir!
Dr. Robotnik: Listen closely, Snively. I’m leaving now to eradicate that little freedom fighter uprising in the northern frontier....
Snively: Very good, sir.
Dr. Robotnik: And while I’m away, I want you to take care of things, or you’ll end up as the paperweight I always wanted... Understood!?
Snively: Perfectly, sir!
Dr. Robotnik: Good!
[Robotnik throws Snively back into the chair.]
Snively: Ha-have a nice trip, sir! [Mumbling] Miserable toad...

[Scene Change: Robotropolis]

[Sonic finds a chili dog vending machine, gives it a smack, and out pots a fresh chili dog.]
Sonic: Get along, little doggie! The hedgehog is huuuungry! Through the teeth, and past the ‘ol gums, look out tummy, here it-!
Swat-Bot [Off screen]: KEEP MOVING. KEEP MOVING.
[Sonic stops, and looks through a type of vent cover, and sees a group of Freedom Fighters that have been captured by the Swat-Bots.]
Sonic: The Roboticizer...? Ohhh....
[The Swat-Bots continue on. Sonic chows the food down, and makes his next move.]
Sonic: I’m outta here!
[Sonic tries forcing open a man-hole cover.]
Sonic: Eh! Neh! Come on, metal-head! Oh, so you wanna play hardball, huh? Check this!
[Sonic uses the Super Spin move and forces his way through, making it back on to the main ground of the city. At the very gate he sees the Swat-Bots going through.]
Sonic: Hmmmm.... Now what’d that botbrain say?
[Sonic thinks for a second, and snaps his fingers.]
Sonic: There you go! Breaker echo red, zero, zero, niner!
[The gate opens up, and Sonic storms in. Sonic makes it to the Roboticizer and sees that the other Freedom Fighters are about to go inside it. Sonic takes cover.]
Female freedom Fighter: No! Please! Let me go!
[The glass pod drops down on the female freedom Fighter.]
Sonic: I don’t think so, pal.
[Sonic speeds in, and starts circling a Swat-Bot.]
Sonic: Yo, tin head! Neaner neaner neaner!
Sonic: [While knocking two robots down] Excuse me! Mondo rude!
[The guards are out, and the Freedom Fighters are safe.]
Sonic: Go for it guys!
[The Freedom Fighters run for it, as Sonic stays behind.]
Sonic: Hey, wanna boogy? You’re ugly, and so are all your friends!
[Sonic is dancing on the control pad, and shuts down the Roboticizer, as Snively watches over a monitor.]
Snively: Fools! Must I do everything!?
[Sonic is trying to help the female Freedom Fighter still stuck in the glass pod.]
Sonic: Hang on! We’re outta here in a Sonic sec!
[A Tech-Bot heads to a small door and pulls out a remote device.]
[The Tech-Bot presses a button on the remote device and fires a ray, just as Sonic opens up the pod, and the female Freedom Fighter makes a break for it.]
Female Freedom Fighter: Thank you, Sonic!
[Sonic is just about to follow her, but the Tech-Bot's ray zaps him. Sonic begins stumbling around.]

[Scene Change: Robotropolis.]

[Snively is driving in Robotnik's hovercraft.]
Snively: You hit him with a Memory Scrambler?
Snively: Excellent... Where is the hedgehog now?
Snively: Aaaauuughhh!
[Snively soon after spots Sonic's in the streets.]
Snively: Well, well! What a lovely site….
[Sonic is shown walking in place out on the streets. Snively lands his hovercraft, and checks this out.]
Snively: You there! What’s your name...?
Sonic: I... Don’t know...
Snively: Well... not to worry, friend. You’re with me now... Eheheh [Cough] hmmm...

[Scene Change: Knothole Village, Sally's Hut.]

Sally: [Off screen] Ohhh... I just know something’s happened. He’s never been this late!
[Sally is pacing back and forth and Bunnie’s lying on the bed.]
Bunnie: [Yawn] Now Sally-girl, that Sugar-hog can take care of himself.
Sally: You’re probably right, Bunnie. I just-
[Suddenly, they hear a noise outside.]
Sally: What’s that!?
[Dulcy comes forth, crash landing next to Sally's hut.]
Dulcy: Ooooooh... Hello, Ma. I’m home!
Sally: Ducly! Did you see anything?
Dulcy: Oh sure! I saw an owl, some trees... and, uh...
Sally: Sonic!? Did you see Sonic!?
Dulcy: Sooorry... I looked everywhere, too.
Sally: [Sigh] Something’s really wrong. I gotta tell Uncle Chuck.
[She calls Dove over and gives it a note.]
Bunnie: It’ll be alright, Sally-girl. We’ll find him!

[Scene Change: Robotnik’s headquarters.]

[Snively shows a holograph video of everything that just happened.[
Snively: Princess Sally! She is the leader of the Freedom Fighters! A band of trouble makers...remember?
Sonic: Sally...trouble maker... Got it.
Snively: You infiltrated this group to bring me information! You are Sonic the Hedgehog, and I- I am Snively the Great!
Sonic: You are Snively the Great...

[Scene Change: Robotropolis.]

[Dove is flying around and eventually finds Chuck, giving him the letter.]
Uncle Chuck: Hmmm...I don’t like the sound of this...
[Chuck meets up with Sally, Bunnie, and Dulcy.]
Uncle Chuck: Any news?
[Sally shakes her head.]
Uncle Chuck: Well, there’s one place we haven’t checked. The holding room.
Bunnie: The holdin’ room? What in the world?
[As they talk, Dulcy spots a Surveillance Orb and knocks it to the ground.]
Uncle Chuck: It’s where Robotnik keeps the prisoners waiting to be roboticized.
Sally: Oh no....
Uncle Chuck: I’ll check it out.
Sally: No Uncle Chuck! We’ll check it out!

[Scene Change: Holding room.]

Tech-Bot: Identification. Proceed.
[Chuck and Sally, disguised as Tech-Bots, are able to stroll right in. However, all they can find is an empty cell.]
Uncle Chuck: These were full yesterday.
Sally: W-what... what if Sonic’s already been roboticized?
Uncle Chuck: I would have heard. Robotnik would never have kept that a secret.
Sally: Then where is he?
[Off screen Sonic and Snively are heard, laughing.]
Snively: Ha-here’s another one; “How many Worker-Bots does it take to change a light bulb?”
Sonic: Hehehh- I don’t know!
Snively: All of them!
[They laugh at the joke, as Sally and Chuck witness it. Sonic and Snively walk outside.]
Snively: Just go to North! Knothole is somewhere in the Great Forest! When you find it, radio back the coordinates!
[Snively sticks a radio in Sonic’s backpack.]
Sonic: Gotcha, pal!
[Sally and Chuck are watching the whole thing.]
Sally: What have they done to him?
Uncle Chuck: Some kind of mind control. Go back to Knothole and warn the others. I’ll snoop around here.
[Sally nods.]
Sonic: You say I can run... fast?
Snively: Extremely fast.
Sonic: But how do--
Snively: Trust me, friend! Now go find Knothole...
[Sonic starts twirling his feet, and before he knows it, he is running off.]
Sonic: Wha-whah-whoahh!
Snively: No, no! That way!
Sonic: Whaha-whoah!
[Scene Change: Knothole.]
[Dulcy is flying around with Bunnie and Sally.]
Bunnie: That’s it, Dulcy-girl! Keep it straight! Keep it straight!
Dulcy: Keep it straight.... Keep it straight....
Sally: [Off screen] Dulcy!
Dulcy: Huh!?
Sally: Watch were you’re going!
[Dulcy turns and sees an upcoming branch.]
Dulcy: Oh boy... Ugh!
Bunnie: Hold on, Sally! I think we’re gonna land!
Dulcy: I’m coming home, Ma.

[Scene Change: Great Forest, day.]

[Sonic is tearing through the woods.]
Snively: [Off screen] Where are you, hedgehog!?
Sonic: Somewhere in the Great Forest.
Snively: Keep going! A Freedom Fighter will find you! Trust me!

[Scene Change: Knothole, day.]

Sally: [Off screen] -and Snively is using... some kind of mind control on Sonic, so he’ll reveal where Knothole is!
[Sally's relaying this info to a group of Freedom Fighters as they think about what they can do.]
Antoine: Eh-heh! I am always knowing that Sonic has spelled much big trouble.
Dulcy: Can it, Antoine!
Bunnie: Hey... where’s Tails?
Dulcy: In the lookout tower!
Sally: Oh my gosh! We gotta warn him!

[Scene Change: Lookout Tower, day.]

[Tails is looking around with a pair of binoculars, when he spots Sonic.]
Tails: Sonic! Alright! Sonic, wait up!

[Sonic stops and gets burrowed deep in the sand.]

Sonic: Who’s there!?
Tails: Haha! Sonic, you’re back! We were worried about you!
Sonic: You’re...Tails...
Tails: Of course...Uh, are you okay?
Sonic: Sure! Hey, wanna race to Knothole?

[Scene Change: Robotnik’s headquarters.]

[Snively is listening closely to the conversation.]
Tails: [Off screen] I can’t now, I’m on lookout.
Snively: Very good, hedgehog. Very good....
Sonic: Forget that! You’re with me!
Tails: Uuhh... Okay. But I get a head start!
Sonic: Wouldn’t have it any other way, big guy!
[Tails revs up his tails, takes flight, and they are off. Dulcy arrives too late to warn Tails.]
Dulcy: Ugh! Too late, Sally! He’s gone!
Sally: [Off screen] He’d never leave his post, maybe he’s with Sonic!
[Tails is at a hollow stump, as he jumps in.]
Tails: Hahah! Good-bye! Whhhaaaaahh!
[Sonic’s close behind him.]

[Scene Change: Robotropolis.]

Sonic: [Off screen] Well, well.... Home sweet Knothole!
Snively: Bingo-Bingo-Bingo! Yehehes! Ready the assault force! Tonight, Snively the great destroys Knothole! Hahahahahaheh!

[Scene Change: Knothole, day.]

[Sonic and Tails are still racing until they make it to their home, just as Sonic trips near the end.]
Tails: Sonic, are you okay? You never fall!
Sonic: I guess I’m tired. I’ll just grab a nap.
Tails: A nap!? You never take naps!
Sonic: Hey! Even hedgehogs need a little beauty sleep!
[Sonic heads for a hut, but just as he is about to open the door, Tails stops him.]
Tails: Heheh! Yo Sonic, that’s Sally’s hut!
Sonic: Uhh… I knew that!
[Sonic turns around and heads for the next door.]
Tails: And that’s Dulcy’s!
Sonic: Just testing ya, big guy! I’ll bet’cha don’t know which one is mine...
Tails: Of course I do! That one!
[Tails points to Sonic’s hut.]
Sonic: Right again, little buddy....
Tails: Weird.
[Sally and Dulcy are heading back. They meet Tails.]
Sally: Tails, have you seen Sonic?
Tails: He’s taking a nap. I didn’t know Sonic took naps....
Dulcy: That’s ‘cause he’s not the real Sonic.
Tails: Whad’ya mean?
Sally: Dulcy, you explain it.

[Scene Change: Sonic’s hut, day.]

Sonic: Yo, Snively the great! My main man! This is Sonic, over?
Snively: [Through radio] Greetings, my friend! I assume you’ve rounded up the Freedom Fighters?
[Sally rushes to Sonic's hut, and hides outside the window.]
Sonic: Ehhhh... Not exactly.
[Snively is back in Robotnik's hovercraft, flying near the Great Forest.]
Snively: Now listen, you incompetent little... I mean, Sonic, Sonic, dear, dear boy... Time is of the essence here! I’ll be in Knothole shortly, and I want those Freedom Fighters rounded up!
Sally: [Gasp]
Snively: Get to work, ehehm... buddy! Over and out!
[Bunnie is pushing up a dummy tree-stump, revealing a small hideout.]
Sally: Hurry! Snively's on his way, and we got to get Sonic back to normal... Somehow!
Antoine: Because of why!? It is to his blame that we are in this terrible trouble, so I--
Sally, Dulcy, Tails, and Rotor: Shut up, Antoine!
[Sonic is wandering around the woods.]
Sonic: Sally! Hey!? Where is everybody!?
[Sally jumps into the hideout and shuts the trunk.]
Sonic: Heellooooo!
[Sally looks through a peephole. She sees Sonic looking up in the sky at Robotnik's hovercraft.]
Snively: We’ll soon see who will be a paper weight! Hah! Is he in for a large surprise.
[Chuck has snuck on board. He peeks out of hiding to look around, only to duck back when a Tech-Bot comes his way.]
[Snively is messing with the Memory Scrambler.]
Snively: Perfect! The Freedom Fighters will never know what hit them! Prepare to land!
[The ship lands, and Snively puts on a helmet.]
Snively: Prepare, Freedom Fighters, to kiss the feat of Snively the Great!
[Snively and a couple of Swat-Bots take off on a series of hover pads, allowing Chuck to get out of the hovercraft unnoticed. Snively meets up with Sonic.]
Snively: They did what!?
Sonic: Disappeared! The whole joint is empty!
Snively: Then they're hiding somewhere! Activate heat sensors!
[The Swat-Bots start looking for the Freedom Fighters.]

[Scene Change: Hideout, day.]

Uncle Chuck: And Snively’s planning to use a Memory Scrambler on all of you, like he did with Sonic!
Dulcy: A Memory Scrambler?
Uncle Chuck: It temporarily erases your memory.
Sally: For how long?
Uncle Chuck: I’m not sure...but we can bring him out of it with a Power Ring!
Sally: That’s a problem. The next one is due in two minutes. We’ll never make it!
Tails: I can make it, Aunt Sally!
[Without any further discussion, Tails flies out of the hideout with Chuck and Sally tagging along. Just as the Power Rin comes out of the Lake of Rings, Tails snags it.]
Uncle Chuck: That’a boy, Tails!
Sally: Good job, honey!
[Sally kisses him on the cheek.]
Tails: Eeeewwww! Aunt Sally!
Sally: We need you to do one more thing, Tails... Are you up to it?
Tails: No problem!
[Snively, Sonic and the Swat-Bots are closing in on the hiding spot.]
Antoine: What is it you are seeing, Dulcy?
Dulcy: Antoine, put a cork in it!
Antoine: Ah, oui, oui, oui! I can do that!
[The Swat-Bots locate them.]
Dulcy [Off screen] Uh oh!
Snively: Bingo! Bingo! You have five seconds to come out with your hands up! One... Two... Three... Four! Five!!!
[The stump opens up, and everyone comes out.]
Antoine: Oooh! Uh, what a great pleasure I am to see you, Mr. Snibbly! Ah, yes, yes... You know... I am being ‘eld prisoner against mai will, and I--
Snively: Where is Princess Sally!
Dulcy: Wouldn’t you like to know, shrimp-boat!
Snively: Very well... Big mouth! Take That!
[Snively zaps Dulcy with the Memory Scrambler.]
Dulcy: Eugggh! Hi ma, I don’t remember a thing....
Sonic: How’s it going, pal?
Snively: Hedgehog... Find the princess... Now!
Sonic: No problem, bud!
[Sonic races off.]
Snively: This is x-ray leader, launch delta bravo! Repeat, launch delta bravo!
[A series of Stealthbots are launched into the air. The scene then cuts back to Sonic running through the woods.]
Tails: [Off screen] Sonic!
[Sonic trips.]
Sonic: Whhoooa! Oof!
Tails: Sally wants to see you, Sonic!

[Scene Change: Lake of Rings, day.]

Sally: Hello Sonic!
Sonic: Who are you?
Uncle Chuck: We’re your friends!
Sally: Come back to us, Sonic...You’re our leader!
Sonic: No! Snively the Great is my only friend!
Sally: Here! Catch!
[Sally tosses Sonic the Power Ring.]
Sonic: Huh!? What’s this...? Huh... Yeah... Yeah!
[Sonic runs off and back.]
Tails: Here he comes!
Sally: Sonic, is it really you?
Sonic: The real deal, Sal!
Uncle Chuck: Now here’s the plan, Sonic. While Sally and I reprogram the Stealthbots, you take care of Snively and the Swat-Bots!
Sonic: No prob, Unc! Good luck!
[Sonic begins to take off.]
Sally: Sonic! I’m glad you’re back.
[Sally gives him a kiss on the cheek.]
Sonic: Me too.
[Sonic runs off. Back to the others, Snively has them all under his control, except for Antoine.]
Antoine: You know, I am thinking, Snibbely the Great [Kisses his feet] that this is not in my job descriptioning, nes-pa, and to be working [Kisses his feet] pour vous I am too grateful...
Snively: Quiet, you little twit!
[Snively zaps Antoine with the Memory Scrambler.]
Antoine: Eep! Eheheheh, quando, quando, quando, Eh-eheh!
Snively: Alright you Freedom Fighters...who’s next!?
[Sonic races in and zaps Snively with the Memory Scrambler.]
Sonic: You are, pal!
Snively: What are you- Guhh! Who...are you.
Sonic: I’m Sonic the magnificent!
[Sally and Chuck are inside Robotnik's hovercraft, taking care of the Stealthbots.]
Uncle Chuck: There! Delta Bravo, this is command! Return to base! Repeat, return to base!
Uncle Chuck: We need the mission abort code!
[Sally works on it at the monitor.]
Sally: Nothing... I’ve got it!
[Sally types in the codename, R-O-D-E-N-T.]
Uncle Chuck: That’s it! Delta bravo, this is command! Abort rodent! Repeat, abort rodent!
Uncle Chuck and Sally: Yes!

[Scene Change: Robotropolis].

Sonic: [Off screen] Listen up, friend! This is Robuttnik!
[Sonic shows Snively a hologram of Robotnik.]
Sonic: A bottom dwelling, scum sucker who’s lower than a snake’s belly!
Snively: Robuttnik… Bottom dweller...
Sonic: Hey Unc, Snittly ever gonna get his memory back?
Uncle Chuck: Eventually. But don’t worry, he won’t remember were Knothole is. It was the ship's guidance system that got him there, and I’m taking that out right now!
Sonic: Cool!
Uncle Chuck: Okay Sally?
[Sally is putting some final touches on the keyboard.]
Sally: And that’s it! Knothole’s coordinates are in the Great Swamp!
Sonic: See ya, shrimp-boat!
Snively: Bye-bye old buddy- I mean, Sonic the Magnificent!
Dr. Robotnik: [Off screen] Snively!
Snively: Robuttnik! You bottom dwelling scum sucker!
[Snively jumps at Robotnik, who just bounces him off with his massive gut.]
Dr. Robotnik: Why I do believe that it’s… time for that paper weight I’ve always wanted. Any last words, Snively!?
Snively: Da- Sir! Sir! I-I found- I found Knothole!
Dr. Robotnik: You found Knothole?
Snively: Yes sir! Yes sir! And I can take you there, right now!

[Scene Change: Great Swamp.]

Dr. Robotnik: My patience... is wearing thin, Snively! Where is Knothole!?
Snively: Huh- Just a little farther, sir!
Dr. Robotnik: [Fighting off mosquitos] I do hope you’re right, Snively!
Snively: Weh- It’ll never happen again! I’m quite sure I know where it is! Just stick with me for another moment! It’s somewhere a little over here to right, maybe to the left! Just give me a...
Dr. Robotnik: It frightens me to think what would happen if you’re wrong....