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Sonic Boom
Next Top Villain (transcript)

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This is the transcript of the Sonic Boom episode, "Next Top Villain".

[Scene: Desert, day.]

[Dramatic music plays. Dave the Intern, who is airborne and wearing a helmet and cape, fires lasers from his finger at Team Sonic. Tails screams and backflips behind a rock. Sticks also retreats inside a rock. Amy tries to block the laser attack with her hammer, but fails. Knuckles tries to protect himself from the attack. Sonic spin jumps ahead of him, but the lasers hit Knuckles and burn his body.]
Tails: We've never faced an enemy so powerful!
Knuckles: Looks like we finally met our match.
Sonic: We should never have doubted the awesome skills and incredible power of... Dave the Intern!
[The camera zooms in on Dave. Dave laughs evilly at Team Sonic.]
Dave: And now my wrath shall down upon you like... Uh... like rain; a painful rain! Like when you walk outside and you're not expecting it, and then BAM! Rain! Now, prepare to meet your doom!
[Dave prepares himself and unleashes an icy breath. He blows it at Amy and Tails, freezing them in an ice block. Dave then sends a telepathic signal to two bears, who appear behind the trees. They chase Knuckles and Sticks. The two members of Team Sonic climb up the tree to escape. Meanwhile, Sonic get scared as he spots Dave close to him.]
Sonic: [Shaking] Please Dave... I'm begging you for mercy!
Dave: I have no mercy. I work in the fast food industry!
[Dave fires a laser at Sonic. A bright flash is shown on the screen. When the flash dies out, Sonic's burned shoes are shown. Dave laughs evilly.]

[Scene Change: Dave's house.]

[Dave laughs evilly while playing with a set of action figures, the entire previous scene having been revealed to be a part of Dave's fantasy.]
Mrs. Dave's Mom: David! What are you doing down there?
Dave: Nothing, mother.
Mrs. Dave's Mom: Are you gonna play with your dollies all day, or are you going to go out and try to be a villain?
Dave: They're action figures! And I am a villain! Remember? I'm a founding member of the Lightning Bolt Society.
Mrs. Dave's Mom: A bunch of losers. Why can't you be more like that Dr. Eggman? He is such a wonderful horrible person!
Dave: I'm horrible too. You don't know what I can do or what I am gonna be! You don't know! I'm bad! I have bad things that you don't know about! I'll be evil! You'll see-e-ee!

[Scene Change: Village Center, day.]

[Willy and Chameleon watch the Weasel Bandit glue a coin to the ground.]
Willy Walrus: This may every well be our most devious scheme yet.
Weasel Bandit: [Checking the ground] Yeah. When people try to pick up this coins we glued down, they'll be terribly disappointed.
[The team laugh. Dave walks in.]
Chameleon: Dave, you want in on this sweet action?
Dave: [Miserably] Sorry, but my mom says I can't hang out with you guys anymore. You're not a bad enough influence on me.
[Dave walks off. The rest of his team have furious looks on their faces and watch Dave. Chameleon spots the coin on the ground again.]
Chameleon: Ooh! A quarter.
Willy: Let me grab that before the owner comes back.
[Willy tries to pick up the coin, but struggles.]

[Scene Change: Unnamed Village, day]

Dave: [While walking] Evil schemes, dastardly plots... [Stops walking] I've got it. I may not have supervillain powers, but maybe I can replicate them.

[Scene Change: Amy's House, day.]

Dave: Once I activate this freeze ray, Sonic and his friends with be immobilized in ice forever!
[Dave laughs. He then activates a fan, holding it behind an ice block attached to a rope, blowing the cold air through the window into Team Sonic. The quartet breathe out and relax.]
Sonic: Now that's what I call a cool summer breeze.
[Dave stops the fan and whines.]

[Scene Change: Sonic's Shack, day.]

[Dave is holding a magnifying glass.]
Dave: With this magnifying glass, I'll harness the power of the sun to fry those fools!
[Dave chuckles and holds the magnifying glass to reflect the sunlight through a window in Sonic's Shack. It reflects off a water glass and creates a multicolored lighting effect that amazes Team Sonic.]
Knuckles: Cool!
[Knuckles turns on the radio. The radio plays disco music and the whole gang dances to it. Dave whines and drops his arms in dismay.]

[Scene Change: Village Center, day]

[Team Sonic are sitting on some benches.]
Dave: Minions of the jungle, I command you to attack and destroy!
[Dave kicks a box which tips over and reveals several non-anthropomorphic rabbits. The rabbits jump towards Team Sonic. The whole gang get excited as they arrive.]
Dave: Yes. Nibble. Nibble with... vengeance!
[Team Sonic pet the rabbits. Dave groans. Behind him, he hears Eggman slowly clapping.]
Dr. Eggman: Wow. That's some A+ villainy you got there, kid. Did you learn nothing as my intern? Step aside, son, and watch a master at work.
[Eggman presses a button on a remote control which activates the Electrocage.]
Dr. Eggman: Feast your eyes on my brand-spanking new Electrocage! A sure-fire way to capture Sonic and his dingus friends.
Dave: [Excitedly] Ooh. [Shakes his arms] Villainy.
Dr. Eggman: To be a super-villain, you need super-villain technology. What do you have? A dinky cardboard helmet and an employ discount at Meh Burger?
Dave: [Angrily] That's not true! You don't get an employee discount unless you're management.
[Dave furiously throws his cardboard helmet on the ground.]
Dave: I'm sick of everyone saying I am worthless.
[Dave kicks his cardboard helment, which frightens a rabbit. The rabbit jumps onto the Eggmobile's buttons, causing the Eggmobile to fire lasers that strike a palmtree. The tree falls on Eggman. The screen fades to black.]

[Scene Change: Dave's House.]

[Moments later, Eggman is seen trapped inside the Electrocage. He slowly gets up.]
Dr. Eggman: Wh-what's going on? Where am I?
Dave: [Slowly and evilly] You're in my evil underground lair.
[Dave pulls out his inhaler and uses it. His voice and breath returns to normal.]
Dr. Eggman: Looks like a finished basement.
Dave: I said it was underground, didn't I?
Dr. Eggman: You'll never get away with this. I bet Orbot and Cubot are on their way to rescue me right now!

[Scene Change: Eggman's Lair.]

[Orbot and Cubot are resting on the couch with both hands on their chests.]
Orbot: Do you get the feeling something's missing?
Cubot: I don't know.
Orbot: Wait. I know. [Brings out a cup with a ball attached to a string from behind the couch] My cup and ball toy!
[Orbot plays with his toy while Cubot watches the ball.]

[Scene Change: Dave's House.]

Dr. Eggman: Now that I think about it, I better get comfy here.
[The television sounds. Eggman and Dave listen to it]
Soar the Eagle: Breaking news from the world of villainy. Perennial powerhouse Dr. Eggman is no longer the top villain in town.

[Scene Change: Unnamed Village, day.]

Soar: We received this shocking video from that loser who always gets my order wrong at Meh Burger.
[A video recording of Dave in his basement and an unconscious Eggman in the background is shown.]
Dave: Dr. Eggman has been replaced by me, the newest king of villainy: Dave the Intern! [Wags a finger and looks away] No, wait. Dave the Invincible! Sonic, as your new arch-nemesis, I challenge you to battle! [Closes into the camera] Cower in fear before me...
Mrs. Dave's Mom: David! Come upstairs and try on your new pajamas! I bought the ones with the race cars you like!
Dave: [Shrieking] Moooom! You're embarrassing me during my manifesto!
[The video recording ends. The camera returns to Soar in the Village Center.]
Soar: With me is Sonic the Hedgehog. Sonic, what do you make of this?
Sonic: Well, Soar. To be frank, I'm happy to have Eggman out of the picture.
Dr. Eggman: Hah! Hear that, Dave? Sonic's happy I can no longer attack him. I win! [Realizes] Oh wait, I'm in a cage.
Sonic: As for Dave, honestly, he's never really been a threat, unless you consider serving under-cooked beef a threat.
[Sonic and Soar laugh]
Soar: Actually, food-born illnesses are not to be laughed at... But Dave the Intern is.
[Sonic and Soar laugh again.]

[Scene Change: Dave's House]

[Eggman laughs too.]
Dave: Silence! [Grumpily] I'll show Sonic not to laugh at me...
Dr. Eggman: Nah. You get used to it.
[Dave switches off the TV.]
Dave: All I need is a little muscle. And I know just where I'm gonna get it.
Dr. Eggman: You better not be thinking about going to my lair and taking control of MY evil technology.
Dave: I was just gonna join a gym and work on my biceps. But stealing your technology is a way better plan.

[Scene Change: Village Center, day]

[An Octopus Bot being controlled by Dave, fires lasers at Sonic. Sonic dodges them and runs away. The lasers vanish in a puff of smoke. Dave laughs evilly.]
Sonic: [Wailing] Why did I disrespect Dave?! Why?!

[Scene Change: Village Center, day]

[Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, Amy, Sticks and some villagers watch as Octopus Bot collides with a well followed by a tree, the entire previous scene having been revealed to be a part of Dave's fantasy.]
Dave: Vengeance shall be... [The bot shudders] Oh, come on, you stupid thing. turn! [Lets go of the controllers and puts his hands back on them] Vengeance shall be... whooa!
[Octopus Bot bounces off the ground.]
Knuckles: He seems to think vengeance shall be... something I'm just not clear what?
Amy: [Glumly] This is really hard to watch.
[As Dave screams, the Ice Cream Vendor screams too and runs away as his cart gets destroyed by the out-of-control Octopus Bot. Octopus Bot then shoots ink all over the village.]
Tails: Sonic, we gotta stop that thing!
Sonic: I'm on it. You guys stay here and keep Dave from hurting himself and/or others. I'm gonna heroically leave... To get help.
[Sonic dashes off, leaving the rest of Team Sonic confused.]

[Scene Change: Dave's house.]

[Eggman, who is still trapped inside the Electrocage, tries to reach for the cage's remote control on a shelf but to no avail, grunting in anger. He begins attacking the Electrocage's bars.]
Dr. Eggman: No wonder Sonic hates when I capture him. This is really unpleasant. Next time I design a trap, I should include some amenities, like magazines, uh, beverage dispensers, shuffleboards. Something to make the prisoner feel welcomed and appreciated.
[Sonic arrives at the scene]
Sonic: Eggman. Dave is running rampant through the village with your Octopus Bot.
Dr. Eggman: [Frowning] He's not using the ink, is he? Those ink cartridges cost a fortune. That's really how they get you.
Sonic: Can we talk about this after I rescue you?
Dr. Eggman: Rescue me? Oh-ho no. I'm not getting rescued by my arch-nemesis. My friends will never let me hear the end of it.
Sonic: What friends?
Dr. Eggman: I got friends. [Silence] I don't need to prove anything to you.
Sonic: Will you just quiet down and let me break you out of here?
Dr. Eggman: I can't break myself out, thank you very much?
Mrs. Dave's Mom: What's going on down there?!
Eggman and Sonic: [Childish voices] Nothing Mrs. Dave's Mom.
Dr. Eggman: You almost got us in trouble.
Sonic: You started it! Quit being a baby and let me rescue you.
Dr. Eggman: I'm not a baby!
[Both Sonic and Eggman stand up nervously]
Mrs. Dave's Mom: Don't make me come down there.
Dr. Eggman: [Worried] Oh no. She's coming! [Whispers to Sonic] Fine, let me out. [Points to the remote control] The controller's over there. Just don't tell anyone that you've rescued me.
[Sonic presses the button and frees Eggman from the Electrocage.]

[Scene Change: Village Center, day.]

[Sonic and Eggman, now outside of Dave's house, tiptoe onto the ground. They notice Octopus Bot still flying around the village, followed by Knuckles, Amy and Sticks, who stop by.]
Sonic: Hey guys, I rescued Eggman!
Dr. Eggman: Aw, geez. Come on!
[The camera cuts to Dave, who pulls a lever. Octopus Bot sticks to the ground and falls backwards on its side, making Dave scream. Amy and Knuckles approach the bot.]
Sonic: So, Egghead. How do we shut this thing down?
Dr. Eggman: [Annoyed] Oh right. Like I'm gonna tell you how to shut down one of my robots.
[A Tentacle slams down on Amy. She tries to break it with her hammer but it retreats. The third time it approaches, Amy nails a hit on the tentacle and it detaches.]
Amy: Hah!
Dr. Eggman: Careful! I just had him waxed!
[Another tentacle forces Amy back, but Knuckles step in on the scene and holds on to the swinging tentacle, riding it like a rodeo bull and making cowboy noises.]
Knuckles: Yeehaw! I'm Billy the Echidna!
[Knuckles jumps, does a 180 turn and pulls the tentacle off. Eggman closes his eyes in fear.]
Dr. Eggman: Yeouch! Right in the tentacles.
Sonic: [Frustrated] Eggman, you gotta tell us how to shut it down!
Dr. Eggman: I don't gotta tell you squat.
[Tails approaches in his plane. As ink from Octopus Bot get fired, Tails steers his plane clear of it.]
Dr. Eggman: Oh, come on! If you're gonna use the ink, at least hit a guy! Oh man, this is so gonna cost me.
Amy: Why don't you just get the ofgram refill kit?
Dr. Eggman: Why don't I just flush my money down the toilet while I'm at it? Those things never work. [To Sonic, glaring at him] Fine. I'll help you shut it down. There's a manual override switch hidden just between the upper and lower beak.
Sonic: Where is that?
Dr. Eggman: It's on the undercarriage, near the syphon. Don't you know anything about octopus anatomy?
Dave: You're not getting anywhere near my undercarriage.
[Dave loses control of Octopus Bot again. Sonic steps in and dodges a tentacle that slams down on him. The camera closes in on the off switch. Sonic runs towards it, dodging the tentacles along the way.]
Dave: I'm finally gonna make mom proud by destroying Sonic the Hedgehog! [Brings out his phone] I should capture this moment for posterity.
[The phone flashes and flinches Dave, causing him to lose control of Octopus Bot. He screams again as Octopus Bot crashes into and destroys his house instead. Sonic gets to the override switch and pulls it. Octopus Bot shuts down. The windshield opens and Dave climbs out. Team Sonic walk in and look at it. Eggman jumps into Octopus Bot, closes the windshield and straightens it up. He groans in anger.]
Dr. Eggman: He moved the mirrors, and changed all my presets! And the change cup is empty. I know I had money in there.
[Eggman and Octopus Bot flees. Everyone hearws Mrs. Dave's Mom.]
Mrs. Dave's Mom: Get me outta here!
Dave: Mother?!
Mrs. Dave's Mom: David, are you responsible for destroying my house?!
Dave: [Drops his arms in misery] Yes, mother.
Mrs. Dave's Mom: That's a terrible thing you did. I am so proud of you.
Dave: So, I'm not a loser?
Mrs. Dave's Mom: No. You're... a villain.
[Dave stands up proudly.]
Sonic: I think our work here is done. Come on, gang, let's go home.
[Team Sonic turn back and walk home. Tails finds a coin stuck on the ground and gets excited.]
Tails: Hey, a quarter!
[Tails tries to pick it up but struggles. The Lightning Bolt Society watch Tails and laugh as the screen fades to black.]