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Sonic Boom
My Fair Sticksy (transcript)

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This is the transcript for the Sonic Boom episode, "My Fair Sticksy".

[Scene: Village, day.]

[Meteors are raining down on the village, sending the villagers scrambling in panic. Team Sonic is watching this.]
Amy: Meteors are shooting stars. We shouldn't be running. We should be making wishes! I wish for a pony!
Sonic: And I wish you'd take cover.
[Sonic grabs Amy's arm and runs for cover, followed by Tails, Knuckles, and Sticks. A meteor hits where they just left. They are soon under the shelter of a building.]
Amy: How come your wish came true?
[Sonic just smirks.]
Sticks: Should I use my meteor defense system?
Tails: You have a meteor defense system?
Sticks: I have defense systems for all sorts of junk. [Taps some nearby levers] Wildfires, floods, people trying to read my thoughts.
Sonic: Yeah, start with the meteor one.
[Sticks takes aim at an incoming meteor, and pulls a lever. A series of wooden paddles pop up and start swatting the meteors away.]
Sticks: The "people trying to read my thoughts" one is exactly the same, but with tinfoil trim.

[Scene Change: Tails' house, day.]

Sticks: [Enters, carrying a letter] Someone left this at my house.
Sonic: [Dryly] Yeah, the mailman. It's a letter?
Sticks: [Sniffs it] Letter, huh? I don't know. Paper folded over itself? What's it hiding? What's it hiding?
Amy: [Grabs the letter from Sticks and opens it. She then gasps in surprise] Sticks, you've been nominated for an Awardy Award!
Tails: [Sarcastically] They really need a better name for that thing.
Knuckles: Ooh, lemme see! [grabs the letter, puts on some reading glasses, then looks closely] Oh wait, I can't read.
Sonic: [Grabs the letter] Gimme that. [Reads] "In honor of saving our village, the Mayor cordially invites you to the Awardies." Huh, conveniently, you can also bring your four closest pals.
[Everyone looks at Sticks with anticipation, including Comedy Chimp, who is there for some reason.]
Sonic: Sorry, Comedy Chimp.
Comedy Chimp: [Sighs and leaves]
Sonic: Now where was I? [Clears his throat] "The Awardies will be at the Mayor's Mansion. You'll dine on--" Ooh. "Elegant food and mingle with elegant guests. After which the Awardy Award will be awarded to the winner. Which could be you!"
Sticks: I can't make it.
Amy: What? Why not?
Sticks: Well, you know... I'm slammed this week! See? [Opens a scheduling book] "Tuesday: Rummage through garbage. Wednesday: Rummage through garbage. Thursday: Get tetanus shot. Friday: Rummage through garbage." I'm booked solid!
Amy: This is the honor of a lifetime!
Tails: You might even win a shiny trophy! You love shiny things...
Sticks: I do love shiny things... But! No. No! Nuh-uh! Nah!
Amy: Sticks... are you afraid to go?
Sticks: Afraid? No! Of course not! No way. Nuh-uh. Nope! ...A little.
Amy: Sticks, there's nothing to fear.
Sticks: Look at me. I'm a feral badger! I'll embarrass myself!
Sonic: Who cares what people think?
Knuckles: Yeah. Everyone at these parties is a windbag anyway. [turns to Sonic, in a mock noble voice] What a robust mustache you have, Colonel Grumpkin.
Sonic: [In a mock noble voice] Why, thank you, Madame Stinkbottom.
[Sonic and Knuckles laugh.]
Amy: Don't worry. You'll be fine. I'll teach you to be a lady.
Sticks: A...lady? That's the thing that holds garbage, right?
Amy: No! A lady is a polite, sophisticated member of society. And you can be that! Lesson one: Don't discuss garbage.
Sticks: I'm out.
Amy: Come on! You can do this.
Sticks: [Sighs] Okay. I'll try.
Amy: Great! A proper lady requires an escort for the gala.
[Comedy Chimps reappears at the doorway, only for everyone to stare at him.]
Comedy Chimp: Why do I even bother with you guys. [Leaves again]
[Amy turns to Sonic.]
Sonic: [Flatly] No.
Sticks: Please? I don't wanna embarrass myself in front of fancy folk!
Sonic: Eh... fine. But I'm not wearing pants!
Sticks: [Races over and hugs Sonic] Thank you! Thank you!
Amy: If you want to be a lady, you'll have to train hard. You up for it?
Sticks: Yes! I only have one question. [Holds out a snail] Can I take this snail with me?

[Scene Change: Amy's House, day.]

Amy: When meeting someone new, start with a compliment. Try saying something nice about their perfume.
Sticks: [Starts sniffing at Amy, making her uncomfortable] You don't stink.
[Amy smiles uncomfortably.]

[Scene Change: Outside Amy's House, day.]

[Sonic and Sticks are preparing to practice a fancy entrance. Amy is holding a stopwatch.]
Amy: And...go!
[Sonic and Sticks walk forward. A standee of a fancy person pops up.]
Sticks: [Introducing Sonic] This is my male consort. [The Standee "stares." Sticks get defensive] And if you don't like him, I'll knock you out.
Amy: No, Sticks. Ladies don't fight.

[Scene Change: Amy's House, day.]

[Amy and Sticks are holding teacups.]
Amy: "When in doubt, pinkies out."
[Amy extends her pinky finger and drinks from the teacup. Sticks extends her own pinky. Amy nods. Sticks starts lapping up the tea like a dog.]

[Scene Change: Tails' House, day.]

[Knuckles is playing a piano. Tails is playing drums. Amy is walking Sonic and Sticks through a dance.]
Amy: One, two, step. One, two, turn. One, two, step. One, two, dip.
[Sonic and Sticks are following Amy's lead.]
Sticks: Why is the music controlling us? I'm not your puppet, music master. I'm not your puppet!
[Sticks' freakout causes Sonic and Sticks to crash into the backdrop for the dance.]
Sonic: Yeah, I think she's ready.

[Scene Change: Mayor's Mansion, evening.]

[A crowd, including Amy and Tails, are seen entering the mansion. Inside, Sonic and Sticks are standing on the landing of the stairway. Amy is ready to introduce them.]
Amy: [Fancy British voice] It's my pleasure to introduce the Lady Sticks, and her escort, Sir Sonic of Hedgehog.
[Sonic holds out his arm. Sticks takes it. They descend the stairs smoothly.]
Amy: [Normal voice, whispering] Go ahead. You can do it. Start with a compliment.
Sticks: [Approaches Mr. Slate and sniffs at him] Such an elegant scent.
[Sticks continues sniffing, one of which is a snort. Amy looks concerned. Across the room, Sonic and Knuckles approach the serving table.]
Sonic: Oh, finally, some chow! [Looks over the fare] Asparagus crustini? Hempseed quiche? Goat cheese with red ridicio spread?
Knuckles: The hoity-toity stiffs love these tiny nibbles.
[There's a sneeze, followed by a scream from Fastidious, from across the room. Sticks apparently sneezed mid-drink and accidentally sprayed him with juice. Amy facepalms.]
Sonic: Uh-oh. Gotta go.
[Sonic runs off. Knuckles picks up one of the appetizers and takes a bite, only to spit it out.]
Knuckles: Ugh. More like goat cheese and a red crud-icio spread.
[Laughter is heard nearby. Knuckles turns to see two noblemen laughing.]
Professor Cluckins: My dear chap, what a marvelously comical witticism.
Knuckles: Uh... "red crudicio spread?"
[The nobles laugh again.]
Professor Cluckins: Sir, you have the audacity to say what we're all thinking.
Admiral Beaverton: You simply must join us.
Knuckles: Me? Okay! Red Crudicio Spread!
[The nobles laugh yet again. Knuckles laughs with them. Cut to Sticks, who is attempting to complement a walrus.]
Sticks: Now you seem prepared for winter! [Rubs her belly] That's one healthy layer of blubber.
Lady Walrus: [Offended] Well, I never! [Walks off]
Sonic: Sticks!
Sticks: What? It was a compliment! It's not like I said she wasn't prepared for winter!
[The tinking of a glass is heard. The mayor is ready to speak.]
Mayor Fink: Welcome to the Awardy Awards, where we award an Awardy Award for award-winning service! Tonight, one of you nominees will be awarded your very own Awardy Award! [Everyone just stares at him] That's it, I'm firing my speech writer. [Storms off]
[Cut back to Knuckles.]
Knuckles: Check out that ridiculous hat.
Admiral Beaverton: That, sir, is the official hat of the Jackalope Lodge, of which I am president.
[Knuckles looks worried.]
Admiral Beaverton: But upon closer inspection, it does look asinine!
[Knuckles and Admiral Beaverton laugh and fistbump. Cut back to Sticks, who is nervously sitting at a table, looking at all the different silverware. She picks up a fork.]
Sticks: What is this?
Leroy: It's your pre-salad, post-soup, mid-appetizer, post-post-cocktail tertiary thimble fork.
[Bumping is heard.]
Dr. Eggman: Excuse me, pardon me. Pardon me, excuse me. Evil genius coming through. [Pulls out the turtle's seat] Move it, shellboy. [Takes a seat next to Sticks]
Sonic: Eggman? How did you--
Dr. Eggman: Get nominated? Let's just say, I had a loyal base of... supporters.
[Flashback to Eggman using Ballot Stuffer Bot to load the ballot box with votes for him.]
Dr. Eggman: Finally, a use for my ballot stuffing robot!
[Back to the present. Eggman is looking at Sticks suspiciously.]
Dr. Eggman: You look familar. Do I know you?
Amy: [In Sticks' memory] Start with a compliment.
Sticks: You have...healthy hindquarters!
Dr. Eggman: Why, thank you. I actually just started taking spin classes.
[Sticks picks up her bowl of soup and starts slurping from it. Amy facepalms again. Sticks extends her pinky while slurping.]
Dr. Eggman: See that, Shelly? That's how a lady slurps soup from a bowl. [Eggman picks up his own soup bowl and slurps from it, extending his pinky as well.]
Mayor Fink: Ladies and gentlemen, we're ready to announce this year's winner! [Opens the envelope] And the Awardy goes to...
[A drumroll is heard as the camera zooms in on Eggman and Sticks.]
Mayor Fink: Leroy the Turtle!
Leroy: Yes! Yahoo! Score one for Leroy!
Dr. Eggman: Leroy the Turtle?! That award was mine! Something smells fishy here.
Gil: I have irritable bowl syndrome!
Dr. Eggman: [Growls] If you won't give me the award, I'll take it! [Ballot Stuffer Bot suddenly appears under Eggman and lifts him onto the table] With my ballot stuffing robot! Stuffer Bot, stuff their ballots!
[Eggman activates Ballot Stuffer Bot, who fires a harmless spray of paper everywhere.]
Dr. Eggman: ...This is not quite as menacing as I hoped. Minions, attack!
[A swarm of Bee Bots fly in. Everyone except Team Sonic flees. Sonic takes out one of the Bee Bots with a spin attack.]
Sonic: Sticks, get 'em!
Sticks: "A lady doesn't fight."
Dr. Eggman: That's how I know you.
[Eggman traps Sonic and Amy in an energy bubble using his wrist controller. He then does the same to Knuckles and Tails.]
Tails: Sticks, we could really use some help here!
Sticks: No! Must...remain...ladylike!
[Ballot Stuffer Bot grows arms and stabs at Sticks, who dodges out of the way. Eggman blasts lasers at her, soon cornering her.]
Sticks: [Grunting, then finally hits her limit] That's it! I'm sick of being proper! [Pulls her dress off, revealing her regular clothes underneath] Time to get primal!
[Sticks charges, dodging more lasers. She grabs a spoon, bends it into a boomerang, and flings it at Eggman. Eggman dodges it, but it comes back around and hits his wrist controller, freeing Tails and Knuckles. Knuckles leaps up to aid Sticks. Eggman aims a laser at him, but the two nobles from before tackle Knuckles out of the way.]
Admiral Beaverton: Heh heh...Give us a pound, dear chap.
[Knuckles and Admiral Beaverton fistbump. Sticks charges Eggman, leaping up and pushing his wrist controller again, which frees Sonic and Amy. Sonic lands first and catches Amy, setting her down gently. Sonic then approaches Ballot Stuffer Bot. It fires lasers at him, but he dodges them, and soon runs circles around it, sending it and Eggman into a wild spin.]
Sticks: [Hefting a vase] Eat garbage!
[Sticks throws the vase at Ballot Stuffer Bot, hitting it in the head and damaging it to the point of uselessness. Team Sonic confronts Eggman.]
Dr. Eggman: I'll be back! And next time, I'll bring more ballots! More ballots!
[Eggman leaves with the Bee Bots in tow. Order is soon restored.]
Sticks: Leroy, you may have won the Awardy, but I think we can all agree that, today, I was the real hero.
Leroy: Yes. But I won the award.
Sticks: [Grabs the Awardy] Give me the shiny!
Knuckles: [To Professor Cluckins] Stay cool! And keep rockin' that bowtie. [They all laugh again]
[Sticks manages to pull the Awardy away from Leroy. Amy walks over.]
Amy: Thanks for saving our skin, Sticks. I guess it isn't always proper to be proper.
Sticks: Just following the old instincts.
Amy: Think you can teach me how to do that?
Sticks: Sure!
[Sticks grabs Amy and pulls her into a dumpster. Amy screams.]