[Scene: DangerCo Deadly Equipment Warehouse, day.]
- [Dr. Eggman, Orbot and Cubot walk towards the warehouse to do shopping.]
- Dr. Eggman: I love the DangerCo Deadly Equipment Warehouse! Look at this multipack of Ion Diffusers! I only need one, but it's such a bargain!
- [Eggman walks up to the clerk to check out.]
- DangerCo Deadly Equipment Warehouse Worker: All right, I just need to see your credentials. You know you need a Doctorate in Evil Science to shop here.
- Dr. Eggman: Yeah, last time I kinda sweet talked the guy. And by "sweet talk," I mean threatened his family.
- DangerCo Deadly Equipment Warehouse Worker: I know, it was me. But since then I've gotten divorced so your threats are meaningless. You're looking at a man with nothing left to lose.
- Dr. Eggman: All right, fine. Orbot, print out my transcript.
- [Orbot prints out Eggman's transcript. Eggman tears it off. The clerk reads the transcript.]
- DangerCo Deadly Equipment Warehouse Worker: According to this, you're two credits short of the graduation requirement. You're not a doctor!
- Dr. Eggman: You know, for a guy with nothing left to lose, you sure care a lot about the ins and outs of academic bureaucracy. Let's go, knuckleheads. This other knucklehead doesn't want our business.
- [While Eggman and the bots leave the warehouse, Staci overhears the conversation.]
- Staci: Eggman's not a doctor? [Takes out her cellphone and starts dialing] I gotta spread the word... in song!
[Scene change: Perci's house, day.]
- [The telephone rings, Perci answers the phone while the musical number begins]
- Staci: [over the phone, singing] Hi, Perci.
- Perci: [singing] Hi, Staci.
- Staci: [singing] Here's the rumor, in good humor
- Perci: [singing] Here's the tale, Walrus Male
- Walrus Male: [singing] Tell me all about Mr. Eggman
- Dave's Mom: [singing] Hi, Amy
- Amy: [singing] Hi, Dave's mom
- Dave's Mom: [singing] Here's the babble from the rabble
- Amy: [singing] Here's the word, anchor bird
- Soar: [singing] Have you heard about Mr. Eggman?
- Amy, Beth, Perci and Staci: [singing] He's no longer a doc
- Sonic and Knuckles: [singing] No way!
- Amy, Beth, Perci and Staci: [singing] His degree is a crock
- Sonic and Knuckles: [singing] Oh, word!
- Amy, Beth, Perci and Staci: [singing] He was once feared a lot
- Sonic and Knuckles: [singing] Sort of
- Amy, Beth, Perci and Staci: [singing] Now he's just a crackpot
- Dave: [singing] Hello, Lady Walrus? This is Dave the Intern. Can I talk to your annoying kids?
[Scene Change: Meh Burger]
- Sonic, Tails and Walrus Male: [singing] Back to school, boy
- Amy, Sticks, Beth and Rabbit Girl: [singing, counterpoint] Not a doc, not a doc
- Sonic, Tails and Walrus Male: [singing] You're a fool, boy
- Amy, Sticks, Beth and Rabbit Girl: [singing, counterpoint] Not a doc, not a doctor
- Sonic, Tails and Walrus Male: [singing] Academia can be cruel, boy
- Amy, Sticks, Beth and Rabbit Girl: [singing, counterpoint] Not a doc, not a doc, not a doc
- Amy, Sticks, Beth and Rabbit Girl: [singing] His whole life is a lie
- Sonic, Tails and Walrus Male: [singing] So true!
- Amy, Sticks, Beth and Rabbit Girl: [singing] What a miserable guy
- Sonic, Tails and Walrus Male: [singing] So blue!
- Amy, Sticks, Beth and Rabbit Girl: [singing] Everyone sing along
- Sonic, Tails and Walrus Male: [singing] Alright!
- Amy, Sticks, Beth and Rabbit Girl: [singing] To this parody song
- Women: [singing] He's no longer a doc
- Men: [singing] No way!
- Women: [singing] His degree is a crock
- Men: [singing] Oh, word!
- Women: [singing] He was once feared a lot
- Men: [singing] Sort of
- Women: [singing] Now he's just a crackpot
- [Eggman arrives just as everyone finishes singing.]
- Dr. Eggman: Why do you all look like you just finished a musical number?
- [Everyone grabs their chairs and returns to them, chattering and whispering among themselves. Eggman looks at them suspiciously as he walks over to the counter.]
- Dr. Eggman: Can I get a double Meh Burger, savage-style?
- Dave: I'll get right on that. And I mean that double sarcastically, "savage-style."
- [Everyone else laughs.]
- Dr. Eggman: How dare you! I'll destroy you all!
- Tails: You and what doctorate?
- [The crowd oohs.]
- Sonic: Ooh, you'd better write yourself a prescription for that sick burn. Oh wait! You can't.
- [The crowd laughs again. Sonic and Tails fist-bump]
- Dave: I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
- [Salty walks up and grabs Eggman, hauling him out of Meh Burger as the crowd cheers.]
- Dr. Eggman: You'll be hearing from my lawyer!
- [Salty throws Eggman out. The crowd cheers again.]
- Sonic: I can't believe Eggman isn't a doctor!
- Knuckles: When did that happen? We should sing and dance about it!
- [Eggman's Eggmobile is heard. Sonic and Knuckles look up. The Eggmobile has a laser blaster charging up.]
- Dr. Eggman: Meet my lawyer.
- [Sonic jumps out of his chair, and spinjumps up, disabling the blaster before it can fire.]
- Sonic: Didn't we just throw you out, "Mister" Eggman?
- [The crowd bursts into laughter again. Eggman looks angry and flies off.]
[Scene Change: Eggman's Lair]
- Dr. Eggman: This is the worst day of my life. And I was head judge in a tofu cookoff!
- Cubot: I'm sure it wasn't that bad, boss!
- Dr. Eggman: Sonic called me "mister." And then I got thrown out of Meh Burger with my tail between my legs! That's just an expression, of course. I had my vestigial tail removed years ago.
- Orbot: Perhaps you can go back to school and get the last two credits.
- Dr. Eggman: That actually sounds hilarious. I can actually take Professor Kingsford's class! He was the most feared and respected professor of evil on campus!
- Cubot: Feared and respected? You should take classes from him!
- Dr. Eggman: They call him the "goat herder." He would always pick one poor sap to be his goat and wail mercilessly on him for the entire semester! I can't wait to see who it'll be this year.
- [An exterior shot shows night eventually fade to day. Eggman wakes up and stretches. He then looks at his clock, and yells when he realizes it's 9:13 AM]
- Dr. Eggman: My alarm never went off!
[Scene Change: Classroom]
- [A number of villains are already seated at desks. Dr. Eggman peeks in, then enters, chuckling nervously and squeezing between T.W. Barker and Willy Walrus to get to his desk. Before he can get to his desk, however, Professor Kingsford enters the classroom. Dr. Eggman quickly gets in his seat, but ends up knocking his pencil to the floor. Professor Kingsford glares at him.]
- Kingsford: Mister... [looks at his student roster] Eggman. Can you recite the facts of the battle of Admiral Doom versus Captain Hero?
- Dr. Eggman: [stammering] W-were we supposed to read something?
- Kingsford: I see. You thought there was going to be no work on the first day?
- Dr. Eggman: No no no! I actually have a lot of respect for you. But I'm just--
- Kingsford: What you are, Mister Eggman, is a goat. Would you like a carrot, goat-boy?
- [The other students laugh at Dr. Eggman]
[Scene Change: Beach]
- [Team Sonic are lounging on beach chairs.]
- Tails: I'm bored.
- Sonic: I'm chairman of the "bored."
- Amy: We'll have plenty of time to figure out what to do during Eggman's failure montage.
- [Professor Kingsford passed back homework. Eggman scored a 0 on his. Team Sonic is shown playing soccer. Eggman has a plan written for Meh Burger on a blackboard. Professor Kingsford writes a 0 on it in red chalk. Tails, Knuckles, and Amy are riding hoverboards, being pulled by Sonic, who is riding Blue Force One. Eggman shows off a diorama of Meh Burger, which Profressor Kingsford pushes into the trash can. Sonic, Knuckles, and Amy race through the canyon in their respective race cars. Eggman is pounding his head on his desk in frustration.]
[Scene Change: Dave's Basement]
- [Dr. Eggman, Willy Walrus, Dave the Intern, and the Weasel Bandits are sitting around a table.]
- Dr. Eggman: I can't believe I failed the shoebox diorama. I used glitter and everything!
- Willy: That's why I made mine out of evil popsicle sticks.
- Dave's Mom: [offscreen] David! Your pizza pop just exploded in smithereens all over the microwave!
- Dave: Moooom! You're interrupting my study group!
- Dave's Mom: [offscreen] Don't get fresh with me, young man!
- Dr. Eggman: All right. Let's get started. I read through the textbook and highlighted all the important stuff. :[Doctor Eggman holds up his textbook, which has everything highlighted]
- Willy: Nicely done! So, did everyone check the bulletin board to see what you have to steal for lab day?
- Dr. Eggman: I just need to steal a rubber gasket. It'll be easy! As long as I don't draw too much attention to myself.
[Scene Change: Village Square]
- [Doctor Eggman is in his Eggmobile, laughing evilly as Fennec Male looks up in terror.]
- Dr. Eggman: Tremble in terror as I steal your rubber gasket!
- [Team Sonic walks up.]
- Sonic: [in a bored tone] Come on, gang. We have to stop Eggman from... doing his homework or something, I don't care.
- [Sonic leaps up and grabs the gasket from Eggman. Benny Hill-style music starts playing as he throws the gasket to Amy. A game of keepaway ensues with Team Sonic throwing the gasket among each other as Eggman tries to grab it back.]
- Sonic: Can we go back to drag racing? Catching rings is boring.
- [Willy Walrus and the Weasel Bandits are watching this from a distance away.]
- Willy: Poor Eggman. Some people just aren't naturals.
- [Willy and the Bandits start to walk off, but run into a wooden post, knocking them down. They quickly stand up, grab their bags of loot, and run off.]
[Scene Change: Classroom]
- [Professor Kingsford is standing next to his desk, upon which a doomsday device is sitting.]
- Kingsford: This rudimentary doomsday device built from parts you stole is almost complete. All that is missing is a tiny rubber gasket, without which this is a glorified paperweight. Now, Mister Eggman, if you would be so kind, install the gasket you stole.
- Dr. Eggman: [nervously] Ah, heh-heh... funny story--
- Kingsford: I sincerely doubt it. Seeing as though this was a class project, and goat-boy was unable to accomplish the simple task with which he was charged, you shall all fail the assignment.
- Weasel Bandit: Aw, thanks a lot.
- Charlie: You're out of the study group.
- Willy: I found pizza in my hat earlier.
- Kingsford: Mister Eggman. Your only hope to complete this course now is to get an A on the final.
- [Doctor Eggman sits with a shocked expression as the camera zooms in on his face.]
[Scene Change: Classroom (Dream)]
- [Eggman is taking the final exam. For some reason, the other students are glaring at him. As he reaches down to mark his paper, the pencil abruptly turns into a rubber gasket.]
- Dr. Eggman: Huh?
- [The other students start laughing as Eggman suddenly finds himself in his pajamas. Professor Kingsford is shown through a green haze, laughing manically. Eggman tries to scream, but it comes out as a goat's baaa. Suddenly, he sees a giant Sonic through the green haze.]
- Sonic: Silly Eggman! Rings are for hedgehogs!
- [Eggman lets out a scream as a girl.]
[Scene Change: Eggman's Lair]
- [Eggman wakes up from the nightmare, panting heavily. Orbot and Cubot enter.]
- Orbot: What's wrong, sir?
- Dr. Eggman: It's that final. I just know I'm going to fail it! Now let me think.
- Cubot: Let you what-now?
- Dr. Eggman: If not for my strong moral center, I'd just break into the school and steal the answers. Oh wait! Let's break into the school and steal the answers!
[Scene Change: Classroom (Night)]
- [A circular saw cuts a hole in the ceiling. Doctor Eggman is lowered through it, dressed in a black getup. He stops above the desk, but is then slammed into it.]
- Dr. Eggman: Ow! You need to be more cautious!
- [Doctor Eggman is lifted up a little, and he opens the desk drawer and grabs the answer sheet.]
- Dr. Eggman: Got it! Now pull me up!
- [Doctor Eggman is pulled up, but slams into the ceiling a few times, then is dropped to the floor, lifted up, then dropped again. After one last slam into the ceiling, he's pulled up through the hole, which he replaces. The scene fades to day, with all the students in class.]
- Kingsford: Welcome to your final exam. You entered this classroom eighty-seven weeks ago with heads full of mush, and if you pass this test, you will leave here villains. Begin!
- [Doctor Eggman chuckles to himself as he starts the exam.]
[Scene Change: Classroom (Later)]
- Kingsford: I've completed grading your papers. Mister Eggman?
- Dr. Eggman: Uh... present? [chuckles nervously]
- Kingsford: You posit on your answer sheet that the most efficient power source for launching a planet off its gravitational axis is "C: A tomato" [pronounced to-mah-to]?
- [The other students snicker.]
- Dr. Eggman: Well, if it was big enough. Like a prize winning carnival to-mah-to...
- Kingsford: And that a nuclear ion grid can be best penetrated by "B: A house fern"?
- Dr. Eggman: Uh, yes, it all comes down to the size of the fern. Those things can be pretty intimidating! Ever seen Little Shop of House Ferns?
- Kingsford: What is far more likely is that you stole the fake answer sheet I planted in this desk drawer, and you cheated.
- Eggman: Me?! No! I wouldn't do something like that! That would be... uh... evil?
- Kingsford: Precisely. And this is a class in evil. As such, the true final exam was to steal the final exam. And only one of my students passed. Doctor Eggman.
- [Doctor Eggman exits the classroom, doing a victory dance as he goes.]
- Dr. Eggman: So long, losers!
[Scene Change: Village Square]
- [Doctor Eggman stands on stage wearing a gown and a mortarboard. He walks over to Professor Kingford, who puts a degree in his hands. Eggman gives a celebratory yell and throws his mortarboard into the air, freezing in place as he does so. Everyone else eventually walks off.]
- Sonic: I hope we get to do more stuff next week.
[The episode ends.]