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Sonic Boom
Lightning Bowler Society (episode) (transcript)

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This is the transcript of the Sonic Boom episode, "Lightning Bowler Society".

[Scene: Village Center, Day]

Willy Walrus: This has got to be our most dastardly scheme yet!
Weasel Bandit: Yeah! Hey, vandalism is one thing, but hurling mud-hole fruit cakes, that's next level villainy. [Turns to Dave the Intern and shouts.] Fire!
[Dave pulls the lever on a catapult filled with mud-hole fruit cakes. The catapult launches and the cakes are hurled in the air towards Team Sonic. The gang notice them and scatter in different directions, dodging the cakes as they splat all around the area. Knuckles picks up a large rock and hurls it away. A cake splats next to him. He tries to pick it up, but struggles to lift it. He eventually places it on the table and pants in exhaustion.]
Knuckles: Anyone else up for a snack?
[After a brief pause, Dave fires the catapult again. The cakes are hurled towards the gang, whom are all sat on the table having cups of tea. The cakes land in front of the table.]
Tails: [Holding his cup.] Remember. Pinkies out.
Amy: [Gulps, relaxed tone] Where are my manners.
[While sat, Amy bring out her hammer and hammers the ground. A pink aura from her hammer expands towards the catapult and the Society and flings them away, with Dave flown high in the air.]
Dave: [Quickly while airborne] Ten minutes of prep and forty five minutes of baking in a three hundred and fifty degree oven down a plane!

[Scene: Village Center, Day]

Willy Walrus: You know, losing our eightieth consecutive battle, make three one report cutting the mustard in supervillains.
Chameleon: Maybe we need a new location, something that plays to our strengths. [Clenches his fist]
Weasel Bandit: What are our strengths?
[The Society look at Chameleon.]
Dave: We all got our matching outfits?
Willy Walrus: [Chuckles] Hey! That's great! [Thinks] What can we do with that?
[The camera cuts to a group of bowling pins being knocked down by a bowling ball. It then cuts to the Society laughing and celebrating at the other end of the bowling alley while the other team of Professor Cluckins, Lady Walrus, Admiral Beaverton and Mr. Slate watch them.]
Chameleon: That's turkey, baby. Three strikes in a row for the Lightning Bowler Society! Ain't it, One-Percenters?!
Lady Walrus: However will we deal with the agony of defeat?
Admiral: How about we go for a swim with our riches. To the Money Bin!
[The One-Percenters run away from the alley.]
Weasel Bandit: We're unstoppable!
Sonic: [Off-screen] That's because you never played against...
[The camera cuts to Team Sonic, with everyone except Amy wearing navy and white matching outfits sporting competitive looks on their faces. Sonic spins a bowling ball on his finger.]
Sonic: ...The Pin Dashers! That's a play on... Spin-dacitating, couldn't figure it out.
[A Montage with upbeat music plays. The Pin Dashers and the Lightning Bowler Society are on the alley playing bowling with a crowd of villagers watching them. Sonic rolls the first ball. While the ball rolls, he rushes off, returns with a Chili Dog and eats it. The ball knocks all the pins down. Willy Walrus tiptoes and releases his ball. It knocks all the pins down. Knuckles swings his arm back while holding the ball, but it slips out of his hand behind him as he tries to release it. Dave rolls the ball towards a split group of pins. He knocks the split down. The crowd cheer. Tails grunts and gives the ball one push with all his might. The ball gently touches the front pin and knocks the rest of them down. Weasel Bandit rolls his ball. It hooks and turns in both directions but still makes its way towards the pins and knocks them all down. The crowd cheer and celebrate. Sticks grunts and throws the bowling ball over her head. It bounces down the alley and knocks half of the pins down. Angry, she sprints across the alley and dives towards the pins, knocking them over. Knuckles and Sonic run across the alley too and pulls Sticks out, - grabbing her legs - dragging her face across the alley. Chameleon rolls the ball again, knocking all the pins down. Cameras held by Dixon and Diane Aardvark flash while the Rabbit Girl and Staci put their hands on their chest in attraction of Chameleon. He taunts at his opponents. The Weasel Bandit, Willy, Dave and Chameleon all roll their balls, with each one getting a Strike. The whole crowd cheer with confetti raining down in the background.]
Sonic: I lost. [Angrily to the Society] I want a rematch!
Willy Walrus: Any time! Any where! Well, not a "where" it would have to be at the bowling alley, but any time!
Weasel Bandit: Uh not Tuesday nights! I got spin class.
Dave: And not this weekend, I got to shave my Mom's back. It's kind of a lengthy process.
Chameleon: And not in the past. That already happened.
Willy Walrus: Let's just say a week from next Thursday.
Sonic: [Competitively] You're on!

[Scene Change: Meh Burger, Day]

[Team Sonic, now without their suits, walk into Meh Burger. Diane takes photos of Mr. Slate with her camera.]
Mr. Slate: It's my honor to present the newest itam on the Meh Burger menu, the Lightning Bowler beef bowl!
[He introduces a clump of beef with sauce on a plate. The camera flashes again and everyone oohs at it.]
Dave: [Affectionately] What an honor! [Glumly] Despite the terrible name, that flavour is in fact that it has an actual beef and that the bowl is actually a plate.
Sonic: The fast food's iron? And my slim servings never work! I can't believe your burger bubble at the big rematch next Thursday!
Tails: Don't worry, Sonic. No-one's eating seriously.
Staci: [Affectionately holding the plate of beef] Please, I might be full, make a night this evening. I'm your biggest fan, Mister Tree Spy.
Chameleon: Please call me by my true name, [Evilly twitches his fingers] The Chameleon. After all, I am a master of disguise. I got a whole closet full of tree costumes.
[Staci giggles and squeals.]

[Scene Change: The Comedy Chimp Show, Day]

[Applause plays in the background. The show is set with Comedy Chimp as host and the Lightning Bowler Society on the couch. An audience watches.]
Comedy Chimp: I'm here with the village's hottest new stars, the Lightning Bowler Society!
[The crowd clap and cheer. The camera zooms in on him.]
Comedy Chimp: Everyone's got their favorite! Whether it's the sneaky one...
[The camera cuts to the Weasel Bandit, who smirks - and then the crowd, whom whoops - and then to Dave, sporting a miserable look.]
Comedy Chimp: ...The geeky one...
[The camera cuts to the crowd - whom whoop again - before cutting to the Chameleon, whom smirks too and gives a thumb up.]
Comedy Chimp: ...The cute one...
[The girls squeal and show their expressions of love at the Chameleon.]
Comedy Chimp: ...Or the over-weight middle-aged Walrus one.
Willy Walrus: I gotta work on my branding.

[Scene Change: Meh Burger, night]

[Dave serves beef bowls to Staci and The Chameleon.]
Dave: For the young couple, two Lightning Bowler beef bowls with extra flavor packets.
[The plates are laid on the table.]
Chameleon: Wow! They really hooked us up!
Staci: Of course it did. They know the Lightning Bowlers would be nothing without you. Buttering you up.
Chameleon: Nah. They haven't used real butter in years. I think it's petroleum jelly.
Staci: Face it.
[She opens the magazine. She shows a page with the Lightning Bowler Society to the Chameleon.]
Staci: Your so called team-mates are holding you back.
[The camera closes in on the picture. It shows the Chameleon visible at the back of the group having a nervous look. The Chameleon starts thinking.]

[Scene Change: Bowling Alley, night]

[Sonic rolls the ball and knocks all the pins. He celebrates.]
Sonic: Haha! Yeah!
Knuckles: [Annoyed] Sonic, we've been practicing all day! Can we go home, now?
Sonic: [Delirious] Exactly what they want us to do! Can't you see? They dig into our heads, man! They play "mind games", man! We can't let them win! [Clenches his fists] We have to win!
[He freezes, showing his teeth to the rest of the gang. Sticks looks at Knuckles and moves her finger around her eye.]

[Scene Change: Lightning Bolt Society's House, Morning]

[Willy, Dave and the Weasel Bandit are waiting, with the latter walking from side to side endlessly.]
Weasel Bandit: [Angrily] What's taking the Chameleon so long?! If we don't leave soon, Sonic's gonna think we'll forfeit in the big game!
[The door opens. The Chameleon appears along with Staci.]
Chameleon: Don't worry. Don't worry. Your cedar savior has arrived.
Willy Walrus: Yo, wait. We had to polish our bowling balls without you. it's just awkward with three.
Staci: The Chameleon commander's stuck. You'd all be nothing without him.
Dave: You'd think we could've gotten that Meh Burger endorsement deal without me?!
Willy Walrus: [Argues] Slow your role, nerd patrol. [Steps closer to Dave] Or else my charisma would be nowhereville.
Weasel Bandit: [Barges in and flails arms to stop the argument] Hello?! Why do you think stole our bowling balls in the first place - right here!
Chameleon: I guess Staci was right. You are all jealous that my foliage is reaching new heights.
Willy Walrus: [Groans] If a tree falls in an evil hideout doesn't make a sound, let's find out!
[Willy aggressively pushes the Chameleon. He stays up, and aggressively pushes Willy back with the Weasel Bandit - behind him - also getting struck. The Weasel Bandit agressively shoves Willy, forcing his body onto the Chameleon again, and knocking him over. The Chameleon also hits Dave as he falls over. Willy turns to the Weasel Bandit and trade handslaps. The Chameleon and Dave cut in front of the viewer and trade handslaps too.]

[Scene Change: Bowling Alley, Day]

[Sonic and the rest of the group are waiting, with the former walking from side to side endlessly.]
Sonic: [Groans angrily] Where are those Lightning losers?! We can't bowl them into oblivion if they're not here and I wanna bowl them into oblivion!
[Sonic sees Staci and the Chameleon walk in.]
Staci: The Chameleon... has an announcement.
Sonic: [Quickly snapping] Who the heck is a chameleon?!
Chameleon: I am. I [Evilly twitches his fingers] am a Chameleon.
Sticks: Makes sense. He does have a lot of disguises. Oak tree, Walnut tree, Maple tree, Weeping Willow.
Chameleon: The Chameleon is now solo.
Knuckles: Now you're solo? Pick a name and stick with it!
Chameleon: The Lightning Bowlers have been disbanded, and we've been pursuing our own careers. [Wraps Staci around his arm.] Come, Staci.
[He walks with Staci away from the scene. Sonic starts getting desperate.]
Sonic: [Mutters in panic] But we can't just... [Slaps his forehead with both hands] And I want... [Slowly and fiercely to the rest of the gang] We have to get the Lightning Bowlers back together.

[Scene Change: Comedy Chimp Show, Day]

[Tails appears on the show with Willy Walrus on stage.]
Willy Walrus: Folks, you're gonna wanna pick up the phone. What I got here, is a beautiful pair of bowling ball earrings!
[He introduces Lady Goat, whom is seen with real bowling balls attached to her earrings. She struggles to take the weight and stand normally. Willy then appears on a video recording.]
Willy Walrus: These are genuine lame-use sixteen pound bowling balls! And now my producer's telling me... what... what's that? Oh, no, we can't!
[Dixon is seen bored and doing a crossword.]
Willy Walrus: This is lunacy, people! If you call in the next ninety seconds, we're gonna throw in a free set of steak knives! [Jumps off stage] Call now!
[Lady Goat - still with bowling ball earrings - clumsily moves around the stage trying to stay upright. Dixon appears next to Willy.]
Dixon: And we're out. [Pats Willy on his back.] Great job, Willy!
Willy: But is this really why I got into bowling?
Tails: Why don't you get back together with the team?
Willy: Did they send you? Do they wanna roll again? [Thinks] Uh, because I mean I might be willing to take a knee.
[A banging noise is heard in the background. The camera cuts to Lady Goat, - still with bowling ball earrings - who is seen lying on her back beside the stage.]
Lady Goat: Oooow...

[Scene Change: Meh Burger, Day]

[Sad piano music plays. Dave is alone at his workplace, resting his elbow on the counter with his hand at his cheek. Beth the Shrew walks in.]
Beth: Hey, mister; I wan' a Lightnin' Bowler Beef bowl, I betcha'.
Dave: Thankfully, they've been re-branded as "Dave the Intern beef bowl".
Beth: Never mind.
[Beth waves and leaves while Dave groans. Sticks appears.]
Sticks: I'll have a Dave the Intern beef bowl, on one condition: You meet with your former team-mates.
Dave: I don't know. Things are going pretty well for old Dave the Intern, thanks. You don't happen to know if anyone recommend a dumpsters service to the sales of thirteen thousand hundred beef bowls do you? I'm asking for a friend.

[Scene Change: Comedy Chimp Show]

[The Comedy Chimp returns as host with three Weasel Bandits - wearing different colored hats and wristbands - appearing on the couch. An audience appears at the back.]
Comedy Chimp: Meet the town's newest bowling stars! So, does your team have a name?
[A video recording plays.]
Red Weasel Bandit: Weasel Bandit and the Weasel Bandits!
[The Weasel wearing blue cuts him off.]
Blue Weasel Bandit: Hey! How come you get top villain?!
[The red and blue Weasel Bandits fight together off the couch. The Weasel wearing orange jumps on top of them.]

[Scene Change: Weasel Bandit's room, Night]

[The Weasel Bandit appears on the bed and in pain with the television on. A knocking sound is heard. He gets out of bed and opens the door. Knuckles appears at the other side.]
Knuckles: Oh. Hello, fellow bowler. Fancy seeing you here, and your home.
[The Weasel Bandit has a confused look.]

[Scene Change: Bowling Alley, Day]

[Bowling pins are knocked over with a Bowling Ball. The villagers celebrate. Staci squeals. Chameleon gives her a thumb up. He discovers the rest of his group are absent. A tears shows in his eye. A moment later, Team Sonic and the other three members of the Lightning Bowler Society arrive.]
Weasel Bandit: So, Chameleon. We heard you wanted to talk to us?
Staci: [Angrily protecting him] He doesn't want anything to do with you. He's so loco, he is going great.
Dave: Not as good as mine, ever since we flattened the price of beef bowls. They're selling like hot cakes. [Quietly to himself] Not that the hot cakes are selling, cos they are... not.
Willy Walrus: Well, I sold three hundred bottles of commemorative bowl wax yesterday. Looks like we're all doing just fine without each other.
Sonic: [Steps in between to cut the argument] No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No! You're all doing terribly! Heh. Get back together and bowl against me!
[An explosion sounds. Dramatic music plays as Doctor Eggman appears in his Eggmobile.]
Dr. Eggman: Sonic! While you were worrying about your precious bowling legacy, I've been deviating my most brilliant evil plan yet.
[Villagers scream and run away as Mega Bot fires lasers around the area. The gang have mean looks on their faces.]
Amy: This old "bot" again? Why can't you build something new?
Dr. Eggman: You know how much it costs to design and build new robots every week? I'm trying not to go over budget.
Sonic: But it doesn't have to be exactly the same every time. Try thinking outside the bot.
Dr. Eggman: Ooh it's pretty clever. Give me a sec while I think of a comeback.
[Team Sonic move off to combat the robots, with Eggman following them. The Society stay behind.]
Dave: Hmm... Remember when we talked trash like that?
[The Society sigh. In the battle, Sonic Homing attacks Mega Bot repeatedly on its head. Amy hammers away at its Caterpillar wheel. Knuckles punches, Sticks strikes with her bo and Tails swings at it with his wrench. The robot is unharmed despite the attacks.]
Weasel Bandit: Those would engage.
Willy Walrus: We were never great villains, but at least, we were happy.
Chameleon: Maybe we could re-unite after all. Not as bowlers, as Evil-doers!
Lightning Bolt Society: [Punching the air] Yeah!
Staci: [Upset] What are you doing?
Chameleon: Sorry, Staci, but this Chameleon never changes its colors. Come on, boys! Let's go lose a battle!
[Staci miserably walks off. The Society celebrate and join the battle holding bowling objects. Dave throws a pin towards the Eggmobile. Sonic appears in front of it and then dodges in the nick of time, allowing the pin to hit the Eggmobile.]
Dr. Eggman: What? No! You get out of here!
[The Weasel Bandit throws another pin. Sticks boes herself out of the way. The pin land on the tread of Mega Bot's wheel. It sticks to the ground, immobilizing the wheel and causing an explosion.]
Dr. Eggman: You're ruining everything!
[The camera cuts to the Chameleon's binoculars. Tails flies down safely. Chameleon signals to Willy Walrus to bowl the bowling ball. He rolls the ball, with Tails flying away to dodge it. Amy hits and flings the bowling ball in the air. It decapitates Mega Bot, showing sparks, and then the robot collapses.]
Dr. Eggman: [Angrily] This isn't over, Sonic! [Normally] OK, maybe it is over, [Harshly] but I'll be back!
[Eggman flees with his Eggmobile.]
Sonic: So. Now us guys are back together, how about a rematch. [Confesses to himself.]
Willy Walrus: Not a chance! Sure be the best bowlers in town but the same, respect, and endorsement deals, but it cost us our friendship.
Weasel Bandit: Yeah, only villainy unites us now!
Sonic: Well, in that case.
[He prepares for combat, but the Society scream and run away in different directions.]
Sonic: I might've never beaten the Lightning Bolts at bowling but... You're on the battlefield, I win, every time, [Delirious] Or else, I wanna totally win and beat them at bowling!
[He sticks his tongue out. The episode ends and the credits appear.]