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Sonic Boom
It Wasn't Me, It Was the One-Armed Hedgehog (Transcript)

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This is transcript for the Sonic Boom episode "It Wasn't Me, It Was the One-Armed Hedgehog".

[Scene: Eggman's Lair, day.]

[Eggman was dusting his gadgets]
Dr. Eggman: Pretty, pretty, pretty, my toys so full of evil. It warms my stony heart to think of the bad that we'll achieve. Oh, your much fun, Oh, so much fun 'cause I am your creator, from tiny robot pickpockets to my Particle Accelerator? My Particle Accelerator! [Screams] My birds!! [Screams again]

[Scene Change: Eggman's Lair, day.]

Beaver Policeman: So, Dr. Eggman does this particle accelerator have any distinguishing features that will help us identify it?
Dr. Eggman: Lets see, it has a small scratch on its left side so there's that and also, it's a Particle Accelerator! You got a lot of those roaming the streets of your village! Hmm, genius? I'm sorry, I'm just so upset!
Sonic: [Bites into a chili dog] I've never seen him like this, I kind of like it.

[Scene Change: Eggman's Lair, hallway.]

Orbot: And this is Dr. Eggman's Thinkcubator, where he hatches his brilliant ideas, get it? [Crickets chirping can be heard] Pearls before swine and it was from here, that Dr. Eggman's Particle Accelerator was stolen.
Tourists: [Gasp dramatically]
Mike the Ox: Not his Particle Accelerator, I was hoping to get a picture with it. This tour bites.
Dr. Eggman: It was about yay big, it was made of polished titanium, it accelerated particles am I leaving anything out?
Sonic: [Bored] Someone wanna remind me why I'm here?
Dr. Eggman: Because you stole it! [Turns around and points at Sonic]
Tourists: [Gasp dramatically]
Sonic: That's nuts.
Dr. Eggman: If it wasn't you, then why was my lair littered with ... chili dog scraps!? [Camera shows scraps of chili dogs on the floor]
Tourists: [Gasp dramatically]
Sonic: [Eats chili dog, leaving only a piece of the bun] I don't know. [Throws the bun piece on the floor]
Tourists: [Gasp dramatically]
Dr. Eggman: And look at these footprints!
[Camera shows footprints.]
Tourists: [Gasp dramatically]

[The Beaver Policeman looks at Sonic, footprints lead to where he's sitting. Places Sonic foot onto the footprint and looks at the bottom of Sonic's shoe that is an exact match]

Tourists: [Gasp dramatically]
Sonic: Would you stop gasping dramatically?
Tourists: [Gasp dramatically again]
Sonic: Seriously guys, I'm the hero. [Points to Eggman] He's the villain, I'm mean he has an evil lair. [Gestures to Eggman's Lair] He has mindless henchmen. No offense.
Cubot: No, I think you're onto something here.
Beaver Policeman: Sorry, Doctor Eggman I'd love to close this case but before I can arrest Sonic I'm gonna need more. Like, if this was part of a pattern.
Wolf Policeman: [Carrying a crate] Sarge what do you want me to put this crate of recent photos of crime scenes, where partial eaten chili dogs and Sonic-shaped footprints were found?
Tourists: [Gasp dramatically]
Beaver Policeman: That'll do it. Sonic T. Hedgehog, you are under arrest you have the right to remain silent.
Tourists: [Gasp dramatically]
Dr. Eggman: [Laughs victoriously]
Sonic: You leave me no choice. I'll find the real thief and clear my name, know why? [Points to himself] Hero. [Runs off]
Orbot: So uh… who wants to see the Rumpus room?
Tourists: [Gasp dramatically]

[Scene Change: Mayor’s Mansion]

Gentleman Wolf: I demand action! Sonic stole my walking stick!
Lady Walrus: And MY jewelry!
Fennec Garbage Man: He stole my keys and hid them in my sofa cushion. Okay, I lost my keys and found them three days later in the cushion. We should get him anyway!
Dave the Intern: We should totally form a posse.
Mayor Fink: Everyone, please! Calm down! This is not the time for rash behavior.
Soar the Eagle: When would be a good time? I’d like to plan my rash behavior in advance.
Mrs. Vandersnout: How about I bake up a batch of my famous cookies and put them on the window sill? Sonic would smell them and come to steal one, but he won’t know that they’re laced with poison, so…
Mayor Fink: We’re not trying to kill him.
Mrs. Vandersnout: Oh. (chuckles) I’m so embarrassed. Have a cookie.
[Mayor Fink covers his ears. Knuckles grinds the chalkboard with his fingers.]
Knuckles: I’ll catch this hedgehog for ya! But it ain’t gonna be easy!
Mayor Fink: Don’t worry. We’ll ALL pitch in!
Knuckles: No! Like tying my shoes or brushing my teeth, I have to do this without any help.
[Knuckles marches his way out, but struggles to open the door.]
Mayor Fink: You have to pull AND jiggle the knob.
Knuckles: I am pulling and jiggling. [Knuckles still cannot open the door.] I’ll use the window.
[Knuckles jumps off the window and lands on his face. The door creaks open.]

[Scene Change: Different Village, day.]

[Sonic quickly transfers crates to the shed.]
Earl: Whoa! Slow down there, Bob. You’re making the rest of us look bad.
[Bells ring.]
Sonic: Sorry, Earl. Just trying to finish so I can knock off early.
Earl: Big plan tonight? Not like there’s much to do around here except playing horseshoes.
[Horseshoe hits Earl in the head.]
Co-Worker: Whoops. Sorry, Earl.
Sonic: I’m on the trail of a man that did me wrong.
Earl: That so? You know, a fella just came through town. In a real hurry, too. Heading toward the East Forest, yonder. Well, them crates ain’t gonna stack themselves. Unless they’re self-stacking crates. Heh. That’d be sweet.
[Horseshoe hits Earl on the head, again. This time, Earl passes out.]
Co-Worker: Sorry, Earl!
Sonic: Earl? EARL?!

[Scene Change: East Forest, day.]

Knuckles: Phew.
[Knuckles finds a twig.]
Knuckles: Hmm.
[Knuckles sniffs the twig and licks it.]
Knuckles: Mm-hmm. Sonic was here.
[Knuckles hears a creak from the distance. A few citizens appear behind Knuckles. Knuckles gets surprised.]
Knuckles: Aww, how did you track me?
Soar the Eagle: We followed the trail of twigs covered in spit.
[Knuckles sees the spit-filled twig.]
Knuckles: Aww, stop following me. I don’t need help!
[Knuckles begins to sink into quicksand.]
Knuckles: This is a shortcut.

[Scene Change: Doc’s Office]

[Doc is inspecting on Earl, who has already passed out.]
Sonic: What is it, Doc?
Doc: Well, the scientific term is he got hit in the head with too many horseshoes.
Sonic: You gotta help him!
Doc: Oh, sure. Let me just… whip up some Anti-Horseshoe Elixir.
Sonic: Hey if you can’t help him, just say so.
Doc: No, seriously. I’ve got a recipe for Anti-Horseshoe Elixir. I just need some pink orchid root. It only grows in the West Forest.
Sonic: Oh. I don’t suppose it’s anywhere near the East Forest.
[Doc walks away.]
Sonic: If I’m gonna catch the guy who framed me, I gotta go East. But if I’m gonna help you, I gotta go West.
Knuckles: Excuse me, ma’am. I’m looking for this guy. Goes by the name Sonic. And he’s very fast.
[Sonic runs by Knuckles very fast.]
Knuckles: Kinda like that guy.
[Sonic continues running.]
Knuckles: Hey, wait a second. I bet that guy knows Sonic!
[Knuckles runs off.]

[Scene Change: West Forest]

[Sonic finds the orchid.]
Sonic: Found a pink orchid! Well, that was easy! I was expecting some kind of complication.
[Sonic head gets covered by a wooden basket.]
Sonic: Kinda like that. Knuckles, is that you?
Knuckles: Maybe it is, maybe it ISN’T. But it is. Whose this?
Sonic: Sonic.
Knuckles: Oh, sorry. I didn’t recognize you with a basket on your head.
Sonic: Dude, I didn’t steal anything!
Knuckles: I know, but there’s a whole posse on your tail. I don’t want to lose you. You’re a valuable member of Team Knuckles!
Sonic: Team Kn… I’m not even gonna argue. Let’s get this orchid to Earl.
Knuckles: Right! Just one question. Who’s Earl? What’s an orchid? And… and where are we?

[Scene Change: Different Village. day.]

Sonic: Here ya go, Doc. Am I too late?
Knuckles: Don’t worry, Bob. I’ll fix up Earl newer than a summer cricket whistling on a fallen dewdrop. Know what I mean?
Sonic: Not at all, but we got no time to waste. Come on, Knuckles.
[Knuckles and Sonic are stopped by the posse.]
Knuckles: Hey. I know those guys from somewhere.
Mayor Fink: There goes Sonic! And he’s taking Knuckles hostage!
[Mayor Fink gets hits in the head by a horseshoe, and passes out.]
Posse: [Gasp dramatically]
Co-Worker: Sorry!

[Scene Change: East Forest, day.]

[Sonic and Knuckles find a secret hideout.]
Knuckles: Look, Sonic. It’s you!
[A shadow of what appears to be Sonic dashes off.]
Sonic: Where’d he go?
[Suddenly, Metal Sonic appears.]
Sonic: Metal Sonic!
Knuckles: Allow me!
[Knuckles beats up Metal Sonic, but only nudging him. Metal Sonic’s laser begins to fire.]
Sonic: Oh, that can’t be good.
[Metal Sonic’s laser energizes.]
Sonic: Knux, look out!
[Metal Sonic blasts his laser at Knuckles with Sonic behind him, and Knuckles hits a tree.]
Knuckles: My cupcake per-nithing, Grandma. [Chuckles and passes out]
Sonic: You’re gonna regret that!
[Metal Sonic shoots his laser on the wall of his hideout, but Sonic still survives. Suddenly the hideout is about to fall on Sonic.]
Sonic: Uh oh.
[A portion of the hideout falls on Sonic. Sonic then pops out of the debris and dodges Metal Sonic’s attack. Metal Sonic’s laser goes dead.]
Sonic: Don’t you just hate it when that happens?
[Sonic then attacks Metal Sonic by Spin Dashing on him.]
Sonic: I can do this all day.
[Metal Sonic then picks up the Particle Accelerator.]
Sonic: Eggman’s Particle Accelerator? Well that’s just cheating. How do you live with yourself?
[Metal Sonic begins to levitate while a purple aura envelopes him.]
Sonic: Uh oh again.
[Sonic then runs away while dodging Metal Sonic’s laser blasts, until he gets to his home.]

[Scene Change: Sonic’s Shack]

[Sonic stops running and runs out of breath.]
Sonic: I guess when you get tired, you can just recharge. That’s the difference between you and me, Metal. I don’t get tired!
[Sonic throws a horseshoe at Metal Sonic, causing a reaction to the Particle Accelerator and blasts Metal Sonic away.]
Sonic: Sorry!
[Metal Sonic gets blasted away as the Particle Accelerator powers down.]

[Scene Change: Village Center, day.]

[Sonic runs to the Mayor’s Mansion.]
Sonic: I got a little something for you, Eggy. I found your Particle Accelerator. And all the stuff that was stolen from the village and brought it back, which proves I didn’t steal anything. Case closed.
Knuckles: He’s got you there, Egghead!
Dr. Eggman: Case NOT closed! You got it. Therefore, you must’ve stolen it! Now case closed!
Knuckles: He’s got you there, Sonic.
Dr. Eggman: Officer, arrest this man!
[Metal Sonic returns, but in the hands of Earl.]
Earl: Bob!
Sonic: Earl?
Earl: These parts landed by the warehouse, and I thought you might need ‘em.
Sonic: That’s the REAL thief.
[The Beaver Policeman begins to arrest Earl.]
Sonic: Not him! My robot duplicate that Eggman used to frame me!
Dr. Eggman: All lies! Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll take my metal duplicate of you, suitable for framing, and my particle accelerator. And go.
Sonic: Thanks, Earl.
Earl: It’s the least I can do after you saved my life! I was deader than a peapod in a mud-bucket tea kettle after flippity-hoodledoop flazzerbattle.
[A horseshoe hits Earl on the head. Sonic and Knuckles begin to laugh.]

[Scene: Wilderness, night.]

Mayor Fink: We’re closing in on him, boys! And we’re not leaving this forest without him!
[Wolf howls.]
Mayor Fink: Or we could go home now.