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Inn Sanity (transcript)

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This is the transcript from the Sonic Boom episode, "Inn Sanity".

[Scene: Outside Eggman's Lair, day.]

[Sticks is involved in a battle with Eggman's robots. She uses her bo to attack a group of charging Motobugs while dodging laser blasts from Bee Bots. Sonic rushes over to help her. He runs up the wall and Homing Attacks three Bee Bots. Amy breaks a Crab Bot with her hammer. A group of envelopes fly across her face. She looks over to Ballot Stuffer Bot. Knuckles dodges the envelopes from Ballot Stuffer Bot and punches it away, making it collide with a Crab Bot approaching Sonic and breaking both robots. Sonic looks over to Amy, Knuckles and Sticks, then looks up to Obliterator Bot and a group of Bee Bots. Eggman is watching the scene unfold from his Eggmobile in the sky.]
Sonic: [Presses his Communicator] Hey, Tails. How's operation "make a big robot mess" coming along?
Tails: Not as well as operation "come up with better names for operations". I can't get the Unbolterizer to fire.
[Tails stalls his plane in midair, flies underneath it and bangs the Unbolterizer with his wrench, making it generate sparks. Tails pulls out a chicken from inside the Unbolterizer, stopping the sparks. Tails then presses a button on his Communicator, firing the Unbolterizer. It directly hits Obliterator Bot, paralyzing it and all the connected Bee Bots. They all then fall to pieces and collapse to the ground. Eggman appears next.]
Sonic: Love to stay and help clean up but we weren't the ones who tried to lure you into a trap.
[Team Sonic jump on Tails' Plane and depart Eggman's Lair. Eggman grunts angrily.]

[Scene Change: Outside Eggman's Lair, day.]

Dr. Eggman: Look at all this trash! Those dunderheads were supposed to haul it off three weeks ago!
[Eggman unloads a bazooka and tries to fire it at the trash before being interrupted.]
Orbot: Sir, rather than taking us all out in a blaze of glory, might I suggest you contact the requisite government entities?

[Scene Change: Mayor's Mansion, day.]

[Mayor Fink is throwing pencils up in the ceiling when Eggman angrily barges through the door.]
Dr. Eggman: My trash should've been collected three weeks ago.
[Fink looks over his files and takes Eggman's file, reading it.]
Fink: Mm-hm. You're in luck. This is an election year. I'll take care of it [Bangs his fist on the table] immediately. [More pencils come flying down from the ceiling, flinching Fink.]

[Scene Change: Outside Eggman's Lair, day.]

[The Fennec Garbage Man and an unnamed ox clear out the garbage via a wheelbarrow.]
Dr. Eggman: Eggman: one. [The pickup shuts] Trash: zero.
[Eggman blows a party kazoo. The unnamed ox walks to Eggman, holding the bill.]
Unnamed ox: Would you care to pay the fee now or by mail?
[Eggman snatches the bill and reads it.]
Dr. Eggman: Let me see that. [Crumples up the bill] This is highway robbery! Now I regret blowing the kazoo.

[Scene Change: Mayor's Mansion, day.]

Dr. Eggman: [Angrily] You're charging me for trash collection? I thought the government was supposed to do things for free. That's why everyone else pays taxes.
Fink: The amount of garbage you have this month was way above the limit! So you have to pay a one time fee. If you don't, I'll foreclose on your evil lair!

[Scene Change: Eggman's Lair, living room.]

[Eggman is looking around his living room, peeking under the couch searching for money.]
Dr. Eggman: There's got to be money around here somewhere. Maybe I can get a few bucks for my Particle Accelerator. Nah, but I can never part with that. I made it at summer camp.
Orbot: Might I suggest selling your Doomsday Device? You haven't used it since the beginning of season one.
Dr. Eggman: No, I need to come up with a well-thought-out common-sense plan to raise the money I need. [Stands up] I know! I'll turn my evil lair into a resort hotel.
Orbot: And how are you going to find people who want a vacation in an evil lair?

[Scene Change: Village Center, day.]

[Orbot and Cubot sit on a stand with a bird in a cage on one side and a revolving prize wheel on the other. Cubot is wearing a suit.]
Cubot: [Calling] Hurry, hurry, hurry! Step right up to see exotic birds designed to lure you into a sales pitch!
Orbot: [Angrily] Cubot, you're not supposed to tell them that!
Cubot: Oh, right. I forgot. [Calling] Attention everyone! There are no birds!
[Orbot groans and does a facepalm. Sonic and Tails walk in.]
Sonic: All right. What's Eggman's angle?
Orbot: He's turned his lair into a resort hotel to pay a small, one-time garbage collection fee.
Sonic: Sounds like the writers are just phoning it in, but just in case we better go check it out.

[Scene Change: Inside Eggman's Lair, day.]

[Eggman has set up a key stall. Admiral Beaverton stands at the key stall.]
Dr. Eggman: Ah, morning, Admiral.
Beaverton: Morning doctor. Has today's paper arrived? I'm keen to read the cricket scores. [Eggman shows him the newspaper] Smashing! [Reads it] Ah, apparently some Eggman fellow was going to open a hotel.
Dr. Eggman: I'm Eggman, and this is the hotel.
Beaverton: Oh jolly good. When does it open?
Dr. Eggman: It is open! You're standing in it!
Beaverton: My word. I better scrub my shoe!
[Team Sonic arrive at Eggman's Lair.]
Sonic: Party's over, Egghead. We're here to figure out your angle.
Dr. Eggman: There's no angle. I'm just trying to run a hotel.
Beaverton: A hotel?! My word! When does it open?
[Amy, Sonic and Tails move closer to Eggman.]
Dr. Eggman: It is open.
Sonic: Then I guess you won't mind if we check in.
Dr. Eggman: I suppose not.
Amy: That's not the right attitude! You should have a cheerful rapport with your clientele, and logo pens.

[Scene Change: Roof of Eggman's Lair, day.]

[Eggman serves the Sheep Villager some juice. Amy, Sonic and Tails relax on the sunbeds.]
Amy: No sign of evil-doing. Maybe Eggman was telling the truth.
Sonic: Yeah, one way to find out. [Slowly] Oh Egghead!
Dr. Eggman: Hmm?
Sonic: [Posh voice] Bring me a calugie jookie!
[Eggman grumpily brings a glass of juice beside Sonic.Sonic takes his sunglasses off and notices something is missing.]
Sonic: Where's the umbrella, and pineapple wedge?
[Annoyed, Eggman takes the drink away, adds the umbrella and pineapple wedge and give it back to Sonic.]
Tails: And I need like ten of those free notepads. I'm making a 3D paper model of a train.
Dr. Eggman: [Angrily] That's not what those are for!
[Knuckles walks in next to Eggman, wearing a purple towel and headband.]
Knuckles: [Posh voice] Excuse me, boy. I'm going to need three more towels.
Dr. Eggman: You're already using too many!
Amy: You should be more accommodating to the needs of your guests if you want people to come back.
Dr. Eggman: I don't want any of you to come back. I almost have what I need to pay the mayor's extortion, and when I do, I'm kicking all of you out!
[Leroy the Turtle walks in.]
Leroy: My pillows are gone.
Dr. Eggman: What do you mean they're gone?

[Scene Change: Inside Eggman's Lair.]

[All the pillows are inside a corridor in the lair and been used to make a fort. Sticks is inside the fort.]
Sticks: [Quietly] They'll never find them here. [Normally] And it's nice and spacious. I could open a pillow hotel for the purple pillow people.

[Scene Change: Mayor's Mansion, day.]

[Mayor Fink is busy stamping files. Eggman walks in holding a bucket of change.]
Dr. Eggman: All right, I have your money you government goober. It wasn't even hard. I just turned my lair into a hotel.
Fink: You do know you need a permit to do that?
Dr. Eggman: Yeah, well. What are you gonna do, right? What's done is done. Life goes on.
Fink: [Hands over a bill to Eggman] Would you care to pay for the permit in fines now or by mail?
[Eggman snatches the bill and reads it. Growling, he crumples up the bill and bangs the bucket of change on the desk. More pencils fall down from the ceiling. ]

[Scene Change: Eggman's Lair, day.]

[Eggman is standing at the key stall with Orbot, servicing his guests.]
Wild Cat: I'm staying here for a week, but I fear commitment. Can I have a different room every night?
Dr. Eggman: A different room every night?! [Bangs his fist on the desk] Are you out of your mind?! [Points to the door] Get out of my hotel!
[Sulking, Wild Cat walks to the door.]
Orbot: If you want to raise the money, you have to be nice to the guests.
Dr. Eggman: [Clenching his fist at Orbot] I'll be nice to you. Oh, oh, wait, fine. I'll do it your way.
Fastidious Beaver: My television remote is filthy.
Dr. Eggman: Maybe your watch's filthy! [Points to the door] Get out of my hotel!
[Grumpily, Fastidious walks away.]
Orbot: Much better, sir.
Beaverton: Evening doctor! Busy night?
Dr. Eggman: I'm working my tuchus off and I still don't have enough to pay the mayor.
Beaverton: Don't worry, old cap. You'll get it, as surely as my face is capable of expressing complex emotions.
[Beaverton pauses. Suddenly, Cubot rushes in.]
Cubot: Boss, I just heard some big news!
[Cubot begins a flashback.]

[Scene Change: Village Center, day.]

Dixon: [in Cubot's voice] Did you hear the big news? The new hotel is about to get secretly reviewed by a secret reviewer who writes secret reviews for Secret Review Magazine!
Diane Aardvark: [in Cubot's voice] Yeah. Everyone's talking about it. It's really important business number words Mr. name person.

[Cubot's flashback ends.]

[Scene Change: Eggman's Lair, day.]

Dr. Eggman: I seriously doubt that's how the conversation went, but I've got to identify and impress that secret reviewer so I can make this place profitable and then shut it down.
[Admiral Beaverton walks away. Amy and Redd Heron walks in.]
Dr. Eggman: [Gasps] That could be him. Quick you doorknobs, look dignified! [Smiles brings his arms out - pushing Amy away in the process - and talks to Redd Heron] Welcome to Eggman Towers!
Amy: Hey! I was next in line!
Dr. Eggman: You're unimportant.
Amy: But I just need a paperclip.
Dr. Eggman: This isn't the free paperclip store. Now, will you go away?!
Redd Heron: Is that how you talk to your guests?
Dr. Eggman: Uh no! Never! [Hands over a paperclip to Amy] Here's your paper clip madam. You have one too. It's our way of saying welcome.
Redd Heron: [Shows Eggman the paperclip] I do hope it's quiet here. Reservation under Redd Heron. I've had a chaotic week. I wish to relax.
Dr. Eggman: We pride ourselves on creating a serene, tranquil vacation environment.
[Suddenly, the Child Monkey and Stratford enter the room through the corridor, both of them playing catch. They run onto the couch and knock a lamp over, breaking it. They both also run into Redd Heron before departing.]
Dr. Eggman: [Nervously] We're also family friendly.
Redd Heron: I'm very particular about my accommodations. My line of work has me in many hotels.
[D.B. Platypus walks in.]
D.B. Platypus: Excuse me.
Dr. Eggman: [Angrily] Can't you see I'm busy with an important customer?! [Softly] I promise, no more interruptions.
[Lady Walrus walks in with hands on her hips.]
Lady Walrus: My children are hungry! I demand that you stop what you're doing and feed them at once!
Dr. Eggman: You demand?!
Lady Walrus: I am paying good money to stay at this hotel!
Dr. Eggman: [Growls] fine! You insufferable woman. I'll just stop what I'm doing and feed your ill-behaved children.

[Scene Change: Eggman's Lair, living room, day.]

[Eggman and Redd Heron walk into the living room-turned-dining hall. He offers a seat to him and puts the napkin on his lap. He picks up a basket of bread and a glass of water and serves it to Redd Heron's table, ignoring the rest of the tables along the way.]
Sonic: Ahem.
Amy: Excuse me?
Tails: Can I?
Knuckles: [Putting his hand up] Ahe-he-hem...
Lady Walrus: Huh? Um...
D.B. Platypus: Ack. Ahem.
Dr. Eggman: How is everything?
Sonic: Mediocre!
Dr. Eggman: [To Sonic] Not you! Him!
Redd Heron: Mediocre. I'd give you a three out of ten if I was a reviewer.
Dr. Eggman: What? You're not a reviewer?
Redd Heron: No. I'm an insurance adjuster.
Dr. Eggman: [Snapping] Oh for crying out loud! You mean all this time I've been nice to you for no reason?! If you're not the reviewer, then who is?!
[Eggman looks around the room. He spots D.B. Platypus putting his head on his hand with a miserable look and screams. Eggman offers a teapot to D.B. Platypus.]
Dr. Eggman: Er, care for a spot of tea, sir?
Amy: Excuse me! We've been waiting forever!
Dr. Eggman: In a minute, you harpy!
D.B. Platypus: I would love some tea. Decaf, though. I don't want to be too jittery today while I'm selling vacuum cleaners.
Dr. Eggman: [Puts the teapot on the table] Selling vacuum cleaners? Is that even a thing anymore? You're supposed to be a reviewer, and I'm wasting all my time on you imbeciles!
Lady Walrus: Well! This is the most appalling service I've ever had the misfortune of receiving. And you are a rude, rude man!
Amy: And I'm the reviewer!
Dr. Eggman: You?! Oh, this has been a fiasco. I guess I should just go with the old standby.
[Eggman presses a button on his wrist controller. A UFO-like device is unveiled as it produces an energy dome around Eggman's guests.]

[Scene Change: Mayor's Mansion, day.]

[Mayor Fink is fast asleep on his chair. The phone rings and wakes up Fink, who falls off his seat upon getting a fright from the ringing.]
Fink: Mayor's office, mayor speaking.
Dr. Eggman: [On phone] I'm taking your villagers prisoner. Get rid of my fees, or I'll get rid of them!
Fink: Uh, who is this? Hang on. I need to find my hostage negotiating hat. [Puts the phone down and looks around the mansion.]

[Scene Change: Eggman's Lair, Dining Hall, Day]

[While Eggman is waiting for an answer on his phone, a boomerang hits his wrist controller and deactivates the dome. Sticks, who is outside the dome, catches it. The rest of Team Sonic glare at Eggman.]
Dr. Eggman: Robots, attack!
[Motobugs and Bee Bots emerge though the door to combat Team Sonic. Everyone else runs away screaming. The Motobugs shoot missiles. Tails picks up his notepad, turns each sheet into a paper plane and throws them at the missiles, successfully intercepting them. A Bee Bot fires a laser blast. Knuckles whacks two of them with his purple towels. He dodges a laser blast from another Bee Bot and swings his towel to attack it. A Motobug approaches him from behind, but it gets knocked over by a pineapple just before it fires a missile. The missile misdirects and hits the ceiling. Sticks throws kebabs at the next three Motobugs. She hits all of three of them, knocking them back. Crab Bots emerge towards Amy, but she hits the service bell with her hammer that unleashes a powerful wave blowing them back. She dodges a flamethrower from a Scorpion Bot by hiding behind the table service bell stands on. Sonic spin attacks the Scorpion Bot, knocking it away. However, the Scorpion Bot hits Eggman's Doomsday Device, activating it.]
Eggman and Sonic: Uh Oh.
[The Doomsday Device explodes, destroying the whole lair and blasting everyone up in the air. They all scream and crash land on Sticks' pillow fort except for Knuckles, who uses his towels to glide down safely.]

[Scene Change: Outside Eggman's Lair, day.]

Dr. Eggman: [Upset] What am I gonna do? I'm ruined!
Redd Heron: Not if I have anything to say about it.
Dr. Eggman: What are you talking about?
Redd Heron: Even though it was based on misguided assumptions and plot contrivances, you treated me with kindness. So I've decided to approve an enormous insurance settlement to rebuild your lair and pay for all your permits and fines.
Dr. Eggman: Then everything will be back to normal.

[Scene Change: Outside Eggman's Lair, day.]

[The lair is rebuilt, but Eggman groans about his overloaded garbage pickup.]