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Sonic Boom
How to Succeed in Evil Without Really Trying (Transcript)

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This is a transcript on the Sonic Boom episode "How to Succeed in Evil Without Really Trying".

[Scene: The orchard, day.]

[Sticks is seen trying to pick berries.]
Sticks: No one at the pie festival will guess that beige berries are my secret ingredient! Unless, one of these trees a spy in disguise! [Staring at a tree.] I'm on to you tree! You'll never get the recipe! NEVER!!!
[She gets out her boomerang and aims it at the tree]
Tails: [Arrives in the Tailsmobile.] Hey Sticks! How's tricks? I see you're making beige berry pie.
Sticks: [Looks surprised and talks to her berries.] I don't know what he's talking about! I'm taking you to live on a farm! [Turns her attention back to Tails.] Now, if you will excuse me, I have a few trees left to pick. [Leaves.]
Tails: Looks like you could use some help. Be right back! [Leaves.]

[Scene change: Tails' Workshop, day.]

Tails: [Singing as he is constructing a berry picking machine.] Grab-claws connected to the trap-jaw! Trap-jaws connect to the scoop-maw! Scoop-maws connected to the positively-charged resistor-cuffing ion-matrix! [Stops singing and tries to turn it on.] Oops, needs voltage. Lot of trees means lot of "v's"! [Walks over to some matrixes.] Nope. Nope. Nope.
[Tails looks out of the window and watches Sonic playing volleyball with himself.]
Tails: Yep!
[Sonic is inside on an exercise machine attached to Tails' invention.]
Sonic: You sure about this Tails? You know how Sticks is about machines.
Tails: But this thing runs on natural energy: yours! It's better than going green, it's going blue!
Sonic: Say when!
[Sonic adds more speed to the machine but it results in an explosion that leaves Tails charred and dazed.]
Tails: When...

[Scene change: The orchard, day.]

[Sticks is picking berries until Tails' berry picking machine appears and the shaking causes Stick to fall off of her ladder. Sticks jumps over the robot as Tails is controlling it but the robot starts to mow down trees.]
Tails: Well, my work here is done...
[Tails tries to get away but Sticks stops him.]
Sticks: Your machine destroyed the orchard!
Tails: Could be worse! At least you still have the berries.
[The robot crushes up the berries and Sticks looks at Tails angrily. Sonic, Amy, and Knuckles arrive.]
Amy: What happened here?
Sonic: Looks like Tails got himself into a "jam"! Hah! Get it? [Raises his hand.]
Knuckles: Not at all! [Hi-fives Sonic.] But I never leave a hog hanging!
Amy: At least one tree is still standing.
[The Tree Spy runs off.]

[Scene change: An unknown room, day.]

[Three hooded characters along with the guy disguised as a tree are seen viewing over Tails' actions on a computer.]
Willy: Such senseless destruction... Wonderful!
Weasel Bandit: Our organization could the mind that created this! Send him a crimson letter!

[Scene change: The orchard, day.]

[Tails is seen planting seeds.]
Tails: I can't believe Sticks is making replant the entire orchard! Now I'm going to miss the pie festival...
[The three hooded characters approach Tails.]
Willy: [Handing Tails a letter.] This is for you!
[Tails tries to open it but is unsuccessful.]
Weasel Bandit: Uh, maybe it will be easier if we just told you.
Willy: Your ingenuity just earned you an invitation to the five monthly, potluck dinner and raffle of the super secret exclusive club known as...
[One of the members plays a tune.]
Willy, Dave and Weasel Bandit: The Lightning Bolt Society!
Tails: Wow! The Lightning Bolt Society?! Really?! I never heard of it!
Weasel Bandit: That's because it's super secret. Duh! Come! We'll take you to our clubhouse!
Tails: As much as I love to go off with you strangers, my friends left me with an orchard to plant.
[Dave loads some seeds into a device that quickly plants the seeds everywhere.]
Tails: Cool gizmo! How much was it?
Willy: Let's just say, it was a "steal."
Tails: Well, my work here is done! And since I miss the festival, I think I will take you up on that potluck!
Weasel Bandit: We'll divide the membership at once.

[Scene change: Dr. Eggman's lair, day.]

[Eggman is seen playing a game trying to shoot water at a squirrel.]
Dr. Eggman: I've got him now! [He zooms in on the squirrel.] You've stolen your last Sunday paper, you hairy little mutant! [He notices something pop up on his screen.] Ah! Pop-up! Wait, what's this?
Orbot: It appears to be a status update from the Lightning Bolt Society.
Dr. Eggman: Pfft! More like "Lightning Dolt Society"! That clever play on words sound indicates that I think they're a bunch of pests.
[Flashback: Outside Eggman's lair]
[Eggman sees the Lightning Bolt Society going through his trash.]
Dr. Eggman: Hey you bums, get out of my trash!
Willy: Run!
[The Lightning Bolt Society jump out of the skip and run away from Eggman. However, Willy comes back to collect something before disappearing again. Eggman chases them but then stops.]
Dr. Eggman: Gotta invent some device to keep those losers out of my garbage.
[Eggman puts a brick on top of his skip.]
Dr. Eggman: There. That oughta do it.

[Scene Change: Inside Eggman's Lair.]

Dr. Eggman: Why would those wannabes initiate Tails into their group? If they're working with Sonic, I'll never get them out of my trash. [To Orbot and Cubot] To the Eggmobile!
[The camera shows an Eggman Industries symbol and then shows the next scene.]

[Scene Change: Orchard, day.]

[Sonic, Knuckles Amy and Sticks are walking together, the last of whom is holding a pie.]
Amy: Tails! We're back. Sticks won; and we've got some pie for you.
[Sonic, Knuckles, Amy and Sticks look around the field hoping Tails will come, but to no avail.]
Sonic: He's gone.
Sticks: And all the seeds are planted. There's no way he could have done it so fast, unless he used...
Amy: One of his inventions.
Sticks: I was gonna say alien magic, but that was a good guess.
[Team Sonic look at the field as they hear a sound. They step back as the seeds grow into mutated piranha plants. The plants roar at them.]
Amy: What's going on here?!
[Sticks - who is treading on a purple envelope - steps back and picks the envelope up. She sniffs it.]
Sticks: What's this? Some kind of pulped wood?
Amy: [Snatching the envelope] It's an envelope, Sticks.
[Amy opens the envelope and reads the letter inside.]
Amy: Tails is invited to join the Lightning Bolt Society?
Sonic: Wait, aren't those the crooks who are always stealing from the village fruit stand?
Knuckles: [Scratching his head and frowning] They've clearly mistaken Tails for a lemon. Pff. Ha! What fools. [Shakes his head]
[The piranha plants roar at Team Sonic again, forcing them to step back further.]
Sonic: You two stay here and keep these traps shut. Amy and I are going after Tails.
[Sonic takes Amy's hand and retreats with her.]

[Scene Change: Lightning Bolt's Clubhouse, day.]

[Tails is helping himself to some food.]
Weasel Bandit: Tails, [Tails turns and faces him] welcome! Such an honor. I assume you've met everyone.
Tails: Actually, no. Though that tree looks really familiar.
Chameleon: Zipper's stuck. [Groans] Nice to meet you. [Tails shakes hands with the Chameleon.] Have you tried the shrimp?
[Tails runs over to the shrimp bowl and purs the whole bowl onto his plate.]
Willy: What did you bring to the pot-luck?
Tails: Oh. [Hesitating] uh, all I had was beige berry jelly.
[Tails shows the jar to Dave the Intern. He opens the jar and tries out the jelly with his finger. He spits it out.]
Dave: It's full of dirt and twigs.
Chameleon: Ha! I told you he was evil. Do I know how to pick 'em or what?

[Scene Change: Outside the Lightning Bolt's Clubhouse, day.]

[Sonic and Amy look through the window inside the clubhouse.]
Sonic: I say we crashed through the window.
Amy: I say we dress up like Pizza delivery guys.
Sonic: [Looks at Amy arguing] My idea has pizzazz.
Amy: [Looks at Sonic arguing] My idea has pizza.
Sonic: Pizzazz!
Amy: Pizza!
Sonic: Pizzazz!
Amy: Pizza!
[A garbage-man, holding a sack, walks out of the door and interrupts them.]
Garbage-man: Hey, could you strangers hold this door open while I go...
Amy and Sonic: [Interrupting angrily] Not now!
[The garbage man drops his sack and walks back in, closing the door.]
Sonic: Pizzazz!
Amy: Pizza!

[Scene Change: Lightning Bolt's Clubhouse, day.]

[Willy Walrus is on stage.]
Willy: The Lightning Bolt Society is proud to welcome our newest member. He's a deforestation sensation and a berry bad boy. I give you... [Shows his hand out to Tails] Tails!
[Two members holding Tails let go of him and drop him on the stage. Tails looks nervously at the other members.]
Willy: He brought the jam with the dirt in it.
[The Lightning Bolt Society applaud at Tails. He takes off his goggles and Willy puts a fez with the Lightning Bolt Society's logo on it on his head.]
Tails: [Nervously] Oh, uh... Thanks. It's an honor to be among so many... [Pauses and looks at the member.] uh, guys with hats like this one.
Willy: With an evil genius like Tails to lead us, we can go from [Tails shows a suspicious look] two-bit crooks to four-bit crooks; or dare I say it, eight-bit crooks.
Dave: Yes! Combining the warped genius of Tails' deforestation machine, and Eggman's mutant seed gun, we can finally launch our master plan: To control all the fruit in the village! And beyond.
Tails: [Scratches his head] Yeah... Uh, [Suspiciously] having understood very little of that, did I hear the word "evil" in there?
Willy: Indeed! With you as our evil leader, we'll be unstoppable... When it comes to fruit.
Tails: [Scratches his head] Yeah... Um, well. [Takes off his hat quietly] This is a little embarrassing but... I'm not evil.
[The whole group gasp in horror]
Willy: [Angrily] You betrayed us all!
Weasel Bandit: That sounds pretty evil to me.
Dave: Now I'm just confused.
[Dave scratches his head. Suddenly, Sonic breaks through the glass window with a spin attack and arrives at the scene. The camera turns to Amy who is seen running in with a pizza box. They both spot Tails.]
Tails: Guys?
Amy and Sonic: [Happily] Tails!
[They both run towards Tails but stop and turn around when Eggman breaks through the ceiling.]
Dr. Eggman: Dolts!
Amy and Sonic: Eggman?
[Eggman slides down a pole and stands up straight with his hands on his hips.]
Sonic: I gotta admit, that had pizzazz.
Dr. Eggman: Sonic. I've seen through your plan to team up with the Lightning Bolts.
Sonic: What?! I thought you teamed up with them. I'm here to rescue Tails.
Amy: Uh-hum.
Sonic: We. [Amy turns away] I said "we", didn't I?
Dr. Eggman: Me? Team up with these dolts?
Dave: Hey, hey. Words hurt.
Dr. Eggman: I'd never team up with these... dolts. [Miserably] I'm sorry, there's no words for you. [Firmly] So. Whose side are you on?
Willy: We're doing our best to be bad.
Dr. Eggman: [Angrily] Then get Sonic!
Willy: We don't have any weapons.
Dr. Eggman: Now what kind of villains are you? [Angrily] Find some!
[The Lightning Bolt Society look around the room. The Weasel Bandit smiles as he spots a buffet of food on the table. Dramatic music plays as the group collect the food and use them as weapons. The Weasel Bandit throws a shrimp like a frisbee at Sonic. However, he easily dodges it as shrimp bounces off the wall. Willy throws kebabs at Sonic and Amy, whom they dodge. The Weasel Bandit throws a can. Then he discovers along with Dave that their trays are empty. They turn around to the rest of the group.]
Dr. Eggman: Really? That's all you could come up with? I'm not gonna say it, but you know what I'm thinking... you dolts.
[Dave winces]
Sonic: [Looking at Eggman] Looks like it's just you and me.
Amy: [Angrily at Sonic] Uh-hum.
Sonic: [Hesitating] I meant you plural, as in "the two of you and me".
Dr. Eggman: [Impatiently] Hey hey hey, are we gonna battle or what?
Chameleon: [Nervous] Actually, Dr. Eggman, sir... I was wondering if you could autograph my trunk?
[The group roar into a burst of excitement.]
Member 1: Me too!
Member 2: Sign my fez!
Sonic: [Sarcastically] You seem busy, Mr Popularity. I'll catch you on the flip-flop.

[Scene Change: Seaside Island, evening.]

[The piranha plants continue their outburst on Knuckles and Sticks. Knuckles punches two plants. Sticks jumps on a plant but it does not break. She notices Sonic and Amy running towards her.]
Knuckles: Uh, it rained while you were gone.
[Amy whacks some plants with her hammer. Sonic Spin Dashes around some more plants, tying a knot between them, before taking them down one by one. He gasps as the Tails' deforestation machine, which is being remote controlled by Tails, pass through Team Sonic and plow through all the plants on the field, destroying them. Tails smiles as he shows off his remote to the rest of the team.]
Sonic: Nice going, Tails.
Sticks: I guess that machine of yours was good for something after all.
Tails: [Sarcastically] And your paranoid ramblings weren't completely detached from reality.
Sticks: Good talk! Now get planting.
[Tails shows a confused look.]
Sticks: I'd stay and help, but a very nice tree invited me and my pie to a pot-luck dinner at some lodge.
[Sticks walks off.]

[Scene Change: Meh Burger, night.]

[Dave, who is still in his Lightning Bolt's uniform, puts a Meh Burger on the counter.]
Dave: Oops. Almost forgot the sesame seeds.
[He unleashes the Mutant Seed Gun and fires sesame seeds on the burger. Dave laughs maniacally and eats the burger while the screen fades to black.]