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Sonic X
Fast Friends (transcript)

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This is the transcript of the Sonic X episode, "Fast Friends".

[Scene: Thorndyke Mansion]

[Everyone is sleeping. Suddenly, they are awakened by the sound of a loud engine from outside.]
Chris: What's that?
[Tanaka and Ella dash outside, the latter armed with a frying pan, ready to attack the intruder. But the intruder is Sam Speed, who catches Ella's frying pan with his right hand and blocks Tanaka's karate chop with his left foot.]
Sam: Back off! Relax! Lighten up! It's me!
Ella and Tanaka: Huh?
[Chuck appears in the doorway.]
Chuck: Blast it, Sam. Don't you have any idea what time it is?
Sam: [Holds up his left pointer finger] Sure I do! It's morning.
Chuck: [Puts his hands on his hips] It's 3 AM!
Sam: So, it's a little early.
Ella: You're lucky I held myself back. I was just about to batter you like a chicken cutlet.
[She yawns and heads back into the house.]
Tanaka: I'm going back to bed.
[He departs as well.]
Chuck: I hope you didn't wake the neighbors. Huh?
[Chuck notices a large crowd of people gathered behind Sam.]
Chuck: Nice. They're all up. [Chuck hears helicopters flying and looks up.] Huh?
[He also sees a few helicopters flying overhead. Chris walks onto the balcony, where Sonic has also been awoken. The former rubs his eyes.]
Chris: What's going on?
[He sees an even larger group of people on the sides of the street, as wells a few police cars.]
Chris: Where'd all those people come from?
Sonic: I don't know. Looks like they're lined up for a parade.
Chuck: Hey, Sam, isn't that a new car?
[Sam's car is showcased.]
Sam: I'm here to challenge Sonic to a road race!
Chris and Sonic: A race?
Chuck: Hold on! This is a rocket engine!
[A shot is shown of the engine in development.]
Sam: That's the SS III Super Rocket Engine. It was designed by top engineers in the Office of Science and Technology. Over a billion dollars went into its development. [Pointing at Sonic] Sonic, I'm gonna prove once and for all that I'm the fastest guy on the planet!

[The opening theme plays]

Chris: Sonic, are you gonna race against my uncle Sam?
Sonic: [Stands up] No way.
[He heads inside.]
Sam: Hey, wait! You know, for a hedgehog, you sure are spineless!
[He follows Sonic.]

[Scene Change: Chuck's lab]

[Sam throws open the door to the lab, with Chuck shortly behind.]
Sam: Hey, Sonic! We have a race!
[He awakens Tails, who was sleeping.]
Tails: Wha?! [Sleepily] Morning already?
[Chuck tells the story to Tails.]
Chuck: Sonic says he won't race, see?
Tails: [Still drowsy] Huh...?
Sam: He will race.
[Shots of each location about to be said are shown.]
Sam: The starting line will be in front of this house. From here we'll speed downtown, straight through the heart of Station Square. After we blast across the bridge out of the city, the competition will really heat up as we zoom through the desert and navigate the twists and turns of the canyon. A hairpin turn will lead us back to the city. The winner will be the one who reaches the stadium first. There'll be thousand of fans to cheer us on, including the President waiting at the finishing line.
Chris: The President?
Sam: He's gonna congratulate the winner on live TV.
[Jerome Wise appears in the shot smiling excitedly.]
Jerome: The coverage will increase his poll numbers! The President is sure to win reelection in a landslide!
Chris: But why would the government let Uncle Sam use a rocket for a race with Sonic?
Chuck: The S3 was expensive, and they think the race will increase taxpayer support for the project.
Sam: Yeah. You got it.
[Sonic, who was reclining on Chuck's chair up to this point, speaks.]
Sonic: Except we're not gonna race.
Sam: Oh? What's the matter, Sonic? Are you afraid that when our race is over, you'll be known as the second fastest guy on the planet? I'm NOT gonna take no for an answer, Sonic, and I won't let up until you agree to race me!
Chris: [Facepalms] Why couldn't I have a normal family?
Chuck: Look, Sam, you can't expect Station Square to shut down just so you two can have a race.
Sam: Oh, yeah, you wanna bet?
[The TV turns on, showing Scarlet Garcia.]
Scarlet: They're just about ready for the big race at Station Square. The streets will soon be completely clear of traffic, and an enormous crowd is gathering all along the course, waiting for the race to start.
[Nelson and Lindsey Thorndyke appear on the screen.]
Scarlet: They're cheering now for the sponsors of today's race - the popular movie star Lindsey Fair, and her handsome mogul husband Nelson Thorndyke.
Chris: This keeps getting worse...
Chuck: I'll bet my nightcap that you're uncle's the one who got them involved in this ridiculous race.
Sam: Well, Sonic? You're not gonna disappoint that crowd, are ya? They've been waiting for hours to see us go human-to-hedgehog!
Sonic: Tough.
Sam: [Frustrated] Gaaahhh! Come on!

[Scene Change: The White House]

[Jerome is asleep. He begins sleep-hugging and kissing.]
Jerome: Hello, my dear...
[The sound of the phone ringing awakens him, shucking him out of bed. Massaging his head, he answers the phone.]
Jerome: Yeah? Who's this?
Sam: Sonic won't race me! Do something! The President should order him to compete!
[Sam hangs up.]
Jerome: Who is this?
[He now hears a dial tone and puts the phone down and yawns.]
Jerome: Sonic won't race...
[He climbs back into bed]
Jerome: That's too bad. But, if he won't race...
[He has a double take.]
Jerome: Wha?! If Sonic doesn't race Sam Speed, my career's over!
[He envisions an angry crowd holding up signs that say “We want SONIC!” and “Run the REAL RACE!”.]
Crowd: The President lied about the race, so kick him out in disgrace!
Jerome: The President will probably be impeached before the next election, and all because Sonic won't race! We've got to do something! We'll call out the military!
[He envisions the military coming after Sonic.]
Jerome: The Army! The Navy! And the Air Force! Mwahahahaha! That should help convince Sonic to change his mind! No. The Secretary of Defense will probably make a fuss about it. [Excitedly] I know! I'll go over his head!
[A satellite is seen locating the Egg Fort II.]

[Scene Change: The Egg Fort II]

[Eggman is playing chess with a robot identified as Kill Time.]
Kill Time: And that is checkmate.
Dr. Eggman: Rrrgh, you cheater!
Kill Time: [Crosses his arms and turns his head.] Loser.
Dr. Eggman: Whaaat?! I built you, and I can unbuild you!
[He grabs Kill Time by the neck and begins shaking him.]
Dr. Eggman: I'll checkmate you! You pawn!
Kill Time: I promise that I will let you win next time, Doctor.
Dr. Eggman: There won't be a next time.
[An alarm sounds and Jerome Wise appears on his screen. He is wearing a hat and coat to hide his identity.]
Jerome: Doctor Eggman, I have a proposition for you.
Dr. Eggman: Oh yeah? Who are you?
Jerome: That doesn't matter. Now, you wanna settle the score with Sonic?
Kill Time: Huh?
Dr. Eggman: Yes. Maybe.
Jerome: What if I told you that Sonic has been challenged to race against a high-tech rocket car designed by the government?
Dr. Eggman: Really? Is that so?
Jerome: In fact, Sonic is so scared he'll be defeated that he turned us down.
[Eggman drops Kill Time and places his hands on his hips.]
Dr. Eggman: Oh? And so you need me to get Sonic in the race? That's it?
Jerome: You convince Sonic to enter that race, and I'll get you front-row seats to an ice show.
Dr. Eggman: [Pointing] Are you nuts? An ice show?
[Decoe and Bocoe race up to him.]
Decoe: I love figure skating!
Bocoe: Oh, please, can we go?
Decoe: We'll work day and night without complaining!
Bocoe: Not even behind your back like we usually do.
Dr. Eggman: [To Jerome] All right... [All three face him] But how do I know this isn't some kind of elaborate trick you're playing on me?
[Jerome hesitates, then he removes his shades and puts on Bambi eyes.]
Jerome: Look in my eyes and you'll see I'm sincere!
[All three gasp in fear]
Dr. Eggman: Well... Then I'll do it. I'll need a robot to stop Sonic.
[He turns to Kill Time he played chess with.]
Kill Time: Me?
Dr. Eggman: I'll rebuild this one into a model that forces Sonic to enter the race.
Kill Time: No! Please! Doctor! Not me!

[Scene Change: Thorndyke Manor - Outside.]

[Sam is sitting in his car. Tails, Amy, and Chris are checking it out.]
Tails: It's cool!
Amy: It does look fast.
Chris: My uncle Sam wouldn't drive it if it weren't cool and fast.
[Suddenly he hears the sound of Bokkun's laughing. He turns and sees Bokkun hovering there.]
Chris: Oh, brother...
Bokkun: Where's Sonic? I have to see him now. I brought a message with me!
[Sonic is reclining on the railing of the balcony. Bokkun lands in front of him.]
Bokkun: Wake up! I have a message for ya!
[Sonic stands up and gets ready to make a run for it.]
Bokkun: Relax! I promise this one isn't gonna blow up in the end.
Sonic: All right... What is it?
Bokkun: You better enter that race, Sonic, or else you'll have to face this!
[He reaches into his bag and pulls out Kill Time from earlier; only it has been rebuilt into a robot identified as Chu-Mor and has a giant set of lips.]
Chu-Mor: Hi there!
[Sonic leaps off the railing and runs to the opposite side. Chu-Mor runs and leaps into the air towards him. Sonic dodges the attack, causing him to kiss the railing. Bokkun is laughing hysterically. Sonic leaps onto a chair, but Chu-Mor jumps onto the table right in front of him.]
Sonic: Yuck! I don't wanna take any lip from that robot!
[Bokkun is still laughing. Sam revs the motor. Sonic remembers Sam's words from earlier.]
Sam: [Flashback] I'm not gonna take no for an answer, Sonic, and I won't let up until you agree to race me!
Sonic: Then I'll race!
[Chu-Mor flies towards him, but Sonic leaps off the balcony, causing Chu-Mor to kiss Bokkun instead. As Sam revs the motor again, Sonic heads over to the car, where Chris and Chuck are gathered.]
Sonic: Are you gonna play with that pedal all day?
[Chris and Chuck look up in surprise.]
Sonic: Or are we gonna have a race?
[Sam smirks.]

[Scene Change: The starting line.]

[The Thorndykes and Sonic's friends are among the spectators at the starting line.]
Amy: I just don't get it. What made Sonic change his mind?
Tails: I guess he couldn't resist the challenge.
[Chuck is holding the green flag.]
Chuck: On your mark... Get set...
[The racers prepare themselves. Chuck waves the flag.]
Chuck: Go!
[Immediately Sam's car takes off. Sonic chokes on the dust. Eventully, he takes off.]

[Scene Change: The race]

[Scarlet Garcia is giving live coverage of the race.]
Scarlet: This is Scarlet Garcia reporting from News Chopper 1. We now continue out live coverage of the road race of the century as Sonic the Hedgehog takes on Sam Speed. After a delayed start, the racers left the Thorndyke Mansion and are now speeding through downtown Station Square.
[Sonic and Sam are racing neck and neck.]
Sonic: Hey, Sam!
Sam: [Irritated] Yeah, what?
Sonic: I thought this was supposed to be a road race, but your rocket car doesn't even touch the asphalt! What's up? That thing doesn't even have wheels!
[The car has the appearance of having no tires.]
Sam: Yeah? Look close!
[At a closer inspection, Sonic sees that the car does in fact have tires; they are just hidden out of sight.]
Sam: You see? The wheels guide the glide.
Sonic: What if you get a flat?
[Sonic and Sam approach the city.]
Scarlet: Our racers are about to enter the most dangerous part of the course as they steer through these narrow streets at super-high speed. But is the rocket car maneuverable enough to make those hyper-velocity turns?
Sam: It'll be easy.
Sonic: Oh yeah? Then prove it!
[He races ahead of Sam and easily weaves his way through the buildings.]
Sam: Great. Sonic's gone way ahead. Commence Project Straightaway now!
Officer: Roger!
[Several garage doors open, and Sam drives right through them. He laughs.]
Sam: Sorry, Sonic, but being chief of the S-Team gives me the kind of class that allows me to open doors in this city. Hahaha!
[Sonic emerges from another side street to see that Sam has passed him. Sonic catches up to Sam.]
Sonic: That wasn't fair!
Sam: Tough luck.
[Sonic leaps onto the front of the rocket car and relaxes, completely obstructing Sam's view.]
Sam: Get off of my hood, Sonic!
Sonic: Ah... Nice breeze here.
Sam: Hitching a ride is against the rules!
Sonic: Tough luck.
[Sam grunts and chuckles.]
Sam: Okay, you got me. But would you mind moving to the back some so I can see where I'm going? Thank you.
[Sonic stands up and moves to the top of the car.]
Sonic: Right here?
Sam: Further back.
[Sonic moves to the back of the car.]
Sonic: How's this?
Sam: Great. Right there'll do just fine.
[Sam presses a button that activates a spring that sends Sonic flying. Sam laughs.]
Sam: Bye, Sonic!
Scarlet: Strange. What's Sonic doing? Why is he going the wrong way? It certainly is an odd tactic.

[Scene Change: The Egg Fort II]

Dr. Eggman: Hahahaha! That rocket car is my kind of mean machine. Have to try that spring trick on Sonic myself.
[He pulls out a notebook and writes in it.]
Dr. Eggman: Okay. Go, Sumo-Man!

[Scene Change: The race]

[The race continues into the desert. Sonic catches up.]
Sam: That can't be Sonic!
[Suddenly, a massive dust cloud can be seen ahead, and E-45 Sumo-Man emerges from it.]
Sumo-Man: You may not pass! Turn back!
Sonic: A roadblock?
Sam: Hey!
[He presses a button that rotates the rocket car's wings.]
Sumo-Man: Turn back or be destroyed! ... Take that!
[But Sam has passed Sumo-Man and is driving away.]
Sam: Sucker!
[Next up is Sonic.]
Sumo-Man: Huh? Stop now! ... I order you to halt and reverse your course now!
[But Sonic passes him by as well.]
Sumo-Man: How could I have missed Sonic?! Dr. Eggman will punish me! I had better punish myself first!
[He slaps himself into the air.]

[Scene Change: The Egg Fort II]

Bokkun: [Crying] That robot kissed me!
Decoe: Bokkun, It might have been a lot worse, you know. You could have accidentally been kissed by Dr. Eggman.
Bocoe: What a revolting thought.
Dr. Eggman: We blew it!
Chu-Mor: Well, don't blame me! I did my job!
Dr. Eggman: Kiss off, you clown!
[Sumo-Man collides with the Egg Fort II, creating a great explosion. Chu-Mor begins kissing Eggman while he growls softly.]
Chu-Mor: Are you all right? Let me kiss it and make it better... Mwah... Mwah... Mwah...

[Scene Change: The race]

[The two are neck and neck once again. Sam checks his watch.]
Sam: Wow. It's already lunchtime.
[A compartment opens inside the car, and a tray containing a burger and soda extends out. Sam takes a bite of the burger. Sonic looks at Sam eating the burger.]
Sonic: Huh?
Sam: Hey, ya...want a bite?
Sonic: No thanks!
[He runs ahead and then holds a hand to his belly.]
Sonic: Come to think of it, I am pretty hungry.
Chris: [Off-screen calling] Hey, Sonic!
[Sonic looks up to see the X-Tornado. Chris is in the second seat, holding out a container of food.]
Chris: Ella sent some ham sandwiches and milk for ya!
Sonic: Wow, thanks, Chris! That looks deli--
[Suddenly Sam drives past Sonic, coating him, Chris, and the food in sand.]
Sam: My bad, heh!
[Sonic shakes the sand off of him.]
Sonic: I'll pass on the sandwich!
Chris: Sorry, Sonic. See you at the finish line.
Sonic: Right!
[As the X-Tornado flies away, Sam and Sonic increase their speed.]
Scarlet: This road race is still up for grabs as our racers prepare to speed through the canyon.
[The two racers head off a cliff, turn around at the turning point, and leap back onto the cliff.]
Scarlet: Our racers have reached the halfway point and are now speeding back toward Station Square. Sonic and Sam Speed are still running neck and neck.

[Scene Change: The finish line.]

[As photographers prepare for a photo finish, Jerome checks his watch.]
Jerome: What's taking the President so long? The race is going to finish soon.
[His cell phone rings. He answers it.]
Jerome: Hello? ... What? But can't the President hold his emergency security meeting later? ... All right. If it can't be changed...
[He hangs up.]
Jerome: I'll fill in.
[He begins imagining vain thoughts.]
Jerome: It's just as well. I'm more photogenic than the President anyway. In fact, I'm more lovable than my boring boss, too! I can use this race to launch my own campaign! Then the world will call me Mr. President! [Jerome begins laughing]
Amy: What are you laughing at?
[Jerome snaps back to reality]
Jerome: Huh? [He looks at Amy for a few seconds and then turns away] Oh, nothing.
[He continues giggling, and Amy shrugs.]

[Scene Change: The race.]

Scarlet: Now, the two challengers are racing into the city, and pulling out all the stops as they speed toward the stadium!
[The crowd cheers. The Thorndykes and Sonic's friends appear nervous.]
Amy: Come on, Sonic.
Sam: All right... It's rocket time!
[He bursts ahead.]
Scarlet: Look out! Sam Speed is pulling away!
Sonic: Oh yeah?
[He speeds ahead too, and cross the finish line. It is indeed a photo finish. The crowd cheers.]
Scarlet: Well, it looks like we have a tie! That was close! The judges will examine photos to see if they can determine a winner. The results will be posted on the stadium monitor.
[The big screen shows Sonic leaping over the finish line tape, posing for the camera, then heading back for a photo finish. Sonic smugly rubs under his nose, and Sam looks shocked.]
Scarlet: Amazing! Sonic not only crossed the finish line first; he went back for an encore! Sonic is the winner!
Amy: Congratulations! Ohhhh!
[She runs up to Sonic and hugs him.]
Sonic: Aw, it's no big deal.
Lindsey: [Off-screen] Oh, Sonic.
[Sonic looks up to see Nelson and Lindsey Thorndyke. Nelson claps.]
Lindsey: Well done.
[She hands him a bouquet of roses.]
Sonic: Thanks a lot.
[Sonic and Sam exchange a wink and thumbs-up.]
Jerome: [Off-screen] Sonic!
[Sonic looks up to see Jerome.]
Jerome: That was just great.
[Sonic looks at the cameras.]
Sonic: Uh...
Jerome: [Whispering] Sonic. Shake my hand. Hurry up so they can take our picture together.
[Sonic grits his teeth and growls at Jerome. Jerome's cell phone rings. He answers it.]
Jerome: Hello? ... Oh, hi there, Vivian! ... What? I'm under investigation for negotiating with Dr. Eggman?
[Immediately the press begins taking photos.]
Jerome: No! There's no way I'll be President now! [He groans, Sonic shrugs. The episode ends.]