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Sonic Boom
Eggman the Auteur (transcript)

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This is the transcript of the Sonic Boom episode, "Eggman the Auteur".

[Scene: Meh Burger, day.]

[Dave the Intern carries a tray over the counter. Sonic and Tails are waiting in the queue.]
Dave: OK here we are. Two double Meh Burgers with extra pickles.
Sonic: Boy, I love Meh Burger. There's something about their mediocre food that really makes my stomach rumble.
[A rumble is heard in the background.]
Tails: Is it safe to assume that that conveniently timed event wasn't you?
Sonic: Well it wasn't only me. We better find out what caused it.
[Sonic and Tails run off.]

[Scene Change: Seaside Island, day.]

[Villagers run away screaming as Obliterator Bot attacks the island. Sonic and Tails approach it. Obliterator Bot throws a rock at Sonic and Tails, which they dodge.]
Sonic: Wanna throw me at its face?
Tails: More than anything!
[Tails deploys an Enerbeam for Sonic to hold on to. Tails spins Sonic around in the air. Sonic then releases the Enerbeam and flies towards Obliterator Bot. Sonic Homing Attacks Obliterator Bot’s head, decapitating it.]
Dr. Eggman: [Off-screen] Cut!
Sonic: Huh?
[Eggman grunts on his loudspeaker and throws it to the ground. Eggman jumps off the Eggmobile in fury and kicks the loudspeaker at Sonic. Sonic dodges the loudspeaker.]
Dr. Eggman: I'm used to you runing my plans, schemes, weapons, fortresses, confidence, and robots, but now you've gone too far!
Sonic: What's that, Egghead?
Dr. Eggman: That robot wasn't supposed to be destroyed in this scene. Now I'm gonna have to rewrite the entire second act. Orbot, script!
[Orbot gives the script to Eggman. He reads it]
Sonic: Are you making a movie?
Dr. Eggman: Not a movie. The movie, and there may be a way to save the shot you ruined. How'd you like to play Sonic the Hedgehog in my film?
Sonic: No way.
Dr. Eggman: He's an irritating character who constantly annoys me. It's the role you were born to play!
Tails: Come on, Egghead. We all know this movie thing is just a ruse to distract us from some evil plan!
Dr. Eggman: No... It's a film. Something totally new. It's not a drama. It's not a documentary. It's somewhere in between, sort of like brunch.
Sonic: Yeah. And they both have rotten eggs on the menu. Sorry, not interested. [Sonic and Tails walk away.]
Dr. Eggman: [Angrily] You know, you could encourage me once in a while! [Folds his arms]

[Scene Change: Sonic's Shack, day.]

[Sonic is relaxing on his hammock when Amy turns up with an angry look on her face.]
Amy: Do you have any idea what's going on outside?!
Sonic: Judging by your outrage, I'd guess someone's having fun.
Amy: Eggman is making a movie.
Sonic: I know. He wanted me to be in it. But I turned him down.
Amy: He found someone else to play you.

[Scene Change: Village Center, day.]

[A clipboard snaps and shows Dave the Intern in a Sonic costume.]
Dave: [Slowly] Duuuh... Maybe iffen I knock down enough robots, then chili dogs will fly out.

[Dave jumps on the floor and rolls his eyes. Orbot and Cubot are recording the scene while Eggman watches. Sonic and Amy are watching the scene, too.]

Dr. Eggman: Cut! Good, but remember, you're Sonic the Hedgehog, so make it louder and stupider.
[Sonic and Amy look at Eggman.]
Dr. Eggman: Let's go again in three, two, one...
[Clipboard snaps.]
Dave: [In descending tone of voice] Duuuh! Duuuh! Duuuuuh!
Dr. Eggman: What's this? Sonic the Hedgehog causing trouble yet again? I'll make quick work of that menace.
Sonic: [On loudspeaker] Cut!
Dr. Eggman: Hey! Only I say cut!
Sonic: This film is a joke! You cast Dave the Intern as me?!
Dr. Eggman: You turned down the part.
Sonic: Because I knew you'd get it wrong!
Dr. Eggman: Tell you what. If you agree to play you, I'll let you have creative input on your character.
Amy: [Clears throat] My client will do it. You're gonna need someone to look out for your best interests on this movie. I'll be your manager.
Sonic: Huh... Okay, I'm in.
Dr. Eggman: Excellent. Dave, you're demoted. [Points to the Meh Burger kitchen] Back to catering.
Dave: I never stopped doing the catering! Oh no, my enchiladas!
[Dave tries putting out the fire on the barbecue grill with a spade.]
Dave: Lunch is gonna be late.
[The grill combusts into a fireball, covering Dave and the Sonic suit in black ash.]

[Scene Change: Canyon, day.]

Dr. Eggman: In this scene, the Giant Robot chases you. You run up that wall, jump off the top, and do that incredibly annoying thing where you turn into a pointy ball and blow up my beloved machine.
Amy: Hmm...That sounds dangerous.
Dr. Eggman and Sonic: Yeah. So?
Amy: My client will definitely not be doing any stunts.
Dr. Eggman: But he has to destroy the robot. I want this to have universal appeal, and one thing everyone can relate to is having their robots destroyed by a meddlesome hedgehog.
Amy: Then hire a stunt man.

[Scene Change: Village Center, day.]

[Knuckles is dressed up as Sonic.]
Knuckles: And if you need me to do my own stunts, I also have a Knuckles costume.
Dr. Eggman: Action!
[The clipboard snaps as the scene shows Sonic and Giant Robot. Sonic strikes a fighting pose.]
Dr. Eggman: Stuntman in!
[Knuckles takes Sonic's place and copies Sonic's pose.]
Dr. Eggman: Aaand action!
[Giant Robot slams its fist down, flattening Knuckles.]
Dr. Eggman: Cut! Great scene, Sonic! I like the new ending. Let's set up for the next shot, people!
[Giant Robot lets go of Knuckles. Half-buried in the ground, he rolls his eyes and shakes his head.]

[Scene Change: Canyon, day.]

[Sonic runs down the canyon hole and approaches a Motobug at the base. Sonic strikes a fighting pose.]
Dr. Eggman: Cut! Stunt man!
[Knuckles takes Sonic's place and copies Sonic's pose.]
Dr. Eggman: Action!
[The Motobug shoots a rocket at Knuckles, burning him.]

[Scene Change: Mayor's Mansion, day.]

[Sonic is about to drink a mug of tea at a teaparty with dolls attending.]
Dr. Eggman: Stunt man!
[Knuckles takes Sonic's place and copies Sonic's pose.]
Dr. Eggman: Action!
[Knuckles drinks the mug]
Knuckles: Ow! Hot!
[Knuckles tries to drink it again]
Knuckles: Ow! Hot! Hot! Hot!
Dr. Eggman: Don't ad lib!
[A Motobug shows up and destroys the table with its missile, burning Knuckles. Just as the dazed Knuckles is about to drink again, Giant Robot slams its fist down on him.]

[Scene Change: Seaside Island, jungle, day.]

[Eggman watches a holographic preview of his film with his Yes Bots.]
Dr. Eggman: This footage is absolutely spectacular, isn't it, Yes Bots?
Yes Bot 1: Oh yeah.
Yes Bot 2: Brilliant.
Yes Bot 3: Done it again.
Dr. Eggman: Hmm...
Sonic: Yo, Egghead. I've been reading the rest of the script...
Dr. Eggman: [Smiles.] And?
Sonic: It's confusing. You present yourself as an underdog and an all-powerful tyrant which kinda makes no sense.
Dr. Eggman: I'm a very complex character.
Yes Bot 1: Absolutely.
Yes Bot 2: Couldn't agree more.
Yes Bot 3: I drink motor oil when no-one's watching.
Sonic: But who's gonna believe that an evil scientist with unlimited resources can't defeat a hedgehog?
Yes Bot 2: Absolutely, you're totally correct.
[Eggman teleports Yes Bot 3 away with a laser from his wrist controller. Sonic opens his mouth in shock.]
Dr. Eggman: Anyone else have something to say about my script?

[Scene Change: Tails' Workshop, night.]

[Sonic angrily walks into Tails' Workshop with the script. Tails is busy working on something.]
Sonic: Eggman is the worst director, I've ever worked with!
Tails: You've never worked with another director, so technically he's also the best director you've ever worked with.
Sonic: I'm an ac-tor. I was being dramatic, but this script is a mess.
Tails: Let me see.
[Tails reads the script.]
Tails: Hmm... Well... If he just covers the origin of his mustache in a flashback instead of putting it at the beginning...
Sonic: I didn't even think of that.
Tails: This part where you battle Drill Bot could be pretty cool, but it belongs at the end. And he spent too much time on this musical number. Hand me a pen.
[Sonic hands over a pen to Tails. Tails crosses out parts of the script and writes comments on several pages.]

[Scene Change: Seaside Island, jungle, day.]

[Orbot and Cubot are adding makeup to Eggman. Sonic and Amy arrive and return the script to him.]
Sonic: Hey, Egghead. Tails and I saved your film.
[Sonic throws the script to Eggman. Eggman reads it.]
Dr. Eggman: What are you talking about? [Looks through the script] This is dreadful! Sonic would never say that.
Sonic: We do the script my way, or I walk!
Dr. Eggman: This film must be my vision. [Throws the script down on the ground] Not yours! Mine! Mine, mine, mine! If you know everything, Mr. and Mrs. know-everything then where's your camera, your robots? Neither one of you even has a beret!
[Sonic and Amy frown at Eggman, and they walk off.]
Dr. Eggman: [Low voice] I hate that hedgehog.

[Scene Change: Sonic's Shack, day.]

[Sonic is resting on a sunbed. Orbot and Cubot approach him.]
Cubot: Sonic?
Sonic: [Keeping his eyes closed] I'm busy.
Cubot: Please. You gotta stop Dr. Eggman.
Sonic: [Keeping his eyes closed] For making a movie?
Orbot: The movie's all a ruse. He's just pretending to film so he can use Drill Bot to drill for Unacquirum under the set.
Sonic: [Sits up] Why are you telling me this?
Orbot: Then he's going to use the Unacquirum to build an all-new robot army and throw out all the old ones.
Cubot: Including us!
Orbot: He's going to melt us down and use us for scrap.
Cubot: My lifelong dream was to not be melted down and used for scrap.
[Sonic lowers his brow.]

[Scene Change: Seaside Island, jungle, day]

[Drill Bot is drilling into the ground. Sonic jumps and tries a Homing Attack, but Drill Bot deflects him with its free hand. Sonic tries again and fails. Drill Bot goes on the attack and fires a missile at Sonic. Sonic dodges it and lures it back towards Drill Bot, thereby making the missile destroying Drill Bot, whose decapitated head lands on the ground.]
Sonic: So much for your scheme, Egghead!
Dr. Eggman: Cut! Terrific! That's a wrap!
Sonic: Terrific? I saw through your ruse and foiled your evil plan!
Dr. Eggman: It wasn't a ruse, Sonic. It was a double ruse.
Cubot: Yeah. That's approximately... Two ruses. Give or take?
Dr. Eggman: Quiet you. Thanks for appearing in the last scene of my film.
[Eggman laughs and runs off, carrying the camera. Eggman jumps onto the Eggmobile. Orbot and Cubot grab onto the edge of the Eggmobile and they set off.]
Sonic: The old double ruse. How did I not see that one coming?

[Scene Change: Outside Eggman's Lair, night.]

[Eggman his holding open house for his movie's premiere. A brightly lit red carpet affair is being held at the lair. Villagers and robots are gathered at the sides, cheering for Eggman as he walks down the red carpet. Orbot and Cubot are playing news reporters.]
Orbot: This film has success written all over it. I think the question on everybody's mind is: what will your next project be?
Dr. Eggman: The plan was always that this would be the first installment of a quadrilogy. That's even better than a trilogy because it's four instead of three.
Cubot: What's that, like 8%?
Orbot: Ooh! There's supporting actor Sonic the Hedgehog with his manager.
[Sonic and Amy are on the red carpet. Sonic is writing a autograph to Stratford.]
Dr. Eggman: Ignore them! This is my night.
[Eggman smiles as the press takes pictures of him.]

[Scene Change: Inside Eggman's Lair.]

[Sonic, Tails, Amy, Knuckles and the other villagers have taken their seats in the movie theater. Everybody is midly chatting]
Dr. Eggman: Shhh.
[Eggman eats popcorns as the movie starts.]
Dr. Eggman: [On the movie screen] Now that I finally have a mustache, I can embark on my dream of world domination.
[Everyone in the movie theater laughs.]
Dr. Eggman: What?! Stop laughing! I order you to stop!
Dr. Eggman: [On the movie screen] I can finally fulfill my lifelong evil dream: building my own theme park!
[Everyone in the movie theater laughs. Eggman growls.]
Dr. Eggman: Why aren't they hypnotized?! They're supposed to be hypnotized!
Orbot: In your haste, you forgot to install the movie mind slaver device into the camera.
Dr. Eggman: So much for my triple ruse. Okay, everybody out!
[Everybody in the movie theater, except Orbot and Cubot, leave, grumbling unsatisfied. Eggman sits down in his seat and receives popcorns from Cubot. Eggman, Orbot and Cubot continue to watch the movie.]
Dr. Eggman: This really is quite good. Oh, here's the scene where I watch my movie.
[Eggman sheds a tear as the screen fades to black.]