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Sonic Boom
Dude, Where's My Eggman? (transcript)

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This is the transcript of the Sonic Boom episode, "Dude, Where's My Eggman?".

[Scene: Eggman's Lair, day.]

[Orbot and Cubot are lying on the floor.]
Orbot: What happened to us last night? My head is spinning.
Cubot: That's not spinning! This is! [Spins his head around] Oh, that was a mistake. I hope whatever we did yesterday didn't involve a heavy meal.
Orbot: I'll check my memory array. [Loads] Curious. Last night's memory file appears to have been erased. Check yours.
[Cubot nods his head. His file stops loading partway through. Orbot presses Cubot's eyes, and they close. Cubot reboots himself.]
Cubot: Where was I?
Orbot: Perhaps Dr. Eggman knows something about this. Dr. Eggman! Sir?
[They check the next room.]
Orbot: That's odd. Usually by this time he's telling us how inadequate we are. It appears as though he's completely vanished.
Cubot: Uh, so wait, Dr. E ain't here? I can do whatever I want? I'm gonna kick over that garbage can!
[Cubot tries to kick the garbage can, but he fails. Orbot comes and he knocks the garbage can over.]
Cubot: That'll teach you to mess with me, doc!
Orbot: We need to figure out what happened to us last night and find Dr. Eggman. [Thinks] But, where to start?

[Scene Change: Sonic's Shack, day.]

Sonic: What do you two bolt-bags want?
Cubot: Oh, my own talk show, long blonde hair, taste buds...
Orbot: But that's not why we're here; we seemed to have misplaced Dr. Eggman. Did you and he perchance battle yesterday?
Knuckles: Oh, we battled alright; I remember it like it was yesterday.
Sonic: It was yesterday.
Knuckles: What was?

[Scene Change: Countryside (fantasy), day.]

[Fantasy-Eggman has his Badniks and cackles evilly.]
Fantasy-Dr. Eggman: I've got you now!
[In Knuckles' fantasy, Sonic is cowardly and Knuckles is the brave one. Fantasy-Sonic begins panicking.]
Fantasy-Sonic: Oh no, I guess we have no other choice but to give up!
[Fantasy-Sonic begins to run away, but the scene pauses. The real Sonic comes up.]
Sonic: Hey, that's not how it--
[The real Knuckles shushes him, and the scene continues. Fantasy-Sonic runs away and slams right into a tree.]
Fantasy-Knuckles: [Groans] I'll handle this!
[Fantasy-Knuckles runs towards Fantasy-Eggman and knocks away the Badniks. He skids to a stop in front of Fantasy-Eggman, who begins whimpering and gently pounding Fantasy-Knuckles' chest.]
Fantasy-Knuckles: Now, you've made me mad.
[Fantasy-Knuckles leaps into the sky, and his body is coated by energy. He launches a blast of energy towards Fantasy-Eggman, who opens an umbrella to protect himself. However, it is burnt down by the energy blast. Fantasy-Eggman sobs as Fantasy-Knuckles lands on the ground.]
Fantasy-Amy: What a dreamboat!
[Fantasy-Amy and Fantasy-Sticks come up to Fantasy-Knuckles and hug him.]
Fantasy-Sonic: I wanna be just like you when I grow up.
Fantasy-Tails: Knuckles, you've been elected governor!
Fantasy-Knuckles: All in a day's work!
[Knuckles smiles at the camera and flies up into the sky, eventually heading up into space as his fantasy ends.]

[Scene Change: Sonic's Shack, day.]

[Knuckles is standing proudly, but Sonic is unimpressed by Knuckles' imagination.]
Orbot: That's all very nice, but I believe we were inquiring as to the whereabouts of Dr. Eggman.
Sonic: Yeah, after we, as a team, defeated Eggman, he retreated toward the marketplace.
Orbot: Many thanks.
[Orbot and Cubot head off.]
Knuckles: Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to write my acceptance speech. What rhymes with "governor"?
[Sonic stares at the audience.]

[Scene Change: Village Center, Day]

Orbot: Keep your optical sensors peeled, Cubot. There must be a clue around here somewhere.
Mike: Hey, you two! Oh, you got a lot of nerve coming around here after what Eggman pulled last night!
Orbot: Dr. Eggman was here?
Mike: He was, and he tried to make me the victim of his most evil scheme to date!

[Scene Change: Village Center (flashback), evening.]

[Eggman is standing outside Mike's shop. Interestingly, he is holding the very same burnt umbrella from Knuckles' fantasy in real life.]
Dr. Eggman: I'd like to return this umbrella.
Mike: You can't expect a refund for that! It's broken!
Dr. Eggman: What are you talking about? It works fine! See?
[Eggman repeatedly opens and closes the remains of the top of the umbrella, but one of the ribs cracks.]
[Mike looks off to the side, annoyed.]
Dr. Eggman: But you have a thirty-day return policy! This is ridiculous! [Grunt!]
[Eggman glances over at a pyramid of cans and kicks it, knocking over two on the bottom left end. However, the pyramid does not topple over.]
[Eggman looks at the pyramid in disbelief.]
Dr. Eggman: Eh?!
[Mike continues to look at Eggman annoyed, then watches as Eggman throws the umbrella to the ground and stomp off.]
Dr. Eggman: You just lost a customer, pal!

[Scene Change: Village Center, Day]

Mike: After he ran out, I called the police.

[Orbot and Cubot float over to Beaver Policeman, who is standing nearby.]

Orbot: Officer?

[Beaver Policeman spits out his drink in shock.]

Beaver Policeman: Hey! Don't sneak up on a guy! It's not nice!

[He begins to take a sip of his drink.]

Orbot: I do apologize, but have you seen our missing employer? He's a loud, stocky fellow, with an evil laugh, and uh, you know.

[Orbot traces the shape of Eggman's mustache in front of his face with his arms spread out in a flourish, his fingers pinched at the ends.]

[Beaver Policeman spits out his drink again.]

Beaver Policeman: Oh no, that guy, he's a dangerous criminal. We caught him last night. The streets are a lot safer with him off the, um, streets.

[He continues sipping his drink.]

[Orbot looks at Cubot.]

Cubot: Thanks!

[Beaver Policeman spits out his drink again.]

Beaver Policeman: You're welcome!

[Orbot and Cubot head off; they stop a small distance from Beaver policeman, and Orbot turns to Cubot.]

Orbot: We need to raise bail money to get the boss out of jail! And I know just how to do it!

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