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Sonic Boom
Dude, Where's My Eggman? (transcript)

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This is the transcript of the Sonic Boom episode, "Dude, Where's My Eggman?".

[Scene: Eggman's Lair, day.]

[Orbot and Cubot are lying on the floor.]
Orbot: What happened to us last night? My head is spinning.
Cubot: That's not spinning! This is! [Spins his head around] Oh, that was a mistake. I hope whatever we did yesterday didn't involve a heavy meal.
Orbot: I'll check my memory array. [Loads] Curious. Last night's memory file appears to have been erased. Check yours.
[Cubot nods his head. His file stops loading partway through. Orbot presses Cubot's eyes, and they close. Cubot reboots himself.]
Cubot: Where was I?
Orbot: Perhaps Dr. Eggman knows something about this. Dr. Eggman! Sir?
[They check the next room.]
Orbot: That's odd. Usually by this time he's telling us how inadequate we are. It appears as though he's completely vanished.
Cubot: Uh, so wait, Dr. E ain't here? I can do whatever I want? I'm gonna kick over that garbage can!
[Cubot tries to kick the garbage can, but he fails. Orbot comes and he knocks the garbage can over.]
Cubot: That'll teach you to mess with me, doc!
Orbot: We need to figure out what happened to us last night and find Dr. Eggman. [Thinks] But, where to start?

[Scene Change: Sonic's Shack, day.]

Sonic: What do you two bolt-bags want?
Cubot: Oh, my own talk show, long blonde hair, taste buds...
Orbot: But that's not why we're here; we seemed to have misplaced Dr. Eggman. Did you and he perchance battle yesterday?
Knuckles: Oh, we battled alright; I remember it like it was yesterday.
Sonic: It was yesterday.
Knuckles: What was?

[Scene Change: Countryside (fantasy), day.]

[Fantasy-Eggman has his Badniks and cackles evilly.]
Fantasy-Dr. Eggman: I've got you now!
[In Knuckles' fantasy, Sonic is cowardly and Knuckles is the brave one. Fantasy-Sonic begins panicking.]
Fantasy-Sonic: Oh no, I guess we have no other choice but to give up!
[Fantasy-Sonic begins to run away, but the scene pauses. The real Sonic comes up.]
Sonic: Hey, that's not how it--
[The real Knuckles shushes him, and the scene continues. Fantasy-Sonic runs away and slams right into a tree.]
Fantasy-Knuckles: [Groans] I'll handle this!
[Fantasy-Knuckles runs towards Fantasy-Eggman and knocks away the Badniks. He skids to a stop in front of Fantasy-Eggman, who begins whimpering and gently pounding Fantasy-Knuckles' chest.]
Fantasy-Knuckles: Now, you've made me mad.
[Fantasy-Knuckles leaps into the sky, and his body is coated by energy. He launches a blast of energy towards Fantasy-Eggman, who opens an umbrella to protect himself. However, it is burnt down by the energy blast. Fantasy-Eggman sobs as Fantasy-Knuckles lands on the ground.]
Fantasy-Amy: What a dreamboat!
[Fantasy-Amy and Fantasy-Sticks come up to Fantasy-Knuckles and hug him.]
Fantasy-Sonic: I wanna be just like you when I grow up.
Fantasy-Tails: Knuckles, you've been elected governor!
Fantasy-Knuckles: All in a day's work!
[Knuckles smiles at the camera and flies up into the sky, eventually heading up into space as his fantasy ends.]

[Scene Change: Sonic's Shack, day.]

[Knuckles is standing proudly, but Sonic is unimpressed by Knuckles' imagination.]
Orbot: That's all very nice, but I believe we were inquiring as to the whereabouts of Dr. Eggman.
Sonic: Yeah, after we, as a team, defeated Eggman, he retreated toward the marketplace.
Orbot: Many thanks.
[Orbot and Cubot head off.]
Knuckles: Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to write my acceptance speech. What rhymes with "governor"?
[Sonic stares at the audience.]

[Scene Change: Village Center, Day]

Orbot: Keep your optical sensors peeled, Cubot. There must be a clue around here somewhere.
Mike: Hey, you two! Oh, you got a lot of nerve coming around here after what Eggman pulled last night!
Orbot: Dr. Eggman was here?
Mike: He was, and he tried to make me the victim of his most evil scheme to date!

[Scene Change: Village Center (flashback), evening.]

[Eggman is standing outside Mike's shop. Interestingly, he is holding the very same burnt umbrella from Knuckles' fantasy in real life.]
Dr. Eggman: I'd like to return this umbrella.
Mike: You can't expect a refund for that! It's broken!
Dr. Eggman: What are you talking about? It works fine! See?
[Eggman repeatedly opens and closes the remains of the top of the umbrella, but one of the ribs cracks.]
[Mike looks off to the side, annoyed.]
Dr. Eggman: But you have a thirty-day return policy! This is ridiculous! [Grunt!]
[Eggman glances over at a pyramid of cans and kicks it, knocking over two on the bottom left end. However, the pyramid does not topple over.]
[Eggman looks at the pyramid in disbelief.]
Dr. Eggman: Eh?!
[Mike continues to look at Eggman annoyed, then watches as Eggman throws the umbrella to the ground and stomp off.]
Dr. Eggman: You just lost a customer, pal!

[Scene Change: Village Center, Day]

Mike: After he ran out, I called the police.
[Orbot and Cubot float over to Beaver Policeman, who is standing nearby.]
Orbot: Officer?
[Beaver Policeman spits out his drink in shock.]
Beaver Policeman: Hey! Don't sneak up on a guy! It's not nice!
[He begins to take a sip of his drink.]
Orbot: I do apologize, but have you seen our missing employer? He's a loud, stocky fellow, with an evil laugh and uh, you know.
[Orbot traces the shape of Eggman's mustache in front of his face with his arms spread out in a flourish, his fingers pinched at the ends. Beaver Policeman spits out his drink again.]
Beaver Policeman: Oh no, that guy, he's a dangerous criminal. We caught him last night. The streets are a lot safer with him off the, um, streets.
[He continues sipping his drink. Orbot looks at Cubot.]
Cubot: Thanks!
[Beaver Policeman spits out his drink again.]
Beaver Policeman: You're welcome!
[Orbot and Cubot head off; they stop a small distance from Beaver policeman, and Orbot turns to Cubot.]
Orbot: We need to raise bail money to get the boss out of jail! And I know just how to do it!

[Scene Change: Village Center, Day]

[Orbot and Cubot are seen playing in a band with a group of villagers. Orbot strums an acoustic guitar while Cubot plays the drums.]
Cubot: [Singing] Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer, do! I'm half cra-zy, all for the love of you...
Tails: Yeesh!
[Tails - in the group - walks over to the robots. He drops coins into the robots' jar. The robots breathe a sigh of relief. Orbot has a think.]
Orbot: I have a better idea. So, with your donation, we can finally build that oil bath for the old robots' home.

[Scene Change: Amy's House, Day.]

Amy: Of course.
[Amy gets up off her couch. The robots share a high five. Amy brings out a pink sack from her basket.]
Amy: I've been collecting for a charity myself. "Operation Toasty Beak". We provide sweaters for baby penguins.
[She brings out a photograph to them. It is of a baby penguin wrapped in a pink sweater.]
Orbot: [Upset] They must be so cold in the frozen tundra.
Amy: [Miserably] They are. And we have all these sweaters for them.
[The camera cuts to a box full of sweaters.]
Amy: [Miserably] But we can't afford the jet fuel to deliver the sweaters.
Cubot: [Upset] Those poor little fluff-balls.
Amy: [Upset] I was saving this money for that, but your cause seems important too. Here you go.
[Amy gives the pink sack to Cubot. The robots look at the photograph one more time, then start crying out loud. Amy flinches a little in surprise.]
Cubot: We can't do it. You keep the money. [Brings out a jar with Tails' coins.] Oh, and take ours too.
[The robots continue sobbing as they leave the house.]
Cubot: Penguin sweaters...

[Scene Change: Village Center, Day]

[The robots watch T.W. Barker investigate the Eggmobile.]
Cubot: I don't think we should sell the Eggmobile. The boss ain't gonna like it.
T.W. Barker: Ah, I see what's going on here. You're trying to con me. Well, you're not gonna pull one over on T.W. Barker, no siree!
Orbot: [Panicking] Oh. No! We're not trying...
T.W. Barker: So, how about I take her out for a test drive? But if I like the way she runs, you've got yourselves a sale. Just name the price!
Cubot: [Excitedly whispering to Orbot] Hey, he says we can name the price! This guy must be a real sucker.
Orbot: Mr. Barker, we have a...
[Before he could finish, Barker quickly jumps onto the Eggmobile and drives off.]
Orbot: ...Deal.
[Barker blinks and doffs his hat while he drives off into the island. The robots begin waiting.]

[Scene Change: Village Center, Sunset]

[The robots continue waiting.]

[Scene Change: Village Center, Night]

[The robots continue waiting.]

[Scene Change: Village Center, Morning]

[The robots continue waiting. A cockerel crowing noise is heard in the background.]

[Scene Change: Village Center, Day]

[The robots continue waiting. Soon, Cubot has had enough of waiting.]
Cubot: [Angrily clenching his fists] That's it! We tried doing things your way, now we're gonna do things my way!
[The camera cuts to a wall. An explosion is made. It then reveals Cubot has brought out a gun, which he then retrieves. Holy music plays while the smoke appears on screen.]
Cubot: Boss! Over here!
[As the smoke clears, the music drains to low key as Willy Walrus walks in through the hole to greet the robots. The Robots flinch. A siren noise plays in the background. The robots look at each other in surprise. Willy Walrus starts running away, with the robots following them while dramatic music plays. They sit down beside a tree.]
Willy Walrus: Thanks for the help, fellas. I always appreciate a good jail-break. Willy Walrus, nice to meet you.
Cubot: [Scratching his head] We thought you was Eggman...
Willy Walrus: [Laughs] Oh, I get mistaken for him all the time. In fact, I was just talking to him about it last night... I was walking through the marketplace when...
[A flashback plays.]
Dr. Eggman: [Angrily] You just lost a customer, pal!
[Eggman barges into Willy while he stomps off.]
Willy Walrus: Whoa! Who's this handsome fella?
[Eggman stops and turns around.]
Dr. Eggman: [Laughs] Oh, you honey dripper. I'd love to chat but I gotta break into a helium warehouse.
Willy Walrus: [Excitedly] Well, you bumped into the right walrus. Breaking and entering is my speciality.
Dr. Eggman: Well, what are we waiting for? After you.

[Scene Change: Helium Warehouse, Night, Flashback]

[An explosion shakes and lights up the building. The camera reveals Eggman - holding a Disintegrator Ray - and Willy. They explore the place. Eggman perches on a helium canister.]
Dr. Eggman: How do we know these are helium?
[Eggman tips over the canister. It falls flat and leaks helium into the atmosphere.]
Willy Walrus: [Squeaky Voice] I'm not sure.
Dr. Eggman: (Squeaky Voice) If only there was some way to tell.
[Sirens play in the background again. Eggman and Willy stay alert and run in opposite directions. The flashback ends.]

[Scene Change: Seaside Island, Day]

Willy Walrus: And that's the last I saw of him. I spent the rest of the night in the joint. Breaking and entering is my speciality but I'm not so good at exiting.

[Scene Change: Helium Warehouse, Day]

[Cubot and Orbot enter the building.]
Orbot: [Calling] Dr. Eggman? Dr. Eggman? Are you in here?
Cubot: [Calling] Here, Eggy, Eggy!
[They see a helium canister flat on the floor in the middle of the room. Cubot looks the other way and finds the Disintegrator Ray.]
Cubot: [Gasps] Look! It's his disintegrator ray.
Orbot: Finally... A real clue! Now, all we have to do is follow the path of destruction and...
[He sees Eggman's mustache on the ground and gasps. He picks it up.]
Orbot: Dr. Eggman's moustache! [Upset, with tears showing in his eyes.] In his panic he must have misfired his ray and... and...
Cubot: [Upset, with tears showing in his eyes.] Agh! And all that's left of him is his glorious moustache. :[He sobs and shakes his head to get rid of the tears. Orbot wipes Cubot's tears away with Eggman's mustache.]
Orbot: [Upset] Come on, Cubot, let's go home.
[They both start crying again as they leave the building.]

[Scene Change: Unnamed Village, Day]

[Calming music plays while the robots miserably hover across the area, looking at the ground.]

[Scene Change: Jungle, Day]

[The robots miserably hover across the jungle.]

[Scene Change: Eggman's Lair, Day]

[A background of Eggman's Lair is shown. The camera cuts to inside where the robots continue hovering. When the door opens, a kazoo sounds in the background and confetti appears all over the screen. The robots wake up in shock. Eggman appears with his Badniks dressed in party hats.]
Dr. Eggman: Surprise.
Orbot and Cubot: [Affectionately] Dr. Eggman!
[They move over to and hug Eggman. He tries to fend them off.]
Dr. Eggman: Hey! Get off me!
[He pushes them off.]
Cubot: We thought you was toast!
Dr. Eggman: [Annoyed] What are you two clanking oil cans talking about?
Orbot: You were gone this morning when we awoke.
Dr. Eggman: I went to get a breakfast burrito.
Orbot: We traced your footsteps all over town until we found your moustache at the helium warehouse?
Dr. Eggman: That's just part of the "Pin the Moustache on the Eggman" game I made for your party.
[The camera reveals the Eggman figure to them. A Crab Bot, holding the pin mustache tries to reach Eggman's head, but it's too short. The mustache sticks to the figure's jacket instead.]
Orbot: Our...
Cubot: Party?
Dr. Eggman: [Provoked] Yes! You said it would improve morale if I do a surprise party.
Orbot: You went to all this trouble... for us?!
Dr. Eggman: [Angrily] Of course not! I don't care about you nincompoops. I had you do all the work, then I erased your memories to make sure it was still a surprise. So, surprise!
Orbot: And what a wonderful surprise it is!
Cubot: Hey, hang on a sec. [Shocked] You erased our memories? You can do that?
Dr. Eggman: Yeah. I do it all the time. It's real simple. You just press this button right here...
[Eggman configures the settings behind the duo's back of their heads. The duo start shaking and they faint. The screen flashes white.]

[Scene Change: Eggman's Lair]

[Orbot and Cubot are laid on the ground. The camera closes in on Orbot. His eyes and mouth stir, then he wakes up. The camera cuts to his view. He clears his vision. The robots get up.]
Orbot: What happened to us last night? My head is spinning.
Cubot: That's not spinning. This is. [He spins his head vertically.] Brr-brr-brr! [Cringes] Oh, that was a mistake. I hope whatever we did yesterday didn't involve a heavy meal.
Dr. Eggman: [Cutting in] Hey, do you two have any idea where the Eggmobile is?
[The robots merely blink and stare at Eggman. They shrug their shoulders.]
Cubot: I got no idea, boss.
[The screen fades to black and the credits roll.]