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Sonic Boom
Don't Judge Me (transcript)

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This is the transcript of the Sonic Boom episode, "Don't Judge Me".

[Scene: Village, Night]

[Several villagers are standing around talking. The camera pans up to the night sky as Moth Bot suddenly flies into the scene. Moth Bot chases after several of the villagers, who run away screaming.]
Villager: Aah! Help me!
[Moth Bot comes to a halt, and the camera zooms in on Dr. Eggman sitting in the robot's cockpit. Eggman laughs maniacally, and pilots Moth Bot towards several villagers. Sonic runs after Moth Bot, pushing the swat-a-pult.]
Sonic: That Moth Bot is no match for my swat-a-pult!
[Sonic chases after Moth Bot and swats at it with the swat-a-pult. He looks down at his Communicator and starts talking into it.]
Sonic: Knuckles, we are code green for moth bait.
[Knuckles runs in front of Moth Bot, holding a giant lightbulb above his head.]
Knuckles: Hey, look at me! I'm having an idea!
[Moth Bot flies after the lightbulb as Dr. Eggman struggles with the robot's controls.]
Dr. Eggman: I need to model my robots after something that's not so easily distracted!
[Moth Bot begins following Knuckles and bumps into the lightbulb several times. Sonic runs behind it with the swat-a-pult as Sticks and Tails follow him in Tails' Plane.]
Sticks: Knuckles! You got a moth on your tail!
[Knuckles runs from Moth Bot, then turns around and runs the opposite direction, attempting to lead it elsewhere.]
Sticks: You can't trust moths. They read minds. Turn left!
[Knuckles turns to the left and runs into a wall.]
Sticks: No! My left! Oh, well. He's under the moth's mind control now. We have no choice but to destroy him.
Tails: I'll release the moth balls!
Sticks: Okay, fine. We have a choice.
[Tails releases several giant moth balls from his plane which hit Moth Bot, causing the robot to malfunction. Sonic hits Moth Bot with the swat-a-pult, and the robot falls to the ground, destroyed. Dr. Eggman looks around and grunts, then clutches his neck.]
Dr. Eggman: Ow! My neck! You cheated, Hedgehog!
Sonic: What? How do you cheat in a fight?
Dr. Eggman: Fight's over, cheater! Pull me out of this piece of junk! Be careful, I'm injured!
[Orbot and Cubot hover in, picking up Dr. Eggman and carrying him off.]
Sonic: Yes! Victory is mine!
Dr. Eggman: It's a tainted victory!
Sonic: Yes! Tainted victory is mine!

[Scene Change: Meh Burger, Daytime]

[Sonic and Tails are sitting on a bench, both eating a very long submarine sandwich. The Process Server walks up to them, holding an envelope.]
Process Server: Excuse me, are you Sonic the Hedgehog?
Sonic: Ha, guilty as charged! So, what'll it be, kid? Autograph? You want your picture taken with me? Maybe a bite of this comically large sandwich, huh?
Process Server: You've been served. Dr. Eggman is suing you.
[Process Server hands Sonic the envelope.]
Sonic: Are you sure you wouldn't prefer a bite of sandwich?
[Process Server walks away.]
Sonic: Most of it's gonna go to waste.
[Sonic turns toward Tails.]
Sonic: Eggman is suing me? Nobody's going to take this seriously.
[The camera jumps to reveal Soar the Eagle standing nearby, filming a news report.]
Soar: It's the trial of the century that everyone is taking very, very seriously. This will ruin the life of whomever loses. Brought to you by Meh Burger!
[Soar takes a bit out of a burger.]
Soar: So, let's see if we can get a statement from the defendant.
[Soar pushes a microphone into Sonic's face.]
Sonic: The only thing I'm guilt of is being awesome!
Soar: You heard it, Sonic says he's guilty!
Sonic: Of being awesome!
Soar: Hey, who's the news reporter here?

[Scene Change: Mayor's Mansion]

[Sonic walks over to the table where Dr. Eggman, Orbot, Cubot, and T.W. Barker are sitting. Dr. Eggman is in a wheelchair and a neckbrace.]
Sonic: C'mon, Eggman, you're not fooling-
Dr. Eggman: Aah, help! Sonic's attacking me unprovoked again! Leave me alone, you brute!
[The jury, comprised of Mike the Ox, Lady Goat, Fastidious Beaver, and Lady Walrus, gasps in shock. Sonic sighs and walks back over to his table, where Knuckles is wearing glasses and going through a briefcase.]
Knuckles: Thanks for making me your lawyer! I couldn't be more proud if you'd done it because you actually believed in me instead of because you think this trial is a joke!
Sonic: Well, I'm glad my contempt for the situation worked out for you.
[Knuckles attempts to take a bite out of a sandwich, but all the ingredients fall out before he can actually bite down. Knuckles sticks his hand between the bread in confusion.]
Knuckles: Where'd it go?
[Knuckles searches for the ingredients and accidentally slides his arm between the slices of bread, causing him to yell out in shock.]
Beaver Policeman: All rise for the honorable and lithium ion-powered Judge Bot.
[Judge Bot, which is revealed to simply be Burnbot wearing a white wig, wheels onto the podium as Orbot and Cubot attempt to pull Dr. Eggman closer to the table, causing the Doctor to fall out of his wheelchair. The jury gasps again.]
Dr. Eggman: I'm okay!
Judge Bot: Let all who come before me know that I have been programmed to be fair and impartial, and to in no way favor Dr. Eggman, the great man who created me!
[Sonic looks over at Dr. Eggman and groans, causing Eggman to chuckle evilly. Judge Bot pounds his gavel on the podium repeatedly.]
Judge Bot: Why are there cockroaches on my bench?
[Judge Bot pounds the gavel some more as T.W. Barker walks up in front of the stand.]
T.W. Barker: T.W. Barker, your honor, council for the plaintiff. I intend to prove that Sonic T. Hedgehog willfully and maliciously attacked and permanently injured my client, Dr. Eggman.
Knuckles: Boo!
Judge Bot: Please refrain from such outbursts in my courtroom! Now, commence your opening statement!
Knuckles: That... Was my opening statement.

[Scene Change: Mayor's Mansion, several minutes later]

T.W. Barker: Isn't it true that Dr. Eggman was attacked by Mr. the Hedgehog while doing nothing more than taking a leisurely evening drive in a harmless moth-shaped vehicle?
Sticks: Harmless? Eggman's robots destroy mountains! Level cities! Put songs in your head that you can't get out!
[Sticks jumps up on top of the stand and begins to dance.]
Sticks: [singing] If frogs had wings and snakes had hair, and automobiles went flying through the air- No more music!
[Knuckles looks over at Sonic, confused.]
Sticks: All Eggman's robots must be destroyed!
[The entire courtroom gasps. Sticks realizes what she has said, and looks over towards Judge Bot, embarrassed.]
Sticks: I mean... Heh, heh... Not you, your holiness.
[Eggman chuckles devilishly as Sonic puts his head in his hands.]
Sonic: Oh, boy.
T.W. Barker: Mister... Orbot, is it? Would you describe Dr. Eggman as kind, and honest?
Orbot: No, not really.
[Dr. Eggman growls angrily at Orbot.]
Orbot: Ooh, because those words aren't strong enough! He's kind-er! And honest-est! Ooh, good save, Orbot.
Dr. Eggman: Turn off your internal dialogue switch, fool, and just show the film!
[Orbot presses a button on his mouth, causing his eyes to project an image onto the wall behind the podium. A black and white film plays, with Orbot and Cubot, dressed as children, swinging back and forth on a swing set as cheerful music plays. Dr. Eggman, who is pushing Cubot, turns toward the camera and smiles. Cubot's swing hits Dr. Eggman in the head, knocking him to the ground. Dr. Eggman begins to yell at Cubot, but catches himself, smiling at the camera again. Eggman continues to push Cubot as the film ends. The members of the jury sniffle and wipe away tears as Dr. Eggman chortles. Cubot hovers over to Dr. Eggman, dressed in a pink leotard and holding a giant lollipop, both of which he had in the film.]
Cubot: Boss, now that we're done faking that evidence, you want I should return this stuff to the costume shop?
[Eggman growls at Cubot.]

[Scene Change: Mayor's Mansion, several minutes later]

Sonic: Finally, a witness I can rely on!
T.W. Barker: Could you tell us what it is you admire about Sonic the so-called "Hedgehog"?
Tails: So many things! He's fast, he's cunning... He can destroy any opponent with a single Spin Dash! He's got a lovely singing voice...
T.W. Barker: My, he sounds like the total package!
Tails: You bet!
T.W. Barker: If "total package" means a fast, crafty menace to society bent on the destruction of anyone who disagrees with him!
Sonic: Oh, man...
Tails: I never said that!
T.W. Barker: That's right, I left out "lovely singing voice".
[The jury chuckles amongst themselves.]
T.W. Barker: Now, these "opponents" that Mr. the Hedgehog mercilessly destroys; can you name one that he battles with a regularity that borders on formulaic?
Tails: Um, I guess he battles Eggman a lot.
T.W. Barker: A-ha! How long did you think you could keep that from us?
Knuckles: Objection, your majesty! We're losing!
Judge Bot: Overruled! But yes. Yes, you are. Badly.
T.W. Barker: I rest my case!
Knuckles: That guy's good! You should hire him as your lawyer!
Sonic: I'll be fine! People know the truth about me!
[Cut to the set of the Comedy Chimp Show, where Comedy Chimp is talking to the audience.]
Comedy Chimp: And the number one reason you might get attacked by Sonic the Hedgehog: you've been telling jokes about him all week on your late night show.
[Comedy Chimp looks to his left.]
Comedy Chimp: Uh-oh.
[Yackety Sax, the theme from the Benny Hill Show, begins to play as Comedy Chimp is chased by Mike the Ox in a Sonic the Hedgehog costume. Comedy Chimp stops and looks at the audience again.]
Comedy Chimp: We'll be right back. Unless Sonic puts me in the hospital. Heh heh!
Offscreen Individual: You, sir, are fearless in your comedy! Hey-oh!

[Scene Change: Mayor's Mansion, several minutes later]

Knuckles: Well, now. I'm just a simply country lawyer. I'm not as sharp as Mr. Barker, here. I don't know how to do that fancy lawyering. Heck, I don't know how to do simple things, like putting on mittens! I don't even know which end of the toothbrush goes in your nose! Why, I'm dumb as a rock! Just like you good folks!
[The jury growls angrily as Sonic puts his head in his hands and sighs.]
Knuckles: The defense calls... Knuckles!
[Knuckles runs up behind the stand and begins to act as both a witness and a lawyer simultaneously.]
Knuckles: [As witness] Oh, you're not gonna trap me with your lawyer tricks. I know how this works. I've seen hospital shows on the radio. Where they sometimes have lawyers. Who trap people. Wait, what was the question again?
Knuckles: [As lawyer] So, tell me, Mister... Knuckles, is it?
[Knuckles jumps behind the stand and nods.]
Knuckles: [As lawyer] Is Sonic capable of doing this kind of damage to Dr. Eggman?
Knuckles: [As witness] Are you kidding? No way!
[Sonic looks up, suddenly hopeful that he may have a chance at winning the case.]
Knuckles: [As witness] He's scrawny, weak, and pathetic! I always have to bail him out of jams. He's an embarrassment! What a loser!
[Sonic begins to grow angry at Knuckles' insults, gritting his teeth.]
Knuckles: [As witness] And quite frankly, it sickens me to look at him.
[Sonic growls softly.]
Knuckles: [As lawyer] So, could Sonic hurt Eggman like this?
Knuckles: [As witness] Well, um...
Knuckles: [As lawyer] Answer the question!
Knuckles: [As witness] No! No! Sonic is way too lame to do that kind of damage! There, I said it! I said it! [sobbing]
Sonic: Hey, I'm totally capable of whaling on Egg-
[Sonic stops talking, realizing what he is about to say. The jury looks at Sonic inquisitively.]
Sonic: ...Eggs florentine for breakfast! I call 'em "whaled on eggs"!
Orbot: Oh, for the love of all that's holy, that save was worse than mine!
Knuckles: I would rest my case, but I'm hoping there's another fist sandwich in it.
Judge Bot: So, has the jury reached a verdict?
Fastidious Beaver: Actually, we need to deliberate first.
Judge Bot: Oh, yes, of course, that would be the impartial way to do it. Very well, then, the jury shall go the the deliberation room while the rest of us have a groovy hippie-themed dance party!
[Cut to a shot of the courtroom, which is lit up by colored lights. Rock music plays in the background as Knuckles, Judge Bot, and the Beaver Policeman dance in unison in the center of the room.]

[Scene Change: Mayor's Mansion, several minutes later]

Knuckles: Some party, huh? My mouth feels like it's full of socks! Oh, wait.
[Knuckles pounds his chest and pulls a saliva-covered sock out of his mouth.]
Knuckles: Oh, I was wondering where that was.
[Sonic looks at Knuckles, disturbed. The courtroom doors are heard opening.]
Sonic: Here comes the jury. Oh, man, they look serious.
Judge Bot: Has the jury reached a verdict?
Fastidious Beaver: Actually, we have, your honor.
[The jury and Judge Bot stare at each other in silence.]
Judge Bot: And would the jury care to share it with us?
Fastidious Beaver: Actually, we would.
Judge Bot: Am I going to have to make you say it?
Fastidious Beaver: Actually... What was the question again?
Judge Bot: Guilty!
Sonic: ...Of being awesome?
Judge Bot: Now, to make the verdict official, I'll just pound my gavel and-
Amy: Not so fast!
Sonic: Huh?
Dr. Eggman: Hmm?
[The jury gasps in surprise as Amy Rose enters the courtroom, wielding her hammer.]
Amy: That's not a gavel! This is a gavel! HI-YA!!
[Amy pounds the floor with her hammer, shaking the whole courtroom and knocking Judge Bot over. T.W. Barker falls to the floor, and Dr. Eggman turns his head to look downwards at Barker.]
Dr. Eggman: Wha-?
Sonic: Hey, look at Egghead! He can move his head just fine!
Dr. Eggman: What? I- I mean- Yow!
[Eggman falls out of his wheelchair and onto the floor, sobbing.]
Sonic: Save it, Eggman!
[Dr. Eggman growls, gets up on his feet, and removes his neck brace.]
Dr. Eggman: Fine! You leave me no choice! Not that I wasn't going to do this anyway.
[Eggman presses a button on his wrist controller, and a group of Badniks break down the door and start wreaking havoc in the courtroom as the villagers run out, screaming. Amy destroys a Crab Bot with her hammer, and Sonic destroys a Motobug with a Spin Dash. Judge Bot pounds his gavel on the podium repeatedly.]
Judge Bot: Order in the court!
Knuckles: Yeah, I'll have one of those fist sandwiches!
[Knuckles jumps up and punches a Crab Bot, destroying it, causing the jury to cheer. Tails attempts to hit a Moto Bug with a chair, but it breaks upon impact, leaving Tails holding a single chair leg.]
Tails: Uh-oh. I... Uh... Well, y'see...
[The Moto Bug revs up and wheels toward Tails, who jumps over it, ripping of its antennae in the process. The Moto Bug malfunctions and falls to the ground. Meanwhile, Amy destroys a Bee Bot with her hammer as Sonic stomps on a Crab Bot.]
Amy: I leave town for a week to attend a beekeeping seminar, and look what happens.
[Cut to outside, where Soar is filming another news report.]
Soar: I'm Soar the Eagle, reporting live from the courthouse, where we're told there is breaking news!
[The courthouse wall behind Soar collapses, and Dr. Eggman flies out in his Eggmobile as Sonic chases after him.]
Dr. Eggman: Ha!
[Eggman fires several lasers at Sonic from his Eggmobile, which Sonic dodges.]
Sonic: I'll give you something to sue me about!
[Eggman fires more lasers at Sonic, who rolls into a ball and hits the Eggmobile with a Homing Attack.]
Soar: Well, that about wraps things up! Stay tuned for Comedy Chimp's New Year's Eve Rockin' Bananaganza, coming up next!

[Scene Change: Village, Night]

[Comedy Chimp and Wolf Sidekick are standing underneath a giant banana that is suspended on wires. The banana lowers and drops to the ground.]
Comedy Chimp: Well, that was anticlimactic.
Wolf: Hey-oh!