| << Previous episode | — | Knuckles Don't Ever Say I Wasn't There for You (transcript) |
— | Next episode >> |
This is a transcript of the Knuckles episode, "Don't Ever Say I Wasn't There for You".
[Scene: Woods, night.]
- [The episode begins with the G.U.N. agents driving their van, with someone else trailing them from far away. The agents eventually pull up to IceCap Ski Resort before exiting the van and examining their destination.]
- Agent Mason: IceCap Ski Resort. This is where the Buyer wants to do the exchange?
- Agent Willoughby: He makes the rules, not us. Right, help me unload the echidna.
- [Mason opens the van's trunk as Willoughby smirks. Meanwhile, the other car pulls up to the resort, that being Wade Whipple in his police cruiser. Wade sees the agents unload the box containing Knuckles from the trunk and wheel it inside.]
- Wade: Alright, little buddy. I'm coming for ya. Come on, Wade, you can do this. You might not be a warrior yet, but you are a deputy. In fact, you're one of the greatest deputies in the history of law enforcement. And normally, in a situation like this, you'd call for backup. But this is Montana, so... you are the backup. [takes a deep breath] Rely on your instincts. Think back to your police training. You are prepared for this.
[Scene change: Wade's childhood house.]
- [Flashback to Wade's younger years, where he's holding a police trainee journal and watching Bad BoysW for "research". He's watching the scene where Miles Burnett is about to get run over by a hijacked taxi, only for Mike Lowrey to tackle him out of the way]
- Mike Lowrey on TV (Will Smith): Don't ever say I wasn't there for you.
- Wade: [writing notes] Cool line.
[Scene change: Wade's police cruiser, outside IceCap Ski Resort, night.]
- Wade: I am extremely unprepared for this.
- [Opening credits roll, with Wade playing cymbals.]
[Scene change: IceCap Ski Resort foyer.]
- [Knuckles comes to, still trapped inside his box. The room he is inside is shrouded in darkness, only faintly illuminated by his box's walls. He can barely notice the faint silhouette of elk antlers.]
- Knuckles: Where have you taken me? A dungeon? A torture chamber? A pit so deep that no one will ever hear my screams? [Mason presses a remote, revealing he's actually inside a fancy, cozy foyer.] Oh. That's quite nice, actually.
- Mason: Damn right. Always pictured myself living in a place like this one day. Now I don't know how to ski, but with a house like this, you bet I could learn.
[Scene change: Wade's police cruiser, outside IceCap Ski Resort.]
- Wade: All you have to do is sneak into the bad guys' lair, try not to get yourself killed by their superpowered weapons, and then save your cool new best friend. What could possibly go wrong?
- [He takes a glance at Mason's stolen gauntlets.]
- Wade: Come on, Wade. What would Knuckles do?
[Scene change: IceCap Ski Resort foyer.]
- [Knuckles is sitting inside the box, lost in thought.]
- Wade: [voiceover]: He'd come up with an awesome rescue plan.
- Knuckles: Ah... I am visualizing my inevitable escape and your brutal destruction at my hands. [laughs maniacally] Yes! Your arms have just snapped off with the most satisfying crunch.
- Mason: Well, it's a good thing you're trapped inside that case then, buddy.
- [Willoughby enters the room.]
- Willoughby: Stop talking to him!
- Mason: He was talkin' to me.
- Willoughby: Just stop talking.
- Mason: Fine with me. I'm gonna go relax. Job's done, and we about to get paid! [claps and leaves]
- Willoughby: Americans...
[Scene change: Convenience store.]
- ["Holding Out for a Hero" by Bonnie Tyler starts playing as Wade enters a convenience store.]
- Wade: Alright. Wade's awesome rescue plan starts now. Step one: Project confidence.
- [He picks out a pair of sunglasses and dons them. The camera zooms into his left lens, and then...]
[Scene change: Outside IceCap Ski Resort.]
- [Wade's imagination. Wade pulls up to the exterior of the resort in a tricked out red car and steps out of it in a fancy tuxedo James Bond-style.]
[Scene change: Convenience store.]
- Wade: Step two: Become one with the shadows.
[Scene change: Outside IceCap Ski Resort.]
- [Wade's imagination. In his tux, Wade does some unnecessary backflips as he approaches a fuse box and then kills off all the power in the resort, winking at the camera as he does so.]
[Scene change: Interior, IceCap Ski Resort.]
- [Wade pours some motor oil all over the floors of the resort. Mason, who is on security duty, is patrolling the halls as Wade holds up the box of oil and smirks at the camera. Wade throws the empty box at Mason, getting his attention. The two men get in a face-off as Wade waggles his eyebrows. Mason runs at Wade, but slips and slides on the oil as Wade steps aside and holds an arm out to knock Mason over. Mason lands on the floor and continues to slide as Wade slides on the floor and smirks at the camera.]
[Scene change: Convenience store.]
- [Wade acquires some dental floss, a lighter, and hair spray.]
- Wade: Step three... lock and load.
[Scene change: Interior, IceCap Ski Resort.]
- [Wade's imagination. Willoughby stands guard over Knuckles' case in the foyer. Wade uses the dental floss as a bungee cord to lower himself through the ceiling and drops down. Getting Willoughby's attention, Wade lights his lighter and uses the hairspray to blast the flames right at her. Willoughby's only reaction is to scream inaudibly as Wade cackles. Later, as the flames consume the foyer, a frizzled Willoughby collapses as Wade walks away from the flames.]
[Scene change: Convenience store.]
- [Wade opens a curtain to reveal stacks of fireworks.]
- Wade: Step four: The grand finale.
[Scene change: Interior, IceCap Ski Resort.]
- [Wade's imagination. Wade carries Knuckles away from the burning foyer and leaps out of the balcony, flipping onto the ground before setting Knuckles down.]
- Knuckles: You are truly an amazing warrior, Wade Whipple. Now, as is tradition, let us celebrate our victory with a warm hug.
- Wade: I thought you'd never ask.
- [The two embrace each other as the fireworks go off in the background.]
[Scene change: Convenience store.]
- [In reality, Wade is hugging all of his merchandise as the cashier watches in confusion.]
- Cashier: Anything else?
- [Wade snaps back to reality and dumps all his items on the cashier's desk.]
- Wade: Gimme a blue raspberry Icee.
- [He then fills up a cup of a blue raspberry Icee and takes a sip.]
[Scene change: IceCap Ski Resort foyer.]
- Knuckles: Oh, how your screams are a symphony to my ears as I crush your skulls into a fine powder and--
- Willoughby: Sorry, don't mean to interrupt, but, uh, you almost finished here?
- Knuckles: No! [realizes] Okay, now I am finished.
- Willoughby: Do you know, I'm sorry we haven't gotten a chance to get to know each other yet. I'm actually quite an admirer of your work.
- Knuckles: What could you possibly know about my life of battles and quests?
- Willoughby: Oh... [stands up] I know all about you, Knuckles. Studying creatures like you, your abilities, where you're from. That was my job for a long time.
- Knuckles: I see. Then, you know about my tribe's victory over the vile Dr. Robotnik!
- Willoughby: Of course.
- Knuckles: So, if you know how I destroyed someone as dangerous as him, then you know how easily I can destroy someone like you.
- Willoughby: Is that what you think? That I'm nothing? That I'm no one compared to the great Ivo Robotnik? Well, let me assure you, you're wrong. 'Cause while I know everything about you, I promise, you know nothing about me. But when this is all over... you will.
[Scene change: Outside IceCap Ski Resort.]
- [Wade pulls up to the front door in his police cruiser and exits his cruiser.]
- Wade: Alright. Geared up. Here we go.
- [He places down his gear: the oil, the wire, the hairspray, the floss, and the lighter, before donning Mason's gauntlets.]
- Wade: Hang tight, Knucks. I'm comin' to get ya. All I need is the perfect rescue soundtrack. [He's got his Spotify rescue playlist cued up on his phone] Let's do this, Spotify. Time to rock out!
- [He attempts to hit play multiple times, but the gauntlets are too thick to register on his phone]
- Wade: That's not gonna...
- [He attempts to hit the play button with his nose, but when he finally does, his playlist only plays the extremely ill-fitting "I Don't Want to Wait" by Paula Cole]
- Wade: Oh, no, not that song! Oh, forget it. Warrior mode activated.
- [He slams his gauntlets together, accidentally releasing a burst of Chaos Energy. It's so strong that, in slow-motion, it knocks him back, spills the contents of his oil can right on his fireworks inside his cruiser, knocks his sunglasses off his head as they crack from landing on the ground, and causes his hairspray to blast the fire from his lighter right on his cruiser, igniting the fireworks as they explode.]
- Wade: [dismayed] The fireworks were supposed to be the grand finale!
[Scene change: IceCap Ski Resort foyer.]
- [Willoughby and Mason are playing chess against each other when they notice Wade's fireworks erupt outside.]
- Mason: What the hell?
- Willoughby: What was that?
- Mason: Sounds like someone just set off...
- [The two agents leave the foyer, leaving Knuckles all alone and confused on what is going on.
[Scene change: Outside IceCap Ski Resort.]
- [Willoughby and Mason head out onto the balcony and see Wade's fireworks blowing up.]
- Willoughby: Is that the round little man again?
- [The fireworks finish blowing up with Wade's cruiser relatively intact.]
- Wade: Oh. At least she's still drivable.
- [He's spoken too soon because his cruiser erupts in flames.]
- Willoughby: You again!
- Wade: [looks up] That's right! I'm here for the echidna! [hears beeping from the left gauntlet gauntlets] What's that beeping? That can't be good. Wonder what that-- [presses a button and accidentally activates the right gauntlet's rocket boosters before being sent flying] Oh, no! [jerks to his right] Yah! Ay-ay-ay! [flies upwards] Oh, no! [floats downwards] Oh, my God! [jerks to his left] Wee-hee-hee-hee! [tries to regain control as the agents stare dumbfounded] I will be right with you guys! [accidentally flies straight in their direction] Oh, God! [crashes through the windows and hits the ground]
- Mason: You guard the echidna. I'm gonna go and handle this. [leaves]
- [Willoughby follows suit]
[Scene change: IceCap Ski Resort cafeteria.]
- [Mason enters the cafeteria searching for Wade and finds one of his gauntlets laying down to the floor.]
- Mason: Little pig, little pig. Where are you?
- [Wade is seen wearing an IceCap Ski Resort cap, poorly disguised as mannequin.]
- Mason: I know you're here somewhere. And I'm gonna find you.
- [Mason reclaims his gauntlet and arms himself with it. He then turns around and sees Wade, who yelps and tries to crawl away. Wade sees Mason heading towards him and crawls away from him under a table. Mason throws the table away and grabs Wade by the pants leg, dragging him away and throwing him at a display of penguin plushies. Wade throws penguin plushies at Mason as defense, but it does nothing.]
- Mason: I ever tell you about my time in the underground fight game?
- Wade: We literally just met!
- Mason: I spent years doing bare-knuckle cage matches and backyard brawls.
- [Mason stomps on a penguin toy. He then grabs Wade, puts him on the an ice cream display freezer, punches it, and sends Wade spinning.]
[Scene change: IceCap Ski Resort foyer.]
- [Knuckles and Willoughby listen at Wade screaming from the other room.]
- Willoughby: Doesn't sound like your rescue's going very well, does it?
- Knuckles: No, it does not.
- Willoughby: Such a shame. Mm. Hope you're comfortable in there. You're not? Huh, never mind.
[Scene change: IceCap Ski Resort cafeteria.]
- [Mason grabs Wade by the throat and pins him on a wall ready to finish him, until... his phone starts ringing.]
- Mason: One second. I gotta take this.
- Wade: No, no, no. Take your time.
- Mason: [looks at his phone] Ah, it's my mom. Should I get that?
- Wade: Yeah, yeah, yeah. You should answer it.
- Mason: Yeah?
- Wade: She'll be worried.
- Mason: Can you get it...?
- Wade: Yeah, of course. Here you go. [helps him answer the call]
- Mason: [to his mom] Hey, Mom! Yes, I know you've been calling. I've been meaning to call. I've been really busy.
- Wade: Hi, Mrs... [to Mason] What's your name?
- Mason: Mason.
- Wade: Hi, Mrs. Mason.
- Mason: It's-- Yeah, that's just a work friend.
- Wade: Aw, y-you think we're friends?
- [Mason squeezes Wade's throat]
- Wade: [whispering] Sorry, I'm sorry.
- Mason: Yeah, Ma. Okay. Ma, I'mma have to hit you back. I'm busy. Alright, I love you, too. Bye-bye. Bye. [hangs up; to Wade] Sorry about that.
- Wade: She seems very sweet.
- Mason: Where was I?
- Wade: [choking] You were telling some horrifying story about ripping some guy's arm off?
- Mason: [snaps fingers] Yeah. And that's why I signed up for G.U.N. So I can get paid to beat up on superpowered freaks like your little alien friends. Now... I don't have to play fair anymore. [laughs]
- Wade: Then neither do I. [grabs a sriracha sauce bottle] SRIRACHA!!!
- [Wade sprays the sriracha bottle on Mason's eyes, causing him too much pain as Wade laughs maniacally. Mason stumbles onto a serving cart and falls through a window to the foyer.]
[Scene change: IceCap Ski Resort foyer.]
- Willoughby: Who are you working with?
- Knuckles: He is my protege and my apprentice. A force so strong of body, mind, and heart that your last words will be a plea for a merciful death, from the warrior known only as... Wade.
- [Wade enters the room exhausted by his fight with Mason]
- Wade: Sorry. Sorry. Say, quite a tussle back there. You should see the other guy. [looks at a knocked out Mason.] Oh. Here he is.
- Willoughby: Seriously? This is your great warrior? Thought he'd be dead by now.
- Knuckles: [unamused] It's his first day.
- Wade: I know I may not look like much of a warrior, but... no offense, you guys don't, either. I mean, he looks like a sexy menswear model, and you look like some kind of psychotic Uma ThurmanW lookalike.
- Willoughby: Thank you. Now, before you die, tell me one thing. What does a moron like you want with the echidna?
- Wade: We're gonna win a bowling tournament.
- [Wade launches his gauntlet on Knuckles' cage.]
- Knuckles: [in slow motion] Oh, no!
- [The gauntlet causes a huge explosion that destroys Knuckles' cage and almost half of the resort. Cut to a now free Knuckles as Wade hugs him awkwardly.]
- Knuckles: What... are... you... doing?
- Wade: I'm hugging you, as is your celebratory tradition, is it not?
- [Wade lets him go and they see the two agents knocked out.]
- Wade: Come on, we gotta get outta here before they wake up.
- [Wade and Knuckles look at the hole created by the explosion, which leads to a cliff.]
- Wade: Oh, no.
- Knuckles: Whatever happens... hold on.
- Wade: What?! What do you mean?
- [Knuckles pushes Wade to the cliff and jumps too as Wade screaming. Before they could crash Knuckles raises his fists and begins gliding.]
- Wade: WE'RE ALIVE! KNUCKLES! [laughs] WE'RE ALIVE! OOOOOHHHH!!!!!!!!
[Scene change: Gliding sequence.]
- [Knuckles and Wade pass by the Moon, E.T. style.]
- Wade: Knuckles, you didn't you could fly!
- Knuckles: No. I can glide.
- Wade: Huh?
- Knuckles: For very short distances.
[Scene change: Parking lot.]
- [Knuckles lands next to a trash can, while Wade lands right inside it. Wade struggles himself to get out to out form the trash, and falls on the ground.]
- Wade: It stinks! Knuckles?
- Knuckles: Get up! Now is no time to rest, Wade Whipple. We must flee!
- [They both notice a truck]
- Wade: Sweet truck.
[Scene change: Truck.]
- [Knuckles and Wade get in the truck.]
- Knuckles: Drive us.
- Wade: How? I can't just drive us. There's no keys.
- [Knuckles haywires the vehicle with his fist.]
- Wade: Okay, I can just drive us.
- [Wade punches the gas, and they drive off.]
[Scene change: Road, night.]
- [Cut to a panoramic view of the road.]
- Wade: [voiceover] I don't know about you, but I am star-- Hey, look! A Burger Shack! Let's go eat!
- [Smash cut to black.]
[Scene change: Burger Shack.]
- [Wade can be seeing ordering food, as Knuckles is sitting on a table.]
- Wade: Alright. I think after all that running, we deserve... [bring food on their table.] a little snack. What do you say, bud?
- Knuckles: I only eat grapes. And Cool Ranch Doritos.
- Wade: Okay? Well, that explains your insane and erratic behavior. Now, come on. Let's eat, bubba. So, I was thinking about how I rescued you before. Um, on a scale of one to warrior, where does Wade fall?
- [Knuckles grunts disappointed.]
- Wade: No biggie. You can tell me after we eat. Let's have a little victory feast for the boys, huh?
- Knuckles: What victory? We won nothing tonight.
- Wade: Correct.
- Knuckles: I was taken prisoner, because of your failures in battle.
- Wade: Mmm, that's not so true.
- Knuckles: We were nearly killed several times.
- Wade: And once again, correct.
- Knuckles: And the only reason we survived at all was pure luck. None of these words would be used to describe a victory. Or a warrior.
- Wade: Alright, some of the things you just said might have happened, but you're looking at it the wrong way, Knuckles. My dad taught me to take any win you can and enjoy it. Nine outta 10 warriors would call that a victory. It might not have been pretty, but that doesn't mean it wasn't a...
- Knuckles: [in realization] Glorious victory!
- Wade: Now, you're gettin' it! Let's dig in! This is gonna flop your little red braids up and down.
[Scene change: Outside IceCap Ski Resort.]
- [The two agents come out from the destroyed report.]
- Willoughby: [grunts in frustration] We are SO SCREWED!!!
- Mason: Yeah, I'm pissed, too. But what are we gonna do? I guess the deal's off.
- Willoughby: No. No, you don't understand. The deal's not off. There's no backing out... with him. We've been selling weapons to one of the most dangerous criminal organizations in the world, run by an absolute sociopath! Now, we're screwing him over on a deal! We don't just get to take our ball and go home. We show up empty-handed, he's gonna straight-up kill us! Most likely in a pretty horrible way.
- Mason: Well, that doesn't sound great.
- Willoughby: No! Not great. Not great at all. We need to get them, fast. Before he gets us.
[Scene change: Burger Shack.]
- Knuckles: Wade Whipple, you wish to be a warrior. Yet you hail from Green Hills, a place where there are no warring clans. So, why do you remain there?
- Wade: I guess... Green Hills has always just been home. I mean, there must be some place in the universe that's like that for you, right?
- Knuckles: Since the loss of my tribe, I have journeyed across every corner of the galaxy. Seen planets and stars you could only dream of. But nowhere I have called home.
- Wade: That must be tough for you.
- Knuckles: Yes. I made a promise to my fellow warriors to find the Master Emerald and protect it. That shall be my goal until the moment I join my people in the Great Battleground in the Sky. One thing I have learned in pledging my life to this quest is that I have been betrayed again, and again, and again, and again.
- Wade: Wow. Sorry that happened to you.
- Knuckles: You know how that feels, don't you? To be betrayed?
- Wade: Yeah. Yeah, I know how that feels.
- Knuckles: By your father, who abandoned you like common gutter trash.
- Wade: No, I got what you were saying. Thank you very much, though. Warrior or not, I'm strong enough to know that I would never betray a friend.
- Knuckles: You are stronger than you think, Wade Whipple.
- Wade: I don't know about that.
- Knuckles: On a scale of one to warrior, you are a three.
- Wade: Really? I'm gonna put that on my dating profile. "Wade Whipple. Solid three." Now, come on. Let's hit the road, huh?
[Scene change: Road, night]
- [Wade and Knuckles listen to "Rock You Like a Hurricane" by the Scorpions, aggressively headbanging and laughing. Wade drums the steering wheel.]
- Knuckles: VICTORY!!!
- Wade: Ha ha!
- Knuckles: Yes! Turn it up!
- [Wade turns the volume up, until the music is interrupted.]
- Radio Announcer: The Rock Zone Special Report. Alright, this just in, guys. Authorities have a manhunt out for a guy named Wade Whipple. You remember this guy? He was the sheriff's deputy who won the Hot PocketW-eating contest at last year's Spring Fest. That guy. There is a bounty out for the guy now. I mean, he is royally screwed. Screwed. I would not want to be that guy today. Alright, let's get back to the music.
- [This announcement leaves Wade and Knuckles shocked and devastated.]
- Wade: Oh, my God. I'm a fugitive! There's a bounty on my head! And I'm Munsoned out here in the middle of nowhere? What are we gonna do?!
- [Knuckles smashes the radio with his fist.]
- Wade: You just love smashing radios, don't ya?
[Scene change: Road, sunrise]
- [Wade has fallen asleep, while driving.]
- Knuckles: Whipple!
- Wade: [awakens] Yes?
- Knuckles: First light has broken. We need safe harbor. Somewhere we can stay hidden and secure.
- Wade: I know a place we could lay low, but it's gonna mean going somewhere I haven't been in a really long time.
[Scene change: Wade's childhood house.]
- [Wade visits his childhood home, and his greeted by his mother, Wendy Whipple.]
- Wade: Hi, mom. I'm home.
- [Wendy faints. Cut to black. "Frickin' Human Race" plays during the ending credits.]
Transcripts