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Sonic Boom
Designated Heroes (transcript)

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This is the transcript of the Sonic Boom episode, "Designated Heroes".

[Scene: Seaside Island, day.]

[Dr. Eggman laughs and fires lasers at a toy factory with his Eggmobile.]
Orbot: Dr. Eggman's really tearing into that toy-and-game factory.
Cubot: What did that toy-and-game factory ever do to him?
Dr. Eggman: Haven't you imbeciles ever been in a covet operation? I need complete silence or we might be discovered!
[Eggman unloads a vacuum machine from his Eggmobile and activates it, sucking up all the toys in the factory. Team Sonic arrive, and look at Eggman.]
Sonic: [Shouting] Not so fast, Egghead!
Dr. Eggman: What? Hold on, let me turn this thing off! [To Orbot and Cubot] I told you your shouting would attract attention. Ball Bots, attack!
[Ball Bots charge towards Team Sonic. Sonic uses a racket to bounce the Ball Bots back. It hits the Eggmobile. Orbot and Cubot are sitting at a desk making commentary.]
Orbot: I think the viewers will agree there is nothing like watching a contest between two evenly matched competitors... one of whom always loses to the other.
Cubot: That's right, Orbot. So. What is Eggman's strategy? We talked with him earlier.
Dr. Eggman: [On camera] I told you talking bedpans already! By robbing the Village of any source of fun, the citizens will become sad, dry husks; and will pay huge fees to enjoy my new amusement park. [Angrily] Now get that camera out of my face!
[Amy stops a rolling Ball Bot and knocks it away with her hammer, hitting Eggman in the chest.]
Orbot: Ooh! Let's see that again in slow motion.
[A Slow motion replay of the Ball Bot hitting Eggman plays.]
Sticks: [To a beat while using a skipping robe] I can do a polka. I can do a split. I can catch a Ball Bot just like this.
[Sticks quickly makes a net with several skipping ropes. Once made, she jumps and collects three charging Ball Bots. She swings and throws the net to Knuckles. He catches it and throws it to the ground, punching it.]
Cubot: Oh... You hate to see that happen to promising young Ball Bots.
[Knuckles rolls a ball made of compressed Ball Bots towards Orbot and Cubot. They scream but they are too late. They get struck by the ball and are knocked into the Eggmobile, causing Eggman to fall out of his vehicle. Tails picks up a baseball bat and prepares to swing.]
Tails: Batter up!
[Tails swings and misses a Ball Bot.]
Orbot: Swing and a miss.
[Tails swings and misses a Ball Bot.]
Orbot: Swing and a miss.
[Tails swings and misses a Ball Bot.]
Orbot: Swing and a miss.
[Tails, now all frustrated, throws the bat down, and unleashes a glue cannon. He shoots a Ball Bot from behind, then shoots Eggman, Orbot and Cubot, covering them all with glue. Team Sonic celebrate.]
Dr. Eggman: Slow sarcastic clap, slow sarcastic clap. Sorry, I'd do the real things if my hands weren't... you know.
Sonic: What's your problem, Eggman? You're letting all the air out of our victory.
Dr. Eggman: Some victory. Five against one! If you want to be fair you'd only battle one-on-one from now on. That is unless you'd prefer it to be unfair.
[Team Sonic agree with Eggman, declining about trying to play unfair. Sticks looks at Team Sonic with a bored look.]
Sticks: Eh... I don't care either way.
Sonic: Okay, Eggman. You got yourself a deal. In the interest of fairness, only one of us will battle you at a time. Shake?
[Sonic realizes that Eggman is still covered in glue.]
Sonic: Oh.
[Sonic handshakes Eggman's moustache instead.]

[Scene Change: Outside Unnamed Village, day.]

[Amy patrols the Village entrance gate. Eggman then arrives in the Eggmobile. Noticing Eggman, Amy readies her hammer and jumps up on the Eggmobile, but is interrupted.]
Dr. Eggman: I was just thinking. That hammer of yours... Ah, forget it. Just smash my teeth in.
Amy: No, tell me. What?
Dr. Eggman: Well, it would be great for my recycling project. I take old cans and make playthings for needy robot kids. That hammer would be helpful for flattering the cans, that's all.
Amy: You recycle, and help needy kids?
Dr. Eggman: You have to promise me not to tell anyone. I don't want my bad name tarnished.
Amy: Well, as long as it's for a good cause...
[A robot arm from the Eggmobile takes Amy's Hammer.]
Dr. Eggman: Oh it is. Victory [Softly] not unlike your hammer [Harshly] is mine!
[Eggman drops Amy off his Eggmobile and escapes.]
Amy: Just for that, I'm gonna tell everyone about your charity!

[Scene Change: Seaside Island jungle, day.]

[Sticks is walking across the jungle and finds Eggman.]
Dr. Eggman: Shhh... I'm picking up some bizarre alien vibrations.
Sticks: Astro sickness 7-Q vibrations?
Dr. Eggman: Huh? Oh, yes. Sure, those. We're being watched.
Sticks: [Frustrated] I knew it! Don't worry, I'm ready.
[Sticks pulls a lever and a bamboo cage drops onto the ground. Eggman screams.]
Dr. Eggman: Careful. They're picking up the frequency of your shoe squeaks. Better take them off.
[Sticks takes off her shoes and gives them to Eggman.]
Dr. Eggman: Okay. I'll stay here and keep an eye on things. You run and go warn the others.
Sticks: They all laughed when I said my shoes were consipiring with aliens. [Angrily] Who's paranoid now?! [Lowly] Don't answer that.

[Scene Change: Tails' Workshop, day.]

Tails: You'll be fine Tails. Just look cool and Eggman will totally back off.
[Tails perches on a wooden wall but slips and falls over. A missile fires over his head. Tails stands back as Eggman arrives in Moth Bot.]
Tails: Hah! You think standing in a cool pose is going to intimidate me? Say hello to a little device I call: the MX-4180 Electroplasmatic Capsulator!
[Tails tries pulling the blanket off his invention, but struggles. Eggman looks on with a bored look. Tails eventually pulls if off but exhausts himself, showing Eggman the invention.]
Dr. Eggman: [Wolf-whistles] Wow. Plantanium casing, hydroponic stabilizers...? This is a thing of beauty. So what's does this baby do anyway?
Tails: [Quickly] Oh it's just restructures the humidity molecules in the air to synthesize a hyper-magnetic force field.
Dr. Eggman: Whoa-whoa-whoa. Slow down, professor.
Tails: And here's the best part. It runs on brain power! All you have to do is put on this helmet and say something smart.
[Eggman puts on the helmet.]
Dr. Eggman: [To the machine] Complimenting someone will make them lower their guard.
[The machine beeps and points its gun at Tails.]
Tails: Exactly! Wait, what?
[The machine fires its beam, freezing Tails]
Dr. Eggman: Eggman: Three. Losers: Zero.
[Knuckles comes running.]
Knuckles: Oh yeah? Well, guess what? It's about to become Eggman: Three. Losers: One.
Dr. Eggman: Nice try, but we have an agreement, one at a time; and Tails is still the designated hero. Wait your turn, Nuffles.
[Knuckles and Eggman stare at each other while background music plays. Knuckles shoots an annoyed look at Eggman. A bell sounds.]
Tails: Well. That's my shift.
[Eggman takes off the helment, thus allowing Tails to go free. Tails puts a piece of paper into a booth. Knuckles does the same while Tails flys away.]
Knuckles: All right. Time to do some clobbering!
Dr. Eggman: What, just like that? Without a warm up? You want to pull a hammy or something?
Knuckles: Hmm... You're right. I probably should stretch before I pound your face into the dirt.
[Knuckles performs some stretching exercises.]
Dr. Eggman: And don't forget jumping jacks.
[Knuckles does some jumping jacks.]
Dr. Eggman: And leg lifts.
[Knuckles lifts his legs up and down.]
Dr. Eggman: Now sit-ups.
[Knuckles does sit-ups.]
Dr. Eggman: Twirl like a ballerina.
[Knuckles spins on his leg.]
Dr. Eggman: Now bend this sheet of metal into a giant paper airplane.
[Knuckles takes a sheet of metal from Eggman and bends it to form an airplane.]
Dr. Eggman: Now dig a hole.
[Knuckles digs into the ground, but stops as soon as he is done.]
Knuckles: All right. I'm warmed up. How do I get outta here?
Dr. Eggman: Just keep digging. You'll reach the other side eventually.
Knuckles: Well, you haven't steered me wrong yet. Oh man, when I get my hands on you...
Dr. Eggman: Eggman: Four. Losers: Zero.

[Scene Change: Meh Burger, day.]

[Tails, Amy and Sticks share a grumpy look as they sit at a table while resting their heads on their arms.]
Sonic: [Laughs] You guys got totally schooled. By Eggman! [Laughs louder] That's lame.
Amy: The guy's a lot trickier one on one.
Sticks: He's actually pretty smart. You forget sometimes that he's a doctor.
Tails: Hey, Knuckles' shift isn't over yet. Maybe he had better luck.
[Knuckles digs out of the ground in front of Meh Burger.]
Knuckles: I got you now Eggma-- [Looks at Team Sonic] Huh? Oh, hey guys.
[Sonic smiles, while Amy, Sticks and Tails groan and re-rest their heads on their arms.]
Sonic: Well, I guess that means it's all up to old Sonic. See you after my victory. [Runs off]
Knuckles: Hey. You guys will never believe what I found in this hole.
Tails: Dirt?
Knuckles: Lucky guess.

[Scene Change: Badlands, day.]

[Sonic is all alone, patiently waiting for Eggman. Growing impatient, he sits down on a rock. While sitting, he makes all kinds of noises. Eventually, he hosts an imaginary tea party with some rocks to pass the time.]
Sonic: [Cowboy voice] More tea, Mrs. Rock Bottom? [High voice] Don't mind if I do Mr. Boulder.
[The rest of Team Sonic arrive, frowning at Sonic.]
Amy: Ahem. Busy day?
Sonic: Huh? Oh. I sat here my whole shift. Eggman never showed and you know why?
Knuckles: He wasn't invited to the tea party?
Sonic: No, cause he's totally intimidated by me.
Sticks: Whatever. We're going to the beach. Since you're so perfect, you can stay on guard duty all day.
Sonic: That's a good idea. I could use a nap. [Closes his eyes and laughs] See, cause I won't be fighting.
[The rest of Team Sonic groan and head off to the beach. Sonic sleeps on the sand. Eventually, Eggman arrives in his Eggmobile while wearing the helmet for Tails' Capsulator. Dragged behind the Eggmobile is a high-tech platform with all of Eggman's gear on it. Sonic stirs.]
Eggman: Ahem.
Sonic: G-go away Amy. I'm not in the mood...
[Sonic wakes up and spots Eggman.]
Sonic: Eggman!?
[Eggman presses a button. This triggers a chain reaction on his platform that traps Sonic in Sticks' cage.]
Dr. Eggman: The area of a circle is π times its radius squared.
[The Capsulator freezes the cage with a force-field. Sonic tries to break free to no avail.]
Dr. Eggman: Eggman: Five. Losers: Zero; and this is especially delicious because... da-da-da-dah! I did it by manipulating your clueless friends. [Dancing] Go Eggman. Go Eggman. Who's a villain? Who's a villain?
[The rest of Team Sonic return from the beach.]
Amy: Well well well. Look, who got captured by Eggman.
Sonic: Guys, can we postpone the "I told you so"s and general ridicule until after the rescue?
Tails: Oh fine. But, once we save you, the ridicule will be more severe.
Sonic: Duly noted.
Amy: All right Eggman. You've had your fun. Now let him go!
Dr. Eggman: Hmm... Let me think. [Abruptly] No!
[Eggman returns to his Eggmobile. Amy, Knuckles, Tails and Sticks threaten to engage in combat.]
Dr. Eggman: Nah-ah-ah-ah! Remember! We have an ironclad agreement to fight only one on one.
Sticks: Me first! Gotta get home and wrap my burrow in tinfoil before the thought police show up.
[Orbot and Cubot sit at a desk, ready for commentary. A bell sounds.]
Orbot: And there's the bell.
[Sticks throws her boomerang and misses the Eggmobile.]
Dr. Eggman: Hah! you missed!
[The boomerang returns and hit the Eggmobile from behind. Eggman grunts in anger.]
Dr. Eggman: Activate hammer!
[Amy's Hammer, now attached to a wheel, is deployed from Eggman's platform. Sticks screams and runs away from it.]
Orbot: And Eggman regains the upper hand by robotizing Amy's Hammer. That's heads-up play by the mustachioed marauder.
[Sticks runs to the side and lets the wheel continue with its rolling.]
Amy: Sticks. Let me take over your shift.
[Sticks tags Amy. The hammer wheel brakes, and rolls towards Amy. With the camera playing in slow motion, Amy jumps over it, grabs the hammer on the way down and separates it from the wheel. Amy then bashes the wheel with her hammer. The wheel flies towards Eggman, but he jumps out of the way in time and lands on his platform.]
Orbot: Incredible escape. Surprisingly agile for a middle-aged scientist.
Cubot: You know, you sometimes forget he's a doctor.
[Eggman slams the weapons machine down and unleashes the metal airplane from his platform. The plane hits Amy's dress and fastens her into a wall. Knuckles digs a tunnel and pops out where Amy is.]
Knuckles: Amy. Tag me in!
[Amy tags Knuckles. Knuckles pulls the metal plane off the wall, freeing Amy, and throws it back at Eggman.]
Dr. Eggman: The length of a hypotenuse is equal to the square root of the sum of the lengths of the sides squared.
[The Capsulator forms a force-field in front of Eggman, stopping the plane. Sticks tags herself in. She jumps up and takes Eggman's helmet off. She tags Tails and passes the helmet onto him.]
Sticks: Here you go.
Tails: I got a better idea.
[Tails flies over and tags Knuckles, and gives the helmet to him as well.]
Tails: Quick! Say the first thing that comes to mind!
Knuckles: I think Eggman's mustache is just spaghetti that grows out of his face.
[The Capsulator unfreezes Sticks' cage.]
Sonic: Knuckles. Tag me!
[Knuckles tags Sonic. Sonic breaks free of Sticks' cage, leaving Eggman surrounded and trapped by a pile of falling bamboo pieces from Sticks' cages.]
Cubot: And down goes El Huevo loco!
Orbot: It's all over for the bald behemoth!
Dr. Eggman: One more word out of you two and I'm gonna take you apart and put you back together blindfolded.
Amy: Even when we could only battle Eggman one at a time, we managed to work together as a team.
Sonic: Yeah, that's true, but in the end, I'm the one that put Eggman in a cage.
[Moments later, Sonic is seen trapped with Eggman in his bamboo cage, which has now been reinforced with the Capsulator's force-fields. The rest of Team Sonic walk away.]
Sonic: Hey guys? You accidentally left me trapped in this force-field with Eggman! Guys? Guys!?
Dr. Eggman: Well, we're here. Might as well make the best of it. [Singing] A thousand bottles of liquid nitrogen on the wall, a thousand bottles of liquid nitrogen...