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Counter Productive (transcript)

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This is the transcript of the Sonic Boom episode, "Counter Productive."

[Scene: Tails' House at night]

[Sticks, Knuckles, Tails and Amy sitting whilst Sonic is running around a table.]
Tails: We're approaching hour 23 of Sonic and Knuckles' stay awake challenge and it's still anybody's game. Sticks, what do you make of their strategy so far?
Sticks: It appears Sonic is jogging in circles to stay awake while Knuckles keeps his focus by watching late night TV. Both strong approaches, but personally, I find the grim knowledge that our freedom is slowly eroding enough to keep me awake at night.
Sonic: Give it up, Knuckles. I can keep moving all night. The second you find something boring on TV, you're going to be out like a light.
Knuckles: Don't be silly, Sonic, TV is never boring.
[Knuckles changes channel]
Comedy Chimp: So Soar, tell us more about your dried, dense and complicated new book about introspection and selfbetterment.
Knuckles: Aww...
Soar: My new book, counter productive, is about fixing your old mistakes, times when you made a mess of things. [Knuckles watches him interested] When you were a bad apple, active like a basket case.

[Knuckles' flashback]

[Knuckles is at a market, talking to Charlie who is holding two baskets]
Knuckles: Hey Charlie, can I borrow your basket? It's really important![Grabs the baskets without waiting for an answer, the content falls on the ground.]
Knuckles: [Having the baskets on his feet] Haha, neat! I'm all tall and stuff!

[Back at Tails' House]

Sticks: [Waving her hand in front of Knuckles] His eyes are open, but his brain is definitly asleep. Sonic wins!
[Knuckles wakes up]
Knuckles:Gah! Am I ... counter productive?
Sonic: Nope, just someone who can't stay awake for twenty-three hour straight.
Soar: If you don't go back to the people you've wronged and make up for your misdeeds then you're basically a monster and that's science.
Knuckles: [Screaming] Don't look at me! I'm a monster! A monster!
Sonic:[sighs] Hope this turns out better than when he thought he was a ballerina.

[Flashback: The whole Team at Sonic's Shack]

Knuckles: Don't look at me! I'm a ballerina! A ballerina! [Starts dancing]

[Flashback ends]

[Sonic shudders]

[Scene Changes: Next Day, at the market]

Knuckles: [To Fennec Shopkeeper] I'm looking for Charlie.
Fennec Shopkeeper: You mean that guy who kept dropping my apples? Fired him years ago. Last I heard he was working at a dig-sight just outside the village. Probably mocking that up too.
Knuckles: Thanks! And as a token of my appreciation I will buy one apple. [Grabs one apple out of a basket and all baskets fall down] Now that those baskets are empty you mind if I borrow some?
[Knuckles walks away with two baskets on his feet.]

[Scene Change: dig-sight outside the village]

Charlie: Careful... careful.
Knuckles: [Runs to him and startles him] Charlie! [Charlie almost drops the artifact] Remember me? The guy that turned those apple baskets into stilts at your old job? Man, that was fun. But it turns out it wasn't fun! It was counter productive. So I'm here to make it up to you.
Charlie: Oh. Wow. I totally forgot about that. Don't worry about it, my life is great now. I've got a wife, a nice house, this wonderful job, digging up ancient artifacts.
Knuckles: Doesn't matter, I gotta make this right.
Charlie: Honestly, you really don't have to.
Knuckles: Can it! I'm trying to be nice to you. We'll start with your lunch order.
Charlie: [Gets a sandwich out of his pocket] But I brought my lunch.
Knuckles: [Grabs the Sandwich] Not good enough. [Throws it into a nearby lake] I'm gonna get you something special!
[Knuckles runs off, one of the baskets falls off and hits Charlie on the head. He let's go of the artifact which breaks.]

[Scene Change: Seaside Island]

[Charlie tries to fix the artefact, Knuckles arrives]
Knuckles: Soups on! [Grabs everything on the table and throws it off, the artifact breaks again] I got braised short rib on focaccia toast, with a dollop of garlic-chive aioli and just a hint of lime.
Charlie: Actually, that sounds pretty good.
Knuckles: I thought so too. That's why I ate it on the way here. But don't worry, look what I found. [Holds up Charlie's wet sandwich] Can you believe some dope just tossed this in the lake?
Charlie: I really should get back to work. [Turns around and starts collecting the things from the floor]
Knuckles: Oh, let me get those for you, because I'm helpful and not counter productive.
Charlie: No, really, it's o-
Knuckles: Charlie, come on! It's me! [Throws the sandwich away, takes a pickaxe and a shovel falls on Charlie's foot]
Charlie: Ah, ouch! [Jumps around and steps on the sandwich which makes him fall down]
Knuckles: The working conditions here are dangerous! I'm gonna go talk to your union rep.

[Scene Changes: The house of Charlie]

[Charlie walks in]
Charlie: Phew, honey, you would not believe the day I had. [Notices Knuckles who sits at the table]
Knuckles: Hi Charlie!
Charlie: [Sits down] Sweetheart, what is he doing here?
Belinda: I invited your friend for dinner.
Charlie: But honey... We have that thing tonight?
Belinda: I don't recall any thing. If you're trying to imply that you don't want someone here, perhaps you should just say it!
Knuckles: What are you guys talking about?

[Scene Change: Charlie at the dig-sight]

Knuckles: [Arrives] I wanted to be helpful so I picked up all those tiny flags you carelessly left scattered around in the dirt.
Charlie: Those flags were marking the locations of valuable artefacts. I'm going to have to redo all that work now.
Knuckles: Aw man, you should probably put flags by those flags so no one picks them up. But don't wory, I'll fix it. [Puts a flag on an artifact in front of them. It activates and destroys a part of the dig-sight. Mr. Slate comes running]
Charlie: Oh no, it's my boss, Mr. Slate.
Mr. Slate: What's the meaning of all this?!
Charlie: But-
Knuckles: I'll handle this. You can't talk to Charlie like that. You're not the boss of him!
Mr. Sleight: Not anymore I'm not. You're fired!

[Scene Change: Village Center]

[Charlie and Knuckles walking through the rain]
Charlie: How am I going to break this news to my wife?
Knuckles: Ah, don't worry about that, I already called her!
Charlie: YOU DID WHAT?! [Runs to his house, a suitcase is thrown before his feet]
Belinda: When are you going to stand up for yourself? [Throws a bundle to the suitcase, walks inside the house and closes the door]
Knuckles: What's her problem?
Charlie: [screaming] You did this, you ruined my life!
Knuckles: No worries Charlie, I’m gonna make it up to you! As soon as I finished making up for that other thing I did. Whatever that was.
Charlie: You're a menace. I'm not gonna let people like you cause problems for me anymore! [Laughs maliciously and runs off]

[Scene Change: The dig-sight]

[Charlie works on something]
Charlie: He'll see! They'll all see! [Laughs maniacally]

[Scene Change: Meh Burger]

[Knuckles, Tails, Amy and Sonic are sitting at a table]
Knuckles: I can’t help but feel partially responsible…. in an indirect way.
Sonic: I’m sure he didn’t really mean all the things he said.
[The ground starts shaking, Charlie appears in an armor]
Charlie: Knuckles the Echidna, your torment begins now!
Sonic: Okay, maybe he meant them a little.
[Charlie uses a ray to freeze them]
Tails: Wow, I have never seen a weapon like this before!
Charlie: That's because it's from the time of the Ancients.
Knuckles: You stole that stuff from work? Paperclips and sticky notes are one thing but Ancient weaponry? Not cool, Charlie.
Charlie: Now you will feel my true wrath! [Tries to reach Knuckles but the power goes off]
Knuckles: Did you try turning it off an back on? Sometimes that fixes it.
Charlie: You're not helping.
Tails: Maybe the batteries need charging.
Charlie: Hang on, I almost got it...
[Charlie presses a button which hits Team Sonic. He then runs off laughing.]
Amy: I'm sure this will all blow over before you know it.

[Scene change: Meh Burger]

Knuckles: A double Meh Burger please. [Holds the money in his hand which is suddenly stolen by Charlie] Hey, my lunch money!
Charlie: It’s my lunch money now! I’ll take that double Meh Burger!
Dave: Sir, please step aside, this line is for paying customers only.

[Scene change: Knuckles on a park bench]

[Knuckles tries to eat ice cream; Charlie appears, takes the ice cream and spreads it over Knuckles' face]

[Scene change: Village Center]

[Knuckles sneaking through the alleys, Charlie appears from behind, takes Knuckles and jams him into a dust bin, then kicks it; Knuckles falls down in front of Sonic and Amy.]
Sonic: Knuckles, this is going on long enough. You gotta stand up to him.
Knuckles: No. This is my own fault. I got him fired, remember? And like Soar the Eagle probably says in that book I didn’t read, I can’t rest until I’ve made it up to him.
Amy: Can you at least stop letting him taking your lunch money?
Knuckles: Fine Amy. I’ll try to avoid letting Charlie take my lunch money. For you.

[Scene change: Meh Burger]

[Charlie is in his armor, Knuckles walks to him]
Charlie: Let’s see that lunch money.
Knuckles: Charlie, as things aren’t going well between you and I, I have decided to enlist the help of a local police officer to act as a go-between. I think his experience in dealing with tense situations will proof valuable to both of us.
[Charlie reaches out his hand, the frightened the Beaver Policeman drops his money in it and leaves. Charlie reaches out once more and Knuckles drops his money too.]

[Scene change: Village]

[Charlie is sitting in his armor, Knuckles sneaks up to him]
Knuckles: Charlie is not letting up, but I can’t go back to being counter productive. So, I’ll take the high road and stay out of his way until he cools off.
[Knuckles ries to walk by casually; Charlie notices him, takes a huge ice cream and smashes it onto Knuckles]

[Scene change: Village]

Knuckles: I figured it out. All Charlie really wants is a friend. Yeah, he is practically crying out to me for help. [Reaches Charlie] Hello pal! I baked you this pie! Perhaps we can see a movie together and/or enjoy a frosted beverage.
[Charlie grabs the pie and smashed it into Knuckles’ face, then grabs him and throws him into a dustbin]
Charlie: See the wrath of my supervillain powers!
[Knuckles falls screaming and stops in front of Sonic, Tails and Amy]
Tails: Great news, Knuckles! I think Charlie just let you off the hook.
Knuckles: Really? Because from my perspective it didn’t go so well.
Sonic: No, what Tails means is that Charlie just called himself a supervillain!
Amy: [Looks into Counter Productive] Page 235 of Counter Productive: "If the person you’re trying to make up to turns into a supervillain you can forget all that stuff I said about fixing your past mistakes, in that case knock yourself out."
Knuckles: I know what I have to do now! [Runs to Charlie, some civilians follow him]
Dave: What's going on?
Lady Walrus: I think Knuckles is going to fight Charlie!
Child Monkey: I've got to see this.
Mike the Ox: We’re doing a parody of a school yard fight.
Knuckles: Charlie! I’m gonna do what you should have done a long time ago: stand up for myself!
Charlie: Bring it on, Knucklehead!
Knuckles: Hey! Name calling? Not cool!
Eggman: Let’s go Charlie! [Claps his hands, no one joins in] Really? Nothing? Am I the only one on the side of evil here?
[Charlie attacks Knuckles with the ray, Knuckles can hit him and Charlie falls on the stairs, the civilians are cheering. Charlie gets up and attacks again, he can hit Knuckles]
Belinda: Alright, Charlie! Crush him!
Charlie: Let’s finish this, Knuckles!
[Knuckles looks around and sees a dustbin. As Charlie attacks again, he takes the cap of the bin and reflects the ray, which freezes Charlie’s robot arm]
Charlie: What the-
[Knuckles destroys the arm, Charlies armor falls down. He throws some dust at Knuckles, Dr. Eggman and Belinda cheer. Charlie attacks Knuckles again with the ray, but he can reach the armor and demolish it. The Civilians are cheering]
Knuckles: Truce?
Belinda: [Walks to him and takes his hand] Truce.
Eggman: Aw, come on! It was just starting to get good!
Sonic: Great job Knuckles! You stood up for yourself and stopped a supervillain.
Knuckles: Thanks guys. Who’s up for some burgers? My treat! [Runs to Charlie] Give me all your lunch money! [Laughs] Ah, just kidding.
[Team Sonic walks off laughing]
Belinda: Great job Charlie! You stood up for yourself and got a new job as a supervillain.
Charlie: But what about the truce?
[Belinda shows him her crossed fingers]
[The episode ends with both of them laughing maliciously]