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Chain Letter (transcript)

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This is the transcript of the Sonic Boom episode, "Chain Letter".

[Scene: Eggman's Lair, HQ room, day.]

Dr. Eggman: I'll admit you've got some smooth moves, but wait till you see the scope of my wrath. Take that! [Presses a button]
[Eggman is playing a computer game. Orbot and Cubot are watching the game. The game pauses and a message icon pops up on the screen.]
Dr. Eggman: Oh man. This pop-up ad totes interrupted my pwnage.
Orbot: That's not an ad. It's a message on your FriendSpace account.
Dr. Eggman: [Excitedly] Ooh! Somebody wrote me!
[Eggman presses a button, showing the message on the screen.]
Dr. Eggman: "If you do not forward this message to three friends, you will be cursed with bad luck forever." I'll just send it to three friends and kiss bad luck goodbye. [Realizes something] Wait a sec. I don't have any friends. Orbot, Cubot. I command you to FriendSpace me!
[Orbot and Cubot press buttons on their tablets. Two messages, each displaying a picture of the two robots, show up on Eggman's computer.]
Dr. Eggman: [Excitedly clapping his hands] Ooh! I have two friend requests.
[Eggman presses two buttons. However, he grunts in disappointment when he reads a message.]
Dr. Eggman: "That awkward moment when your boss tears apart the lair searching for the remote, only to realize it was stuck to his butt the whole time." [Looks at Orbot]
Orbot: That could've been about any boss?
Dr. Eggman: Hashtag Eggman problems?
[Eggman glares at Orbot. Orbot quivers in fear.]
Cubot: [Laughs] That's a good one. I gotta share that. [Presses a button]
Dr. Eggman: Oh, now it's trending! I'll deal with you two later. Right now, I gotta get me a third friend.

[Scene Change: Village Center, day.]

[Eggman tells villagers walking around to be his friend.]
Dr. Eggman: [Looks at Wild Cat] Be my friend?
[Wild Cat shakes his head and runs off.]
Dr. Eggman: [Looks at Lady Goat] Just looking for some web-buddies.
[Lady Goat covers the left side of her face and tries to ignore Eggman.]
Dr. Eggman: [Looks at Mike the Ox] You like chat rooms?
[Mike shakes his head and runs off.]
Dr. Eggman: Why is it so hard for an evil villain to win the trust of the people he victimizes?
[Eggman spots Redd Heron, struggling to carry boxes while he is walking. He comes over to him.]
Dr. Eggman: Need help moving, [Slowly] friend?!

[Scene Change: Redd Heron' house, day.]

[Redd puts a blue picture up on the wall. Eggman struggles to carry the boxes as he walks next to Redd.]
Redd Heron: The people in this town are so nice. What was it you said you do again?
Dr. Eggman: Oh, you'll find out soon enough. [Stands up straight with confidence] Hey. We should stay in touch. Let's link up on FriendSpace.
Redd Heron: [Laughs] I'll be delighted. Of course, it might take me a bit. My computer is buried in one of these boxes, and besides, I probably won't have internet hooked up for a few weeks...
[Eggman immediately drops the boxes and walks off. The boxes land on Redd Heron's feet, hurting him.]

[Scene Change: Village Center, day.]

[Eggman walks across the village with a frown and notices the Rabbit Girl typing on her phone.]
Dr. Eggman: Hey, there's that Rabbit Girl. She's so hip and condescending. I bet she's got hundreds of friends! [Stands next to the Rabbit Girl] What's shaking, girlfriend? Snapping some selfies to you BFFs? That sounds fleek!
Rabbit Girl: Ew. You sound like my mom when she tries to relate to me.
Dr. Eggman: Parents right? They're so quack. Hey, since we have so much in common, how about being my friend on FriendSpace?
Rabbit Girl: FriendSpace? That is so two weeks ago.
Dr. Eggman: Oh. Tell me about it. Boresville! So, uh, what should I be using?
Rabbit Girl: SnarkChat, duh! [A chime sounds on the Rabbit Girl's phone] Never mind. SnarkChat's so over.
[Eggman facepalms.]

[Scene Change: Village Center, day.]

[Eggman find the Old Monkey and talks to him.]
Dr. Eggman: Need a hand crossing the street, old timer?
Old Monkey: [Holds Eggman's arm] Oh what a nice young man. Are you trying to earn your merit badge?
Dr. Eggman: Eh... something like that. If you would be so kind, when you get back to the home, boot up your computer, log on to FriendSpace, and shoot a friend request my way.
Old Monkey: [Confused] Shoot out my camper whose-it and what in the huh-space?
[Eggman growls and angrily stomps off. Afterwards, a car runs into the Old Monkey, knocking him high in the air. The Old Monkey then falls down on his back. As the Old Monkey coughs, Dave the Intern opens the car door and gasps in horror.]
Dave: This is bad. [Puts both hands on his head] Oh no, oh no!
[The Old Monkey stands up]
Dave: Oh good. He's okay.
[Dave gets back in his car and boots it up. However, he screams again as the car reverses back into the Old Monkey. Dave stops as soon as a crash is heard. Dave turns his head around and sees the Old Monkey lying down on the ground again.]
Dave: Whoa!
[Dave drives away, leaving the Old Monkey alone. The Old Monkey gets up and walks again.]

[Scene Change: Rec Center, day.]

[Sonic, Tails, Amy and Knuckles are playing soccer. Tails is seen having the ball first. With Sonic running alongside, Tails kicks the ball between Amy's legs and flies over her. Tails then passes the ball to Sonic. Sonic approaches Knuckles - who is playing in goal - with the ball.]
Sonic: And the Blue Blur lines up for what is sure to be his record 25th consecutive goal.
[Just before Sonic shoots, Eggman appears and snatches the ball away from him, leaving Sonic to land on his back when he launches a kick into thin air.]
Sonic: Good grief.
Dr. Eggman: Hey guys, what you doing? Shooting hoops? Tossing around the old pigskin? Doing... sports?
[Sonic grunts as he gets up.]
Sonic: [Annoyed] What do you want, Egghead?
Dr. Eggman: What? I don't want anything. [Fiercely] I demand you add me on FriendSpace.
Sonic: No way. You're not my friend, you're my enemy.
Dr. Eggman: [Upset] Well, fine. I don't want to be your friend anyway. I was only asking because... [Whimpers] Because... [Shouting] My Mombot made me!
[Eggman drops the ball and furiously kicks it away as hard as he can, only for it to land at Sonic's feet. Breaking down crying, Eggman runs away from Team Sonic.]
Amy: I kinda feel bad for the guy.
Tails: It might not be such a bad idea to add Eggman on FriendSpace. It would be a great way to keep tabs on him.
[Sonic looks away and thinks.]
Sonic: ...Yeah.

[Scene Change: Eggman's Lair, HQ room, day.]

[Eggman is sitting alone on his chair.]
Dr. Eggman: [Sighs] Do I really have no friends? Maybe it's time to take a hard look at myself. Change my attitude, try being nice to people. [Eggman hears a sound on his computer and gets excited] A friend request!
[The screen shows up Sonic as a friend request.]
Dr. Eggman From Sonic the Hedgehog?! And to think I was about to needlessly improve myself.

[Scene Change: Sonic's Shack, day.]

[Sonic is sleeping in his hammock. His Communicator sounds. Sonic looks at it and reads a message.]
Sonic: "If you do not forward this message to three friends..." [Gets annoyed] Oh, geesh. Delete!
[Sonic presses the delete button and goes back to sleep. The Communicator sounds again repeatedly. Sonic jumps out of his hammock, frightened, and lands on the floor.]

[Scene Change: Meh Burger, day.]

[Sonic, Tails, Amy and Knuckles are setting at a table.]
Amy: So he's an oversharer.
Tails: Yeah, just ignore him. The way Meh Burger ignores their customer complaint forms.
Dave: We're not ignoring them. We're just saving them in case we run out of napkins.
Sonic: [Angrily holds a drink] Eggman is a social media menace. During this conversation alone, he send me an animated gif of a dancing penguin, a check-in at Wolf Sidekick's open mic, and a poorly written article complaining about the mayor's private email server.
Amy: I'm sure he'll settle down eventually.
[Sonic's Communicator sounds again. Shocked, Sonic squeezes his drink and it spills out. The lid with the straw lands on his head.]
Sonic: Argh.
Dave: Oh, you're gonna need a two-pie for that one. [Shows some complaint forms] Thankfully this guy had a long list of complaints.

[Scene Change: Village Center, day.]

[T.W. Barker is on stage with the two Stunt Bears delivering a speech to the rest of the villagers.]
Barker: People have accused me of running a pyramid scheme. To them I say "sign up and find out for yourself".
[The villagers look at each other. Moments later, Sonic arrives on the scene and confronts Barker.]
Sonic: You're not gonna get away with this scam, Barker.
Barker: Scam is such a harsh term. I like to think of it as relieving my clients of the undue burden of carrying a heavy wallet. Stunt Bears, why don't you break it down for them?
[Both Stunt Bears growl at Sonic. Stunt Bear No. 1 charges at Sonic. At the same time, Sonic's Communicator sounds.]
Sonic: Huh? [Sighs and gets annoyed] What now? I'm not even in this picture. Why did he tag me?
[Stunt Bear No. 1 grapples Sonic off the stage while the rest of the villagers watch, and powerslams him into the ground. Sonic grunts in anger and gets back up. Stunt Bear No. 1 growls and charges at Sonic again. At the same time, Sonic's Communicator sounds again.]
Sonic: Huh? Dude, this meme is like, five years old.
[Sonic gets struck by Stunt Bear No. 1 again, but is able to get up. His Communicator sounds yet again.]
Sonic: [Angrily] Another cat video?! That's it! I'm unfriending him!
[Sonic presses a button on his Communicator.]

[Scene Change: Eggman's Lair, HQ room, day.]

Dr. Eggman: Ooh! "Talk like a pirate" day is coming up. I should send Sonic a reminder. [While typing on the computer] "Ahoy, matey…"
[Eggman gasps as an angry-looking Sonic icon covered by a flashing "No" sign shows up on his screen.]
Dr. Eggman: What? Sonic unfriended me? Nah, I'm sure it was a misunderstanding. I'll just send him another friend request. We'll be lolling about this later. Heheh.
[Eggman types on the computer. The computer buzzes and the message stays on the screen.]
Dr. Eggman: Rejected? Two can play at this game. I'll create my own social network, with no Sonics allowed. [Evil laugh]

[Scene Change: Eggman's Lair, day.]

[Eggman is holding a discussion with Orbot and Cubot.]
Dr. Eggman: [Talking to Cubot] Brainstorming time! What does every successful social media site need?
Cubot: Uh... Pictures of your lunch?
Orbot: Easyshare ability and clickbait articles?
Dr. Eggman: [Writes on his notepad] That good, that's good. How about a way to force everybody to look at pictures of your ugly baby?
[Eggman snickers and writes again. Orbot puts his hands up.]
Orbot: Might I also suggest the ability to give the bare minimum of acknowledgement to someone without actually writing anything?
Dr. Eggman: I like that. I'm gonna call it "winking". [While writing] That'll be a great feature on my social media site. Now I just need to get the right buzz going.

[Scene Change: Village Center, day.]

[Eggman walks across the village. Sonic arrives on the scene and collides with him.]
Dr. Eggman: Oh, Sonic. Didn't see you there. Must have unfriended you from my peripheral vision.
Sonic: Still mad, Egg-butt? Maybe if you didn't send me pictures of your brunch every eight seconds, none of this would have happened.
Dr. Eggman: Well, excuse me for thinking you'd appreciate a good Eggs Benedict. Now, if you don't mind, I have someone I need to speak with. [Pushes Sonic aside] Oh what's up gal pal? I've got one word for you.
[Eggman stands next to the Rabbit Girl, who is sitting down and typing on her phone without looking at Eggman.]
Rabbit Girl: Is it "Goodbye"?
Dr. Eggman: No. It's "Scrambler", my new social networking site. It's got a super simple interface, easy navigation, targeted ads based on all your personal data...
Rabbit Girl: Pass.
Dr. Eggman: [Miserably] Well, so much for Scrambler, and nobody even got to use it.
[Eggman walks off, but stops when the Rabbit Girl stands up excitedly and speaks to him.]
Rabbit Girl: Did you say there are no users?! That sounds uber exclusive! I'm in.
[The Rabbit Girl types on her phone and a chime sounds. She shows it to Eggman.]
Rabbit Girl: And so are 3000 of my closest friends!
[Eggman's wrist controller sounds.]
Dr. Eggman: Everything's coming up, Eggman!

[Scene Change: Village Center, day.]

[Sonic is walking past villagers, who are typing on their phones. In the background Mrs. Vandersnout and Mike the Ox bump into each other and walk off. Sonic gets a fright and steps aside from the Walrus Male, who is also typing. He finds Amy who is sitting on a bench and playing on her Communicator.]
Sonic: Ames, what's going on around here?
Amy: We all signed up for Scrambler. It's a new social media site. Now, instead of talking to people, you just fry a message over to their Scrambler pan.
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