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Sonic Boom
Can an Evil Genius Crash on Your Couch for a Few Days? (transcript)

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This is the transcript of the Sonic Boom episode, "Can an Evil Genius Crash on Your Couch for a Few Days?".

[Scene: Tails' House, night.]

[Sonic and Tails are asleep on the couches. Knocking is heard. Sonic stirs, but doesn't awaken. The knocking becomes more insistent, until it becomes outright pounding, which gets Sonic to wake up.]
Sonic: Man...
[Sonic zips to the door, and opens it. Eggman is outside.]
Dr. Eggman: Hi!
Sonic: [Annoyed] What do you want?
Dr. Eggman: First of all, thank you for answering the door at such a late hour. I realize what an inconvenience this must be--
Sonic: [Interrupting] Get to it, Eggface.
Dr. Eggman: W-well, I... I uh... I need your help.
Sonic: You need my help?
Dr. Eggman: Yes. My sinister island lair... You know, the ultra-high-tech stronghold where I hatch my diabolical schemes to eliminate you... It was destroyed in the storm. I was hoping I could crash with you and Tails for a few days until my robots rebuild it? Please! Don't strand me in this wilderness!
Sonic: Well, you could certainly use a roof over your head. [sniffs] And a bath. [suspicious] But how do I know you won't just capture me and Tails while we're sleeping?
Dr. Eggman: I swear not to harm you or your fox friend during my stay. I didn't even bring any weapons. Here, check my pants.
Sonic: No no no. It's okay. I believe you. So it's only for a few days and it's just you?
Dr. Eggman: Just me! [Sonic gestures him in. Eggman enters, followed by Orbot and Cubot] And Orbot and Cubot. They're family!
[Sonic groans as he shuts the door.]

[Scene Change: Tails' House, day.]

[Sonic opens the door with a yawn, letting in Knuckles, Amy, and Sticks. They recoil in surprise as they see Eggman, stretching while wearing pink pajamas.]
Knuckles: Eggman?!
Dr. Eggman: Oh, hey gang! Didn't know you'd be visiting so early. I'm still in my evil pajamas. They have a trapdoor in the back. [The camera pans down to show the "trapdoor." Eggman then sits in a chair.]
Knuckles: What's he doing here?
Sonic: We have a truce. Tails is letting him stay here until his lair is rebuilt.
Dr. Eggman: Ahem. Still waiting on that Salmon Eggs Benedict.
Tails: Coming. Coming!
[Tails brings over the Salmon Eggs Benedict. Eggman looks at it.]
Dr. Eggman: I asked for egg whites. These are yellows. See the yellow? I'm trying to watch my cholesterol. And this salmon is farm-raised! What is this, prison?
Sticks: It's all some evil plot, man! First he lures us in with some terrible roommate ploy, but then wham! Out comes this fifty-foot Obliterator Bot that obliterates us all! [Inhales] We gotta get outta here.
Amy: Guys, we have to help him. If we don't, we'll be no better than he is.
Dr. Eggman: Yeah, you'll be no better than I am.
Amy: Think about how this is for him. Do you feel scared without a home? Do you feel alone? Are you eating your feelings?
Dr. Eggman: Somebody get her away from me.
Tails: Guys, if Eggman needs to stay, he can stay. Who knows? He may not be so bad after all.
[Eggman smiles]

[Scene Change: Tails' House.]

[A montage plays. Tails is screwing a lightbulb into his plane.]
Dr. Eggman: Pillow fight!
[Eggman hits Tails with a pillow, causing him to drop the bulb. Tails glares at Eggman. In the next scene, Eggman is trying to whack Orbot and Cubot with a pillow, while Sonic is trying to clean up around them. In their next scene, Eggman is sleeping in the couch, evilly laughing between snores. Sonic and Tails are on the floor, straining to cover their ears. In the next scene, Sticks opens the fridge, and finds that everything is locked up in Eggman containers except for a single vegetable. In the next scene, Sonic is asleep on the floor, when a feather appears on his face. He opens his eyes.]
Dr. Eggman: Pillow fight!!
[In the next scene, Eggman is swinging on the lamp, and drops a pillow on Sonic's face.]

[Scene Change: Tails' House, day.]

[Sonic and Tails are sitting on the couch, looking annoyed.]
Sonic: That's it! I've had enough of Eggman! Lair or no lair, he's outta here!
Amy: You can't just throw Eggman out. Sure, he might be a difficult roommate, but it's only because you guys have a communication problem.
Tails: "Communication problem"? He whacked me with a pillow. Hard! I'm dizzy, and I have serious short-term memory loss. [Beat] And I have serious short-term memory loss.
Amy: Why don't we settle this with a roommate meeting?

[Scene Change: Tails' House, Later]

[Eggman, Orbot, and Cubot are now sitting on the other couch.]
Amy: Now, Sonic, do you have something you'd like to share with Eggman?
Sonic: Yes. How to say this delicately... You're a horrible roommate and nobody in this house likes you.
Amy: Let's frame our statements with "When you do this, it makes me feel this."
Sonic: Fine. Okay, uh... let's see... "When you live here, it makes me feel angry." Because you're a horrible roommate and nobody in this house likes you.
Dr. Eggman: [Starts crying] You're right. I am the worst roommate. It-it-it... I've never lived with other people before!
Cubot: What about us?
Dr. Eggman: [Normal voice] You don't count. [Starts crying again]
Amy: Sonic, I think someone here could go for two spoonfuls of forgiveness, washed down with a tall glass of friendship. What do you think?
Sonic: Ugh... Eggman, if we give you a second chance, will you promise to shape up?
Dr. Eggman: [Stops crying, snaps his fingers] You bet!
Amy: Roommate meeting group hug!
[Eggman hugs the others. Orbot and Cubot try to join in.]
Dr. Eggman: Not you!
[Orbot and Cubot look depressed.]

[Scene Change: Tails' House.]

[A montage plays. Sonic walks by, yawning. He then sees Eggman doing the dishes.]
Dr. Eggman: [Singing] Scrubbing all the dishes with my sponge and soap. Scrubbing all the dishes, it's cleaning up my hope! [Spoken] Cue the horn!
[Eggman is straightening out the leaves on a house plant. Tails is sitting on the couch behind Eggman, holding a device, with a pillow behind him. Eggman picks up the pillow, and raises it as if to whack Tails. Tails gives him a look, but then Eggman fluffs the pillow and gives it back.]

[Scene Change: Tails' House, night.]

[Eggman, Sonic, Tails, Orbot, and Cubot are playing a board game.]
Dr. Eggman: Thirty-seven, thirty-eight, thirty-nine... Triple star bonus kazoo! [blows a kazoo] I win again!
Sonic: [Yawns] That's great. Well, it's getting late. Time to hit the hay.
Dr. Eggman: Aww, just one more game? That's what good roomies do. We have fun!
Sonic: I'm all for fun, but aren't you guys exhausted? Orbot? Cubot?
Dr. Eggman: They're robots. They don't get tired, because they have no souls.
Orbot: [Angry] Hey!
Cubot: [Depressed] He's right.
Sonic: [Heads for the door] Whatever. Good night, guys.
Dr. Eggman: [Blocks the door] Wait! Don't leave! Just hang out a little longer. I'm so lonely! Please, roomie?
[Sonic sighs, then turns around.]
Dr. Eggman: Yay! [Blows his kazoo again]

[Scene Change: Tails' House, night.]

TV Announcer: We now return to the Comedy Chimp Show, with your host, Comedy Chimp!
Comedy Chimp: I almost didn't make it to the show tonight. I had to go to the doctor. I had a backache!
[Eggman is enjoying the show. Sonic and Tails, however, look miserable, yawning heavily and with bags under their eyes.]
Comedy Chimp: I didn't really like that doctor anyway. I think he used to be a mechanic! He tried to fix my problem with a monkey wrench!
Wolf Sidekick: Oh ho! You, my friend, are one witty simian!
[Sonic yawns again.]

[Scene Change: Tails' House, morning.]

[Amy, Sticks, and Knuckles enter.]
Knuckles: You're still hanging with Eggman? How many hours of sleep did you get?
Sonic: Zero...
Sticks: It's Stage Two of his evil plot, man! We are minutes away from him summoning his big Obliterator Bot with its... obliterator legs, and its obliter-bator feet!
Amy: (unaware that Eggman leaving Tails's House) Sticks... stop being paranoid! Eggman's lived here for two days, and he hasn't hatched a single evil scheme!
[Eggman is heard laughing maniacally from outside, having slipped out the door while Amy was talking. Everyone goes outside, Sonic and Tails much more slowly than the others from sheer exhaustion.]
Tails: What's so funny...?
Dr. Eggman: Remember when I said my island fortress was destroyed by a storm? I... uh... may have fibbed. You see, I kind of faked the destruction of my fortress as an excuse to live with you and tire you to the point of exhaust- [Slaps Sonic, who was asleep standing up] Tire you to the point of exhaustion! [Runs over to a nearby tree] So you'd be too tired to stop Obliterator Bot!
[Eggman is forced to jump out of the way as Obliterator Bot pushes over the tree he was standing in front of.]
Dr. Eggman: Hee hee hee...
Sticks: I knew it. He did have an Obliterator Bot! Why doesn't anyone ever believe me?! [Shakes Amy] It's not like I'm paranoid! [Sees her shadow] Stop following me!
Dr. Eggman: Enough! Obliterator Bot, destroy Sonic and his four friends!
Obliterator Bot: For-tress? Fortress. Destroy fortress. Destroy island fortress.
Dr. Eggman: What?! No! [presses wrist controller] That's not what I said!!
Orbot: We're still working out a few kinks.
Dr. Eggman: [Holding onto Obliterator Bot's leg] Obliterator Bot, do not destroy island fortress! DO NOT DESTROY ISLAND FORTRESS!!
Obliterator Bot: Affirmative. Playing up-tempo music while destroying fortress. [Speakers pop out of its shoulders, blaring up-tempo rock music.]
[Obliterator Bot walks over Sonic, who only watches it go.]
Dr. Eggman: NO! Sonic, you have to help me!
Sonic: Why? He's your Obliterator Bot.
Dr. Eggman: Because if you don't, I'm truly stuck living with you until I build a new island fortress.
Sonic: [Instantly] Let's roll.

[Scene Change: Eggman's Lair, Exterior]

[Tails' plane lands outside Eggman's lair, with the Eggmobile coming up behind. Above, Obliterator Bot is hammering away at Eggman's lair.]
Tails: Gotta stop him... but so tired... [Slumps to the ground, asleep]
Knuckles: He must have a weak spot.
Sonic: Maybe there's a clue on the ground... [Sinks to the ground] This soft... soft... bed-like... ground...
[Sticks runs over and stomps on Sonic, who instantly awakens.]
Sonic: What?! What's wrong?! Are we under attack?! [Jumps to his feet, then remembers where he is] Oh... right. [Yawns]
Knuckles: Eggman, you built that thing. How do we take it down?
Dr. Eggman: By activating two kill switches at the same time. They're inside the lair. [Points one way] There... [Points the other way] and there.
Sonic: Oh, come on... All right. Amy, Knuckles, Sticks, distract that metal monstrosity. Tails and I are on the kill switches. Eggman, you'll have to show us how to activate them.
Amy: Pre-mission group hug?
Sonic: No. [Takes off]
[Sonic runs through a laser defense system. Lasers fire around him, but none hit. Tails flies down to a control panel and activates it. He pushes a power switch causing a laser wall in front of Sonic to deactivate. A near miss from two lasers causes Sonic to start sliding. His exhaustion catches up with him again and he falls asleep mid-slide. Tails deactivates the second laser wall just in time as Sonic slides through and comes to a stop, waking up again.]
Sonic: Unh...
[Tails opens an access panel full of wires, but is too tired to figure them out. Sonic approaches a door, but drops to the ground and falls asleep right in front of it. Tails pushes a button next to the access panel, which opens the kill switch doors. Eggman suddenly stomps next to Sonic, waking him up again.]
Dr. Eggman: Jam the kinetic barrier processor. The kinetic barrier processor!
[Sonic looks confused, so he just pulls the lever, which seems to do the trick. Eggman runs off to check, then runs over to Tails.]
Dr. Eggman: Okay. Power down the central operating system.
[Eggman grabs Tails and puts his hand around the switch, making him pull it. Sonic, however, is too tired to stay standing and falls to the floor asleep again, releasing the switch. Outside, Knuckles, Amy, and Sticks are confronting Obliterator Bot.]
Sticks: I knew you were coming. But you will never obliterate Sticks, because Sticks is unoblite— unoble— unobitababl... You can't kill me.
[Back inside, Eggman is getting frantic.]
Dr. Eggman: Jam the Kinetic Barrier Processor!
[Sonic does so, but winds up falling asleep again. Eggman looks back and forth between the sleeping Sonic and Tails, then blows the kazoo. The kazoo instantly awakens Sonic and Tails and scares away all the birds perched on Eggman's lair. Sonic and Tails pull the kill switches, which causes Obliterator Bot to shut down. Sonic races between Obliterator Bot's legs, with a large piece of metal. He then jumps into the air.]
Sonic: Pillow fight!
[Sonic knocks Obliterator Bot's head off with the piece of metal, causing it to explode.]
Dr. Eggman: Yes!
[Suddenly, the rest of Eggman's lair explodes as well.]
Dr. Eggman: No...!

[Scene Change: Seaside Island, beach, day.]

[Sonic and his friends are sitting on the beach. Eggman walks up with a pair of suitcases.]
Dr. Eggman: H-hey, fellas. As you know, my fortress is now a smoking ruin, so I was wondering, maybe... [Sits on one of the reclining chairs] if I could stay with you guys for a little while. Just until it's built back?

[Scene Change: Eggman's Lair, day.]

[Sonic runs in, dropping Eggman, the chair, and his suitcases all at once. Amy, Orbot, and Cubot walk up. Amy is holding a balloon.]
Amy: I can keep you company! Let's explore your feelings about being a roommate. Now, pretend this balloon is your self-esteem.
Dr. Eggman: Stop, stop! Stooooooop! [Runs away]