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Sonic Underground
Bartleby the Prisoner (transcript)

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This is a transcript of the Sonic Underground episode, "Bartleby the Prisoner".

[The Sonic Underground theme song plays]
Aleena (narrating): While my children fought for our cause, others lived in comfort. But they would quickly discover that no one was safe from Robotnik's evil grasp.
Bartleby: [gulps] [sighs] Rosebud tea. One of the many pleasures of being a wealthy aristocrat. [a doorbell sounds] Who on Mobius could it be at this hour? Oh drat, I'll have to get it myself. [the doorbell sounds again] Patience, patience! [gasps] [the door bulges and a cannon bursts through] Good grief! Urgh!
Swatbot: Sir Bartleby MontClair. You are charged with being a traitor, a rebel, and an enemy of Robotnik.
Bartleby: Well that's outrageous! That's-
Swatbot: That's up to the jury. Come with me.
Bartleby: Aaarrgh!
Sonia: According to my calculations and Trevor's intelligence reports, this is it!
Manic: Yeah, this is Robotnik's ruby mine and I'm a Swatbot's granny(!)
Sonia: As I have tried over and over to explain, not everything is what it appears to be. It should be right about... er... [a drill rises from the ground] Huh? Here!
Manic: [gasps]
Sonic: Is she good, or what?!
Sonia: Now then. As I was saying, the rubies of this particular mine are purer than any ever seen before, which makes them even more valuable to Robotnik because they're incredibly powerful when used for weaponry!
Sonic: Good enough? Let's do it to it.
Manic: Gotcha covered! [tugs on a climbing rope] Ugh!
Sonic: Juice and jam time! [jumps down the hole] Whooooa! [lands] Ooh! Ahh. Come on down, it's all clear!
Sonia: Okay, listen up. We've gotta map out the mine... [Sonic zooms around the cave] to establish its perimeters... inventory its mining equipment, analyze the strength of its defenses, and check the quantity and size of the rubies.
Sonic: [gasps] [returns to Sonia] All done! What's for dinner?
Sonia: [gasps] I've never seen gems like these. They're enormous! It... It's even worse than we thought. These are ultra-high-grade rubies!
Manic: Kind you used to wear.
Sonia: Quel drôle(!) No, the kind used for high-powered lasers.
Manic: Robuttnik's had lasers before. What's the big deal?
Manic: Whoa! It burned through solid titanium? That is a powerful laser!
Sonic: With those, Robarfnik could wipe out the entire Resistance!
Cyrus: Not if we can help it. I have a little toy here that I think might do the trick. [pulls a sheet off a mining vehicle] Look at this!
Sonic: Got anything in blue to match my skin?
Manic: Cool! How about a test drive?
Cyrus: There are a few things you should know before you-
Sonic: Hey, Cyrus, it's kinda cramped in here.
Cyrus: It's supposed to be a two-passenger vehicle. Whatever you do, don't touch any- [Sonic presses a button, sending out a flame] Hey, be careful!
Sonic: Yo, Cyrus! Got a manual for this thing?
Cyrus: Yes! Out here! Watch where you're going!
Sonic: How?
Cyrus: Turn on the viewer! [Sonic switches on a screen] Apparently you've found the laser drill. The defense shield controls you to your left. [staggers] Whoa! [the vehicle burrows underground] When the sweeper detects an enemy ship, push the blue button. And keep an eye out for Trevor. He's gonna meet up with you.
Bartleby: [moans] Uhh!
Sleet: All rise. Court is now in session. The Honorable Judge Robotnik presiding.
Robotnik: Bartleby, you are accused of seditious crimes against my empire. How do you plead?
Bartleby: This is outrageous! I'm a nobleman, a supporter of your... your empire!
Robotnik: How do you plead?!
Bartleby: I donate money to your causes. I entertain you in my home!
Robotnik: And your plea?
Bartleby: Don't I even get an attorney?
Robotnik: Your attorney. Now then. How do you plead?
Bartleby: [sighs]
Sonia: According to my calculation, we entered the mine in the northeast quadrant. Our mission is threefold. First we secure a giant ruby, knocking out as many of the underground mine ships on the way as we can. Then, we use the ruby to amplify my laser power to knock out the rest of the ships! Finally, we destroy the ruby mine, sealing it off from Robotnik forever!
Sonic: How you comin' with that chili, bro?
Manic: Needs a touch more heat. [fire erupts from the back of the vehicle] Yeah, that should do it.
Trevor: Oops! So sorry.
Manic: That's okay, Trevor.
Sonia: Oh my gosh! It's Bartleby!
Commentator: We now join the trial in progress for prosecuting attorney Sleet's opening statement.
Sleet: Illustrious jury. You see before you... a man accused of treason. A man accused of helping the Resistance in their evil plot to depose our great leader.
Sonia: This is awful. They're punishing Bartleby because of me!
Robotnik: Get on with it, you fool!
Sleet: Oh, yes sir. So anyway, when, erm, if we find him guilty, you know what to do. He says he's innocent. But if he lies, you must roboticize!
Dingo: My client is innocent. Even though he looks like a guilty traitor to me.
Sonic: With a defense like Dingo, who needs a prosecutor?
Bartleby: What is to become of me?
Computer: You have a visitor.
Bartleby: A visitor? Who?
Sonia: It's your Aunt Sophie.
Bartleby: But I don't have-
Sonia: Bartleby!
Bartleby: Sonia! What are you doing here? Robotnik's guards-
Sonia: Never mind them. We have to get you out of here!
Bartleby: No. Go quickly. I can't let you be captured because of me!
Sonia: And I can't see you condemned for something you didn't do. Even if it was something you should have been doing!
Bartleby: Sonia, can you honestly say you're happier in the Resistance?
Sonia: I'm happy that I'm making my life count for something! But I'm here to help you.
Bartleby: You can't. I'm innocent. But they'll roboticize me all the same.
Robotnik: Of course you're innocent, you rich fool! But now you and your darling Sonia are being useful for a change... as bait for my trap.
Dingo: Bait? Are we goin' fishin'?
Sleet: Could you be any dumber if you were a Mobian muskrat?
Dingo: [squeaks] [runs into a wall] Oof! [groans]
Sleet: Nope. Guess not.
Robotnik: Yes, it's only a matter of time before Sonia returns to save her dear Bartleby. And, of course, her brothers won't be far behind. [laughs harshly]
Dingo: Oof!
Manic: Laser drill?
Trevor: Check!
Manic: Defense shield projectors?
Trevor: Check!
Manic: Huh? [Sonic arrives at the vehicle] Sonia?
Sonic: Sorry, bro, that's a negative. I bet she went to help that lamer Bartleby.
Manic: Maybe we oughta cancel-
Sonia: No you don't!
Sonic: Sonia! Where ya been?!
Sonia: Sorry guys. There was something I had to do.
Trevor: It's time.
Sonic: Gotcha, Trev. [points at Sonia] But you've got some explaining to do later. Now, let's do it to it.
Bartleby: I do hope you do a better job in court today.
Dingo: Ah, no worries. You're getting off anyway.
Bartleby: I beg your pardon? But I'm on trial!
Dingo: Duh! Yeah! Well, if you don't know, this is all a trap for Sonia and her brothers.
Bartleby: Huh?! So that's it. Sonia!
Dingo: Sonia...
Bartleby: That's it! I know how to save Sonia...
Dingo: Yeah, but what about my cabin?!
Sonia: Okay. I've got it. Quick, Manic! Hang a left!
Trevor: I think we've got trouble.
Sonia: [gasps] Three enemy ships, starboard stern!
Sonic: Hey, no prob, just put the pedal to the metal.
Sonia: Sonic? What's that noise? Are you watching TV?!
Sonic: Hey, I'm just tryin' to find out how lover boy is doin'. Oh boy... er, maybe you'd better take a peek here, sis.
Sonia: Sonic, this isn't exactly a good time.
Sonic: This'll only take a Sonic second.
Sonia: Bartleby!
Bartleby: And so, Your Honor, I am changing my plea to guilty.
Robotnik: Huh?
Sonia: Okay, guys, we've gotta finish up, fast! Hang a U!
Manic: You got it!
Sonia: Hit 'em with everything we've got. Now!
Sonic: Eat plasma, bot-brains!
Sonia: Way to go!
Manic: All right!
Sonic: Eat my dust!
Sonic, Manic and Sonia: [gasps]
Trevor: More trouble, guys!
Sonia: [gasps]
Sonic: Oh, I hate when that happens.
Trevor: Better split up. Meet me at the giant ruby! [his ship is zapped by an energy beam] Agh! Sonic! I'm hit! Arrrgh!
Sonic, Manic and Sonia: TREVOR...!
Sonic: We've lost Trevor!
Manic: Oh, not good.
Sonia: We're goin' down. Maybe we can spot him if we-
Manic: Whoa, emergency rescue signal!
Sonia: The escape pod!
Trevor: So, are you gonna leave me here all night? We've got a mission to finish.
Sonic: Have no fear, the hedgehog's here!
Manic: Sinkin' fast, bro. Sinkin' fast!
Sonic: Guess I'll just have to be faster. Why is it always water?! [jumps into the river] Ahhhh! [hangs next to Trevor] Whoa, uh!
Trevor: Thanks, Sonic.
Sonic: Hey, this is nothin'. Just don't go askin' for my chili dogs. [Trevor grabs his leg] Spin and win time!
Trevor: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Manic: Aw yeah, stretch out, Trev. Make yourself comfortable.
Trevor: Hey, I'm just happy to be anywhere!
Sonia: Back to work, guys. Well, we've either found the heart of Robotnik's evil plan, or a disco party room.
Sonic: Hmmm... disco? I vote for the evil plan.
Sonia: Look! [takes the ruby] It's just my size! Ready to rock, guys? [blasts the cavern with her ruby-enhanced keyboard, causing a cave-in] It's gonna blow! [the team escapes to the surface] Whoo-whee!
Manic: Whoa, dude!
Sonic: Encore, anyone?
Sonic, Manic and Trevor: All right! Oh yes! All right!
Manic: Way to go!
Sonic: We cooked!
Sonic, Manic and Trevor: [laugh]
Sonic: Sis?
Manic: I bet she's goin' to rescue Bartleby.
Sonic: Aw, man! She's walkin' right into a trap! Time to haul some serious haunch. [grabs Manic's arm and speeds away] Catch ya later, Trevor!
Robotnik: Let the condemned prisoner approach the bench. Are you ready for sentencing?
Bartleby: As ready as I'll ever be.
Robotnik: For crimes of treason against the government, namely me, this court sentences you to-
Sonic: Don't worry, Sonia! We're here to... wait for you to get here? Oh, great! Now we have to rescue Bartleby!
Robotnik: Hedgehogs! Seize them!
Sonic: Well, well. If it isn't the Prince of Dorkness.
Sleet: Get them!
Sonic: Time to juice 'em!
Manic: And reduce 'em!
Sonic: Cruisin' and bruisin'!
Dingo: Whoa! Uh-oh. [falls] Whoaaa! Ugh! [a Swatbot lands on him] Whoaa-oww! [another Swatbot lands on him] [groans]
Manic: Good to see I haven't lost the old touch! [chuckles]
Sleet: Huh? Oh no! [gets crushed by Swatbots] Oof! I... hate... hedgehogs!
Sonia: Haven't you guys ever heard the expression "ladies first"? [gets out her keyboard] Well, better late than never!
Robotnik: FINISH THEM!
["Justice Callin'" plays]
Sonia: Let's split!
Sonic: All right, sis! [Sonia blasts a hole in the wall] We're gone, but not forgotten.
Robotnik: Citizens! New evidence has come to light proving that prisoner Bartleby is innocent of all charges. I am sure that there are no hard feelings over this unfortunate misunderstanding, and that Bartleby will continue his generous support of my... er... the regime.
Bartleby: I'm not very good at being noble, Sonia. Well, actually I am because, well, I'm nobility, but... it doesn't take much to see that the problems of two little people don't amount to a hill of chili dogs compared to protecting this planet.
Sonia: Yeah, well, the hovercraft's waiting. But we'll always have Mobius, too. Here's looking at you, kid.
Manic: Hey sis, er, are you sorry you don't live in that world anymore?
Sonia: Manic, I'm right where I wanna be.
Sonic: You're a real Freedom Fighter, sis. One of the best!
Sonia: Sonic, Manic, I think this is the continuation of a beautiful friendship.
[The credits roll]