Coachnik (episode)/Transcript

This is the transcript for the Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog episode, "Coachnik".

Note: Scenes that were cut from certain reruns are highlighted in red .

[''The episode begins in the desert. Sonic runs along the road as Tails flies behind him.'']
 * Tails: Sonic, I hardly ever get to help you with Scratch and Grounder!
 * Sonic: Hey, next time you can help!
 * Tails: Really? Great!
 * Sonic: Course', that won't probably be for a long time!

[''Sonic and Tails run up to a rock formation. Scratch is standing on the right side, carrying a flamethrower in both his hands, and Grounder is carrying a hose attached to a barrel that says, CRUDE OiL in his left arm.'']
 * Scratch: He's coming! Now, don't do it too soon! Listen for my count! I'll say "One, two, three," and then "Go"!
 * Grounder: That's when I pump out an oil slick, and he loses traction, right?
 * Scratch: Right! And while he's skidding, I'll deep-fry him with this!

[Scratch raises his flamethrower and fires it.]
 * Scratch: Ready? One, two,

[Sonic and Tails approach Scratch and Grounder.]
 * Scratch: Three!

[Grounder does nothing.]
 * Scratch: Grounder, three! Three!
 * Grounder: You're supposed to say "Go"!
 * Scratch: D'oh, no, you dunce-bot! I say "Three", then you go, oh, forget it! Go! Go!

[Sonic and Tails run past Scratch and Grounder.]
 * Scratch: Hey!

[Grounder turns to face scratch and sprays him with the hose.]
 * Scratch: Whoa-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!

[Scratch torches Grounder with the flamethrower.]
 * Grounder: Yikes!

['' The flames from Scratch's flamethrower torch the barrel of crude oil. Sonic and Tails run to the other side of the rock formation and watch as the barrel of crude oil explodes. Sonic chuckles.'']
 * Sonic: When they perfect their timing, they'll be the greatest comedy team on Mobius!

[Sonic looks over at Tails and notices that he looks unhappy.]
 * Sonic: Aw, Tails! I'm sorry, bro! Force of habit, I swear! Next time, you'll have a lot to do!

[Sonic holds up his right thumb.]
 * Tails: Yeah, I bet.

[The camera cuts to a view outside Robotnik's fortress.]
 * Dr. Robotnik: I knew it!

[''The camera cuts to a view inside Robotnik's fortress, where Robotnik is at a workbench reassembling Grounder with a screwdriver he is holding in his left hand. Scratch is on another workbench, wiping the crude oil off himself with a rag he is holding in his right hand.'']
 * Robotnik: I knew you tin-heads would find a way to slip up!
 * Scratch: It was Grounder's fault! You know I'd never slip up!

[Scratch's beak falls off.]
 * Grounder: Scratch said to go when he said "Go", then the whole plan just sort of... blew up in our faces!

[Robotnik is holding a hammer in his left hand, which he hammers Grounder's body with.]
 * Robotnik: You insolent junk pile! My plan was foolproof! Too bad it wasn't moron-proof!

[Scratch picks up his beak with both his hands and puts it back on his face.]
 * Scratch: "Well, we did our best! Whoa-ho!

[''Both Scratch's arms fall off. Robotnik is now holding Grounder's head in both his hands and puts it back on Grounder's body.'']
 * Robotnik: True, depressing but true.

[Grounder groans.]
 * Robotnik: So the solution is to improve your dismal abilities!

[''Robotnik walks away as Grounder scratches the back of his head with his left drill. In the next scene, Scratch and Grounder are now standing off the workbench as Scratch puts his left arm back on with his right.'']
 * Grounder: W-what do you mean "improve our abilities"?

[''Scratch squawks as he falls to pieces. Robotnik is standing near his Robo-Matic machine as he puts sports-related items he is holding in his left arm with his right hand.'']
 * Robotnik: I combine playbooks, game films, strategies,

[The Robo-Matic closes its jaws, then re-opens them as Robotnik picks up a bag labelled, SAND and pours it into the machine.]
 * Robotnik: Plenty of grit...

[Robotnik drops the bag into the machine, which closes its jaws, then re-opens them as he picks up a roll of steel cables with his right hand.]
 * Robotnik: Nerves of steel...

[''Robotnik drops the steel cables in the machine, which closes its jaws. It reopens them as he picks up a giant ham with both his hands.'']
 * Robotnik: And 300 pounds of ham!

[The camera cuts to a view of Scratch and Grounder, who watch as Robotnik drops the ham into the machine.]
 * Scratch: W-what kind of robot are you making?

[As Robotnik talks to Scratch and Grounder, the lights on his Robo-Matic Machine flash.]
 * Robotnik: What you two need is training, discipline, in short, Coaching!

[Robotnik walks to the other side of the machine.]
 * Scratch: You don't mean...
 * Robotnik: I do! Robots, prepare to meet...

[Coachnik emerges from the machine, then turns to face Scratch and Grounder.]
 * Robotnik: The Coachnik!

[''Coachnik's eyes flash, then he pounds his right fist into his left hand. He walks up to Scratch and Grounder.'']
 * Coachnik: Let's not waste any more time, men! I'm here to tell you why your game is going down the tubes, and what you gotta do about it!

[''Scratch and Grounder squawk in shock as Coachnik punches his left fist into the Robo-Matic machine. Coachnik then looks over at Robotnik.'']
 * Coachnik: Oh, sorry, Doc.

[''Coachnik walks away. Robotnik smiles evilly as he holds up his left hand.'']
 * Scratch: We don't need coaching!
 * Grounder: Nope, whatever it is, we don't need it!

[Coachnik leans his head at Scratch and Grounder, who both squawk in shock.]
 * Coachnik: I'll whip you into shape! Turn you into lean, mean, chasing machines who eat hedgehogs for breakfast!
 * Scratch: Gee, uh, that sounds great! If only I didn't have a tune-up appointment!

[Scratch chuckles nervously.]
 * Grounder: No, uh, next week would be better. Uh, I kinda pulled a tread and...

[''Grounder points his right drill at his right tread. A whistle emerges from Coachnik's chest and moves up to his mouth. He blows it, and Scratch and Grounder stare in shock, and their teeth break. Coachnik's whistle lowers back into his chest, and Coachnik walks up to Scratch and Grounder.'']
 * Coachnik: I got some films I want you to see!

[''Coachnik picks up Scratch in his right arm, and Grounder in his left, and carries them away. Robotnik follows behind him.'']
 * Robotnik: I like his style! We're gonna win, baby, win!

[''Coachnik and Robotnik walk into Robotnik's private theater. Scratch and Grounder groan as Coachnik sets them down in two seats. Coachnik walks up to the projection screen and opens his chest compartment, revealing a movie camera inside. The camera plays a film of Scratch and Grounder's past performances.''] Coachnik: These films are the property of the Robotnik training wing, and any other use is strictly prohibited! [In the film, Scratch and Grounder are at a canyon as the former is rolling a rock into a big pile of rocks held back by trap doors.]
 * Scratch: Hey, look, Ha ha! It's me and Grounder! I think I remember this plan!

[''Sonic runs along the path at the bottom of the canyon. Scratch pulls on the rope that opens the trap door with both his hands, and Grounder pulls on his body with both his drills. Scratch squawks as the trap doors open, causing an avalanche of rocks to slide down the mountain. Sonic stops and looks up. He runs away, then comes back, wearing a construction helmet and a tool belt as he carries a roll of sheet metal in both his hands. He runs away, then comes back, carrying a pair of wood planks in both his hands. He runs away again, then comes back, carrying a shorter plank of wood in his left arm and a tool box in his right hand. As the rocks continue sliding down the mountain, Sonic hammers in a nail with a hammer he is holding in his right hand. He has built a ramp, which launches the rocks into the air. The rocks fly towards Scratch and Grounder.'']
 * Coachnik: Okay, halt the action!

[''Coachnik pauses the video just before the rocks land on Scratch and Grounder, who flinch in fear. He is now holding a pencil in his right hand, and draws two X's; one above Scratch, and one above Grounder, then he draws four O's near the rocks.'']
 * Coachnik: You see what happened? You X's lost track of the O, cause of all the other O's.
 * Scratch and Grounder: Oh!

[''Coachnik resumes the film. In it, the rocks land on Scratch and Grounder, both of whom scream in pain. Scratch points his right index finger at the film as he turns to face Grounder.'']
 * Scratch: You should have been ready for that!
 * Grounder: Me? What about you?
 * Coachnik: Heads up!

[In the next film, a view of the Statue of Liberty, whose tablet has the word, SONIC engraved in it is shown as the camera zooms in on it.]
 * Coachnik: Here's another play that really went south on us!

[''Inside the Statue of Liberty, Sonic runs up the spiral staircase. The camera moves down it as Scratch and Grounder follow behind him.'']
 * Grounder: Scratch, I'm getting dizzy!
 * Scratch: Shut up! We got him cornered now!

[''Sonic reaches the top of the staircase and overhears Scratch and Grounder. In the background are two Mobians, one short, round and green, and one tall with red hair and a red mustache. They are both holding cameras. Sonic grabs the end of the staircase with both his hands and stretches it out. He watches as Scratch and Grounder run past him. He waves his left hand at them, and they run outside the Statue of Liberty and off the edge of the staircase.'']
 * Grounder: Are we almost at the top?

[Scratch looks down.]
 * Scratch: No, we're almost to... the bottom!

[Scratch and Grounder scream as they fall down.]
 * Coachnik: I can't believe they fell for the old Statue of Liberty play!

[''Scratch and Grounder watch as they hit the ground in the film. The camera stops.'']
 * Robotnik: I've seen enough. Now I know these nitwits will never catch Sonic!

[Coachnik puts his left hand on Scratch's back and his right on Grounder's back.]
 * Coachnik: These boys have potential, Dr. Robotnik. They just need to get in shape! Right men?

[''Coachnik pulls Scratch and Grounder towards him. Scratch and Grounder groan in pain. The screen fades to black, then to a view of the valley as Sonic runs through it, with Tails following behind him.'']
 * Tails: It's been a week since we've seen Scratch and Grounder. Where do you spose' they are?

[''Sonic and Tails run onto the road in the distance, and stop outside a stadium. Robotnik's fortress can be seen in the distance.'']
 * Sonic: I heard someone saw em' here, at the old stadium!
 * Tails: Doing what? No one's used this place since Robotnik built his fortress on the hill!
 * Sonic: Kinda makes you wanna take a look, doesn't it?
 * Tails: You mean it? I get to spy on him?
 * Sonic: That's what teammates are for! Just be careful, will ya?
 * Tails: Aren't I always?

[''Tails flies above the stadium. Below, he sees Scratch and Grounder, both of whom are wearing brown shirts with Black Letter R's with Robotnik's mustache on them and doing jumping jacks.'']
 * Scratch and Grounder: One, two, three, a thousand nine! One, two, three, a thousand ten!
 * Tails: Huh?
 * Scratch and Grounder (wearily): One, two, three, a thousand eleven!
 * Coconuts: Hey, hey, hey!
 * Scratch: Whoa-ho!

[Coconuts, who is wearing a brown shirt with a black letter R with Robotnik's mustache on it, runs in.]
 * Coconuts: Where's this Coachnik guy? If you can make his team, so can I!

[Scratch squawks in fear.]
 * Scratch: Coconuts, be smart, you don't want to be a part of this!

[''Coachnik blows his whistle, and Scratch, Grounder, and Coconuts all jump into the air as sparks emit from them. Coachnik walks up to them.'']
 * Coachnik: All right, rookie, what makes you think you can catch the hedgehog?

[Tails flies down and lands next to Sonic.]
 * Tails: You ready for this, Sonic? They got a coach, they're in training!
 * Sonic: For what?
 * Coconuts: For this!

[''Coconuts screams as he runs past Sonic and Tails. He turns around and charges at Sonic, who jumps over him just in time. Coconuts runs into the wall and explodes. Sonic and Tails flinch as the screen rumbles.'']
 * Sonic: For that he had to train?

[''Coconuts is trapped under a pillar as the stadium crumbles. Scratch and Grounder run out as the former points his left index finger at Sonic.'']
 * Scratch: It's Sonic, get him!

[''Scratch and Grounder run in place as Sonic and Tails turn to face them. They run away as Scratch and Grounder chase after them.'']
 * Sonic: We lose em' yet?
 * Tails: Uh-uh, they're gaining!
 * Sonic: Oh, they are, are they!

[''Sonic and Tails run onto a set of train tracks outside a tunnel. They stop just outside the tunnel.'']
 * Sonic: Rats! The perfect spot to do the old "paint a tunnel on the cliff" gag, only there is a tunnel!

[Tails whispers into Sonic's left ear.]
 * Tails (whispering): Hey, Sonic, this is what we do!

[Tails whispers unintelligibly.]
 * Sonic: Hey, good thinking, Tails!

[''Sonic runs away, then comes back, holding a brush in his right hand, a giant piece of wallpaper in his right hand, and a bucket of paint in his left hand. He sets the bucket down as he places the piece of wallpaper over the tunnel and dips his paintbrush into the bucket, which he is now holding in his left hand again. He paints the piece of wallpaper to make it look like there isn't a tunnel. Sonic and Tails then run into the tunnel as Scratch and Grounder run up to the train tracks and stop outside the tunnel. They turn around and look for Sonic and Tails.'']
 * Scratch: Now, where'd they go?

[The sound of a train whistle can be heard.]
 * Grounder: Scratch, what's that?
 * Scratch: Sounds like a train, but it couldn't be!

[''Scratch and Grounder grunt as the train whistles again. Scratch and Grounder turn around, and the train tears through the wallpaper and flattens them. Sonic and Tails, both of whom are holding a hankerchief in their right hands, are standing on the end of the caboose.'']