The Sidekick/Transcript

This is the transcript of the Sonic Boom episode, "The Sidekick".

[Scene: Canyon.]
 * [Sonic is chasing Eggman in his Eggmobile]
 * Sonic: You can't lose me, Egghead!
 * Eggman: Eggman! You know my name is Doctor Eggman! You do that on purpose!
 * Sonic: Do what, Egghead?
 * [The chase continues, but Sonic is eventually forced to stop, teetering on the edge of a cliff.]
 * Sonic: Who-o-oa!
 * [Sonic manages to get back to safety. The camera zooms out to reveal Dr. Eggman way up above.]
 * Eggman: It all ends here, old friend. Prepare to be destroyed by Burnbot!
 * [The camera shifts to reveal Burnbot.]
 * Sonic: So what, he's gonna burn me with flamethrowers or something?
 * Eggman: Flamethrower? Well... no...
 * Sonic: Oh, uh, acid? Incendiary grenades!
 * Eggman: No no no, the li- claws! Very painful claws!
 * Sonic: Then you should have called him "Clawbot" or "The Lacerator" or "Pinch-a-tron 9000." But "Burnbot"? I mean, that's just false advertising!
 * Eggman: I name the robots, Sonic! Burnbot, attack!
 * [Burnbot jumps down and starts speeding towards Sonic. Sonic runs in the same direction, keeping directly across from Burnbot. Overhead, Tails flies by in his plane.]
 * Tails: Blue Leader, this is Yellow Sky. I have eyes on Burnbot. He's on the move, over!
 * Sonic: Thanks, Tails. Initiate "Speeding Swing Surprise."
 * [Tails dives his plane into the canyon, sending Eggman into a spin. Tails activates his energy whip. Sonic and Burnbot leap at each other as the scene goes into slow motion. Tails flies by, throwing the whip to Sonic. Sonic catches the whip, swings around on it, and delivers a kick to Burnbot, launching him into the canyon wall. Sonic lands on the canyon floor across from Burnbot. Eggman flies down.]
 * Eggman: Get up, get up, get up!
 * [Burnbot climbs to its feet, then notices Tails' plane flying overhead. It fires one of its claws at the plane, damaging the wing. The plane goes into a spin.]
 * Sonic: Bail, Tails! Bail!
 * [Tails pulls the eject lever, only for it to break off in his hand. Sonic prepares to rush to help, but is cut off by Burnbot. Sonic dodges one of Burnbot's claws, then sees a large rock poised over it. Sonic jumps over another of Burnbot's attacks, and spins into the rock, dropping it on Burnbot. Sonic leaps up to the top of the canyon.]
 * Sonic: Tails, no!
 * [Tails' plane crashes to the ground and explodes. Sonic looks on in shock, then races over.]
 * Eggman: We'll be back, Sonic!
 * [Eggman activates an electromagnet to pick up Burnbot.]
 * Eggman: Oof, you are heavy. Seriously, Burnbot, you could stand to burn a few calories.
 * [Eggman flies off with Burnbot. Sonic pulls Tails out of the wrecked plane and listens at his chest. A heartbeat confirms that Tails is still alive. Sonic looks relieved.]
 * Sonic: Keep resting, pal. I'll get you home. [Picks Tails up] Promise, I'll never let anything like this happen to you again.
 * [Sonic walks off with Tails.]

[Scene Change: Sonic's Shack.]
 * [The camera is on a picture of Sonic and Tails fishing, with Sonic holding up a large fish. The camera then pans to a picture of Sonic and Tails playing a video game together. Cut to Tails, who is laying on the couch, bandaged up. He opens his eyes, then sits up.]
 * Tails: Sonic?
 * Sonic: Hey, buddy! How ya feelin'?
 * Tails: I'm great! Ready to get back in action.
 * Sonic: Yeah, uh... about that, um... I've got some great news! You, my friend, are taking early retirement!
 * Tails: "Early retirement"?
 * Sonic: Yeah, you're gonna be able to play lots of golf and spend time with the grandkids!
 * Tails: I don't have grandkids!
 * Sonic: Well, now's your chance to get some! Trust me, it's for the best. [hugs Tails] I'll see ya around, pal. [Runs off]
 * Tails: ...Wait, what just happpened?
 * Sonic: [re-enters the door] I fired you. [leaves again]
 * Tails: Okay, just checking.

[Scene Change: The Beach]
 * Sonic: Don't look at me like that. I did what I had to do. [The camera reveals that Sonic is talking to flyers he's holding] And now we're going to make sure Tails stays retired. [hangs one of the flyers on a palm tree]

[Scene Change: Eggman's Lair]
 * Eggman: [is reading one of the flyers] "Sidekick tryouts. All qualified candidates welcome. Best candidate gets the job. Resume and references required." Can you believe this?
 * Orbot: A resume and references aren't unreasonable, sir.
 * Cubot: Especially in this job market!
 * [Eggman slams his fist down, scaring Orbot and Cubot into running in circles. Eggman crumples the flyer and throws it at Orbot and Cubot.]
 * Eggman: What fool would want to be Sonic's sidekick? Spending every day with him... Enjoying his friendship and respect... Not me, that's for sure! ...Unless...
 * [Eggman scratches his chin. The camera zooms in on his face, then sinks down to his boots.]
 * Eggman: Lousy security camera!
 * [Eggman lifts the camera back to his face]

[Scene Change: Sonic's Shack. A line is forming outside. Inside, Sonic is sitting with a clipboard and a pencil]
 * Amy: I'm Amy Rose, and I'll be auditioning for the job of sidekick.
 * Sonic: Amy, I know who you are.
 * Amy: Great, because I am fine with nepotism. Oh, and under special skills, you can add juggling and singing. [starts juggling three balls while singing When The Saints Go Marching In]
 * Sonic: Next!
 * [Fastidious Beaver is the next interviewee]
 * Fastidious: My greatest weakness? Actually, it is my incredible cowardice.
 * [Amy Rose, for some reason, is being interviewed again.]
 * Amy: Oh, improv? I love improv! [mock Italian accent] I'm a crazy pizza man! Who juggles and sings! [starts juggling and singing When The Saints Go Marching In again as Sonic pushes her out.]
 * [Knuckles is the next interviewee, but for some reason, he's the one holding the clipboard and pencil.]
 * Knuckles: I think you'd be a great sidekick for me.
 * Sonic: No, Knuckles, I'm looking for someone to be my sidekick.
 * Knuckles: We'd have to change your name, though. I'm thinking... "Knuckles Junior."
 * [Sonic grabs back the clipboard and crosses something out.]
 * [The next interviewee is a hooded figure.]
 * Sonic: Okay, last question. What would you do in a no-win situation?
 * Hooded Figure: If I'm with you, there's no such thing as a "no-win situation."
 * Sonic: Huh. You really get it, new guy.
 * Hooded Figure: I do get it. But I'm not a new guy. In reality, I am none other than...
 * [The hooded figure tries to remove his hood, but starts struggling with it and eventually falls to the floor, revealing himself as...]
 * Sonic: Tails?! You cannot be my sidekick!
 * Tails: [holds up the flyer] "All qualified candidates welcome. Best candidate gets the job." I'm a lock! Unless there's something you're not telling me...
 * Sonic: Fine! But get ready for the tryout of your life!
 * Voice: Hello.
 * Tails: Eggman!
 * [The camera pulls back to reveal Eggman.]
 * Sonic: What are you doing here?!
 * Eggman: My name is Doctor Eggman, and I'm here about the sidekick position. [Holds up a resume]
 * Sonic: Wh- but you're my arch-nemesis!
 * Eggman: That's true. But I could be a valuable asset to your organization. For example, I'm a doctor. Not a real doctor, a PHD, but still!
 * Sonic: You can't be my sidekick.
 * Eggman: [holds out the flyer] "All qualified candidates welcome"?
 * Sonic: ...Okay, fine. You both can move on to Round Two. But neither one of you is going to be my sidekick.
 * Tails: Who else is there?
 * [Fastidious Beaver pops back in the doorway]
 * Fastidious: Actually, do you validate parking?
 * Sonic: Congratulations, you're the third candidate!
 * Fastidious: Actually...

[Scene Change: Jungle]
 * [Doctor Eggman, Tails, and Fastidious Beaver are standing on hoverboards.]
 * Sonic: All right. Being my sidekick is no easy task. This competition will test your strength, stamina, and endurance. The winner will be whoever makes it-
 * Fastidious: Actually, it's "whomever."
 * Sonic: The winner will be whomever makes it through all the unimaginable hardships and brings me the red flag I planted atop the incredibly dangerous, but inaccurately named, Mount Safety.
 * Fastidious: Actually--
 * [Fastidious is pushed by Eggman and goes down the hill, screaming all the way down. Eggman and Tails soon follow, and Sonic takes off to follow and watch the race. As they race through the jungle, Eggman activates the bladed seekers on his hoverboard, and they go after Tails. Tails manages to avoid them, but ends up crashing into Fastidious. After clinging to Tails for a while, Fastidious loses his grip and falls into the jungle below.]
 * Fastidious: Actually, I'm okay!
 * [The Seekers continue to chase Tails, but Tails puts on the brakes of his hoverboard, and the seekers slam into one another. Tails gets back into motion, and soon stops at the clearing, where his plane and Sonic wait.]
 * Sonic: What's going on here?
 * Tails: Nothing I can't handle!
 * [Tails jumps into his plane and takes off. Eggman enters his Eggmobile and is right behind Tails. Sonic watches them go, then runs after them.]
 * Fastidious: Actually, I'm just gonna lie down in the fetal position and weep. [He does just that.]

[Scene Change: Airspace in front of Mount Safety.]
 * Tails: Give up, Eggman! This job is rightfully mine!
 * Eggman: I'm not here to be Sonic's sidekick, you nincompoop! I'm here to get rid of you both once and for all!
 * [Eggman activates his electromagnet and picks up Burnbot from the jungle. Sonic sees this and picks up the pace. Burnbot fires its claws at Tails' plane, finally catching it in the wing again. Tails' plane goes out of control again. Sonic picks up the pace further, but has to cut back as he goes sliding across the ice of a frozen lake. Tails' plane is in the middle of it, broken partway through the ice.]
 * Sonic: Tails!
 * Tails: Sonic, I'm stuck!
 * [From above, Burnbot fires its claws, which turn into buzzsaws that cut into the ice, cracking it further. Sonic jumps out to the plane, and helps the struggling Tails out of the cockpit. They manage to get clear just as the plane sinks into the water, and land a ways away.]
 * Sonic: Tails... I didn't really wanna fire you. I was just trying to protect you.
 * Tails: How? By putting me in more danger?
 * Sonic: The plan had holes!
 * [Sonic helps Tails up.]
 * Eggman: Oh, Sonic! I have one last surprise for you. I took your advice! Burnbot can burn things!
 * [Burnbot fires a pair of fireballs that create a ring of fire around Sonic and Tails, melting and cracking the ice. Tails manages to fly up, but Sonic winds up sliding down the ice into the water and starts thrashing around.]
 * Sonic: I can't swim!
 * [Tails flies down and grabs Sonic, trying to pull him up, but fails.]
 * Tails: You're waterlogged! I can't lift you!
 * Sonic: Don't worry about me! [tries to let go] Get out of here!
 * Tails: That's not how sidekicks do!
 * [Tails grabs onto Sonic again, and is pulled under with him. However, Tails manages to use his tails as a propeller to propel himself and Sonic back up and out of the water and into the air. Tails lets go of Sonic, who goes into a spin and slams into Burnbot. Burnbot's impact cracks the ice under it, causing it to sink into the water. Tails catches Sonic, and they fly into the jungle together.]
 * Eggman: I'll be back! With a new robot! Who has an accurate name! And super laser eyes! And he'll feed me ham! Evil ham.
 * [Eggman flies off in his Eggmobile.]

[Scene Change: The Beach.]
 * [It is nearing sunset. Sonic and Tails are sitting together.]
 * Tails: About this job... What're the hours like?
 * Sonic: Well, it's seven days a week. But you get your own plane.
 * [Tails smiles.]

[Scene Change: Sonic's Shack.]
 * [Amy is angrily ringing the bell of Sonic's shack.]
 * Amy: Lemme in! I demand a call-back!
 * [Knuckles walks past, looking depressed.]
 * Amy: Knuckles! What's wrong?
 * Knuckles: [sighs] Knuckles Junior isn't workin' out.
 * Amy: Oh... so you're saying you need a...
 * [Amy follows Knuckles]
 * Amy: [mock Italian voice] I'm a crazy pizza man! Who juggles and sings! [sings When The Saints Go Marching In]
 * Knuckles: Knucklina!