User blog:Kagimizu/Goodbye...

After ten years of being a part of my family and our lives, my dog J.R. was put down... less than an hour ago, actually. Nerve degeneration in the hind legs, heart and adrenal issues, and his right hind leg getting banged up yesterday, meant his body just couldn't keep up with him anymore. In reality, his body hadn't been able to keep up for a while now...

It still doesn't feel real. Even after being told last night that he was going to be put down... even after taking him to the vet with my Dad... even after personally seeing the veterinarian give him the injections... even after seeing his body taken away on a gurney, wrapped up in a blanket... it still doesn't compute. I've already cried and cried, but, it's still just... I don't know...

I shouldn't have been there when they gave him the injections. I should have just let them take J.R. to a different room. Then I'd know he was gone. But Dad didn't want to go with him, and I couldn't just let J.R. go all alone. But seeing him just laying there, as if he were asleep... leaving the vet with my hands feeling empty, like they should be holding onto something... I just feel like he should still be here. Like he's supposed to come back, even when I know he's not going to.

I just wanted to write up this blog so that any friends I may have on here would know what's happened, and why I may or may not be a little... "off" for some time to come. If this falls outside the usual allowable blog content, I apologize. But... please make an exception...