User blog comment:Kagimizu/Lost and Angry/@comment-4220590-20161125130545

Kagimizu, I can see this means a lot to you, and the recent development has hurt you badly. Most of all, however, I can deeply sympathize with how you feel: the feeling that SNN no longer support your ideals and that you feel you no longer has a spot in the system. For that, let me tell you a story:

It was not too long ago that I had a identity crisis too... I had devoted my whole heart to the wikia and I felt that when things were brought up about how things were now I could no longer stay on SNN. I felt I had no choice my exile myself because I did not fit yet, yet it hurt me to the point of tears because SNN and all I had been involved with here meant so much to me. I thought I had no choice but to leave, but how could I when I felt so attached to SNN? I felt torn in so many directions, but I genuinely did not see what was stopping me from retiring from the site completely - I saw it as the only logical solution.

In my exile however, I still felt an attachement: I still wanted to be a part of SNN. But how could I in a way that made both me and the others happy? I spend days thinking about it and the hurt slowly faded. I began to regret my decision, but I could not see how I could return. In the end, I wanted to return to SNN because working there made me happy. When I finally returned, I did so slowly to think out my next step and how I could benefit both myself and others. Before I knew it, I had reestablished myself, but had done so that I adapted what people believed was necessary of me, yet I felt I had not lost my previous devotion to the matter. Nowadays, these thoughts are but second nature to me.

Kagimizu, what I want to say is that I do not want you to leave. I have seen too many good editors leave with a bitter tast in their mouth. I understand that feeling, but it breaks my heart to see editors that have served so well leave on such a bad note. It is comforting in particular to know that an old editor from the past of SNN like you are still out there, and there will be someone with wisdom to share. Even I, for all my prowess, still feel like a novice, because though I know about editing on SNN, that is about all can. Having you leave is like losing a family member.

I can't force you to do anything. However, I want to tell you that you still have much to give. If things change and if you really care about the matter, then you have thee choice to try and change with it. And do not say you have nothing else to offer. You can offer a lot, I know that for a fact. Your dedication and efforts to SNN is something you make clear in this blog. And that something can be translated into something else: you just have to try to make the effort worth it.

It is a heartbreak you have experienced, I can tell, and it feels like nothing can ever be right again, right? However, I promise you that if you give it some time, the pain will fade and you will be able to think with more clarity. And if you still feel attachments on SNN by then, could you maybe try finding yourself a spot on SNN?