User blog:Mystic Monkey/...is depressed

Have you ever been so hooked on a project for such a long time, yet given up on it because your a perfectionist?

I know this is gonna sound silly, but, while the new MLP:FiM premier is indeed awesome, it has brought some personal disappointments, not as a brony, but my aspirations as a brony.

You see I am not a "contributing" brony, which being a contributor can make a name for yourself in the brony community, but I have always wanted to make a MLP:FiM fan game to really truly show tribute how much MLP:FiM means to me. An awesome game that has a brilliant story and perfect, well balance gameplay.

The first project I wanted to make was a game of how I believed Twilight became apprentice of Celestia. However after the episode Cutie Mark Chronicles, I scrapped the projects because I wanted the game to fit with canon as close as I can. I wanted it to be "perfect".

I was simply gonna make a new story for a game, but it grew by itself and became an wonderful idea, it pretty much thought up itself and pieces fit into place naturally in my head. Both the story I had in mind as well as the gameplay. I could see it all clearly right down to the polygons as well as movement sensitivity and gameplay controls. While some bronies have straight up told me "You're just never gonna do it, you won't pull it off, give up!" and yes, I have been putting it off for a long time, I have never given up on the project because I believe that I can finish it eventually and that it would be perfect.

Also, who are they to tell me what I can and can't do? I may lack focus but I am just as determined to my goals. The idea of bronies playing my game and liking, even criticizing it, I would of loved most and drive me more.

However, over time Mane6 got that cease and desist but that never frightened me to quit. Eventually Twilight got her wings which would ruin the gameplay I had planned, but decided the game can take place before she became alicorn. However the story I had in mind, like before, needed to be "perfect" and fit in with MLP:FiM canon even if it was just a fan game.

Headcanons of mine played important function in the game I had in mind, such as how I believed the Elements of Harmony were created. I have always believed that the show MLP:FiM wouldn't even bother reflecting on them so it could still "fit" with canon and whenever I am wrong later on, I wanted to make the game before I am proven wrong. (Again, I have been kicking myself over lack of focus)

But because of the premier, the project is not perfect anymore, the story I had planned is beyond salvageable and was necessary for gameplay. I feel disappointed in myself for having to give up because I have nothing to show from it all other than useless stubbornness and the fool I am for not focusing on my tasks.

Now, without the project I wanted to do, I feel "hollow" as a brony and disappoint in my own self for coulda, shoulda, woulda.