The Magic Hassle/Transcript

This is the transcript for the Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog episode, "The Magic Hassle".

[The episode begins outside the Mobius Mint, and the camera zooms in on the crowd of people.]
 * Mobius Mint Director: And as director of the Mobius Mint, it gives me great pleasure to present to you, the um, uh...

[The Mobius Mint Director reaches into his coat with his left hand and pulls out a Twelve Mobium Bill with Sonic's face on it.]
 * Mobius Mint Director: Very first Sonic the Hedgehog Twelve Mobium Bill!

[The Mobius Mint Director hands Sonic the Twelve Mobium Bill.]
 * Mobius Mint Director: You're our hero, Sonic!

[''The citizens of Mobius cheer. Sonic jumps in excitement and clicks his heels.'']
 * Sonic: Way past cool!

[''The citizens of Mobius cheer again. The camera cuts to a view of a TV screen showing Sonic holding up the Twelve Mobium Bill in both his hands. The camera then zooms out, revealing the TV to be in Robotnik's fortress.'']
 * Dr. Robotnik: Oooh, I hate that hedgehog!

[Robotnik is revealed to be sitting on the couch with Scratch and Coconuts, and Grounder is standing next to him as he pounds his left fist on the couch.]
 * Robotnik: Not only does Sonic mess up all my plans to take over Mobius, but now they're putting his ugly mug on the money!

[Robotnik walks up to his computer, and as he types on it with both his hands, various sound effects from the Super Mario Bros. video game can be heard.]
 * Robotnik: I'll make it so that every Mobius Bill will have my dazzlingly cruel face on it!

[A Twelve Mobium Bill with Robotnik's face appears onscreen, and Robotnik's face laughs evilly.]
 * Robotnik: Super Special Sonic Search and Smash Squad, fall in!

[''Scratch and Grounder salute Robotnik with their left hand and drill, respectively. They then try to run up to him, but only run into each other, and grunt as they fall over. Robotnik walks up to them.'']
 * Robotnik: I want that meddling hedgehog out of my hair for a couple of hours! I don't want him foiling this wickedly inspired plan!

[Scratch bows at Robotnik.]
 * Scratch: Yes, your vileness!
 * Grounder: Right away!

[Scratch and Grounder run away.]
 * Robotnik: And phone me the second you've done it! Then, my assault on the Mobius Mint can begin!

[''Coconuts pats Robotnik's right shoulder with his left hand. Robotnik turns to face him.'']
 * Coconuts: And what do you want me to do, Master, sir?

[Robotnik reaches offscreen with both his hands and pulls out a toilet brush, which he hands to Coconuts.]
 * Robotnik: You? I want you to scrub the toilets like you always do, Coconuts!
 * Coconuts: Scrubbing toilets, scrubbing toilets! Eh, sanitation patrol stinks!

[Coconuts walks up to the door.]
 * Coconuts: I don't see Scratch and Grounder scrubbing no toilets, and they've never captured Sonic! Nuh-uh! Nuh-uh!

[Coconuts is about to open the door with his right hand, when it opens by itself and slams him into the wall.]
 * Coconuts: Ow! That hurts!

[Wes Weasely, who is holding a briefcase in his right hand, jumps in.]
 * Wes Weasely: How are you, how are you, how are you? Heh! Remember me, Wes Weasely? Weasely's the name, selling's the game!

[''The camera cuts to a view of an angry Robotnik. A thought balloon appears on the left side of the screen, and the camera zooms in on it. In the thought balloon, the events of "Birth of a Salesman" are shown, including Grounder rolling up to the door, trying to open it with his right hand, but Weasely opens it with his right hand and slams him into the wall, and Weasely shaking Robotnik's right hand with his right hand as he holds a briefcase in his left. The thought balloon disappears, and the camera cuts to a view of Robotnik, who is still thinking. A new thought balloon appears, and more events from "Birth of a Salesman" are shown, including Weasely setting his briefcase down on a table and opening it with his right hand, revealing it to have many hedgehog-hunting gadgets inside, and Robotnik, Scratch, and Grounder getting zapped, and ending up inside blocks of ice, with Robotnik's head having Scratch's body and Grounder's treads, Grounder having Robotnik's body and Scratch's legs, and Scratch having Grounder's body and Robotnik's legs. All three of them shiver and yell, and the thought balloon disappears.'']
 * Robotnik: I remember you!

[Robotnik runs up to Weasely.]
 * Robotnik: You ruined my life once, Weasely! It won't happen again!

[Weasely waves his left hand at Robotnik like a stop sign and backs away from him.]
 * Weasely: I can see that I made an impression, but why live in the past?

[Weasely shows Robotnik his briefcase, which has the initials, FW on it.]
 * Weasely: I represent a new company now; F.W., Inc! That's Fail-safe Wizardry, Incorporated! Everything for the do-it-yourself sorcerer!

[''Weasely tosses the briefcase into the air and spins it. When he sets it down, a shelf appears, with various wizard hats, disembodied heads, and spell books. There are also signs that say, SALE, BUY NOW, and BUY OFTEN.'']
 * Weasely: Regular hedgehog-trapping methods not working? Why not try the spells and potions of sorcery?

[Coconuts peeks out from behind the door.]
 * Coconuts: Magic spells and potions to stop Sonic? Whoa!

[Coconuts' light bulb lights up.]
 * Coconuts: If I could do that, Dr. Robotnik would for sure take me off sanitation patrol!

[''Robotnik is now holding Weasely by the back of his coat with both his hands. He then kicks him with his left foot.'']
 * Robotnik: Get out of my life!
 * Coconuts: Huh?

[''Coconuts screams and stares in shock as Weasely flies right into him, knocking them both out of the doorway and into Robotnik's courtyard, where they land near a trash can filled with glass bottles. Robotnik then tosses out the shelf filled with wizard hats, disembodied heads, and spell books. Inside the trash pile, Coconuts rubs his head with his left hand.'']
 * Coconuts: Gee, Dr. Robotnik was really mad!

[''Coconuts then rubs his head with his right hand as Weasely pops out of the trash pile next to him. The camera zooms out on them.'']
 * Weasely: Well, it's his loss, pallsey! He has no idea of the value of my magical supplies! Heh!

[Weasely walks out of the trash pile, and up to the shelf.]
 * Weasely: Time to find me another sucker! Uh, I mean, customer!

[''Weasely touches the shelf with his right index finger, and the briefcase closes over it. Coconuts, who is now holding the toilet brush in his left hand, walks up to Weasely.'']
 * Coconuts: No no no no, wait! Me! Heh! I want to be your next customer!

[''Coconuts jumps out of the trash pile. He then gasps as Weasely runs back to him.'']
 * Weasely: What? You want a magic toilet-cleaning potion? You know, I have one of those, only slightly used! I could let you have it, cheap!
 * Coconuts: No no no no no no no!

[Weasely runs away.]
 * Coconuts: I want to be a do-it-yourself sorcerer! I want to stop Sonic with a magic spell!

[Weasely runs back to Coconuts and points his right index finger at him.]
 * Weasely: You do? Well, why didn't you say so?

[''Weasely sets down his briefcase, which opens, revealing the shelf again. He picks up a wizard hat, cape and wand with both his hands and turns to face Coconuts.'']
 * Weasely: Now, the first thing I want you to consider is F.W., Inc's new do-it-yourself disappearing spell!

[Coconuts grabs the hat, cape, and wand with both his hands.]
 * Coconuts: I'll take it!

[Coconuts is now wearing the hat and cape and is holding the wand in his left hand.]
 * Coconuts: Yeah, yeah, yeah! Whoa! Disappear, Sonic! Ha! Disappear! Ha ha ha! When I make Sonic disappear, Dr. Robotnik is for sure gonna take me off sanitation patrol!

[Dollar signs float past Weasely, and the sound of cash registers dinging can be heard.]
 * Weasely: Ah, this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship! All right, pallsey! Now how would you like to pay for all of this?
 * Coconuts: Pay? Uh, I don't have any money!
 * Weasely: What? No money? Well, we'll just have to think of something else, then, won't won't we, pallsey?

[''Weasely puts his right hand on Coconuts' wizard hat, and th sound of a cash register dinging can be heard as a dollar sign is used as a transition to the next scene, where Robotnik is sitting at his desk, writing on a piece of paper with a pencil he is holding in his right hand. Coconuts, who is not wearing the wizard hat and cape, walks up to him, holding a piece of paper in his right hand. He hands the paper to Robotnik, who picks it up with his left hand.'']
 * Robotnik: And what's this?

[As Coconuts talks to Robotnik, Weasely watches from the window.]
 * Coconuts: Uh, uh...

[Coconuts looks at the window Weasely is standing near, and Weasely holds up his left thumb.]
 * Coconuts: Uh, it's a bill! Uh, for six cases of toilet paper! Heh!
 * Robotnik: More toilet paper?
 * Coconuts: Well, you use a lot of it, your wideness!

[Robotnik scoffs, then signs his name on the paper.]
 * Robotnik: All right!

[''Robotnik hands Coconuts the paper with his left hand, and Coconuts runs away, holding the paper in his right hand. Coconuts then runs up to Weasely, who is outside.'']
 * Weasely: Way to go, pallsey!

[Coconuts hands Weasely the paper, which he now holds in his right hand.]
 * Weasely: With this signature, I, Dr. Robotnik, hearby agree to pay for anything Coconuts wants! Perfecto, perfecto!

[Coconuts is now wearing the wizard hat and cape again, and is holding the wand in his right hand.]
 * Weasely: Now, go make that hedgehog disappear!
 * Coconuts: Yeah, yeah! Then Scratch and Grounder will have to clean all the toilets!

[''Coconuts laughs wickedly, then walks away. The screen transitions to a view outside the Mobius Mint, and the camera zooms in on Sonic and Tails. Sonic is holding the Twelve Mobium Bill with his face on it in his right hand, then holds it up with his left.'']
 * Sonic: Well, bro, what do you say we take this Twelve Mobium Bill and find us the biggest Chili dogs money can buy?
 * Tails: Yeah, let's do it!

[Sonic gears up to run, then runs away.]
 * Sonic: I'm up, over, and gone!

[''Tails flies after Sonic. The camera moves over to Scratch, who is standing atop a building, looking through a pair of binoculars he is holding in his right hand, and speaking into a walkie-talkie he is holding in his left hand.'']
 * Scratch: Hurry, Grounder! Here comes Sonic and Tails! Pour the cement! Bwahahaha!

[''The camera cuts to a view of a construction site, where there is a crane with a wrecking ball near a sign that says, STUDIO "B" BUILDING CO. Grounder is standing next to a chili dog stand near it, and smoothing out a patch of wet cement in front of it with a trowel where his left drill normally is. The camera zooms in on him.'']
 * Grounder: Gotcha, Scratch! I'm pouring the cement!

[A view of the chili dog stand is shown, and it says, GOOD 'N HOT DOGS.]
 * Grounder: We got a couple of nice chili dogs for you, Sonic,

[The camera zooms out.]
 * Grounder: But eat slow! You'll be sticking around here a long time! Ha ha ha ha!

[''Grounder rolls behind the chili dog stand, and Scratch walks up to him. Scratch puts two hot dogs on the grill with his right hand. Sonic turns a corner, and screeches to a halt. He sniffs the chili dogs, and Tails flies up to him. Sonic holds his right hand out like a stop sign at Tails.'']
 * Sonic: Sniff that whiff, Tails? It's chow time!

[''Sonic rubs his stomach with his left hand. Tails lands near him, and he and Sonic both stare in shock.'']
 * Sonic and Tails: Huh?
 * Coconuts: Pickles, gyroscope, root beer,

[''Coconuts is standing in front of the patch of wet cement. He suddenly forgets what he's supposed to say. He jumps furiously.'']
 * Coconuts: Oh, oh, no! I forgot the rest of the words to the disappearing spell!

[Sonic holds up his left index finger.]
 * Sonic: Can you believe it, Tails? The slow-mos are so lame, now they're trying cheap magic tricks to get me!

[Coconuts scratches his head with his left index finger.]
 * Grounder: Coconuts, get out of there!
 * Scratch: Hey, move it, monkey breath! The cement's dryin'!
 * Sonic: Tell you what, Tails!

[The camera cuts to a view underneath the crane's wrecking ball.]
 * Sonic: Let's do a little trick of our own!

[''Sonic runs up to the crane, and Tails holds his left hand up to his head as Sonic honks the horn. Sonic drives the crane up to Coconuts, so that the wrecking ball is directly over him. Tails holds up his left thumb.'']
 * Tails: Fast work, man!
 * Sonic: Yeah! The superintendent was even faster with his permission!

[''Sonic jumps out of the crane, and steps in front of it. He waves both his arms as Coconuts.'']
 * Sonic: Come on, Coco-nerd! Make me disappear!
 * Coconuts: I got it! I remember now!
 * Scratch: D'oh, come on, Grounder! We're gonna have to move that idiot ourselves!

[Scratch and Grounder run up to Coconuts, who waves his wand at Sonic.]
 * Coconuts: Pickles, gyroscope, root beer! Whatever I point at will now disappear! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! Ha ha!

[''Coconuts fires his magic wand, but Scratch and Grounder scream as they run up to him. Sonic dodges the beam, which hits the crane, making it disappear, but leaving the wrecking ball still visible, and ready to fall.'']
 * Scratch and Grounder: Run!

[''Sonic runs through the patch of wet cement, causing it to cover Scratch, Grounder, and Coconuts. They all scream as the cement covers them. Sonic then grabs the chili dogs with his left hand, then runs back up to Scratch, Grounder, and Coconuts.'']
 * Sonic: Thanks for the swell dogs, slow-mos!

[''Sonic runs away, and the crane disappears. The wrecking ball falls on Scratch, Grounder, and Coconuts. Sonic walks away, holding one chili dog in his left hand, and Tails follows behind him, holding the other chili dog in his right hand.'']
 * Sonic: And guess what, Tails? We still got that Twelve Mobium Bill!
 * Tails: Can we go find the biggest sodas money can buy, Sonic? Can we?
 * Sonic: You betcha!

[''Sonic runs away, and Tails flies behind him. The screen transitions to a view of Coconuts underneath the wrecking ball. He pounds his left hand on the ground.'']
 * Coconuts: I had him! I had Sonic! Then Scratch and Grounder, those dumb dodos, made me miss!

[Coconuts crawls out from under the wrecking ball, and up to Weasely.]
 * Weasely: Forget about it, Pallsey! I got somethin' better for you!

[Weasely points his left index finger at Coconuts.]
 * Weasely: You say you want to get rid of Sonic? Why not scare him away with F.W., Inc's amazing new ghost-conjuring kit?

[Weasely picks up a ghost-conjuring kit with both his hands, which he hands to Coconuts, who jumps excitedly.]
 * Coconuts: Ghosts! Ghosts! Whoa, scare Sonic, yeah, yeah, yeah! I'll take it!

[Weasely puts his right hand on Coconut's back.]
 * Weasely: Say, you really are quite a sucker...

[Weasely chuckles nervously, then hits his head with his left hand.]
 * Weasely: Uh, customer, aren't you?

[Weasely is now holding two pieces of paper in his right hand, and staples them together with a stapler he is holding in his left.]
 * Weasely: Just need to add the new purchases to your bill, and you're all set!

[Weasely pats Coconuts' back with his right hand.]
 * Weasely: Go scare the daylights out of that hedgehog!

[Dollar signs appear in Weasely's eyes, and the sound of a cash register dinging can be heard as a dollar sign is used as a transition to the next scene, where Coconuts is in an alley, stirring a cauldron with a wooden spoon he is holding in his left hand as he reads from a manual he is holding in his left hand.]
 * Coconuts: ''To conjure ghost, stir three bat wings into pre-heated pot of ginger ale!

[''Coconuts reaches into the box with his left hand and pulls out a pair of bat wings. He drops them into the cauldron, then stirs with the spoon.'']
 * Sonic: Come on, little bud, we got some work to do!

[''Coconuts stares in shock when he sees Sonic and Tails pass by the alley. He then picks up the box with both his hands and drops it into the cauldron. He steps back as a fiery cloud emits from the cauldron.'']
 * Coconuts: Whoa-ho-ho-ho!

[The fiery cloud turns into a ghost, who growls and snorts.]
 * Coconuts: Oh, yeah, baby! Oh, yeah, you're mine now, Sonic! Ha ha!

[Coconuts points his left index finger at the Ghost.]
 * Coconuts: Go get him, Ghostie!

[''The Ghost turns away from Coconuts and growls. He then flies away, and peers out from behind the alley. He then flies up to Sonic and Tails, who stare in shock and scream as he scares them. The Ghost then points his left index finger at them.'']
 * Ghost: Sonic the Hedgehog! Gee, can I have your autograph?

[The ghost pulls out a pad of paper and a pencil with his right hand.]
 * Ghost: You're my hero!

[Sonic takes the pad of paper with his right hand.]
 * Sonic: Sure thing, spookster!

[''Sonic is now holding the pad of paper in his left hand, and he writes on it with the pencil he is holding in his right. Coconuts peers from behind the alley, then backs up when he hears Scratch and Grounder walking towards him.'']
 * Coconuts: No, no, no!

[As Scratch and Grounder run across the alley, Grounder has turned his left drill into a laser.]
 * Grounder: Over here, Scratch!

[''Sonic points his left index finger at the ghost.
 * Sonic: Has anyone ever told you you're pretty scary-lookin'?

[The Ghost points his right thumb at himself.]
 * Ghost: Oh, I can be ten times scarier than this if I want! You want to see?

[''Tails pulls on Sonic's right shoulder with his left hand. He then points his right index finger at Scratch and Grounder.'']
 * Tails: Sonic, look!
 * Sonic: I'd love to see, spookmeister! How bout' bein' scarier to the two bots that are comin' this way?

[''Scratch and Grounder screech to a halt when they reach Sonic and Tails. The Ghost scares Scratch and Grounder, and they stare in shock and scream. Grounder's laser even melts. Scratch and Grounder scream as they run away in the opposite direction, and towards Coconuts, who stares in shock and screams at them. They crash into him, knocking him into the cauldron, causing him to destroy it. Sonic then picks up a can of soda in each hand. Tails is now holding the chili dogs in each of his hands.'']
 * Sonic: And look, Tails! A couple of ginger ales, just for us! Thanks, Coco-mutt!

[''Coconuts groans as the camera zooms out on him. The screen transitions to the next scene, where Coconuts is sitting atop the destroyed cauldron as Weasely is standing next to him, holding his briefcase in both his hands.'']
 * Weasely: It ain't all bad, Pallsey! At least you frightened away those robot buttinksis, Scratch and Grounder!

[Weasely puts his left hand on Coconuts' back.]
 * Weasely: Now Sonic's all yours to catch, with F.W., Inc's new do-it-yourself turn-to-stone spell!

[Weasely is now holding the Mastadon Bone in his right hand, and swings it like a baseball bat.]
 * Weasely: Come on, Pallsey, where's that old can-do spirit? This one's a piece of cake!

[Coconuts stares smugly at Weasely, who holds up his left index finger, which he points at the Mastadon Bone.]
 * Weasely: You put your right hand in, you shake it all about, you say "Hocus Pocus", then you lick the Mastadon Bone!

[Weasely licks the Mastadon Bone, starting it up.]
 * Weasely: Sonic will turn to stone!

[''Coconuts raises his right eye. Weasely then holds up a toilet brush with his left hand.'']
 * Weasely: Or, if you prefer, there's always this magic wand, and your old job scrubbing toilets!

[Coconuts raises both his eyes, then jumps off the destroyed cauldron.]
 * Coconuts: Yeah, yeah, yeah! Turn to stone! Turn Sonic to stone! Ha ha! I'll take it!

[''Weasely tosses the Mastadon Bone to Coconuts, who grunts as he catches it in both his hands. Weasely then tosses a Mastadon cape at Coconuts, then runs up to him and puts a mastadon wizard hat he was hearing on his head on Coconuts' head with his left hand.'']
 * Weasely: That's the sucker...

[Weasely shakes his head.]
 * Weasely: Uh, customer I know!

[Weasely pulls out a stack of papers with his right hand, and staples them together with a stapler he is holding in his left hand.]
 * Weasely: Just need to add the new purchases to your bill, and you're all set!

[Coconuts walks away, and the screen transitions to the next scene, where Sonic runs across the forest path and Tails flies behind him.]
 * Sonic: First, we get free chili dogs,

[Tails is holding one of the cans of soda in his right hand.]
 * Tails: Then free sodas,
 * Sonic: And now look!

[Sonic points his left index finger at Coconuts.]
 * Sonic: That robo-dork is gonna give us free after-lunch entertainment!

[The camera cuts to a view of Coconuts, who is standing on the bridge and holding the Mastadon Bone in his right hand.]
 * Coconuts: You put your right hand up, you wiggle all around, you say, "Hock-a-Loogie", no, that's not it!

[Sonic and Tails run onto the bridge.]
 * Coconuts: You... hop all around!
 * Sonic: This actor needs a stage, don't you think?

[''Sonic spins around Coconuts, building a stage, and two seats facing it. He and Tails jump into the seats, and Tails is holding a bag of popcorn in both his hands.'']
 * Coconuts: Then kick the Mastadon Bone!

[''Coconuts kicks the Mastadon Bone with his right foot, then falls over. He then pounds both his fists on the stage.'']
 * Coconuts: No no no no! Uh, what is it?
 * Sonic: I can't wait around all day for him to remember his lines!

[Sonic runs up to Coconuts, who holds up the Mastadon Bone with his right hand.]
 * Coconuts: You put your right hand in, you shake it all about, you say, "Hocus Po..."

[Before Coconuts can finish, Sonic pulls him away with a vaudeville hook he is holding in both his hands.]
 * Coconuts: Whoa!

[Sonic holds the Vaudeville Hook over the edge of the bridge, and COconuts falls out of it.]
 * Sonic: Next!
 * Coconuts: And you lick the Mastadon Bone!

[Coconuts licks the Mastadon Bone, starting it up.]
 * Coconuts: Yeah, yeah, yeah! That's it! Sonic'll turn to stone!
 * Sonic: I'll have to score that guy a five! A high five, that is!

[''Sonic stands on his left hand, and Tails stands on his right, and they high-five each other with their respective left and right hands. As this happens, the Mastadon Bone turns them to stone. The camera cuts to a close-up of Tails' face and zooms in on it. Coconuts is now near a telephone booth, holding the reciever in his right hand, and the camera zooms in on him.'']
 * Coconuts: Me, Coconuts! Me, me, me, me, me, me, me! I captured Sonic and Tails, Dr. Robotnik! So you can go for it, Sir! You can start your assault on the Mobius Mint!

[''The camera cuts to a close-up of Sonic's face and zooms in on it. The screen fades to black.'']