Eggman the Auteur/Transcript

This is the transcript of the Sonic Boom episode, "Eggman the Auteur".

[Scene: Meh Burger, Day]
 * [Dave the Intern hands out a tray over the counter. Sonic and Tails are waiting in the queue.]
 * Dave: OK here we are. Two double Meh Burgers with extra pickles.
 * Sonic: Boy, I love Meh Burger. There's something about their mediocre food that really makes my stomach rumble. [A rumble is heard in the background.]
 * Tails: Is it safe to assume that that conveniently timed event wasn't you?
 * Sonic: Well it wasn't only me. We better find out what caused it. [Sonic & Tails run off.]

[Scene Change: Seaside Island, day]
 * [Villagers run screaming as Obliterator Bot attacks Seaside Island. Sonic and Tails approach it. It throws a rock which they dodge.]
 * Sonic: Wanna throw me at its face?
 * Tails: More than anything.
 * [Tails deploys an Enerbeam for Sonic to hold on to. Tails spins Sonic up in the air. Sonic flies towards Obliterator Bot and homing attacks its head, decapitating it.]
 * Dr. Eggman: [Off-screen] Cut!
 * Sonic: Huh?
 * [Eggman grunts on his loudspeaker and throws it to the ground. He jumps off the Eggmobile in fury and kicks the loudspeaker at Sonic.]
 * Dr. Eggman: I'm used to you runing my plans, schemes, weapons, fortresses, confidence and robots, but now you've gone too far!
 * Sonic: What's that, Egghead?
 * Dr. Eggman: That robot wasn't supposed to be destroyed in this scene. Now I'm gonna have to rewrite the entire second act. Orbot, script!
 * [Orbot gives the script to Eggman. He reads it]
 * Sonic: Are you making a movie?
 * Dr. Eggman: Not a movie. The movie, and there may be a way to save the shot you ruined. How'd you like to play Sonic the Hedgehog in my film?
 * Sonic: No way.
 * Dr. Eggman: He's an irritating character who constantly annoys me. It's the role you were born to play!
 * Tails: Come on, Egghead. We all know this movie thing is a ruse to distract us from some evil plan.
 * Dr. Eggman: No... It's a film. Something totally new. It's not a drama. It's not a documentary. It's somewhere in between, sort of like brunch, yeah.
 * Sonic: And they both have rotten eggs on the menu. Sorry, not interested. [Sonic and Tails walk away.]
 * Dr. Eggman: [Angrily] You know, you could encourage me once in a while. [Folds his arms]

[Scene Change: Sonic's Shack, day]
 * [Sonic is relaxing on his hammock when Amy turns up.]
 * Amy: Do you have any idea what's going on outside?
 * Sonic: Judging by your outrage I'd guess someone's having fun.
 * Amy: Eggman is making a movie.
 * Sonic: I know, you wanted me to be in it. But I turned him down.
 * Amy: He found someone else to play you.
 * [A clipboard snaps and shows Dave the Intern inside a Sonic costume.]
 * Dave: [Slowly] Argh... Maybe if I'd opt out enough robots, then chili dogs will fly out. [Jumps on the floor and rolls his eyes.]
 * Dr. Eggman: Cut! Good, but remember, you're Sonic the Hedgehog, so make it louder and stupider. Let's go again in three, two, one. [Snaps clipboard]
 * Dave: [In descending tone of voice] Dargh, dargh, dargh.
 * Dr. Eggman: What's this? Sonic the Hedgehog causing trouble yet again? I'll make quick work of that menace.
 * Sonic: [On Loudspeaker] Cut!
 * Dr. Eggman: Hey! Only I say cut!
 * Sonic: This film is a joke! You test Davey in turn as me?
 * Dr. Eggman: But you turned down the part.
 * Sonic: Because I knew you'd get it wrong.
 * Dr. Eggman: Tell you what. If you agree to play you, I'll let you have creative input on your character.
 * Amy: [Clears throat] My client will do it. You're gonna need someone to look out for your best interests on this movie. I'll be your manager.
 * Sonic: Huh... OK, I'm in.
 * Dr. Eggman: Excellent. Dave, you're demoted. [Points to the Meh Burger kitchen] Back to catering.
 * Dave: I never stopped doing the catering! Oh no, my egg larders!
 * [Dave tries putting out the fire on the barbecue with a spade...]
 * Dave: Lunch is gonna be late.
 * [...only to combust into a fireball, smoking him and the Sonic suit.]

[Scene Change: Canyon, Day]
 * Dr. Eggman: In this scene, the giant robot chases you. You run up that wall, jump off the top, and do that incredibly annoying thing where you turn into a pointy ball and blow up my beloved machine.
 * Amy: Hmm... That sounds dangerous.
 * Dr. Eggman and Sonic: Yeah, so.
 * Amy: My client will definitely not be doing any stunts.
 * Dr. Eggman: But he has to destroy the robot. I want this to have universal appeal, and one thing everyone can relate to is having their robots destroyed by a meddlesome hedgehog.
 * Amy: Then hire a stunt man.

[Scene Change: Seaside Island, Day]
 * Knuckles: [In a Sonic Costume] And if you need me to do my stunts, I also have a Knuckles costume.
 * Dr. Eggman: Action!
 * [The clipboard snaps as the scene shows Sonic and Mega. Sonic does a fighting pose.]
 * Dr. Eggman: Stuntman in!
 * [Knuckles copies Sonic's pose.]
 * Dr. Eggman: And action!
 * [Mega slams its fist down, flattening Knuckles.]
 * Dr. Eggman: Cut! Great scene, Sonic! I like the new ending. What's our next shot people?
 * [Mega lets go of Knuckles. He rolls his eyes and shakes his head.]

[Scene Change: Canyon, Day]
 * [Sonic runs down the canyon hole and approaches a Motobug at the base. Sonic displays a fighting pose.]
 * Dr. Eggman: Cut! Stunt man!
 * [Knuckles takes over Sonic place]
 * Dr. Eggman: Action!
 * [The Motobug shoots a rocket at Knuckles, burning him.]

[Scene Change: Mayor's Mansion, Day]
 * [Sonic is about to drink a mug of tea.]
 * Dr. Eggman: Stunt man!
 * [Knuckles takes over Sonic seat.]
 * Dr. Eggman: Action!
 * [Knuckles drinks the mug]
 * Knuckles: Oh! It's hot!
 * [He tries to drink it again]
 * Knuckles: Ow! Hot! Hot! Hot!
 * Dr. Eggman: Don't adlib!
 * [A Motobug shows up and destroys the table with its missile, burning Knuckles. Just as he's about to drink, Mega slams the arm down on him.]

[Scene Change: Seaside Island, day]
 * [Eggman watches a preview of his film.]
 * Dr. Eggman: Oh this footage is absolutely spectacular, isn't it Yesbot?
 * Yesbot 1: Oh yeah.
 * Yesbot 2: Brilliant.
 * Yesbot 3: Has done it again.
 * Dr. Eggman: Hmm...
 * Sonic: Yo, Egghead. I've been reading the rest of the script.
 * Dr. Eggman: And...
 * Sonic: It's confusing. You present yourself as an underdog and an all powerful tyrunt which kinda makes no sense.
 * Dr. Eggman: I'm a very complex character.
 * Yesbot 1: Absolutely.
 * Yesbot 2: Couldn't agree more.
 * Yesbot 3: I drink motor oil when no-one's watching.
 * Sonic: But who's gonna believe that an evil scientist with unlimited resources can't defeat a hedgehog?
 * Yesbot 1: Absolutely.
 * Yesbot 2: You're totally correct.
 * [Eggman returns Yesbot 3 back to his wrist controller.]
 * Dr. Eggman: Anyone else have something to say about my script?

[Scene Change: Tails' Workshop, night]
 * [Sonic angrily walks with the script to Tails' Workshop. Tails is busy repairing something.]
 * Sonic: Eggman is the worst director I've ever worked with!
 * Tails: You've never worked with another director, so technically he's also the best director you've ever worked with.
 * Sonic: I'm an actor, I was being dramatic, but this script is a mess.
 * Tails: Let me see.
 * [Tails reads the script.]
 * Tails: Hmm... Well... If he just covers the origin of his mustache in a flashback instead of putting it at the beginning...
 * Sonic: I didn't even think of that.
 * Tails: This part where you battle Drill Bot could be pretty cool but it belongs at the end. And he spent too much time on this musical number. Hand me a pen.
 * [Sonic hands over a pen to Tails. Tails crosses out parts of the script and writes comments on several pages.]

[Scene Change: Seaside Island, day]
 * [Orbot and Cubot are adding makeup to Eggman. Sonic and Amy arrive and return the script to him.]
 * Sonic: Hey, Egghead. Tails and I saved your film.
 * [Sonic throws the script to Eggman. Eggman reads it.]
 * Dr. Eggman: What are you talking about? This is terrible! Sonic would never say that.
 * Sonic: We do the script my way, or I walk!
 * Dr. Eggman: This film must be my vision. [Throws the script down on the ground] Not yours! Mine! Mine mine mine! If you know everything, Mr. and Mrs. know-everything then where's your camera, your robots? Neither one of you has a beret!
 * [Sonic and Amy frown at Eggman, and they walk off.]
 * Dr. Eggman: [Low voice] I hate that hedgehog.

[Scene Change: Sonic's Shack, day]
 * [Sonic is resting on a sunbed. Orbot and Cubot approach him.]
 * Cubot: Sonic?
 * Sonic: [Keeping his eyes closed] I'm busy.
 * Cubot: Please. You gotta stop Dr. Eggman.
 * Sonic: [Keeping his eyes closed] And for making a movie?
 * Orbot: The movie's all a ruse. He's just pretending to film so he can use Drill Bot to drill an Unacquirum under the set.
 * Sonic: [Sits up] Why are you telling me this?
 * Orbot: Then he's going to use the Unacquirum to build an all-new robot army and throw out all the old ones.
 * Cubot: Including us!
 * Orbot: He's going to melt us down and use us for scrap.
 * Cubot: My lifelong dream was to not be melted down and used for scrap.

[Scene Change: Seaside Island, day]
 * [Drill Bot is drilling the ground. Sonic jumps and tries a Homing Attack, but the bot bounces him off. Sonic tries again and fails. Drill goes on the attack and fires a missile at Sonic. Sonic dodges it, lures it back towards Drill Bot and stops letting the missile destroy Drill Bot, and decapitate its head.]
 * Sonic: So much for your scheme, Egghead!
 * Dr. Eggman: Cut! Terrific! That's a wrap!
 * Sonic: Terrific? I saw through your ruse and foiled your evil plan!
 * Dr. Eggman: If it wasn't a ruse, Sonic, it was a double ruse.
 * Cubot: Yeah. That's approximately... Two ruses. Give or take?
 * Dr. Eggman: Quiet you. Thanks for appearing in the last scene of my film.
 * [Eggman laughs and runs carrying the camera onto the Eggmobile. Orbot and Cubot follow him and they set off.]
 * Sonic: The old double ruse. Did not see that one coming.