Attack on Pinball Fortress/Transcript

This is the transcript for the Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog episode, "Attack on Pinball Fortress.

[''The episode begins with a view of a village as the title is shown in red letters. Inside the village, the camera moves over to two villagers who are sculpting pots out of clay.'']
 * Villager #1: Someday, my friend, the evil Dr. Robotnik will be defeated forever! But until that day happens...

[''Before Villager #1 can finish, he and Villager #2 get zapped by a ray and scream. They now have dumbfounded expressions on their faces.'']
 * Villager #1: Duh, we get to play in the nice mud!

[''Villager #1 laughs as he grabs the clay with both his hands and tosses it at Villager #2, whose face falls into his clay pot. Robotnik laughs evilly, and the camera moves up to him, Scratch, and Grounder. Robotnik and Scratch are dressed in camo pants, and they and Grounder are wearing ammunition sashes and headbands. Robotnik is holding the Stupidity Ray in his left hand.'']
 * Dr. Robotnik: my new Stupidity Ray works perfectly! One zap from this baby, and the good citizens of Mobius are too stupid to resist me!

[The camera zooms in on Sonic, who is running towards the village.]
 * Robotnik: I see the ultimate test of my invention coming up now!

[''Robotnik aims the Stupidity Ray at Sonic. A view through the crosshair is now shown as it is aimed at Sonic, who runs through the desert, with Tails flying above him. Tails pants heavily.'']
 * Tails: Why are we in such a hurry, Sonic?
 * Sonic: Got the word that Doc Botnik and his bad egg bots are in the area, little bud, and you know what that means!

[Robotnik fires the Stupidity Ray at Sonic.]
 * Tails: Sure do, Sonic! It means...

[Sonic and Tails dodge the beam.]
 * Sonic and Tails: Trouble!
 * Robotnik: If I can just zap that high-speed hedgehog, the rest of the planet will be a piece of cake!

[''Robotnik fires the Stupidity Ray at Sonic, but the beams keep missing him. He waves the Stupidity Ray back and forth a la John Rambo, but he still can't zap Sonic.'']
 * Robotnik: Blast it, you turbo-charged troublemaker! Hold still!

[''Scratch squawks in fear, and ducks to avoid the beam fired at him, leaving his bandana spinning counter-clockwise in mid-air. Robotnik turns his attention to him.'']
 * Robotnik: Whoops!

[Stars spin around Scratch's head as Robotnik grabs his left shoulder with his right hand, and pulls him back and forth.]
 * Robotnik: Snap out of it, you clucking klutz! Uh, how are you feeling?

[Scratch squawks as he shakes his head.]
 * Scratch: Actually, I feel fine, your mightiness! Are you sure that thing's working?

[Robotnik runs up to Scratch.]
 * Robotnik: It's working fine! It just can't make you any stupider than you already are!

[''Robotnik continues firing the Stupidity Ray at Sonic, but missing every time as Sonic runs through the village, towing Tails by his right hand with his left hand. In the village, Sergeant Doberman, who is holding a whip in his right arm, is with a soldier, who is holding a gun in his right arm.'']
 * Sergeant Doberman: Fifty mile run through the swamp, Soldier! Move!
 * Soldier: Aw, gee, Sergeant Doberman!

[''Sonic runs past Sgt. Doberman and the Solider, the former of whom turns his attention to him, and the latter of whom is zapped by the Stupidity Ray's beam. Sgt. Doberman stares in shock.'']
 * Sgt. Doberman: What? Wha?
 * Soldier: Uh, duh, yes, Sir! Uh, great idea, Sir!

[The soldier laughs dumbfoundedly.]
 * Soldier: Uh, this'll be fun!

[The Soldier runs away as the camera zooms in on Sgt. Doberman, who has a surprised expression on his face.]
 * Sgt. Doberman: Hmmm.

[''Robotnik continues firing the Stupidity Ray at Sonic, but misses every time. Wes Weasely is near a bookcase of encyclopedias, and a nerd is looking through one of them.'']
 * Wes Weasely: Look, palley, you want these encyclopedias or not? They got Wes Weasely's personal guarantee!

[The nerd flips through the encyclopedia he is holding in both his hands, revealing all of the pages to be blank.]
 * Nerd: Uh, I don't think so! All the pages are blank!

[Weasely walks up to the Nerd.]
 * Weasely: Palley, palley, palley! You're a smart guy, right?

[Weasely puts his right hand on the Nerd's right shoulder.]
 * Weasely: You already know everything you need to know, right? These encyclopedias are perfect for you!

[The Nerd nods his head, "No".]
 * Nerd: I don't think so!
 * Weasely: Wait, wait, wait, wait!

[Weasely pulls the Nerd's shirt with his left hand, causing the Nerd to drop the encyclopedia.]
 * Weasely: Look, look!

[Weasely reaches into his coat with his right hand and pulls out a pair of golden toenal clippers.]
 * Weasely: I'll even throw in a set of genuine imitation gold-plated toenail clippers!
 * Nerd: Forget it! What do you think I am, stupid?

[''Sonic runs past the nerd, who gets zapped by the Stupidity Ray's beam. The nerd screams, as does Weasely as he stares in shock. The Nerd laughs dumbfoundedly.'']
 * Nerd: Wow!

[The Nerd continues laughing dumbfoundedly as he reaches into his pants with his left hand.]
 * Nerd: A blank encyclopedia!

[The Nerd pulls out a stack of money, and points his riht index finger at Weasely.]
 * Nerd: I'll take one! No! No! I'll take three! And a box!

[The nerd points his right index finger at Weasely's feet.]
 * Nerd: And... and your stinky socks! Heh! Yes! And anything else you've got for sale! Name your price!

[''The Nerd laughs hysterically as he tosses his money into the air. The camera zooms in on Weasely as he stares in surprise, then smiles deviously. He then laughs deviously. Robotnik growls as he continues firing the Stupidity Ray at Sonic, and still missing.'']
 * Tails: Whoa!

[Sonic runs into a stable.]
 * Sonic: Now it's time for a Sonic-style finish!

[''Inside the stable, a Mule is eating hay. Sonic drops Tails as he runs up to the Mule, who whinnies. Sonic is now holding the Mule over his head with both his hands, and he sets it down on one end of the seesaw.'']
 * Sonic: Now for a quick spring in the falls!

[''Sonic spins up to an anvil tied to a rope. Sonic cuts the rope, and the Mule stares in shock as the anvil falls onto the other end of the seesaw, launching him into the air. The Mule whinnies as he flies through the air.'']
 * Tails: I've heard of horse flies, but mule flies?

[''Tails points his left index finger at the Mule. Sonic stops spinning, and calls out to Robotnik.'']
 * Sonic: Hey, Doc! You're a lousy shot! Bet you can't even hit me when I'm standing still!

[Sonic crosses his arms and taps his left foot impatiently.]
 * Sonic: I'm waitin'!

[The camera zooms in on Robotnik, who is aiming the Stupidity Ray at Sonic.]
 * Robotnik: Your attitude is in for some adjustment, you hot-shot hedgehog!

[Grounder looks up at the Mule as it falls towards him, Robotnik, and Scratch.]
 * Grounder: Uh, your Maliciousness?

[As the Mule falls towards Robotnik, Scratch and Grounder, Robotnik turns his attention to Grounder.]
 * Robotnik: Don't bother me! I'm about to blast that blue bratnik!

[Scratch taps the Stupidity Ray with the fingers on his left hand.]
 * Robotnik: Leave me alone!

[Scratch squawks as Robotnik pushes him away with his right hand.]
 * Robotnik: I want to enjoy this! Yes!

[''A view through the crosshair is shown as Robotnik aims the Stupidity Ray at Sonic. Scratch and Grounder sneak away.'']
 * Robotnik: This is going to be...

[The Mule lands just behind Robotnik.]
 * Robotnik: A real kick!

[''The Mule kicks Robotnik with both his hind legs, and Robotnik yells as he flies through the air. Scratch and Grounder stare in shock.'']
 * Scratch and Grounder: Dr. Robotnik!

[''Scratch and Grounder run down the road. Sonic and Tails jump into the air and high-five each other with their respective right and left hands as Sonic holds up his left thumb.'']
 * Tails: Yay!
 * Sonic: All right!

[In the distance, Sgt. Doberman looks at Robotnik.]
 * Sgt. Doberman: Huh, the evil Robotnik has been defeated for the moment!

[The camera zooms in on the Stupidity Ray, which is behind the Mule.]
 * Sgt. Doberman: I see he has left behind his Stupidity Ray! Just what I need for creatin' my kind of soldiers! I must have it!

[''Sgt. Doberman runs towards the Stupidity Ray. In the distance, Weasely laughs hysterically.'']
 * Weasely: That little gizmo could really help my sales! I gotta have it!

[''Weasely runs towards the Stupidity Ray. Both Sgt. Doberman and Weasely run towards the Stupidity Ray, and Sgt. Doberman pants heavily, then turns to face Weasely as he runs alongside him. The two pant heavily as they try to outrun each other, then they approach the hill where the Mule and the Stupidity Ray are. The Mule runs away as Sgt. Doberman and Weasely run into each other. They then fight each other over the Stupidity Ray in a cloud of dust.'']
 * Sgt. Doberman: It's mine!
 * Weasely: It's mine! No, it isn't! Get away from me!
 * Sgt. Doberman: Give me that!
 * Weasely: It's mine, I saw it first!

[The Stupidity Ray flies out of the cloud of dust, and Sonic catches it in both his hands.]
 * Sonic: Were you boys lookin' for this, by any chance?

[Sgt. Doberman and Weasely poke their heads out of the dust cloud.]
 * Sgt. Doberman: Yes!

[Sgt. Doberman walks out of the dust cloud and points his right index finger at Sonic.]
 * Sgt. Doberman: I order you to turn over that device to me!

[Weasely walks out of the dust cloud.]
 * Weasely: Now, hold on there, palley!

[''Weasely runs up to Sonic. He reaches into his coat with his right hand, pulls out a stack of money, and holds up his left index finger'']
 * Weasely: I'll buy it, chum! Name your price!

[Sgt. Doberman grabs Weasely by his right shoulder with his left hand and pulls it away.]
 * Sgt. Doberman: Military security is more important than your petty cash, you pathetic peddler!

[Sgt. Doberman flinches as Weasely stares angrily at him.]
 * Weasely: Nothing's more important than money, you overgrown grunt-head!

[Weasely turns to face Sonic, and holds up his left index finger.]
 * Weasely: Tell you what, friend, I'll even throw in a set of blank encyclopedias!

[Sgt. Doberman grabs Weasely by his bowtie and neck with his respective right and left hands, and pulls him towards him.]
 * Sgt. Doberman: The stupidity ray goes to me!
 * Weasely: Yeah? Yeah, you and whose army, flat top?

[Weasely punches Sgt. Doberman's head with his right hand, and Sgt. Doberman growls at Weasely as the two fight each other again.]
 * Sgt. Doberman: Dirtbag! Pipsqueak! Moron! Civilian!
 * Weasely: You maggot!

[Sonic turns to face Tails.]
 * Tails: These two slow-mos are acting like they were hit by the ray already!

[Sonic turns to face Sgt. Doberman and Weasely.]
 * Sonic: Hey, you two turkeys! Check this out!

[''Sonic sets the Stupidity Ray down, then runs away. He comes back, carrying a boulder over his head with both his hands. Sgt. Doberman and Weasely stop fighting each other.'']
 * Weasely: Huh?
 * Sgt. Doberman: What?

[''Sonic drops the boulder on the Stupidity Ray, destroying it. Sgt. Doberman and Weasely both scream and stare in shock, and Sonic dusts both his hands off.'']
 * Sonic: That's better!

[''Sonic puts his right hand on Sgt. Doberman's left shoulder, and his left hand on Weasely's right shoulder. He pushes them away from each other.'']
 * Sonic: Now, you two fender-heads quit fighting and let's get back to concentrating on our planet's real problem!

[Sonic turns to face Sgt. Doberman and Weasely.]
 * Sonic: Dr. Robotnik!
 * Robotnik: You stupid hedgehog!

[Sonic, Tails, and Sgt. Doberman all turn to face a walkie-talkie, which Sonic picks up with his left hand.]
 * Sonic: Speak of the devil! What's up, lard-belly? Want me to settle your hash some more?

[A hologram of Robotnik's head appears.]
 * Robotnik: You may have smashed my stupidity ray, but I still remember how to build it! And this time, I won't mess around!

[A hologram of Robotnik's left hand appears, and it points its index finger at Sonic.]
 * Robotnik: I'm going to build a giant Stupidity Ray, one big enough to blacken the whole planet!

[Sgt. Doberman and Weasely turn to face each other and stare in delight.]
 * Robotnik: And when I do, I'll be able to conquer all of Mobius in a single blast!

[Robotnik laughs evilly, and Sonic stares angrily at him.]
 * Sonic: Just try it! I'll be all over you like chili on a hot dog!

[Tails points his right thumb at himself.]
 * Tails: And I'll be the mustard!
 * Robotnik: That's what you think!

[The camera zooms in on the hologram of Robotnik's head.]
 * Robotnik: Because I'm building this ray...

[The hologram of Robotnik's head transforms into a hologram of the Pinball Fortress.]
 * Robotnik: Inside my awesome, impenetrable new Pinball Fortress! Not even you can get past its dynamic defenses! By this time tomorrow...

[The hologram of the Pinball Fortress transforms back into a hologram of Robotnik's head.]
 * Robotnik: The entire planet will be under my control! Even you!

[''Robotnik laughs evilly, and the hologram of his head disappears. Sonic angrily tosses the walkie-talkie onto the ground.'']
 * Sonic: That evil egg-meister!
 * Tails: What are we gonna do, Sonic? Can we get inside the pinball fortress?
 * Sonic: Gonna be tough, little bud! I've seen the place!

[Sonic pounds his right fist against his left hand.]
 * Sonic: It's solid booby-trapped wall-to-wall!
 * Sgt. Doberman (thinking): Hmmm. A new stupidity ray!

[''A thought balloon appears Sgt. Doberman's head, and the camera moves up to it. In it is an army of soldiers.'']
 * Sgt. Doberman (thinking): I could create a whole planet of my kind of soldiers!
 * Weasely (thinking): Hmmm.

[''A thought balloon appears above Weasely's head., and the camera moves up to it. In the thought balloon, the citizens of Mobius are paying Weasely in a large pile of cash, which Weasely plays in.'']
 * Weasely (thinking): A new stupidity ray! I could create a whole planet of suckers! Ha ha!

[Sgt. Doberman holds up his left index finger as Weasely's thought balloon pops.]
 * Sgt. Doberman: I volunteer to join the mission! With my military experience, we will be certain to beat the pinball fortress!
 * Weasely: No, no!

[''Weasely runs in front of Sgt. Doberman and holds his right hand over him. He points his left thumb at himself.'']
 * Weasely: I volunteer! My company sold Robotnik most of the traps in the Pinball Fortress! I know how to get through!
 * Sgt. Doberman: Get lost, Snake Oil!

[Sgt. Doberman pushes Weasely aside with his left hand.]
 * Sgt. Doberman: We don't need you!

[Weasely runs back up to Sgt. Doberman and stares angrily at him.]
 * Weasely: What we don't need is thick-necked grunt-head!
 * Sgt. Doberman: Oh, yeah?
 * Weasely: Yeah!

[Sgt. Doberman and Weasely fight each other in a cloud of dust.]
 * Sgt. Doberman: You civilian!
 * Weasely: You think I can't do it? I don't like your haircut!

[''Sonic and Tails duck to avoid a knife and some rocks flying over their heads. Tails ducks to avoid a fork and a toaster flying over his head.'']
 * Tails: What do you think, Sonic?

[Sonic ducks to avoid a frying pan with an egg in it flying over his head.]
 * Sonic: I'd think that between Robotnik and these guys,

[Sonic points his right index finger at Sgt. Doberman and Weasely, then ducks to avoid a toilet flying over his head.]
 * Sonic: We're all in big trouble!

[''Sgt. Doberman and Weasely continue growling as they fight each other in a cloud of dust. The screen fades to black.'']