Lifestyles of the Sick and Twisted/Transcript

This is the transcript for the Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog episode, "Lifestyles of the Sick and Twisted".

[The episode begins with a view outside Dr. Robotnik's fortress as the camera zooms in on it.]
 * Dr. Robotnik: Where is that stinking letter?

[The camera cuts to a view inside Robotnik's fortress, where Robotnik is standing near his television screen.]
 * Robotnik: Scratch, Grounder, I'm expecting a letter from Throbbin Screech saying I'm on his TV show. Where is my mail?
 * Scratch: Coming, your mustachioedness, coming!

[''Scratch and Grounder both run into the doorway and grunt as they get stuck. Scratch is holding a letter in his left hand.'']
 * Grounder: Hey, I should be the one to bring it! I mugged the mailman!

[Grounder grunts as Scratch pushes him away with his right hand.]
 * Scratch: Yeah, but I stole all his mail! Bwahahaha!
 * Robotnik: Just hurry up! This time I know I'll get on Lifestyles of the Very Good! I'm going to be a TV star!

[Grounder snatches the letter from Scratch with his left hand.]
 * Grounder: I have the letter! But why should Throbbin want you on his show? He usually gets interesting people!
 * Robotnik: I'm interesting! I'm fascinating! Scintillating, even!

[Robotnik leans up against Grounder.]
 * Grounder: Right?!

[Grounder sweats nervously.]
 * Grounder: Oh! Uh, yeah! Uh, uh, I forgot!

[Grounder screams as Scratch snatches the letter from him with his left hand and hands it to Robotnik.]
 * Scratch: Here you go, your sizableness!

[Grounder grunts as he tries to take the letter back with his left hand
 * Scratch: Dr. Robotnik, I got it for you! No, no one else, me!

[''The letter falls out of Scratch's hand and floats to the ground. Robotnik picks it up with his right hand.'']
 * Robotnik: I'll get it myself!

[''Robotnik looks over the letter, which reads, LIFESTYLES OF THE VERY GOOD, TO: DR. ROBOTNIK. He points at it with his left index finger.'']
 * Robotnik: Oh, it's from the show, it's from the show! I'm gonna be on TV!

[''Scratch and Grounder watch as Robotnik opens the letter. When Robotnik sees what it says, he is outraged.'']
 * Robotnik: What?!

[Robotnik looks over the letter, which reads, LIFESTYLES OF THE VERY GOOD, DR. ROBOTNIK, and has many MMMs and NOs written on it.]
 * Robotnik: You want to be on my show, the answer is, "No, no, no! Maybe? Nope, never!". Love, Throbbin Screech, Lifestyles of the Very Good.

[Scratch is now holding a pocket watch and chain in his left hand, which is revealed to have come from Grounder's chest compartment.]
 * Scratch: Dr. Robotnik!
 * Grounder: Throbbin Screech is on!
 * Scratch: It's showtime! Bwahaha!

[Robotnik is now holding the letter in his left hand and holds out his right hand like a stop sign.]
 * Robotnik: Silence! We're not watching his show! We hate his show!

[Scratch nods his head, "Yes".]
 * Grounder: No, we don't! It's our very favorite!

[Scratch hits Grounder against the wall with his right elbow.]
 * Grounder (wearily): We'd rather watch reruns of Bart the Barfy Bumblebee any day!

[''Robotnik switches the TV on with a remote control he is holding in his left hand. On the screen, Bart is leaning against a building with his right hand as he holds his left hand up to his stomach.'']
 * Bart the Barfy Bumblebee: I don't feel so good!

[Grounder chuckles.]
 * Grounder: Now, that's what I call educational TV!
 * Robotnik: All right, I can't stand it! I have to see who Screech could have possibly picked instead of me!

[''Robotnik presses a button on his remote with his left thumb, and the channel changes to LIFESTLYES OF THE VERY GOOD. The show's theme plays as the title card is shown. Throbbin, who is holding a microphone in his right hand, is then shown alongside a dalmatian wearing a fireman's hat, holding a rescued kitten in his mouth. Throbbin, who is now holding the microphone in his left hand, is shown alongside a seal in a doctor's uniform, who is holding a baby bird in his right fin. Throbbin, who is now holding the microphone in his right hand again, is shown alongside a rhino, who is holding a trophy in both his hands. The screen then transitions to a view of Throbbin at his desk.'']
 * Throbbin Screech: Greetings to most of you, ladies and gentlemen! Today on Lifestyles of the Very Good, it's Sonic the Hedgehog!

[''The audiences cheers as a view of Sonic, who is now sitting in a chair, is shown. He waves his right hand at them.'']
 * Sonic: As a rule, you're all way past cool!
 * Robotnik: Sonic the Hedgehog?! That's supposed to be my show!

[Robotnik points his left index finger at the screen, then screams as he pulls on his mustache with both his hands.]
 * Throbbin: We followed Sonic around for a week with our cameras, and this is what we saw!

[''In the clip that plays, Scratch is in the desert, next to a catapult. He signals Grounder with his left hand, and Grounder is next to a catapult of his own, signaling Scratch with his right hand. Sonic runs along the path, and Scratch pushes the lever forward with his left hand, while Grounder pulls his lever forward with his right hand. As Sonic gets closer, Scratch and Grounder pull their levers back, and the catapults launch their boulders into the air. Sonic runs right past them, and they fly towards Scratch and Grounder. Scratch screams as Grounder's boulder lands on him, flattening him, and Grounder screams as he tries to roll away, but Scratch's boulder lands on him, flattening him. Sonic runs down the path as the clip ends.'']
 * Throbbin: Just goes to show you, speed always beats stupidity! Shall we see another, audience?

[''The audience cheers as Sonic bows at them. Robotnik shuts the TV off.'']
 * Robotnik: Enough! I've had enough!

[Grounder gasps in shock.]
 * Grounder: He was talking about us?! He's in big trouble!
 * Robotnik: Sonic's in monstrous trouble! And I'll show Throbbin Screech a real personality; mine!

[Robotnik points his right thumb at himself.]
 * Robotnik: I'm gonna catch Sonic right on his show, and all of Mobius...

[Robotnik laughs evilly.]
 * Robotnik: Will see it!

[''The screen transitions to the next scene, where a robot rooster is seen in the window. The robot rooster crows as the camera moves down to Scratch and Grounder, who are still in the doorway. Scratch yawns and streches, then turns to face Grounder as he awakens.'']
 * Scratch: Morning! Sleep well?

[Grounder yawns.]
 * Grounder: Oh, pretty well, thanks. You?
 * Scratch: Mmm, not bad, considering. Ready? Go!

[Scratch and Grounder grunt as they try to get out of the doorway, but Robotnik pushes them out with his respective left and right hands.]
 * Robotnik: Out of my way!

[Scratch and Grounder groan as they hit the wall.]
 * Robotnik: Throbbin Screech is coming here to film me!

[Stars spin around Scratch and Grounder's heads.]
 * Grounder: Why would Throbbin Screech want you on his show, your miserableness? He thinks you're an eggbelly slow-mo!
 * Robotnik: He wants me because I am provocative and fascinating!

[Robotnik holds up two fingers on his left hand.]
 * Robotnik: That's two great things! Not one great thing and an okay thing, or one good thing and a so-so thing, it's two great things!
 * Scratch: Hmmm. There must be some other reason!
 * Robotnik: Okay, well...

[''Robotnik pulls out a remote with his left hand and turns on his television with it. A view of his dungeon is shown, with Screech's Niece tied up over a pool of lava.'']
 * Robotnik: I kidnapped Throbbin Screech's Niece!
 * Scratch: That's the ticket!
 * Grounder: Now Screech will have to let you on his show!
 * Scratch: Screech comes here, sees the Niece, boom! You're on his show! You trap Sonic on National TV, boom! Mobius is yours! To recap, boom boom! You're done!

[Grounder rolls up to Scratch.]
 * Grounder: You are an evil genius, Dr. Robotnik!
 * Robotnik: And finally, everyone will know it! If I'm lucky, it'll lead to a late night talk show, or even better, an infomercial!

[Robotnik walks up to his TV.]
 * Robotnik: And how are you feeling today?
 * Screech's Niece: You want to know how I feel?! I'll show you how I feel!

[Screech's Niece blows a raspberry at Robotnik, who shuts the TV off.]
 * Robotnik: I just love kids!

[Robotnik yells, then turns his attention to Throbbin, who is in the doorway.]
 * Throbbin: Give me back my Niece!
 * Robotnik: Not until I go on your show!
 * Throbbin: Utterly ridiculous! You're not going on my show!

[Throbbin points his left index finger at Robotnik.]
 * Robotnik: Oh, yes I am! Look at my monitor!

[''Robotnik pulls out his remote with his left hand and turns on his TV with it. The camera zooms in on Screech's Niece, who is sweating.'']
 * Screech's Niece: Hi, Uncle Throbbin! Love your show! Mum says hi! It's awful hot in here!
 * Robotnik: Now what do you say, Throbbin? "Goodbye, Niece" or "Hello, Robotnik"?
 * Throbbin: Would it be all that wrong to let my Niece be dipped in lava just to keep you off my show?

[Robotnik runs up to Throbbin.]
 * Robotnik: I won't just dip her, I'll dunk her! Slam dunk! Two-handed reverse!
 * Throbbin: All right, I'll do it!

[Robotnik runs up to Scratch and Grounder.]
 * Robotnik: Scratch! Grounder! You hear that? I made it! I'm on TV!
 * Throbbin: I'll get my crew!

[Robotnik runs up to Throbbin and holds up his right index finger.]
 * Robotnik: You'll use mine! Remember, I have complete creative control now!
 * Throbbin: No!

[Robotnik runs up to his monitor and points his left thumb at Screech's Niece.]
 * Robotnik: Yes!
 * Throbbin: Okay. Ratchet, Pounder, get the camera!

[Robotnik is now holding Scratch in his right hand, and Grounder in his left.]
 * Scratch: That's Scratch and Grounder!
 * Throbbin: Yeah, whatever. Let's get started!

[Robotnik, Scratch, and Grounder all run through the doorway.]
 * Robotnik: That's the spirit!

[The screen transitions to the next scene, where Sonic runs up to the TV store, where various Mobians are watching TV.]
 * Sonic: I can't wait to check out Throbbin Screech's show today!

[Tails flies up to Sonic and lands near him.]
 * Sonic: Of course, it can't be as good as yesterday, when I was on!

[''The screen transitions to the next scene, which takes place in Throbbin's studio, where Scatch and Grounder are standing next to the camera. Grounder is wearing headphones, and the camera moves to the right side of the screen, where Throbbin, who is holding a piece of paper in both his hands, is.'']
 * Throbbin: Where is that husky madman?

[Throbbin holds up his left hand to signal Robotnik.] Throbbin: Robotnik to the set! Robotnik to the set! [Scratch turns to face Robotnik and signals him with his right hand.]
 * Scratch: Robotnik to the set! Robot...

[''Robotnik is holding a shoe in his left hand, and he shoves it in Scratch's beak. Robotnik is now dressed in a tuxedo and a wig as he walks up to Throbbin.'']
 * Robotnik: So, how do I look?

[Throbbin, who is now at his desk, points his right index finger at Robotnik.]
 * Throbbin: Oh, did you know you have a dead cat on your head?
 * Robotnik: I look fantastic, and you know it! Okay, Screech! Lights!

[The lights turn on.]
 * Robotnik: Camera, Robotnik!
 * Throbbin: I may become ill here!

[On one of the TVs that Sonic, Tails, and the Mobians are watching, sinister music plays as the title card for LIFESTYLES OF THE SICK AND TWISTED is shown.]
 * Sonic: Lifestyles of the Sick and Twisted? What's that? What's goin' on?
 * Throbbin: Today we have the worst, most disgusting guest of all time!

[Robotnik holds his left hand up to his left ear.]
 * Robotnik: Is your Niece fond of lava, Screech?

[Tails points his left index finger at the TV as Sonic stares in shock.]
 * Sonic: That's Robotnik's voice!
 * Throbbin: I mean to say that today we have the, um, ahem... one-of-a-kind Dr. Robotnik!

[Robotnik runs in and sits down in the chair.]
 * Robotnik: Thank you, Throbbin! Don't you just love your new show... uh, my new show, Lifestyles of the Sick and Twisted?

[The Mobians gasp as the camera moves over to the left side of the screen, where Sonic and Tails are.]
 * Sonic: Robotnik is cruisin' for some losin'!
 * Tails: Typical!
 * Robotnik: My full name is Dr. Ivo Robotnik, not that anyone's ever asked!
 * Throbbin: Well, Ivo...

[Sonic turns to face Tails, and as Robotnik talks, they open their mouths and put their respective left and right fingers in and out of them in disgust.]
 * Robotnik: You can call me the Distinguished Dr. Robotnik!

[Throbbin flips through the script he is holding in both his hands with his left hand.]
 * Throbbin: Don't bet on it! So, uh, what are you up to now!
 * Robotnik: Catching Sonic the Hedgehog!

[Throbbin holds up his left hand.]
 * Throbbin: Have you ever caught him?
 * Robotnik: Caught? Uh, yes. Uh, kept? Uh, technically, no!
 * Throbbin: Does that bother you?
 * Robotnik: Not at all!

[Robotnik gets out of his chair and looks up at the camera.]
 * Robotnik: But now today, he's mine for good! Right here on National TV, I will catch Sonic, and be rid of him forever!

[''Robotnik laughs evilly. Sonic pretends to shudder in fear.'']
 * Sonic: Oh, I'm really scared, Robuttnik!

[''Sonic turns to face Tails, and they laugh together. The screen transitions to the next scene, which takes place outside Robotnik's fortress. Robotnik and Throbbin walk out together, with the former holding his left hand over the latter's eyes.'']
 * Robotnik: Oh boy, Throbby! Your audience is gonna love this! It's my greatest invention ever! Okay, Throbby, open em'!

[''Robotnik removes his left hand from Throbbin's eyes, which open. The camera moves over to the left side of the screen, where Robotnik's Egg-O-Matic hovercraft is.'']
 * Throbbin: That's what you've been going on and on about?
 * Robotnik: This is not a "what"! Don't call it a "what"! It's my Egg-O-Matic Evaporator Slash Sonic Smasher!

[Robotnik walks up to his Egg-O-Matic, and Grounder, who is carrying the camera in his right arm, rolls behind him.]
 * Grounder: It even has a cup holder for those long drives!

[''Scratch walks behind Grounder, and Throbbin follows behind him. The screen transitions to the next scene, where Robotnik, Scratch, and Grounder are all in the Egg-O-Matic, with Robotnik in the driver's seat, Scratch and Grounder in the left passenger seat, and Throbbin in the right passenger seat. They stop when they are above a lake. Robotnik pulls the lever back with his left hand, and it activates the evaporator, which evaporates all the water from the lake. Three fish are seen playing a card game, and using a license plate as a table. They mutter angrily. Sonic and Tails watch from the TV in the TV store, which Sonic points his left index finger at.'']
 * Sonic and Tails: I know that lake!

[Sonic turns around and gears up to run.]
 * Sonic: Let's go, Tails! We're up, over, and gone!

[Sonic runs away, and Tails turns to face him.]
 * Tails: I just love how he does that! Coming, Sonic!

[''Tails jumps into the air and flies. He signals Sonic with his right hand.'']
 * Tails: Right behind you! Well, not right behind you! No one is ever right behind you!

[''Tails flies after Sonic. Robotnik's Egg-O-Matic is now hiding behind a cloud.'']
 * Throbbin: Why are we hidin' behind a cloud, Dr. Robotnik?
 * Robotnik: We're setting a trap for Sonic! He'll be here in seconds to save the fish, he's a sucker for anyone in trouble!

[The camera zooms out on Robotnik.]
 * Throbbin: You've never caught him before! Why should this time be any different?
 * Robotnik: Forget the past! This trap is so great, it has two parts! Check out part one!

[''Robotnik moves the lever back and forth with his left hand. A mechanical hand emerges from the Egg-O-Matic. In the lake, the fish are all muttering angrily and holding up signs with both their fins. The purple and green fish have signs that say, HELP, while the orange one has a sign that says, KELP. Sonic, who is carrying three fish bowls in his arms, runs up to them.'']
 * Sonic: Hello, my fine, fishy friends! Take these for now!

[Sonic hands the fish the fish bowls.]
 * Sonic: That'll hold you till' I can fill up the lake!

[The fish, who are all now wearing their fish bowls like helmets, smile.]
 * Sonic: All I gotta do is figure a way to do that!

[Tails flies up to Sonic.]
 * Tails: What are you gonna do, Sonic?

[Robotnik flies down at Sonic, who gears up to run.]
 * Sonic: Live fast, think fast, act fast!

[Sonic runs away, and Robotnik chases after him.]
 * Robotnik: The least I deserve from that despicable creature is a little cooperation! Wait, there he is again!

[Robotnik turns around and chases after Sonic, who stops near Tails.]
 * Sonic: Tails, I forgot to tell you, stay here, I'll be right back!

[Sonic points his left index finger at the ground.]
 * Sonic: See ya!

[''Sonic runs away just in time as Robotnik chases after him. Robotnik growls angrily.'']
 * Robotnik: That hedgehog never stays still!

[Tails watches Robotnik on the Fishes' TV.]
 * Robotnik: If I can't get Sonic, I'll grab his little buddy!

[Tails gasps in fear.]
 * Robotnik: Then, when Sonic comes to save him, the hedgehog will be mine!

[Robotnik laughs evilly as Tails is now shown on the Fishes' TV.]
 * Tails: Hey, that's me on this little TV!

[Tails turns to face Robotnik and stares in shock.]
 * Tails: Uh-oh!

[Robotnik's mechanical hand catches Tails.]
 * Tails: Help!

[Throbbin is now holding his microphone in his left hand as he holds up his right hand.]
 * Throbbin: There you have it, folks! Will Sonic save the fish? Will Sonic save Tails? Will Robotnik take over? Will I get such high ratings that'll keep Robotnik on my show? Will I keep asking such annoying questions? Stay tuned!

[The screen fades to black.]