Three Men And My Baby!/Transcript

This is the transcript of the Sonic Boom episode, "Three Men And My Baby!".

[Scene: Canyon, Day]
 * [Sonic and Tails are on hoverboards taking a ride with Enerbeams around Knuckles' monster truck. It drives through a cactus unharmed.]
 * Knuckles: Woohoo! There's no endangerment like reckless endangerment.
 * Sonic: You can say that again!
 * Knuckles: Hold on tight, boys. We're going into Maximum overdrive! [Looks at the cooked pizza] Whoa, pizza's ready!
 * [Knuckles picks up the pizza out of the oven and burns his hand, tossing the pizza around. The monster truck loses control and flips over. It drives through the Village Center. Lady Walrus, carrying a pram, gasps.]

[Scene Change: Village Center, day]
 * Sonic: Knuckles, watch out!
 * [Knuckles puts his hands on the steering wheel but the hot pizza lands on his leg.]
 * Knuckles: It's days like these I wish I wore pants!
 * [Sonic and Tails de-activate their Enerbeams and let go of the monster truck. Lady Walrus screams as the monster truck steers away from her and crashes into a wall. An airbag covers Knuckles' face.]
 * Tails: Wow, that was lucky. Somebody could've gotten hurt!
 * [Lady Walrus screams again as a Palmtree falls on her. Sonic and Tails flinches.]

[Scene Change: Lady Walrus' house, day]
 * Sonic: Again, our sincerest apologies. These pizza-related incidents are becoming all too common.
 * Tails: Maybe it's about time we as a culture, banned restaurant-grade pizza ovens from cars altogether.
 * Lady Walrus: Will I ever be able to walk into Meh Burger again?
 * Doc: Oh absolutely.
 * Lady Walrus: That's a shame.
 * Doc: But you're going to need some rest. No getting out of this bed for the next few days.
 * Stratford: I'll take care of you mama.
 * Lady Walrus: Thank you, Stratford, but what about little Chumley? Oh careful, my baby.
 * Sonic: Suddenly you're worried about your baby's safety? [Tails taps Sonic] Uh, I mean, I guess we could watch your kid for a little while. After all we saved the village on a weekly basis. How hard could it be to watch one baby?

[Scene Change: Tails' house, day]
 * [Chumley cries as diapers are thrown across the room.]
 * Knuckles: Why would they trust us with a baby?

We've dropped a tree on her!
 * Tails: There's gotta be something we can do to make it stop! Maybe he's hungry.
 * Sonic: Yeah, let's feed it a Chili dog. Everyone loves Chili dogs.
 * Tails: I don't think he can eat solid food.
 * Sonic: Well them put it in the blender.
 * Knuckles: Well, if you say so.
 * [Knuckles, carrying the baby, tries to put him in the blender, but Sonic stops him.]
 * Sonic: The chili dog, not the baby!
 * Knuckles: Oh, yeah that makes more sense.
 * [Chumley watches the blender blending the chili dog. Sonic opens up the blender and Knuckles takes a spoonful out of the blender and makes airplane noises. He gives the spoonful to Chumley...]
 * Knuckles: Here comes the airplane.
 * [...but stops and gets distracted.]
 * Knuckles: What, wh, wh, sorry folks. Looks like there's a backup on the tarmac. Just sit tight and enjoy this encore airing of our safety video. [Rich voice] Hello, welcome in Aloha. [Chumley starts crying again.]
 * Sonic: Can you just feed the kid already?
 * [Knuckles eventually gives the spoonful to Chumley. He laughs and claps in response. Team Sonic breathe a sigh of relief.]
 * Sonic: Taking care of a baby isn't so hard. We totally got this.
 * [Chumley poops on his diaper.]

[Scene Change: Amy's house, day]
 * [Sonic, Tails and Knuckles take Chumley over to Amy's house to get him changed.]
 * Amy: [Abruptly] I don't think so.
 * Sonic: But Amy somebody needs to take responsibility for our actions. Why does is have to be us?
 * Amy: Sorry guys. Not my money, not my circus!
 * [Amy slams the door, Chumley poops again - flinching Team Sonic - drops his pacifier and cries again.]

[Scene Change: Tails' Workshop, day]
 * [Sonic, Knuckles and Tails are wearing spacesuits trying to change the diaper.]
 * Tails: We are going for removal of diaper 1.
 * [Sonic picks up the bag with the tongs.]
 * Sonic: [Sighs] Diaper 1 successfully detached. Prepare hazardous waste disposal.
 * Tails: Ready. Waste bin?
 * [Tails carries a waste bin for Sonic to place the bag in.]
 * Knuckles: Applying diaper 2.
 * [Knuckles puts diaper 2 on Chumley and wraps tape around it...]
 * Sonic: We've changed a diaper.
 * [...only for Chumley to poop on that one as well. He starts crying again.]
 * Knuckles: Ready, diaper 3?

[Scene Change: Tails' House, day]
 * [Chumley is still crying inside his pram.]
 * Sonic: We fed you and changed you. What more do you want? Just go to sleep.
 * [Chumley drops his pacifier again and cries louder.]
 * Tails: Maybe we should try singing to him, like a lullaby or something?
 * Sonic: [Singing] Rock-a-bye baby in the treetop. We're going through this kid just won't stop.
 * Knuckles: Just because we're not putting on enough of a show.
 * [Sonic, Tails and Knuckles wear their Dude-itude outfits and and dance and sing to Chumley with some music playing in the background.]
 * Sonic, Tails and Knuckles: [Singing] Rock-a-bye! Baby, rock-a-bye! Baby, rock-a-bye! Baby, yeah, Rock-a-bye! Baby, rock-a-bye! Baby, rock-a-bye! Baby, yeah, Yeah!
 * [Chumley has a confused look on his face, and then starts crying again.]
 * Knuckles: I told you we shouldn't have skipped on the pyrotechnics! Better pack this gear back into the Dude-Mobile.
 * Tails: [Excitedly] That's it!
 * Knuckles: What? Running away from our problems?
 * Tails: No. A mobile!
 * [Calming music plays as a mobile hangs in front of Chumley, making him finally get some sleep. Sonic and Tails breathe a sigh of relief.]
 * Sonic: [Whispering] Finally. How did you know this would work?
 * Tails: [Whispering] Studies show that the motion and sound of mobiles appeals to an infant's simple underdeveloped mind.
 * [Knuckles snores alongside Chumley]
 * Sonic: [Whispering] He's kinda cute when he's not screaming his head off.
 * [Suddenly, an explosion is heard, waking everyone up. Chumley starts crying again as Team Sonic head out the door and prepare to fight, with Sonic holding Chumley.]

[Scene Change: Seaside Island, day]
 * Sonic: Knux. You watch Chumley while I smash this [Softly] very nice man [Harshly] into oblivion!
 * [Knuckles holds Chumley while Sonic and Tails take care of the badniks. Sonic spin attacks a Crab Bot and a Bee Bot. Tails attacks another Bee Bot with his Enerbeam. Knuckles feeds Chumley some milk. Sonic kicks another Crab Bot and another Bee Bot. Tails smacks another Crab Bot with his Enerbeam. Sonic bounces off another Crab Bot and hangs on the Eggmobile, staring at Eggman.]
 * Sonic: [Angrily] It took us hours to put that baby down Eggman! Now we're gonna put you down!
 * Knuckles: Yeah! And not for nap naps either.
 * Dr. Eggman: I'm sorry. I didn't realize this boring action sequence was getting in the way of enthralling babysitting escapades.
 * [Eggman spins his Eggmobile backwards, throwing Sonic back towards Knuckles and Chumley. Knuckles throws Chumley up in the air as soon as Sonic collides with him.]
 * Tails: I got this!
 * [Tails throws his wrench at the Bee Bot and flies quickly towards Chumley and manages to catch him before he hits the ground. They both laugh together. Sonic and Knuckles prepare for combat. Knuckles unleashes a Ground pound, taking out all the ground Badniks. A Bee Bot approaches Tails and Chumley, forcig Tails to drop the baby while it fires lasers. Tha baby falls on Eggman's hands.]
 * Dr. Eggman: You're gross and sticky! It smells like pea soup and talcum powder.
 * [While Eggman looks away, Chumley presses buttons on the Eggmobile.]
 * Dr. Eggman: Hey, hey, hey! Keep your goofy baby mitts off my console.
 * [The Eggmobile shuts down and falls on a Crab Bot. Three Bee Bots fall to the ground as well. Chumley laughs.]
 * Dr. Eggman: Oh come on. I was winning this one!
 * [Sonic snatches the baby from Eggman. Knuckles kicks the Eggmobile up in the air. Chumley claps and laughs.]
 * Sonic: I was pretty good in a fight little dude.
 * Tails: It turns out all he really wanted was a little gratuitous violence.
 * Knuckles: A baby after my own heart.
 * Sonic: I think we're finally getting the hang of this.
 * [A montage plays. Sonic, Tails and Knuckles slowly walk across the Village Center feeding Chumley. Perci, Staci and Zooey glance in awe. Tails buys a toy giraffe and Chumley holds it. Afterwards Sonic gives him a high-spped piggyback ride. Next, they return home and impersonate a family dynamic, with Sonic playing with Chumley, Tails cooking and Knuckles returning from work. Knuckles snores on the couch, but Tails wakes him up and asks him to put the rubbish bag away. Knuckles grunts in anger, but Chumley starts crying again. Afterwards they head outside, with Knuckles pushing Chumley on a swing. He pushes so hard that Chumley falls off the swing. Fortunately, Sonic catches him. Chumley catches the toy giraffe. The next scene shows Chumley on Tails' Plane. Tails tilts the plane to Chumley's excitement.]

[Scene Change: Sonic's Shack, Evening]
 * [They all return to Sonic's Shack, very tired and exhausted. They all fall asleep with Sonic sleeping on the hammock.]

[Scene Change: Sonic's Shack, Morning]
 * Knuckles: [Yawns] Hey guys. A quick question about that baby we were watching? [Yawns again]
 * Sonic: Oh...
 * Knuckles: Anyone know where he is?
 * [Dramatic music plays as the baby goes missing from the pram. Sonic and Tails scream in horror.]
 * Sonic: Alright guys, don't panic. I'm sure he's around here somewhere. Chumley? Oh, Chumley?
 * [Team Sonic look for Chumley around the shack, but to no avail. Sonic spots the toy giraffe.]
 * Sonic: Oh no. Chumley's escaped! He's out there in the real world!
 * Tails: What if he's in trouble? What if he's hurt?
 * Knuckles: Or if he's pursuing a degree in liberal arts?
 * Sonic: We gotta find him. Better check all the most dangerous places in town.
 * [Team Sonic check the volcano first. Sonic runs all the way down to the core and returns burned all over his body.]
 * Sonic: He's not here.
 * Knuckles: Maybe he's in this tree? [He kicks the tree.] Nope. Nothing in the tree. [Coconuts fall and land on his head, knocking him out.]
 * [Team Sonic move to the Canyon next. Tails flies around the canyon, but can't find Chumley.]
 * Tails: He's not down on the ground.
 * Knuckles: He's not up in the sky either.
 * [Team Sonic move back to the Village center.]
 * Sonic: I know we've been putting it off. It's time we checked the most dangerous place of all.
 * [Team Sonic go to Meh Burger and ask Dave the Intern.]
 * Dave: No baby. He's not been round here all day.
 * [Disappointed, Team Sonic hug each other, Sonic dragging Dave into the group hug. They let go.]
 * Sonic: Wait, why are we celebrating? I mean, it's great that he's not ingesting in D-grade beef.
 * Dave: I wouldn't call it beef, per se.
 * Sonic: But we gotta face the facts: We lost baby Chumley.
 * Tails: [Upset] Poor little guy. [Sniffs] He was such a trooper.
 * Knuckles: [Upset] The way he'd crawl around and nuzzle into my [Sniffs] impressively sculpted triceps.
 * Sonic: [Upset] Or how he's dumped his little fists whenever we listen to speed metal.
 * Knuckles: Let's agree that we won't pick her over whose fault it is, be it Sonic for not installing the door on his Shack, or Sonic for not securing Chumley in a safety hammock; Or even, Sonic...
 * Sonic: Hey what about you, Knuckles?
 * Knuckles: [Angrily] Now's not the time to point fingers!
 * Tails: I guess we're all responsible. And that means we all have to go tell Lady Walrus the truth together.

[Scene Change: Lady Walrus' house, day]
 * [Sonic knocks on the door. Lady Walrus opens it.]
 * Lady Walrus: Oh. Hello boys.
 * Sonic: Hi Lady Walrus. You know that feeling when you misplace your keys and you look everywhere but you just can't find them?
 * Knuckles: Now imagine those keys are a baby.
 * Sonic: [Sighs] Look. There's no easy way to say this. Chumley, he's...
 * [Tails spots Chumley up on the roof.]
 * Tails: Right there?
 * Sonic, Tails and Knuckles: Chumley!
 * [Chumley falls off the roof, but Tails catches him, and gives him to Lady Walrus.]
 * Lady Walrus: My baby! You're home! [Chumley laughs] You boys really outdid yourselves.
 * Sonic: Oh it was nothing.
 * Knuckles: Bye, Chummers. We'll miss you, and don't forget, [Starts crying] start with free weights, then move to benchpress with a cool-down between reps. You got this buddy. You're gonna be so slow come summer.
 * [Chumley laughs and waves to Team Sonic. Lady Walrus closes the door. Knuckles breaks down and cries louder, with Sonic and Tails gently patting him.]

[Scene Change: Canyon, day]
 * Amy: Well guys. I hope you learned something from this whole ordeal.
 * Sonic: Oh absolutely. We got a crash couse in responsibility.
 * Tails: That's why I installed a throttle on the pizza oven and Knuckles' monster truck. Now it only works when he's in park.
 * [Amy sighs in disgrace.]
 * Knuckles: Remember kids, don't cook and drive!
 * [Knuckles drives the monster truck around the canyon with Sonic and Tails riding behind on hoverboards and enerbeams. Amy grunts furiously after getting sand in her eye. The camera then points to Chumley's toy giraffe, which is seen hanging from the rear-view mirror.]