Thread:Ultrasonic9000/@comment-477304-20180925193628/@comment-4220590-20180925202741

It is only recently, I have started copying without changing it, so I think I do.

Still, if I may get emotional about this, I will add that this has not been easy for me either. I don’t want to copy-pastr, but I feel there is no other option. It hurts for me to watch someone do better than us: it makes me cry, stress out, and grieve. That is because in spite of everything I do, there are still People’s outdoing us on so many levels. It plagues my mind, it tears a hole in my heart, and it robs me of purpose in life because I have literally nothing Else to be proud of and look forward to in this World. If I can’t make SNN look good and at its best, then I feel I have screwed things up in the one place I have worked on for years to be good at. And if I am not the best at what I do, then it causes even more grief in me.

I work so hard on doing everything I can to uphold the ideals of SNN, but lets face it: I am JUST me about this. No one is Helping out were it really matters. You are not going to do it, DanikV is not going to do it, Luma.dash is not going to do it, not even DeCool is going to do it (I apologize for saying this but this is how I feel). I am the only one writing the substantial material here on SNN, and it tears me to pieces! When I see one doing a better job than me, its tears my soul to skreds, and I have no choice but to copy-paste. And now all this SNN routines of feelings of inadiquat is making me loose my spark! I can’t contribute like I did before, meaning I am getting worse at what I am suppose to be good at! Do you understand how that feels like for someone like me in this position?

And if I don’t work, then SNN is doomed to recession and being overshadowed by other wikis, making all my work mean nadda, a thought of which can make me tear up.

Sorry for drawing all of this out, but that is just how I feel.