Eggman Unplugged/Transcript

This is the transcript of the Sonic Boom episode, "Eggman Unplugged".

[Scene: ?]


 * Sonic: Grrr! This is gonna be sweet. [Giggling, he sprays whipped cream on Knuckles' hand.]
 * Amy: You guys are so immature.
 * Tails: I love practical jokes. But wouldn't tricking him into cleaning the bathroom be more practical?
 * [Sticks giggles and tickles Knuckles with a feather. He rubs his head with his hand, his head now covered with whipped cream. The rest of the gang watch Knuckles and all laugh.]
 * : Oh, I love this show.
 * : Hey, who's that blue guy? He looks just like Sonic.
 * : I'm spying on Sonic with my Fly Bot, bolthead.
 * : But he's not doing anything.
 * : Eventually he will and then I'll learn something I can use. I just have to keep watching. And watching. And watching.
 * : I think the subject needs to be asleep for this prank to work.

You've learned something from watching.
 * : [stretches and yawns] Oh, man, I taste great! OK, he's up.

Who are we gonna prank next?
 * Sonic: Know what, let's head to the canyon and hang out under that giant boulder on the cliff.
 * Amy: I don't know. That boulder's ready to fall.
 * Tails: If we're under it we'll be crushed!
 * Knuckles: Then my whipped cream filling will shoot out like toothpaste. I'm in!
 * : I knew if I was patient this would pay off.

I love technology. Let's go push a boulder onto that loathsome blue rat. We'll need a second. [beeping] That's right, stand there like fools. Because that's what fools do. They stand.
 * : You're standing.
 * Eggman: Quiet, fool. Once I push this boulder over the cliff I'll be rid of Sonic once and for all. [He grunts and groans] Oh, for crying out loud.

Don't just float there, help me. [grunts] Grrr! [beeping and whirring] [laughs] Huh?
 * [The boulder falls onto the seesaw and propels the half-barrel of cream up in the air. It lands upside-down on Eggman, covering him with cream. Team Sonic burst with laughter]
 * : Oh, you look so dumb! But you're down there.
 * Sonic: We saw your fly-bot watching us, so we fed it a little misinformation.
 * Eggman: Grrr!
 * Tails: I jammed its signal with a video loop of us at the bottom of the canyon.
 * Sticks: I told you technology couldn't be trusted. No, wait, I told them.
 * : But if you were spying on us you probably heard me.
 * : Of course, if you heard me by using technology, you couldn't trust the information about technology.
 * Eggman: So there! Gah! Ooh! The crazy one's right.
 * : Machines can't be trusted.
 * Eggman: That's it, I'm unplugging everything.
 * : Including us? You don't count.
 * Eggman: You're like one step above a paperweight.
 * : I'm worried about Eggman.
 * : He didn't take that very well.
 * : I'm sure he's fine.
 * : He just... Hyah! Whoa! Fascinating! And what might this thing be?
 * : That's a bowl.
 * : Ah, yes, a bowl. How does it work?
 * : You put things in it and stir them with a spoon.
 * : A spoon! Marvellous! Is that controlled by a laser-guided spoonalyser, or perhaps a hydraulic stirillator? You hold it in your hand.
 * : Wonderful! I'll take it.
 * : You see, I've sworn off technology.
 * : Now, what do you have in the way of a manual weapon to destroy blue hedgehogs? We don't get much call for that, what with Sonic being beloved and all.
 * : But you can't go wrong with a rolling pin or a frying pan.
 * : They're classics.
 * : I'll take 50 of each.
 * : Shall I have them delivered to your lair?
 * : No, no, no, no, no. I've abandoned my lair.
 * : Technology! I called this emergency meeting of the Lightning Bolt Society to report that Dr. Eggman has deserted his lair.
 * : Shall we take it over? Better than having meetings here.
 * : Look at this place! The answer to all our problems.
 * : An evil lair full of uh doodads.
 * : And whatnots.
 * : Dibs on the gewgaw.
 * : [grunting] Oh, yeah.
 * : I could totally wreak havoc like this.
 * Eggman: Sonic the Hedgehog! Prepare for a technology-free battle for the ages.
 * Sonic: Serious?
 * Eggman: Does this look serious to you?
 * Sonic: No.
 * Eggman: Perhaps a hand-knit mohair net will change your mind.
 * : Yeah nope.
 * : Perchance these exquisitely crafted beeswax candle bombs? Is this a battle or a craft fair? The two aren't mutually exclusive.

I'll get the hang of this. And when I do, you're not gonna know what hit you. Hyah! [grunts] Give me the controller.
 * : You lost the last level.

It's my turn.
 * [all gasp and shriek]
 * : What in the world is going on with that thing? I got this.

Ugh! Has Eggman gone back to his old tricks? You'd think someone would have invented an easier way to do this by now. Turn it up.
 * : I can't hear anything.
 * : This looks like the volume control.
 * : Huh? Stay here and deal with Octopus Bot.
 * : I'll find out what's going on.
 * : I need more light to churn this butter.
 * : I told you no technology.
 * : Hey, I'm ordering up some pizzas. Who's in?
 * : Are you OK?
 * : Never better.

I can't imagine anywhere I'd rather spend my vacation than crushed underneath a giant boulder.
 * : Bee Bots? Oh, come on!
 * : Hey!
 * : Sorry.

Don't worry about me. I'll just chew off my leg.
 * : That works because I haven't had anything to eat in a while.
 * [They all grunt]
 * : Oh, that's it.

Eggman! You've got to stop this crazy plan of yours right now. If I don't plan this sorghum now, there'll be no sorghum cakes come winter.
 * : Are you telling me you're not behind these attacks? I know not of what you speak.
 * : Allow me to access Dr Eggman's computer. [the computer beeps] It appears that someone has taken over the lair.
 * : Accessing. [the computer beeps again] It's the Lightning Bolt Society.
 * : Those losers? No wonder the attacks have been so random.

Look! They let Cowbot out.
 * [Cowbot moos]
 * : Egghead, you've got to help me fight them.

Here, take my frying pan catapult.
 * : We're burning daylight! Hyah! [groans] [moos] I wonder what these do.
 * Eggman: Hyah! Uh, hello? I said, "Hyah!" Orbot? Cubot? Wake up! You've got to wake up.
 * : I'm all alone.
 * : You Lightning Dolts have left me no choice.

Time to get my tech on.
 * : Seriously? [groans] I can't tell what they're shooting at.

This is ridiculous. Eggman, how do we get into the lair? Under here is a tunnel that leads to the back door.
 * : We'll take them by surprise.
 * : He doesn't know we're watching.
 * : Someone's not as smart as we are.
 * : Who's that?
 * : Tell us later.

To the back door! When they come in, someone's gonna be very surprised.
 * : Yeah.
 * : You.
 * : Agh! We knew you were watching so we gave you false information.

It's a strategy I came up with myself. Without help. Oh, boy.
 * : Not so fast! We've got the weapons.

Well, it was fun taking over your lair, but we've got to run. It'll take weeks to get all my defense systems reprogrammed. No attacking till then, got it?
 * : Yeah, sure.
 * : [groans] Welcome back.

I'm glad you're OK.
 * : You are?
 * : Yes.
 * : This place isn't going to clean itself.
 * : Get to work! Before you go, can I interest you in some butter? Yeah Sorry, Egghead.
 * : I'm gonna need a lot of toast.