Eggman: The Video Game Part 1/Transcript

This is a transcript from the Sonic Boom episode, "Eggman: The Video Game Part 1".

[Scene Seaside Island, canyon, day]
 * [Sonic is driving through the canyon in the Sonic Speedster.]
 * Sonic: Whoo-hoo! Nothing like a relaxing Sunday drive.
 * [Up ahead in the road is a sloped rock. Sonic floors the gas pedal, and drives at the rock. The car goes up the rock and goes airborne, doing a barrel roll in the air. It lands back on its wheels and continues driving.]
 * Sonic: Aw, yeah!
 * [A ways ahead, Tails is driving in his own vehicle, with Knuckles riding an hoverboard attached to it by a rope he's holding in his hand. Sonic drives past, causing Knuckles to nearly lose his balance. Sonic pulls up alongside Tails.]
 * Sonic: Hey, buddy. Wanna race?
 * Tails: I don't see a downside.
 * [Sonic accelerates ahead, and Tails accelerates as well, causing Knuckles to lose control and slam into several rock formations. Tails tries to swerve to get past Sonic, causing Knuckles to slam into another rock formation.]
 * Knuckles: Hoverboarding isn't as much fun as I remember.
 * [Knuckles is dragged again, forced to flip over rocks. He eventually loses his board and starts getting dragged across the ground.]
 * Knuckles: Driver, please stop the bus. I'll be getting off here.
 * [The race continues, Sonic still managing to hold off Tails' attempts to pass him, while Knuckles continues to get dragged along the ground. The Sonic Speedster and Tails' vechicle go over a bump and go airborne. Knuckles is pulled up, then slammed into the ground. He lets out a groan, then is dragged off again]
 * Knuckles: [disoriented] Oh no, I stained my dress. Now no one will dance with me at the ice cream social.
 * [Knuckles hits off another rock. Tails starts to close the gap between himself and Sonic. Sonic is suddenly distracted by his communicator beeping, and activates it.]
 * Amy: [over the comm] Sonic, got a crisis here! I'm trying to make a baked Alaska, but I'm all out of eggs!
 * Sonic: Don't worry, Ames. I'm on it! [to Tails] Sorry Tails, gotta go.
 * [Sonic pushes a pair of buttons on the wheel, causing the pedals of the Sonic Speedster to pop out. He puts his feet on them and starts pedaling, eventually causing the Sonic Speedster to take off at high speed. Tails stops his vehicle, and Knuckles eventually slides to a stop.]
 * Knuckles: [disoriented] I can live with that. [faints]

[Scene Change: Village Center, day.]
 * [Lady Goat and Bunny Girl are looking at some fruit stands. Eggman walks by with a bag of groceries, whistling. Sonic suddenly drives by, spraying Eggman with mud. Eggman lets out a disgusted grunt, then growls.]
 * Sonic: [jumps out of the Sonic Speedster] Sorry, Egghead. It was an accident. If it'll make you feel better, you can splash mud on me.
 * [Eggman growls louder, then jumps in the mud puddle, splashing more mud on himself and some on Sonic.]
 * Sonic: Now we're even.
 * Eggman: Oh yeah?!
 * [Eggman triggers his wrist controller, summoning some Badniks and his Eggmobile, which he climbs into. As Eggman gets out of the way, one of the Mantis Bots throws its claws at Sonic. Sonic runs towards it, plowing through another Mantis Bot and a Moto Bug, then spins through the second Mantis Bot. He then runs off, with three Moto Bugs in pursuit. Sonic leads them through the town, then starts running in a figure-8 pattern. The Moto-Bugs try to follow, but eventually end up crashing into and destroying each other. Sonic then runs back, shoulder-ramming the last Mantis Bot and sending it into Eggman, whose Eggmobile loses control, bounces off a wall, then crashes a short distance away. The Villagers around him start booing and throwing apples at Eggman.]
 * Eggman: [growls] He covered me with mud! Why are you booing me?!
 * [Eggman angrily stands up, causing the villagers to scream and scatter.]
 * Sonic: Who knew all those years of being a total dilweed would rub people the wrong way?

[Scene Change, Village Center, later]
 * Eggman: If I want to win the hearts and minds of the people, I need to change my image. But how?
 * [Eggman's attention is caught by a game store ran by Mark the Tapir. A crowd of villagers, including Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles, are around it, and Tommy Thunder is standing off to the side.]
 * Tails: I can't believe it's finally here!
 * Wild Cat: Shut up and take my money!
 * Mark: I assure you there are enough copies of the new Tommy Thunder video game to go around.
 * Tommy: Don't listen to him. They're in limited supply! Push and shove! Elbows out!
 * [The villagers mob the store.]
 * Eggman: The mouthbreathers are really going gaga for your merch.
 * Tommy: I'm telling ya, Eggy, since he put out this video game, Tommy's image has never been hotter.
 * Eggman: I bet a video game will improve my image too! [chuckles] Imagine that. Eggman in a video game.

[Scene Change: VIllage Center, later]
 * [Eggman is standing next to a display monitor showing a very low-bit game which has a sprite that resembles Eggman jumping across gaps full of water on a crudely designed beach.]
 * Eggman: Hot new game! Just released today! Finally, a video game starring a pudgy guy with a mustache!
 * Tails: [to Mark] Can I get a new controller, please?
 * [Mark grabs one for Tails]
 * Eggman: Hey, goober, don't you want to see the newest, coolest video game ever?
 * Tails: Super Plumber Brothers?
 * Eggman: No.
 * Knuckles: Mortal Blood Sport 7?
 * Eggman: Nooo!
 * Mark: Comedy Chimp's Combat Golf?
 * Eggman: No! Stache Smash! It's a sidescrolling strategy-platformer full of twists, turns and egg puns! To [air quotes] "beat it," you need to collect all seven--
 * Tails: Pass.
 * Eggman: Why?!
 * Knuckles: It's so old-fashioned. Where are the cool graphics? The boss battles? The gratuitous violence?
 * Tails: Besides, everyone knows all the best games use motion capture.
 * Knuckles: You're living in the past, man.
 * [Tails and Knuckles walk off. Eggman angrily throws his game. It bounces off a Tommy Thunder sign and hits a Comedy Chimp sign above Mark, causing the sign to fall on him.]

[Scene Change: Meh Burger, day]
 * [A Spy Bot flies into position.]
 * Eggman: I've planted Spy Bots everywhere. Once Team Sonic arrives, I'll record their movements using my patented yolk capture technology for my new state of the art Super Stache Smash! [spots Team Sonic walking into Meh Burger] Here they come now.
 * [Eggman triggers his wrist controller, dispatching a swarm of Badniks to attack Team Sonic.Eggman laughs. With the Spy Bots observing, Team Sonic gets to work smashing up the badniks. Sonic spins through a Crab Bot, then cuts back to smash another one. Tails flies and dodges fireballs fired by the Scorpion Bots. Knuckles smashes a Moto Bug, then grabs another by the wheel and slams it into the ground. He then destroys two Beetle Bots with punches, pounds on their wreckage, then poses. A Crab Bot attacks Sticks, but she dodges its pinches, runs towards, then up, a wall, jumps off the wall, spinning in the air, and smashes the Crab Bot with her staff. She lets our a primal yell, then charges another Crab Bot, smashing it as well. Amy uses some dance moves to dodge two attacking Scorpion Bots, then smashes one with her hammer. Sonic spins through the other one, then starts smashing up the rest of Eggman's badniks.]
 * Eggman: Oh, this is great! These are gonna be the sickest boss battles ever! Now, time for the star of the game.
 * [As the Spy Bots record, Eggman starts going throgh some flashy, yet silly looking, battle poses, making battle noises as he does. At the end, he tries to vault back into the Eggmobile, but ends up falling into it. He comes up posing.]
 * Sticks: ...Do we even retaliate, or has he humiliated himself enough already?
 * Sonic: I guess I could spin attack him over the horizon, but I kinda feel bad about it. Meh, whatever.
 * [Sonic hits the Eggmobile with a Sonic Spin, sending Eggman flying. Sonic watches him go.]

[Scene Change: Eggman's Lair, Interior]
 * Eggman: I got all I need of Team Sonic, but somehow my sweet moves don't look at cool as I hoped.
 * Cubot: Maybe it's 'cause you're getting your butt kicked.
 * Eggman: No no, that's not it.
 * Orbot: Might I suggest motion capturing a foe who can actually defeat Sonic, then just digitally replace their image with yours?
 * Eggman: What a brilliant idea! Glad I thought of it.
 * Orbot: [dryly] That's why you're the boss, sir.
 * Eggman: Who do I know that stands a chance of defeating Sonic the Hedgehog?

[Scene Change: Seaside Island, canyon, day.]
 * [A dark red streak zips through the canyon, leaving a trail of dust in its wake. As the streak approaches Eggman, who's waiting in the canyon, the streak stops, sending a cloud of dust into Eggman's face. When the dust clears, the streak is revealed to be Shadow the Hedgehog.]
 * Eggman: Shadow, I have a proposition for you.
 * Shadow: Find some other pawn, Eggman. I'll never work with you again. Now get out of my sight.
 * [Eggman walks away.]

[Scene Change: Sonic's Shack, Exterior, Day]
 * [Eggman, Orbot, and Cubot are outside Sonic's shack. Cubot is holding a boom mic, and Orbot is holding a camera.]
 * Eggman: The only way we're gonna get Shadow for my plan is if he thinks Sonic's been talking mad trash about him.
 * [Sonic walks out of his shack, but is intercepted by Eggman.]
 * Eggman: Hey, Sonic! What do you think about Shadow the Hedgehog? I mean, eww, right?
 * Sonic: What a random question. Why are you asking me about him? I haven't seen him in weeks.
 * Eggman: Oh, jusr curious. Hey, bet you'd love to beat him up, huh?
 * Sonic: Beat him up? Nah, never thought about it. I mean that battle last time was a bit of a whirlwind, but he is a tough customer.
 * Eggman: Yeah, but what about his shoes? Aren't they weird looking?
 * Sonic: Meh, I could take 'em or leave 'em. Where are you getting these questions anyway? Just pulling them out of a bag? I'm outta here.
 * [Sonic walks off, pushing away the camera with his hand. Eggman growls.]

[Scene Change: Seaside Island, Cave, interior.]
 * [Shadow is standing inside the cave, leaning against a rock. Eggman appears at the entrance.]
 * Eggman: [singsong] Oh, Shadow!
 * Shadow: [sighs] You again?
 * Eggman: Just wanted to let you know I ran into our old pal, Sonic, today. And he did not have the niceest things to say about you.
 * [Eggman triggers his wrist controller, playing a recording of Sonic. However, it's very jumpy, and shows signs of clear editing and splicing.]
 * Sonic: [on recording] Shadow? He is--week--that--wind--bag--could--never--beat--me--what a--week--week--week--wind--bag--he is.
 * Shadow: This aggression shall not stand. Sonic and his friends will pay. Time to take out the trash.
 * Eggman: [holding a garbage bag] Already on it. Then you'll go beat up Team Sonic, right?
 * [Eggman runs off with the garbage bag. Shadow growls.]

[Scene Change, Village Center, day]
 * [Tails and Knuckles are walking together.]
 * Knuckles: Here's a good one. "A horse walks into a bar. The bartender yells, 'Hey, no animals in here!'"
 * [Knuckles is suddenly sent flying by Shadow. He crashes through a wall. Tails runs over.]
 * Tails: Knuckles! What happened?!
 * Knuckles: [disoriented] If I had to guess, I'd say I was knocked into a wall.
 * Shadow: [appears] Correction: Pummeled into a wall.
 * Tails: Shadow! What are you doing here?
 * Shadow: Fox hunting.
 * [Shadow runs at Tails, who flies into the air to avoid him. Shadow suddenly appears behind him, grabs him by his tails, and flings him away to crash and fall into the well. Eggman flies up in his Eggmobile with his Spy Bots]
 * Eggman: [To the Spy Bots] I'm gonna need a free camera set up, and a fourth giving me an overhead view. Move, move, move!
 * [The Spy Bots get into position, as Knuckles steps up to take on Shadow.]
 * Knuckles: Good thing I took that shadow boxing class.
 * [Knuckles charges Shadow, throwing a punch at him. Shadow disappears, then reappears to counter-punch. Knuckles keeps trying to hit Shadow, but Shadow keeps teleporting to dodge and counter. Tails flies up out of the well, armed with his wrench.]
 * Tails: Don't worry, Knux. I got him.
 * [Tails flies up behind Shadow as Knuckles winds up for another punch. Shadow teleports, and Knuckles inadvertantly punches Tails, sending him flying to crash into a fence. Knuckles gasps in horror as he realizes his mistake. Shadow appears behind Knuckles and sends him tumbling with a shoulder ram. Eggman flies down, enjoying the show.]
 * Eggman: Oh man, my video game's gonna be so epic!
 * Shadow: [lands next to Knuckles] That was almost too easy.
 * Sticks: Well, it ain't over yet!
 * [Sticks and Amy have arrived.]
 * Amy: Eat hammer, punk!
 * [Sticks and Amy charge, brandishing their respective weapons. Sticks gets there first and tries to strike, but Shadow sidesteps, catches the other end of her staff, and spins, flinging her away. She lands on her back, rolls through, and skids on her feet. Amy slams her hammer into the ground to try to throw Shadow off balance, but he leaps into the air to avoid the shaking. Shadow charges Amy and attempts a flying kick, but Amy spins away to avoid it.]
 * Shadow: That all you got?
 * Amy: We're just getting started!
 * Eggman: Ooh, that would make for some great cutscene dialogue.
 * [Amy and Sticks try to come at Shadow from both sides, but Shadow teleports again. Amy and Sticks stop short, looking around for Shadow's reappearance, but Shadow reappears behind them, grabs them both, leaps into the air, pulling them up with him, then flings them away to a hard landing. Amy barely manages to activate her communicator.]
 * Amy: Sonic... help...!
 * [Amy faints. Sonic arrives. He sees Knuckles barely standing, Tails struggling to get to his feet and failing, and Sticks trying to brace herself with her staff, also failing. Sonic glares at Shadow.]
 * Shadow: About time you showed up, slowpoke.
 * Sonic: Shadow! What have you done?!
 * [Shadow charges, shoulder-ramming Sonic and sending him flying, crashing through three palm trees and into a stone wall.]
 * Shadow: Say goodnight, blue boy.
 * [The screen fades to black.]
 * Knuckles: Aww man, a cliffhanger?! I hate those.
 * [The episode ends.]